Yesterday, I sent off the final notes to the publisher. The finance textbook I started writing May 2010 is now finished--at least my part in it. They will check again, and then print some time this week. I get 10 copies, plus the final two-thirds of my payment: about $3000.

It may not sound like a lot, but it is rather validating for me. It has been four years since I started writing seriously, and for money, and this textbook represents the first major project I have completed, and the largest single payout for a project (the closest runner-up was for editing an operations manual for a company in Japan: $1000). This brings the total amount of money I've made from writing to about $6000--in four years of work.

Moral of the story? If you want to write for money--if you feel you've got it in you--you can do it. Just be aware that it will not be much money, and you probably won't be able to make a living from it for several years, depending on your situation and luck.

I started negotiating with this textbook publisher in Taiwan almost two years ago. Now, finally, we have something to show for it. After the textbook is published, they want me to write some test booklets to accompany the textbook. After that, we'll move onto the next textbook.

In the meantime, I will finish the first and second drafts of the novel. This is going slower than I had hoped, but thankfully I finished the rough draft a month ahead of schedule, so I won't panic yet. I've given myself one full year to produce something presentable to an agent and editor. Next month, once I've finished the second draft, I will start shopping for an agent.

Publishing has changed a lot since I attended university and studied writing. Now, self-publishing seems to be the way to go. But it's not the way I wish to go--at least not for this novel. All creative/philosophical interests aside, I wrote it to make money. I want to make money so that I can continue writing. I want to make money from writing so that I can get out of the mind-numbing, soul-crushing job I am in, the one that barely supports my family. So, yes, I want to sell this novel for a lot of money, while I am aware it will not, in all likelihood, be published at all. Argh. These textbooks are just an example of me making money from writing to support my other writing projects.

Once I'm finished with this blog entry and the rest of the housework, and preparing for all the lessons I will teach today, then I will go to work on finishing the first draft of chapter 15. I'm about 40% through the first draft of the novel. I keep finding so many holes that need plugging.... My initial estimate of 120,000 has been revised upwards to 140,000 words.


 

I am in the middle of the first draft (or possibly second, depending on how you count it), and the textbook sends me their final revisions for me to proof before the big publication day coming mid May. So, for the next few days, I won't get any writing done, but I will proofread my first textbook (for teaching students the English of finance) and see in published soon. Very nice feeling. Gives me a bit of hope.
 

Getting more feedback recently. Feels great. All of it is fairly negative, and that is well-deserved. I am not good at long narrative forms, so this is going to take some major revision.

Still, I am plugging along. I had to revise the whole first couple of paragraphs because people said, basically, "This is boring, wordy, and strange. NO LIKE!"

It is fun. Thankfully, I've endured any number of writing workshops and received more negative feedback than I can remember, all of it helpful in its own way. I know I am not a strong writer. I need the help.
 

There are moments in the text I can only see when revising, pieces I have to tease out and tie to others, flashes that make the whole thing seem worthwhile. And then I think there are novels by other, better writers, which are nothing but such moments, and I lose heart, and consider the foolishness of devoting an entire year of creative energy on just one project.
 

Have received some early feedback on the first draft of the first four chapters. Gotta say, I love it:

"This is definitely novel-paced...but why should I care?"

"The story and the tone don't match."

"I like it."

I do love the feedback. It let's me know two things: 1) there's a lot of work left to do, and 2) there's something there to work with.

I am not giving up on this. I will finish the first draft of all chapters by the end of April. If I don't do that, I probably shouldn't be doing this.

Revising is so fun, though. Things I didn't notice before wave for attention, and I can spend some time filling them in, giving them bodies, and then watch them dance or lumber about the story. It is fun.

A coworker summed up my life fairly well: "If you weren't writing this novel, you'd give in to despair."

It really has come to this, hasn't it?
 

Struggling. Personal life always intervenes, despite my best efforts. Been this way for years on years. Anyway...

Had to explain to significant other my feelings on the novel. I'd made the mistake of telling her, off-handedly, how the novel was taking up more and more of my mental space.

"But," she said, in her critical voice, "if you are thinking about that all the time, how can you help us at home?"

I had to interrupt and explain how I am doing everything I was doing in the past: working full time, doing housework, being a father and a husband, helping her and our son with their personal and professional lives. I hadn't stopped anything--the novel gets worked on in the little free time I can find. She said she didn't understand writing (she is not creative) and moved to argue, and so I had to continue and say what she probably didn't want to hear:

"For one time in my life, I am going to do this. I have been procrastinating all my life, it seems. Just this once, I am going to write a novel. I will do this. I will get this thing out my head. I have to. It's driving me crazy. If I don't, if I try to walk away, it's going to haunt me. I'm never going to stop thinking about this story, even if I get it all out on paper, but at least if it is written I can walk away from it and maybe, just maybe, it can make me a little money. I don't care about money, and I never have, but it could help us. It could improve my chances of finding a teaching position again."

She hasn't argued since, though I know she disapproves. No support there, just a little extra space given. I have to fight tooth and nail for that space, but I am not giving up on this. I will not die with regrets if there is anything I can do about it.
 

Finished first draft of Chapters 1-4 one month ahead of schedule--and it is a good thing I am ahead of schedule because, damn, I am slow.

Have posted first drafts of chapters, but no one has given feedback yet. Sent first chapter to a friend. Of course, he liked it, because he's a friend and keeps telling me he wants to read the novel.

Slow. One of the structures requires a lot of planning and scene reorganization sometimes to get the pieces pinned together. Thank God I've already written so much, though. My revision process is slow. I read every sentence, every word, looking for better ways to say the same dang thing. I started revising chapter 5 today on the train, just before work, between lessons, and on the train ride home. Have to teach for another 3 hours, and then home. Tonight I can either talk to the wife about lots of problems or revise. Which would be the better choice??
 

The going is slow and painful, but there are times--beautiful, golden moments--where I feel godlike, and wish I could remain there always.

Then, there are other times, like now. I have just realized that, in order to do justice to this novel, I am going to have to swallow my pride and dive into all that j-pop that surrounded me in my first years in Japan. I have, tonight, revisited three Morning Musume songs. I seriously hope this does me no long-term damage. Must balance with Sepultura and Rize.
 

I got a new computer! An E-Machine desktop. BIG screen, so I can do some serious editing and revising now, without being hunched over and squinting at my laptop (which, to be fair, I love, and got me through the last five years of writing).

Everything is going well, except for one hitch: I load the yWriter software onto the new computer, and it runs fine but when I load the novel, all the information seems to be there until I load a scene--it comes up blank, and then automatically saves as an empty scene! Argh.

So, as a stop gap until I figure out the software problem, I am loading scenes and chapters onto Google Docs and editing there. It's working out well.

The actual process of revising the first chapter is both invigorating in terms of opening new ideas and solidifying hunches, but also SLOW--too slow. I have until the end of next month to finish the first draft. Before the, I hope to start positing chapters for review.

There's that little voice in my head, again, saying the writing is no good. I am no good at long narratives. must.not.listen
 

Things are crawling snail's pace. Trying to incorporate some short stories into the novel, and that's taking a long time--and then, once it's added, I have to wonder if the tone matches the rest of the novel, or am I going to have to spend huge amounts of time getting it just right.....

Argh.

I know I set myself to finish shaping this sucker by the end of March. Halfway through now, and not halfway through the shaping.

Argh.

Don't want to do this. Procrastination sounds good. More Call of Duty would be fun. Good night.