Prompt for day 22: In what way/ways does blogging fulfil you?

It doesn't. I find it a struggle to find something to say that seems interesting, and committing to any sort of update schedule just puts me under extra pressure that I don't need. I thought that this challenge would be a good way to make sure I wrote something every day, and I hoped that the prompts would get me thinking. Instead, they just got me stressing.

Oh well, I tried. It was fun, but I am now seven days behind, and not willing to invest the time it would take to catch up. There's other things I could - and should - be doing instead. Keeping the house from disappearing under a wave of mess, and washing my hair before it learns to walk - it's already standing up on its own. On the writing front, I have undertaken to get at least two of my perennial works in progress ready for submission by the end of the year. Any writing energy I have should really be directed towards those projects, and not to random essays on the meaning of Life, the Universe and Everything.

I'm sorry I haven't been reading and commenting much. I'd like to say I'll get around to it, but I already owe several reviews, so I can't promise that I'll be reading blogs any time soon. I hope everyone is doing well with the challenge, and I wish you all the best for the remaining days.

How does blogging fulfil me? Well, I guess you could say I've had my fill of blogging. This item will probably revert to being for notes on existing projects, as originally intended. Not so much a blog, more a way to write.
 

"A man is the sum of his memories," as the Doctor once observed, during his fifth incarnation. And yet memory is such a fragile thing. Held in the alignment of a few brain cells, such a tiny thing to be so very powerful. Memory is a curious phenomenon, and one which may never be fully understood. Every second of every day, we are filing away new information and deepening existing memory paths. As I type, I am reinforcing my physical memory with respect to touch-typing, as well as using my semantic memory to summon up the words I need. I'm remembering spellings, and the rules of grammar and punctuation. And when I finish this post, I will remember that I wrote it, and even some of what I said. Memory is marvellous, and I'd be quite lost without it. I know I would, for on the occasions that it lets me down I feel very disorientated indeed.

The short, very short, memory lapses that I experience as a part of my CFS/depression combo are enough to leave me with a terror of any more severe loss. My grandmother has dementia, which has been getting steadily worse for many years, and recently I have noticed some disturbing gaps in my mother's memory, based on the things she says. It doesn't bode well for me, in years to come. One of the reasons for keeping a diary is to strengthen memory by making an effort to recall events at the end of each day. Another reason is so that I will have an external memory as back-up, should my own start to fail.

To lose your memory is to lose a part of yourself. Sometimes the "lost" memory is merely temporarily misplaced, but sometimes memories fade like old ink, or shatter like a delicate vase. Take time to treasure your memories, they are the core of your self. They tell us who we are, and what is real.


 

Prompt for day thirteen: "Do you believe that bad things happen on Friday the 13th? Give us the reasons why you do or don't. Are there any other superstitions you believe (or don't believe) in?"

Bad things (and good things) happen every day. I don't think the universe really cares what numbers we attach to any particular moment. I don't believe in any superstitions, but I have to admit that it is a very human tendency to look for meaning, and that is what gives rise to superstitions in the first place.

We don't want to believe that things "just happen", so we look for a reason. If we can't find one, we invent one. Why did I trip at the wrong moment and drop that plate? Was it just bad luck, or was it that magpie I saw yesterday? I'd better be careful not to see any more magpies, I don't want to break any more plates!

Today is Friday the thirteenth, and I'll admit that has not been a great day for me. I was slow and stiff all day, and didn't get things finished that I had hoped to do today. I wish that only happened on Fridays that are also the thirteenth of a month, because it would be much more convenient for planning. I would know when my bad days were due and I could work around them. Unfortunately, my CFS is no more superstitious than I am. Too bad.

Written for the "30-Day Blogging Challenge" 
 

Prompt for day twelve: We have seen significant technological advancements in our time. Sites like TED and Big Think offer amazing ideas. What do you think will be the next big thing?

According to The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, there are three responses to technology, depending on how old you are when it is developed.

1) everything that’s already in the world when you’re born is just normal;

2) anything that gets invented between then and before you turn thirty is incredibly exciting and creative and with any luck you can make a career out of it;

3) anything that gets invented after you’re thirty is against the natural order of things and the beginning of the end of civilisation as we know it until it’s been around for about ten years when it gradually turns out to be alright really.

I turned thirty last year, making me automatically opposed to anything invented from now on. So, whatever the next big thing turns out to be, I'm against it. No good will come of it, mark my words. If this sort of thing goes on, we'll have a generation of children growing up who don't know how to do the things we consider utterly normal. What a sad loss for the future! We have to stop this rot before it can further damage our children.

Halt this mad technological march now!

Written for the "30-Day Blogging Challenge" 

 

Prompt for day eleven: Time. We all have it, but nobody completely understands it. What are your thoughts on time?

Everyone from poets to physicists has an opinion on the nature of time, but everyone seems to agree that it is very subjective. Each person experiences time differently, and no-one can explain their view to anyone else. This gives writers the chance to explore the core of fiction - character - in many different ways. It's not only sci-fi authors who tell stories about time; in fact it is almost impossible to tell a story that doesn't involve time. Most writers use the past tense, and it takes time to tell any story. The reader will go through the story in his or her own time, and the writer will have spent time putting the story together. Time affects the characters, too. Time is in everything, and will be the subject of stories, theses, and blog posts for as long as its around. However long that turns out to be.


Written for the "30-Day Blogging Challenge" 
 

Prompt for day ten: If you knew that your next meal would be your last, what would you eat?

Why is it my last meal? Am I dying? Am I going to be killed? Or am I about to embark on a life of futuristic nutri-pils, fulfilling all my dietry needs in one, easy-to-swallow capsule? Because it makes a difference. The atmosphere contributes to the dining experience, and my own state of mind will also be a factor.

If I were about to die, I would indulge in the foods that are forbidden to me - bread and butter pudding, mushroom pate on biscotti, with a pot of strong, milky tea. All things that make my CFS worse, but if I'm not going to be alive to worry about it then I don't have to be careful. There's always something positive to take from any situation

If it's going to be my last meal before switching to food-free nutrition, then I will focus on the flavour. It would have to be cooked by someone else, since my own culinary skills are not up to snuff. Poached salmon, in a delicately flavoured sauce, with parsley and steamed vegetables.

If it's my last meal before I'm killed then I want a meal that takes a really long time to prepare.

Written for the "30-Day Blogging Challenge" 
 

Prompt for day 9:

Prompt for Day 8:

If I could have a do-over, I'd like to take another try at the last two days. I spent them in bed, resting painful legs and back, and there were so many things to meant to get done.

Thinking a bit small, right? I've been given the imaginary power to go back in time and correct any past mistake. Do I have no regrets, nothing in my past that I wish hadn't happened? Is my life really that idyllic?

No, of course it isn't. There are many things that I wish hadn't happened, and many that I wish I had done differently. But I don't know how those regretted events have shaped my present, and I'm reluctant to tamper with the past even in my imagination. Do I regret allowing an old friend to become a boyfriend, back when I was a stripling of twenty-two? Yes, I do, because when the relationship didn't work out I lost a good friend. So, would I go back in time and turn down that date? That would have been wise, in hindsight. But having a boyfriend in Wales was one of the reasons that I moved back there for six months. That time spent living at home again was important to me, and lead to my moving out on my own as an independent adult, rather than the student I was when I moved out for the first time. Without that disastrous courtship, would I have learned to be aware of how I treated members of the opposite sex? I used to be a bit too casual, not thinking about how my actions might be interpreted. I could have got a reputation for flirting, which is not what I want at all. So, would I go back and change the past? No. Every bit of my past, the successes and the failures, have all come together to make me the person I am today. I may not like the person I am today, but the answer to that lies in the future, not the past.

It's January the sixth, which is to say, six days since I undertook this blogging challenge, and I'm already struggling. The first assignment for the Novel Writing 101 class is due the day after tomorrow, and I have a pile of housework growing steadily. As ever, I have tried to do too much, and it's showing.

After living with ME for fifteen years, you'd think I'd be better at this time-management business. I know that I have to at least double, usually triple, the "normal" estimates for how long it will take to complete a job. In any one day, I can do one, maybe two, big jobs, or three (max. four) little jobs. Here are some examples of what I call "big jobs":

          Cooking a proper meal (with fresh ingredients rather than packaged stuff)
          Housework (piecemeal, usually half a room at a time)
          Mending clothes, and other necessary sewing.
          Household filing.
          Putting clothes away after washing
          Changing the bedclothes
          Anything that involves leaving the house

Some little jobs are:

          Writing a blog post
          Putting a clothes wash on
          Hanging wet clothes up to dry
          Writing letters and e-mails (personal or official)
          Putting the bins out

Small-small things, like taking my meds, getting dressed, re-heating microwave dinners, etc. get slotted in when I can. They have to be done, so I just do them and ignore whatever is hurting at the time. For me, just staying alive is a full-time job. So why so I add burdens to myself in the form of writing challenges? Isn't there a point when optimism becomes stupidity?

Well, yes, probably. And I may well have reached, nay passed, that point. But I will not stop trying to do things that are not directly connected to my survival - such as writing - because it is these non-essential things that give meaning to that survival. I work hard every day, and the only thing I have to show for it is that I am alive to work hard again tomorrow. My faith in God gives me a purpose, and a hope for the future, but setting myself writing goals lets me pretend, at least for a while, that I am more than just an illness; that I am a person, doing something that I choose to do because I enjoy it.

Someone once said that ME/CFS doesn't kill you, but it does take your life. That is very true, but every time I do something "unnecessary", I am taking it back. It's a harsh tug-o'-war, and neither side is giving an inch, but look! Six days in a row of elective blogging. I'm winning!
 

Prompt: We’re all afraid of something. Write a formal complaint to whatever scares you the most.

Dear Fear,

Thank you for the sterling work you do in warning me away from dangerous situations, and causing me to be careful when I have to deal with potential trouble. However, I wish you would be a little less vigilant when dealing with things that are not, actually, all that dangerous. Like heights, for example. Falling from great heights is certainly dangerous, at least, if you don't have the proper equipment, but the mere presence of a drop is not enough, in itself, to be a threat. When I stand within ten feet of an edge, I am safe. I don't intend to jump, I can't fall, and no-one is likely to push me. So we really don't need to go to red alert every time we see a stairwell. OK? Thank you.

The same goes for fire. In a grate, or at the top of a candle, fire is no immediate danger to life or limb. A burning match will not spontaneously leap from my fingers to burn down the house, and the pilot flame in the gas fire is meant to be there. There is no need to go into a flat spin whenever any of these things appear. They are not dangerous. Please stop pressing the panic button. It's really not good for me.

Spiders, however, are perfectly legitimate terror-triggers. They are evil little house-invaders and screaming is an entirely justified response to seeing one of the horrible creatures. Screaming, and then killing it. Hard. Twice.

Thank you for your attention,

Outasync: Out to lunch


Written for the "30-Day Blogging Challenge" .

Prompt for "Day 5 - What scares you most?"  
 

There is so much wrong in the world today that it is hard to choose just one issue to talk about. The environment, human rights, crime, poverty, discrimination, injustice, war, terrorism, the list goes on. Which of these do I feel most strongly about? Well, all of them. Because behind all these terrible actions lies a single issue, a single reason for all the ills of the earth.

Selfishness.

The strange thing about selfishness is that it can manifest itself in many forms. There is the overt, "me first and the Devil take the hindmost" selfishness that few would be able to honestly defend, but there are other attitudes, just as selfish, that claim the moral high ground. A man who will defend his family no matter what is generally held to be a good man. But what happens when "no matter what" involves hurting someone else's family? Is he still a good man? Or is he selfish?

Patriotism is a common form of selfishness masquerading as virtue, and is an example of one of the most insidious - and most dangerous - forms of selfishness: "us" vs "them". Once you start categorising people into "those sufficiently like me to be worthy of my respect" and "everyone else", you are on the road to selfishness. When you label another person as "not one of us" you immediately start to see him as less important, and pretty soon they are not so much a person as an object, a thing that can be looked after, used, or discarded as you see fit. Terry Pratchett once described the starting point of sin as "treating people like things", and I have to agree with him.

So we come back to the beginning of this little rant: the problems of today are not about what is happening, though what is happening is terrible; but rather why it is happening. If only everyone would understand that there is no "them", there is only "us". Once you view all people as people rather than things, ideas, or even ideals, then it becomes impossible to treat anyone badly.

Is it easy? No. We are born selfish, and need to learn to love our neighbours as ourselves. It's a hard lesson, and one that never truly ends. It is our instinct, especially in times of trouble, to draw inwards and protect what is ours above all else. But we need to learn to overcome that instinct, to become mature in our thinking and truly compassionate. Our battle against selfishness goes on every day, but I believe that it is a battle worth fighting.

Written for the "30-Day Blogging Challenge" .

Prompt for "Day 4 - World-wide Issue"  
 

Less controversial issue, eh? Maybe, maybe not.

The pen is much more flexible than the computer for recording thoughts notes and ideas. When writing with a pen we record, not only words, but also our emotions at the time of writing. Notes can be taken in shorthand, longhand, or even pictures. A computer has far fewer options for expressing ideas, a finite numbers of keys and ways of formatting. It that respect, I prefer writing to typing.

However, when it comes to writing long passages I prefer to use a computer. A pen, while it is a very artistic thing, makes my hand cramp when holding one, even after just half-an-hour. I tend to do my early planning on paper, then transfer to the computer screen for the detailed planning and actual writing. When editing, I start on screen before printing a draft to correct by hand.

Another reason I prefer to write on a computer is the ease of editing. The flip side of that is, of course, the risk of losing your work with a power failure. Still, technology has progressed to the point where, with a bit of care, work is not easily lost. By careful saving, it is even possible to keep all versions of the edit, working out details along the way.

The appeal of the pen is still strong, as shown by the rise of the tablet-and-stylus technology. The keyboard is limited, but in my case I think the advantages outweigh the limitations - most of the time.

Written for the "30-Day Blogging Challenge" .

Prompt for "Day 3- Pen or Computer?"  

 

Prompt: To some, 2012 is a tragic year since it is associated with end of days. Express your sentiments on this.

For a Christian, the end of days is not tragic. It is what we pray for every time we say, "Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven." The end of this world will mean the end of this system and the beginning of God's rule. It will mean, not the end of the planet, but the end of the imperfection that has ruled ever since Adam and Eve rejected God's rule back in the garden of Eden.

Will this end come this year? Next year? I don't know. But it will come sometime, and sometime soon.

There's a lot more to say on this issue, but this blog is not the place for that discussion. See you tomorrow with, I hope, a less controversial issue.






 

Happiness is universal. It is the one goal that everyone has in common, but it means something different to each person. When preparing this post, I did a Google search for "Happiness is..." quotes  . I read through a few, and found that most of them agreed on one thing - happiness is not something that happens to you, it's something that you make happen. Whether your idea of happiness is a cold beer or a warm puppy, the fact remains that you have to be willing to be happy before anything can happen. And, if you are willing to be happy, then you can find that happiness anywhere.

Of course, all the above depends on what you mean by "happiness". There is a tendency in society today to want to ramp all emotions up to eleven: to dislike is to hate, to admire is to love, to want is to need, and so forth. The media is full of stories that tell us every moment not spent in the grip of some blazing, passionate emotion is a moment wasted. Under this sort of pressure, people say they want happiness when in fact they expect ecstasy; and when the peak of the bliss wears off, they feel unhappy which, naturally, means being utterly miserable.

The secret to being happy is to know what happiness is. For me happiness is contentment, and my contentment threshold is pretty low. To be on good terms with those I care about, to be safe and comfortable, and to have something to occupy my mind: this is, for me, contentment. The good thing is that I will always have at least one of those, usually all of them. So I am never without something that makes me happy, even in the most dire circumstances.

Happiness is everywhere, if you know what you're looking for.

Written for the "30-Day Blogging Challenge" .

Prompt for "Day 1 - What makes you happy?"