If you ever want to know just how busy you can get on here... try being a part of about 15 groups, active, and starting one of your own too! I know, not too bright, lol. But hey... it's fun, the members are for the most part very nice and you get to meet many great Authors, friends, and become family with some. Now to me personally? It is worth any price to have a big family like this! Hope all are having a simply Awesome Week! If any are interested this is the group I started and ALL of WDC are welcome to join!

ID: 1465538   (Rated: 13+) The First Peoples' Home Page  support group to bring everyone together, Native American Indian Group by Cissy-

Hey everyone, I know that I haven't been here in weeks. I know what you're thinking, damn, that's good! kiddin y'all.

I've got a good excuse. I have started a new group. Hey, it's a really good group and I've been getting members already and It has only been a group for just a few days. It's called NAI Group.

Why don't ya come on by and check it out and tell me what you think. If you'd like to join, email me and I'll add you to the group.

ID: 1465538   (Rated: 13+) The First Peoples' Home Page  support group to bring everyone together, Native American Indian Group by Cissy-

I'm asking for everyone here on WDC to please pray for our dear sweet friend
JudyB . She has been sick for two months now and her dianosis is in and she has cancer. She will be going on cemo soon. Everyone that has encountered Judy knows what an Angel she has been to all of us here at WDC. She has touched so many lives. I'm sure that most everyone here has had Judy visit their port at one time or another. She is just that way. She goes out of her way to spread cheer and to make everyone feel like they
are not alone. Now I believe it is our time to step up and give back to her for a change, send her well wishes when you're able and please visit when you can to leave her a message @

ID: 1461139   (Rated: E) The Healing Room  for Judy. Let's come together and focus our energies to help our dear friend heal. by Nizza

WoW! What an awesome party!!! Well just about everyone who attended got virtually drunk, we had to put a few in virtual cabs, some slept over and stayed all night ( too drunk to get out the WDC door ) ... it's a good thing that this site is so large or we wouldn't have had the room to have beds for everyone to sleep in. Gonna take a break for a couple of days, then I'm back at it come monday.
This party wore me out! and what a mess to clean up too! Oh well, it was worth it... whom ever didn't
come by to check it out? You missed one helluva party. Damn it was fun! Next party after the "Author's Spotlight
Challenge" I'm going to make sure that we have music...(utube link to click on) ... because a lot of people were
dancing at the party. I'll have a bartender next time as well.

Have a fantastic week-end everyone... TGIF!
Be well my friends and family here at WDC... Peace & Love to all whom enter here Ya!
 

Hi Everyone, Well earlybird decided to throw a celebration party for all of the Author's Spotlight contestants
of his contest. This party was kinda thrown together, but it has been a real big hit! The whole WDC is invited to join in, in the merryment if you choose to. We are having a ball! So come on by if you get a chance okay?
You won't be sorry. We've been dancing, there's been a lot of drinking going on (hic) oops! lol, several had to stay
over night because we just wouldn't let them drive and drink. I think Earl had one too many wiskey's
WoW what a turn out we've had. This party it seems will be going on for another day or so... so come on by and drop in, we'll mix ya up a drink or five ... we have some snacks too... and there's always someone around to chat and hang out with. Here's the place to go if you're interested ...

ID: 1385187   (Rated: ASR) Spotlighter's Party & Award Celebration  Party is over. Will be back in swing, next Author's Spotlight Challenge, check w/ Earl. by Cissy-

ID: 1349008   (Rated: 18+) AUTHORS' SPOTLIGHT - Season 6  A 6 - day challenge to WDC authors. Register for Season 6 now. by Earl Zax

Let me tell ya, there is some kinda virus/flu thing going around so watch out you guys... this shit is awful!

Hey a friend that I met and seems to be a very nice person is having a birthday... he's a kid but that isn't his
fault hahahahaha... Mr.Monk- GPs for the poor ... Happy Birthday Tim.... Hope you have many more, and this is from all
who enter here, so here goes
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..., happy biirrrthdayy dear Tiiimmmm, happy birthday to youuuuu......
and many morrrrrrre. Yippie!!!!!!! [ ballons and streamers flying all around lol ]
love ya loads kid hope you have many more. Take care mf. Hope this turns out to be a great day for you.

Also a very dear sweet awesome friend/sister of mine just had a birthday yesterday... Sorry I was sick
Stacy to come by your port to sing ya a birthday song.... hopefully better late than never....
stacylynn71 Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy biiirrrrthday deeaaarrr
Stacyyyyyyy..... Happy birthday to youuuuuuu.... and many, many mooorrrrrrrre.
Wooo-Hoooo!!! YEA STACY LYNN ..... You are just too cool chick and I love you to pieces
lil' sister. Hope your birthday went well for you.


 

Well it seems like it never ends.... just when something goes right something else goes wrong.
Now ain't that just the way it goes though?
Couldn't sleep again last night... so that means I'll crash today. I hate sleeping during the day!
damnit! Well, that's life huh?!
Oh yeah !!!!! I just can't forget about this.... I'm a Rising Star Sponsor !
WOOOO-HOOOO !!!! Wow! what an honor this is. I'm sponsoring Nizza . And she is just the
sweetest person that you'd ever want to meet.
I have met so many nice people on here. I am amazed everytime that I meet someone new or even just
email someone I've already been in contact with. Where did all of you nice people come from? And I want to know...
Where in the hell have you been all of my life? Hmmmmm????
Thanks everyone for being so nice to ME ! You ALL are simply the greatest!

Be well ALL. May you fnd peace and happiness when you enter here.
I love ALL of my WDC family and friends

ID: 1454505   (Rated: E) The Knight, Sir Jimmyfin  A poem about a dear friend who saved my writing. I will always be grateful! by Cissy-

Hey all... well it's been a few days since I've had the time to come here...Whew! it's been a busy ???week?
Damn, just can't remember!!! Shit! there it goes again That damn ol' old age shit kicking in again...
now what's it called again? em...er...um...hell!! I don't know?! Who the hell can remember anyway, hahahahaha!
Yeah! silly as I don't know what tonight lol.

Oh yeah... damn! just remembered why I came here tonight, wow! I do need help ... I was needing to tell ya's something. I just got through setting up a signature shop to help save memberships, and to support two of the groups I am in.

ID: 1389764 Invalid Item  This item number is not valid. by Not Available.

and Affected By Abuse.
As the time that goes by and I sell more images, I'll add another group to benefit from it. Angel Army Group.

I've decided to do it a little different than when I first started it. Now I'm going to give each genre it's own section of a sig shop. So.... I'll be doing something like 6 sig shops... They'll all be located in my Art Gallery folder for easy
access. For now I have 4 up and running. I didn't realize how much time it took to set up each shop, whew!

I'll have these shops... General [ if anyone can come up with a good name for that one I would appreciate all of your help ] ... this one has the regular Art, Fantasy sig. shop [ mermaids, unicorns, pegasus, fairies etc. here] , Shop of Angels [ everything inspirational and angels here] ... Native American Indian Sig. Shop, The Dark Side [ everything dark, goth, etc here], Western Shop[ everything cowboys ,etc here.]
Anyway.... you get the idea right? Well I've got four out of the six open... just takes so damn long to load each page etc...yatta, yatta...

ID: 1452974   (Rated: E) The ART GALLERY of Signature Shops  Angel Shop by Cissy-

Got a cNote shop as well in case you might want to send a cNote or two. ♥SoNNetWolF♫ Contributed to these cNote shops to help get me started. She did one of them I did the other two. Very reasonable.

ID: 1448945   (Rated: E) Sig shop image folders, banners.  Images & Banners for your 10 sig shoppes. by Cissy-

If you find you have nothing to do one day...please stroll over to one of my shops and check it out okay?
I'd be glad to see ya. If you want to visit my little Guest House please do...

ID: 1449385   (Rated: 13+) Cissy's Corner Guest House~ Welcome ~  Welcome to my guest book, please sign in when you visit by Cissy-

I've been told that it's nice and cozy...

There are a few things going on around here that if you have the time and GPs I would appreciate it very much
if you all got involved. These Raffles need your help very badly.

ID: 1452269 Invalid Item  This item number is not valid. by Not Available.

&

ID: 1423559 Invalid Item  This item number is not valid. by Not Available.

Please don't forget that the Author's Spot Light Challenge Contest is coming up very soon in August.

ID: 1349008   (Rated: 18+) AUTHORS' SPOTLIGHT - Season 6  A 6 - day challenge to WDC authors. Register for Season 6 now. by Earl Zax

Drop by Earl's place and I'm sure that he'll tell you all about it.

I'm sure that there is more to list here but alas, I need to take my weary ol' bones to bed... my eyes are
laying on the keypad and I just can't see anymore LOL.

Be Well ALL, Hope you all start with a great Monday! Bless ALL whom enter here.

Hope everyone had a great week-end
 

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Almost started not to even do a blog tonight. But I kept thinking of the story that I read tonight that
shook me up a little. Damn, after reading it I felt ashamed of myself for ever complaining about anything in
my life. I read this story and It makes me feel stupid to think of all of the times I have complained.
Well... I am putting a curb on that as much as possible. Notice I said " as much as possible "...
the key word is I didn't say for sure I could succeed .

If you get the time... check out this story that a two day old newbie wrote

ID: 1450649   (Rated: 13+) Eleven Months  A piece written from the perspective of a Marine in Iraq. by Gwenith M. Vehlow

Sorry about the last blog... Bipolar isn't easy to live with at times.
And mine was acting up severly! The manic part that is... I started
yatta-yatta and just couldn't make myself shut the hell up!!!!
If any of you know how it can swing from manic to depression in a matter of seconds
then you have an idea what it is like to live in my brain at times.

I wish everyone a safe and happy week-end... Be Well ALL... I love ALL
here at WDC.
On this note of departure I'll leave you with this thought in your mind.
Heard some of this when I was young from my brother whom I miss.

One dark day in the middle of the night,
two dead soldiers got up to fight,
back to back they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other,
the deft policeman heard the noise,
and came to kill the two dead boys,
If you don't believe this story is true,
Ask the blind man, he saw it too.

"Unknown Author"



Ya'll have a great day! May the winds blow health, happiness, love and serenity into
your life this day everyone.

Yea!!!! Hot Damn!!! WOOO-HOOO!!!!! Yippy-eeeeeee!!!! * doing flips * ( as if I could he-he.)
WOW! what a difference! Oh yeah, I know I've been living in the dark ages having this dial-up, but...
even though I live in the City in this area... all around this city, surrounding it is country, and little towns.
Believe it or not... we actually didn't have DSL in our area until last year. And when it finally did arrive, it
was very expensive to get. It was going to cost close to a hundred dollars to have it since it was new.

I didn't have a computer until September last year. I had never had one before. Had not used one until
then, except at my brothers house a couple of years ago just to play games on. I had never used the internet, didn't even know how really. I know that sounds impossible to believe in this day and time of the computer age... especially as long as it's been around, and everyone had been using them for years.
I just never had any use for one. I had my typewriter and that was good enough for me. I just kept it simple. My typewriter bit the dust, I gave her a decent burial, and finally said hello to a computer, on the advice of one of my neighbors here. She said " Cissy, a computer is so much better and you can do so much more on it you'll wonder how you ever got alone without one for so long ". So I took her advice and got this Dell PC with a printer-copier-scanner. She was right. It certainly made it a lot easier to help write the Cookbook that two neighbors and I put together and published. A lot easier than typing with a carbon paper for duplicates, or running to the fax store to pay to run off copies of paper work. It was so nice to be able to type the work, and print it right then. Yes, I'm addicted to my computer now like I was with my typewriter.
I have typed for years my little stories and poems on my old faithful * Black Beauty * typewriter... and she served me very well. I still miss her.

As I have said many times here... I have been writing since I was a little girl, 41 years ago. I started writing fantasy stories, keeping them hid... they were my treasures and mine that I didn't want anyone to take from me. My stories were the only thing that I could call mine.
It was my sanity, my escape from my reality. Sometimes I could live in my imaginary world for hours...and if I was being ignored for days... I could get away with living in my thoughts for days without coming out to be in the real world. When I was young, when we were still with my Dad... we were very
poor you see. There were a lot of times that we children didn't eat some days because of no food. So it was easy to go off into my imaginary world and live there for days... it kept me from thinking about how hungry I was. I was happy there. I lived with a family that loved me and we had plenty to eat. Imagination is a great thing, at least it was for me. It kept me alive a lot of times I think.
You see... Daddy said that he was the one who had to eat because he worked hard and needed it more...
and if there was anything left then we kids could eat then. Until I was eight years old, I didn't think that there was any other food in the world except *pinto beans and potatoes*. Momma would rob my Daddy's pants pockets at night when he was asleep once a week so that he wouldn't notice, she would only take the change. She would buy dry pinto beans, flour and a few potatoes. We ate the beans and biscuit all week and for a sunday dinner, that's when we would have the potatoes with the beans and biscuits. I learned to hate pinto beans and potatoes. When momma finally got us away from daddy... I said that I would never eat anymore pinto beans. I haven't cooked them to this day except to put into chili when others wanted their chili that way. I don't eat potatoes that often either.

( Weird Blog this time folks! )

Well Hell! I certainly didn't intend to write about all of this. Really don't know why I did. It just came out.
Opps! so sorry. How in the world did I go from writing about having DSL finally to this bull-shit!
I haven't thought about this in many years. Oh yeah! I remember... I was talking about writing when I was young... That's how I got here... Damn! my youth is all bad memories.. and I've found out that when I talk about it, it opens up a part of my past that I have kept buried since I was young. That I buried so deep inside of me that after a while after I was on my own... away from everyone, it became a distant memory... a memroy that it happened to someone else, Not me! The only times I had to deal with the past was when something in my present would trigger the memories by something bad happening to remind me. then it would all come flooding back as if it happened yesterday.
Some very nice friends on here have encouraged me to write about my life... They have been very supportive and had been there when I would break down in tears from the memories, and encourage me to keep writing... that after I got it all wrote out, and get it out of me for the first time in my life, face it and deal with it once and for all, that I would finally start to heal. You know what?! They are SO right!!!
I am starting to heal for the first time in my life... where I need to heal the most... inside, and it feels good.
Writing about my life is slow going because it is so hard to wrtie about. One day though... You might just see a book out there... written by me with the title of * One Dark Day *... my lifes story... it's gonna be a thick book though .

My desire one day would be to write a book for all the abused children and adults out there. How to live through it and still keep your sanity, and come out on top. Where to go to get help, how to deal with it and get over it. How to fight back and get away. It would be a self-help book for all of the abused. There is a way to sneek away from that abusive person if you're too scared to walk away or can't walk away cause they won't let you.... there is a way to get away with your life. I know because we did it. I think that maybe God spared my life to tell my story one day to help people that are still going through this and are too afraid to get out. Just one of my life's goals is to help everyone that suffers abuse still and past... and help the present abuse victims, to get OUT! and save themselves. I was put on this earth to be a help to others... that is my soul purpose in still being alive... and that is what I do best, is help anyone that needs my help... it's the same way here where I live. I help neighbors when thay need me. I'm not real close to any of them... but they all know that if they ask me for help, I'm there, and they can count on me. I remember all the times that I needed help and there was no one there to help me. I don't want anyone to ever have to go through this life thinking that they don't have help,
especially if I can be there for them. Doesn't matter if it is my next door neighbor or someone across the world... if I can help in any small way and it is in my power to help, I will. I'm here for you.

 

To anyone whom may get offended easily, please don't read any futher, thank you.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Like in the Holy Bible, in the book of Psalms... they talk and told of things in the form of a song, many times rhyming... This is how I wrote my honest Prayer. From my heart and very honest, but trying to
pay respect to my Creator by writing it in a Psalm of sorts, thus, a poem.



MY PRAYER

Dear Heavenly Father I need to talk to thee,
I am pleading,asking for your mercy and grace,
I have sinned so very bad, so great in your eyes,
I'm praying to you honestly, sincerely on my knee,
imagining that I am looking upon your Heavenly face,
I'm asking, Heavenly Father forgive me please.


I have done, thought, said so many things wrong,
I have carried around pure hatered in my heart,
I know if I think it, it is just as bad as doing it,
I know because I have read this in the book of Pslams,
I want to let go of the bad and have a new start,
I'm asking, Heavenly Father forgive me please.


My thoughts have been hatefull, wicked and mean,
I've held a darkness from the past and present,
Heavenly Father my heart has changed this year,
You see, know everything, I know you have seen,
I'm begging with an honest heart, for I am spent,
I'm asking Heavenly Father forgive me please.


I sit here and cry, pouring my heart out to you,
I'm begging you dear Lord hear me, hear me please,
I'm tired of this life of sin and nothing is ever right,
can't you take away all my sins and make me like new?
I'm making this public so that you will know and see,
I'm telling the world I'm a sinner, who wants to change,
Please, please Heavenly Father will you forgive me?



7/09/08
free verse

 

Hi ALL,
Hope you all are having a great 4th of July!
Eat plenty of barbeque, drive safe, and have a fantastic week-end!!!

Let freedom ring!!! Bring our troops HOME!
I support our troops every chance I get... if not for
their loyal support of our country, we would have been
distroyed long ago. They are and have given of them-
selves, mind, body and spirit.

Even as messed up as our counrty can be...
the troops have made sure we still retain our freedom
to some degree. For this I am and always will be thankful.

Many gave their lives,legs and their heart for
this country we call our home of the * land of the Brave, and home of the free *.

To ALL of the SOLDIERS out there still...
I pray for you and your families, and pray that you will come home soon, safe and without harm to your families and to this country that a lot of us really do appreciate what you are doing and have done!

Your family and home of the U.S.A. is awaiting
your safe return. Be Well ALL of you.

To the Soldiers that are from other countries
whom are helping our soldiers from the U.S.A. My prayers and thoughts are with you ALL! May you ALL
find a safe return home soon... everyone misses you!

Love to ALL, and GOD bless us ALL!
 

For some reason there are some people in this world who seem to get great pleasure in hurting people and their feelings or worse. I say this because my brother's step-daughter is just this kind of person.
And she hasn't got a heart... or if she does... it is made of stone and very cold and made of Ice. I speak from knowing and experiencing this heartless person in my life at one time. It makes her smile to hurt or give pain...I know because I've watched it when it wasn't me and when it was.

I had finally come to terms with the fact that my brother would not be a part of my life anymore.... he lives
70 miles north away from me.

I feel invaded. None of them has ever lived here in this city where I live... I went to a store where I frequently shop, one of the stores... and who do I see? Miss heartless standing there outside of the store
smoking a cigerette. I get out of my truck, I really didn't see her as I was walking up to the store...
If I had, I would have pull out of the parking lot and went to another store. But oh no! I had to run right
into her. ( I will not get into the part that she play'd of me not getting to talk to my Mother before she died..
that is past and I must move on.)
I was walking up to the store door and I heard from somewhere..." Hey Girllll ! How you doing? " I looked up and there she was. Acting like nothing ever happened, and she was driving my Mother's car !!!!!

I thought ..." oh God! Why? " I know from experience and being guilty of it myself when I was younger,
NOT to get even with anyone, that it will come back on you and bite you right on the butt hard!!!!
What you give out you will get back, simple as that. So.... did I learn my lesson not to get even?
Yep, you bet I did! Never let the devil know that he has affected you or he will know that he won that battle. So, the hardest thing I have had to do lately... I smiled, said Hi back to her, went past her as fast as I could into the store.
Well, I guess I wasn't tested enough of learning to turn the other cheek... as it happens, she had started working there and had moved there where I lived in that city. Ouch! bummer! Okay...I'd rather be nice and get nice back, instead of being mean and get mean back, sooooo.... I went to her check out counter,
paid for my stuff, told her to have a good day, and left as quickly as I could.

Okay. I understand that I have to turn the other cheek and all that, but God didn't make me stupid, and
I think he gave me a working brain for a reason, and that is to use it right? Well, I wasn't mean to her,
I turned my cheek twice to her, didn't get even, even though she made my blood boil, but there is nothing that I have read in the Bible that say's I have to go around someone that has done me wrong.
There's other stores to shop at. That will be the last time that I go there. Simple enough. Wrong!!!!
I am still pissed! Why in the world out of all the places she could have moved to, why here?

When I came here to WDC I was a literal wreck, but all of the people that I have met and the ones that I have become friends with ... they have made this a happy experience. At WDC ( writing.com) I have
found brothers, sisters, and a lot of friends and a home that I will NOT allow anyone or anything take away from me. You see... after seeing my brother's step-daughter, I left that store very upset. By the time I had gotten home I had hit bottom in a deep depression. I had thought that I just wasn't going to come back on here ever again... and I would never write anything again, what was the use.
But, something kept nagging at me about this place here at WDC. I had met some pretty awesome
people here with the biggest hearts, and could love me like a sister faults, health problems and all.
I thought... Why in the hell would ANY one give up what they had always wanted... A home, family and friends. It was stupid to give that up! Sometimes I can do really stupid things when I am upset...And not coming back here would have been about the dumbest thing I've ever done lately.
Hell, this place is my happiness, my safe zone, my home.
I have brothers and sisters alike as well as some good friends, and I'm sure you know who you are...
and I just want to say that I love you all to pieces, and thank you for being my family and friend.

Yeah, sometimes I am really " brain dead and getting worse " .

I am starting a new life and I choose to start that new life here. It's time for me to put the past in the past
and leave it there for good. I'm moving on. At WDC, happiness awaits... in writing.

Wish me luck and if you're a praying person... please pray for me to over come. Thank you ALL!

 

What A DAY!!!! Man, I really hate it when I have to start physcial theraphy. What a pain... and yes, there is a lot of pain while doing it. Gotta do it though if I want to keep walking.

Since I am not a quitter nor have I ever been... just
got to grit my teeth and bear it. In the end, it's worth all the pain that I go through.

So, on some days... I will not be bloggin, due to the
severe pain after theraphy on those days.
Hey.... I look at it this way... it could be a helluva
lot worse, I see people around here that do not have their legs anymore everyday. At least I have legs to
exercise back into walking condition... and soon I'll be walking again like before.

This crippling disease comes out of remission every two to four years... the older I get the more often it will come out of remission until one day I will no longer be able to walk.

I've been in and out of this wheelchair since I was eight years old... the way I see it, it really could be worse.
I'm happy because when I turn 50 years old, I'll be on my feet walking. Now THAT is a great thing.

I'm happy for the small things in life that other people take for granit... such as, I'm happy that I can still see for now, because one day I will not be able to ( I'm legally blind but can see with contacts and glasses, and I have already been trained to get around without my sight). I've lost 1/2 of my hearing because of loud music... been around musicans big speakers all my life... grew up in a musical family,
I started playing professionally when I was 12 years old... I finally retired in 2004 when I was 45 years old. Music was a second job for me all my life.
I play 5 instruments and sing...I don't know...I lost count on how many instruments that I play now... let's just say I play a few.
But I've gotten off of the point... rambling tonight, OOPS!
My point is.... I'm grateful for all the little things that are given to me everyday.
Some people do not give it a second thought to be thankful for their eye sight, hearing, walking and many other normal things gone un-noticed. Not me.
Hell, I'm just happy that I'm still alive if nothing else to be able to write this .

Soooooo???? What Are YOU happy for???
Instead of being UN-happy because of the things wrong with you... why not look at the things that you still CAN do ???
IS there anything YOU can be happy for? I wonder?!

Cissy here, just being happy to be alive in Hot as hell south Alabama

Be well
 

If you want to know why I keep using red lettering when I talk about my Mom...
It was her favorite color. That and green.

I am putting my Mother's picture on here for now as a tribute to her.... of her being gone one year today.
She would have loved this.... she could be such a ham sometimes, and she never met a stranger.

At a New Years Eve Party at her favorite club...V.F.W. where we were both life members,
and I was senior Vice President of the Ladies Aux of V.F.W.



I Love You Momma
 

Hi Momma,
It's been a year ago today since your funeral. I'm so sorry that I couldn't make it back to see you
before you passed away on the 23rd of June. I'm sorry Momma, but I had a stroke a few months before, and my left side was completely paralized and I was in the wheelchair. I couldn't get to you to let you know that
I had not forgotten about you, that I loved you...
Momma, Stan would not tell you that I was calling you when I couldn't get there, no one would give you the phone when I called so that I could at least talk to you, to let you know why I wasn't there.
I didn't quit coming to do my part because I quit caring. I know that you went to your grave thinking that I didn't care anymore, and that eats me up inside all the time .
Momma, why didn't Stan call me when you died? I was your daughter. Why did I have to find out about your passing from the news paper?
I mean Damnit!!! Even your friends were called by him.
He says I'm not any part of his family anymore... He said that at your gravesite. He wouldn't even let me come to your viewing, I wasn't allowed, and he had your power of attorney.
I just wanted to tell you... even though I was made to sit in the back with guest at your funeral, I was there. Your preacher spoke some very nice words over you, and he mentioned how Stan and Cheri took care of you... did everyone forget that I took care of you for eight months by myself without their help? That I was the one who cooked and took you food when you quit eating so that you wouldn't die? How could everyone forget that? They were too busy when I was doing that, too busy to be bothered. But because they started helping the last few months of your life, they were the only ones remembered that helped you.
It's not right momma. I loved you too... why didn't I ever count? Why was I always the invisible one in the family? I took care of you for a year watching you die slowly before my eyes.

I guess it was too stressful, because my Doctors said it was the emotional upset and stress from it all is the reason I had two heart attacks and that stroke. The Doctors says it's a miracle that I lived through everything.

I found out why God spared my life momma, you'll never believe me when I tell you. You know how you used to tell me that I should really try to become a published writer? Remember that you said I had talent to write? Well, I'm not published...yet... but I'm really working on it. And I have found the most amazing people on this Earth!!! Poeple with hearts of Gold!
And guess what?! Remember how I always wanted to be a part of a family? Well... I finally got my prayer and wish answered!!! I have a family now,I'm not alone anymore, and it is the best family in the whole world!!!
My family has a name. It's called Writing.com or WDC.
And all the brothers, sisters, and friends I have here... I love them ALL. They are all awesome, each in their own way. Momma, I couldn't even begin to name them all, and I know that you would have love them too.

I was just missing you today momma... and I just wanted to say that I Love You Still and always will.
You will be forever in my heart and mind always.

I think you would be proud of me now momma. I finally allowed someone to see and read my poetry. I'm not keeping it hidden anymore, actually the whole world can see it now, in this place where I'm at now that I call HOME. I've wrote a few about you too...I know how you always liked for me to write poems for you...
but now they are so much better and have substance.
If fact, I'm in the process of writing one now about you... if you're watching... I really hope that you like what I have written about you.

I'm glad you're no longer in pain now... I know it's selfish... but sometimes... I really need someone to talk to like we used to do before you got sick. I MISS you SO much!!!
I just don't believe that this pain of losing you will ever go away. I'm sorry momma, I gotta quit.
I can't see the keypad anymore...I just can't quit crying.

I know that you're sleeping with Angels in Yaweh's house in the sky. Be at peace momma, sleep well, sweet dreams, I Love You.
 

As I told a friend earlier... these are my thoughts, my quote for today...

My Quotes

Hope: is what keeps us going
Love: is what comes from the heart and keeps us alive
Friendship: is what keeps love and hope nurished
GOD: is who shows us the inner heart of people
Faith: is believing in all this exsist
Trust:is earned through being honest
Honesty: is living in the REAL world
Believing: is knowing that there is a GOD
Wisdom: is knowing the difference if ALL this is right or wrong
Wisdom of Reality: is knowing how to live, laugh, love in one lifetime.

This is my quote for the week.... Be Well my friends and family here on WDC,
I love you ALL!!!!

" Mitakuye Oyrsin " = " We are all related "

 

My brother still hasn't spoken to me... he told someone to tell me he never would.
Now... All of my family are dead but me and him, we're the last of us... So now it's just me along...
No family... NOW do you see why WDC and my family here mean so much? Still depressed and
getting worse....
 

I know that I might have not had the best Mother, but she was MY Mother, good or bad, when she was talking to me....
In three days... it will be one year since we layed her to rest. I still feel cheated! I'll tell you why.

You see... a few months before her death, I had a major stroke. My left side was completely dead.
Up until that had happened, I was helping take care of my Mother.
She went into the hospital April 11th, 2006. She went in to have a tumor removed off of a nerve
nexted to her spine. She was 77 years old. The doctors said that it was a serious operation, but that it
wouldn't take long and she would be going home in three days to a week at the most. The operation
was to last only three to four hours at most. The operation lasted eight hours. The Doctors came out and told us that the tumor had grown onto the nerve and wrapped around it. They had to peal it off.
She was in bad shape... much worse than they had seen in the xrays.
The doctors ended up doing two more surgeries. She almost died several times. My brother and myself
stayed with her night and day for weeks.
She ended up staying in the hospital for eight months. In those eight months I went everyday to the hospital to get her to eat... she had quit eating, and wouldn't eat for anyone but me or my Brother.
My brother had to go back to work so it was up to me to go to the hospital everyday. I cooked her something to eat everyday and took it to her, made sure that she ate.
Then when she went home, it was in a hospital bed... she was dying. My brother and I told her that
she would never see the inside of a nursing home. We kept our promise. With Hospic and us ( my brother, sister-n-law and myself)... we decided that she would spend her last days at home.
My brother and I split the week up between us to take care of her so that the whole thing wouldn't be
just on one of us. I stayed three days and four nights and they took the other.
Do you have any idea what it is like to watch your own Mother die before your eyes slowly?
Always in pain? It's something that I hope NO ONE has to go through.
Well, when I had the stroke before she died... I couldn't go to take care of my Mother for my time of the week. This made my Brother very angry. He said I should have come anyway, and that I did our mother wrong. I was in a wheelchair...paralized on my left side... I could hardly help myself, much less her.

Because I wasn't able to go back to help out... the day my Mother passed away, my brother called
everyone, including her friends... but never called me. I found out by a not so close friend of hers
that called me to say she was sorry about my Mother. I asked her what she was talking about...
She said " I read it in the paper today " . I said " WHAT?! " she said " go get a newspaper, it's in
the obits " I couldn't believe my ears?!?!?!

I went to get a newspaper... I looked, and there it was, my Mother passed away, THREE DAYS AGO!!!!!
All I could do was cry. Even worse... the viewing was that day and the funeral was for the next day!
I tried to call my brother...he wouldn't answer his phone... so I called my Mother's best friend.
She told me that my brother said that I wasn't welcome at her viewing... but there was nothing that
he could do to stop me from coming to her funeral. To tell me that I did our Mother wrong by not coming back to help take care of her and I was no longer family, and he would never talk to me again.

I went to the funeral... I was made to sit in the back with the guest and friends... I wasn't allowed to
sit with family. It was mentioned that my brother and his girlfriend took care of my Mother, but not me.
Being treated this way hurt more than I care to say, and it still hurts...

On the 23rd of this month, it will be a year ago when she died... my Mother thought that I didn't care
about her when she died... This is hard to live with! and the closer it gets to that day, the more depressed
I get. Sometimes I think that I just don't deserve to live. I did momma wrong because I got sick.
Tell me ... how do I continue to live with this? Right now? I really don't care to. It's just too much.
Who knows.....