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 Content Rating Notice: Recommended for Readers 18 Years and Older Only |
| >> Book >> Emotional >> ID #1847352 |   |
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| Introduction:   Mo and Me Throughout the past year I have come to know many people, now friends, who for various reasons, are or were homeless. Giovanni, sleeps on a park bench and was beaten, had his teeth kicked out, for no other reason than his choice to sleep outdoors. He is a small, gentle man who has a phobia about enclosed spaces. Greg, sleeps on the sidewalk in the freezing cold. I see him every morning and am never sure if, when I lift the corner of his sleeping bag, I will find him dead or alive. Sometimes, he confided, he would prefer never to awake. Mo, is a close personal friend who fell on hard times. She has slept behind a dumpster in back of Starbucks. I have seen her with blackened eyes, bruised legs, cracked ribs, cut and swollen lips. I usually see her sitting on the sidewalk 'panning' for change. http://invisiblepeople.tv/blog/2011/09/mo-homeless-ottawa-ontario-canada/ In the past six months I have witnessed an upturn in Mo's fortunes. She now has the proper credentials to obtain medical assistance for her epileptic seizures, bouts of pneumonia, fibromyalgia, kidney failure and mental disorders. Through diligence she has saved enough money to share, with several other people, a warm, clean, safe house. I can't do much for these people except to show them love, compassion, an ear to listen, a hug to comfort, perhaps a breakfast sandwich and a coffee. I would like to do more. To know them is to love them. What has been seen cannot be unseen. I have started to write an account of their daily lives. I intend to turn this into a book and have it published. That is my goal. I am writing articles and biographies of Mo and other street people. They have been informed that they don't have to use their real names, that any profits would go back to the homeless and that it could be a vehicle to say whatever they want to the population at large. I am hopeful that this leads to a book. |
| 5. Table of Contents | ID #746912 |
| Posted: 2-12-2012 @ 2:13 pm EST Edited: 2-12-2012 @ 3:36 pm EST | |
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February, 2012: Conversations With Friends January, 2012: Conversations with Friends 2011: Conversations With Friends 2010: Conversations With Friends |
| 4. February, 2012: Conversations With Friends | ID #746894 |
| Posted: 2-12-2012 @ 9:29 am EST Edited: 2-12-2012 @ 3:32 pm EST | |
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10 February 2012 I nearly missed Mo this morning. I saw her feet sticking out from behind a concrete partition, so I went into the restaurant for her bagel and tea. When I came back she was gone. I asked Steve if he had seen Mo pass by. He said he thought she had entered the restaurant. I waited outside for what seemed a very long time, but eventually she came out. "Are you stalking me?" she said with mock anger. "I see the way people in there look at me, like I'm some kind of scum." "Of course I'm stalking you. I have something for you. I gave her a poem written by a friend. When she started reading she said, "Oh, my God...... Oh, My God.........Oh, my God." Then the tears came. "All this from somebody I've never met. It's so sweet. Thank your friend for me, and tell her I love her." I hugged her and she started sobbing into my shoulder. She looked up at me and said, "If you start crying, I'm going to kick you." I said, "My friend has been in some of the places you've been. She understands. There are a lot of people who love you. You've told me of the terrible things that were done to you, about the guilt you feel because you didn't live your life the way your mother may have wanted, but that is the past, it's gone, you don't have to carry it with you. It doesn't define who you are now. I know you're worried about what will happen when F. gets out of prison, but that is in the future. We never know what will happen tomorrow or next week. You don't have to carry that either." "I still love F., but I can't live with him." "It helps if you can forgive others who have harmed you, and forgive yourself. The only things you can control are what's happening this moment. Have you ever tried meditation?" "Sometimes, when I'm alone." "The next time you get a feeling of sadness or pain or frustration, just concentrate on breathing in and breathing out. Count your breaths. Look at what is happening in your mind and decide if there is anything you can do about it. If not, concentrate on what you see in front of you, what you smell in the air, what you are going to do next. Will you give it a try?" "Yes." I hugged her again and said, "Happy birthday, Mo. There are lots of people who love you." I kissed her on the cheek. .... Noon hour at the wall brought D., E., R. and Sparky. I was glad to see E. He is a small man, pale, with no front teeth and haunting gray eyes "We've met before , at the benches with Mo. You're looking well after what you've been through. J. said that your heart had stopped twice in the ambulance. She also mentioned that you had pneumonia. Do you remember her visiting you at the hospital?" "No, I don't remember her, but I was in a coma part of the time. So she came to see me?" "Yes, the nurse described your condition to her, and she sat at your bedside. She told us all how you were doing. It didn't sound good." "I only had two hours sleep. I was coughing all night. I still have the pneumonia. This is my third heart attack. I really have to take it easy. I'm still weak. Walking here from the Salvation Army to here, I had to stop for a rest six times." D. said to him, "Do you want a drink?" as he pulled out of his pocket a small bottle of vodka. "No, not that stuff. I got a few beers in my backpack for later." Sparky, who has a scar running from near his right eye through his upper lip, has yellow, uneven teeth, a very infections laugh and usually wears a dirty fedora with a brightly colored headband, said, " I had double pneumonia once. It was just after I got out of the haven (Millhaven Institution is a maximum security facility located in Bath, Ontario. The Institution opened in 1971 and can accommodate up to 413 inmates). D. said, "The worst place I've been in is Lindsay. Any of you guys been in Lindsay? (The Central East Correctional Centre (as known colloquially as the Lindsay Superjail) is a medium/maximum security prison located in Lindsay, Ontario. It has recently been rebuilt.) I was in a cell with two black guys. There were only two bunks so I lay down o the floor. "No man! Take my bunk. We're cool with anishnabs (slang for a member of the Anishinabe Nation). I'll sleep on the floor." "So I take the bunk. Next morning he says to me, 'You had the bunk, so now I get your breakfast.' I was hungry, hadn't eaten since lunch the day before, but I said, 'You can have my breakfast, but you're not getting my lunch.' Shortly after I was transferred out of there." E. said, "One guy asked for my breakfast and I said sure. I hit him in the face with it. "You can eat my breakfast, tray and all.'" "In Lindsay they still had ceramic toilets. We took a sheet and tied it in knots every foot or so. Then we flushed it knot by knot. Before the last knot we pulled back hard and the toilet in the cell next to us exploded. I think they've changed everything since then. Replaced the ceramic with stainless steel. If you busted one of them ceramic toilets you could make a mean shank (knife). That ceramic can be really sharp." Sparky said, "The Don Jail is bad too!" (a provincial jail for remanded offenders in the city of Toronto, Ontario, Canada). "I remember twenty-eight of us were transferred in the Grey Goose from there to Penetang (The Central North Correctional Centre, a maximum security prison located in Penetanguishene, Ontario, Canada.) The driver, we called him Goofy, gave smokes to everybody." "I've been in the Don Jail," said R, who is missing a front tooth. "I remember this black guy. He was about E.'s height, about five feet something, but his shoulders were about four feet wide. He had his own hour in the gym. I saw him bench 625. Everybody was afraid of him. He pretty much kept to himself. "I said, 'I'll go over and talk to him.' The others said I was crazy. I went over and said, excuse me, do you mind if I talk to you? He said, 'Sure, man. Have a seat on the bench. Do you want to smoke some hash.' Everything was cool from then on." The others said, "Ya, it was always easy to get drugs in the Don." Sparky smiled and said, "You guys hear that the price of sherry is going up. Last time I was at the liquor store I asked the clerk for the telephone number of their head office. He gave it to me. I was real polite when I phoned, I said 'Sir, I've heard that the price of sherry is going up. I happen to drink Imperial and I would appreciate it if you wouldn't raise the price of that particular brand.' All the other sherries went up, except for Imperial." "You did good, Sparky! Way to go!" Handshakes all around. Sparky laughed. It's great to see him laugh. 9 February 2012 This morning as I was walking along the sidewalk, approaching the spot where I usually meet Mo, I saw two feet sticking out from behind a concrete partition. Before I went to the restaurant for Mo's bagel and tea I wanted to make sure it was her. Lately her visits have been sporadic and if she's not there another person may take over her spot. I saw a head peek out, then go back. I walked closer. The head peeked out again, then I saw Mo's smiling face and her hand waving. She had been playing peek-a-boo. Mo had been drinking. "Do you like me better when I'm sober, or when I've been drinking?" "Mo, I like you however you are." "I'm going to have to move. C. and I had a big fight last night, mostly over his coke-head girlfriend. I could have had some last night, But I said, 'No, thanks.' What does that say about me? There is a word for it." "It says you have will power." "F. will be out of prison in eight months. My parole officer said he was sentenced to eighteen months, but with time already served and time off for good behavior he could be out in October." A man stopped, pulled out his change purse and handed us each a quarter. "Bless you, sir." I said. Mo said to me under her breath. "What does he expect us to do with this? Make a phone call? Thant's what it costs now to use a pay phone. I couldn't believe it. "I miss my boys so much, and I miss my mom. I feel bad that I haven't lived my life the way she wanted. She was happy though when I was making big money, even if it was illegal. I just want to talk to her." "You can Mo. Just talk to her. She can hear you. It's not a question of being good or bad, right or wrong; but about choices and consequences. It was choices that brought you here. It was choices that brought me here." "Sometimes, I just scream at her. I don't look like her or my father. I was the youngest of eleven children. I was born with blond hair and blue eyes; my sisters and brothers are all dark. I got a lot of abuse growing up, especially from my father's side of the family. "I asked my mom one day if I was adopted, or if I was maybe the mailman's baby, or something. She said we found you in a cabbage patch. You sere so cute we decided to bring you home and keep you. "I found out later that I was meant to be aborted. My father had the cash in an envelope. My grandfather slit it open and ran off with the money. He came back eventually. "When I was two years old my grandfather took me out to the woodshed. There was a tree limb in the shed. He chained me, hung me up, then he punched me and did things to me. It happened again when I was four, with my father and my uncle "Bugless". His real name is Douglas. I hate him so much for what he did to me. "One time my mother saw him coming and she told me to run as fast as I could.. I went to one of the tree forts we had built in the forest. “I can get so cold sometimes. I just hate people, especially men. Why do they have to be so…? “There’s a lot that can be said for dogs.” I replied, referring to a quote by Mark Twain. Silent tears had been streaming down Mo’s cheeks, but she started laughing. “Now I can take care of myself. Since 1995 I’ve been taking kick boxing. The owner of the studio drives a Hummer to advertise his business.” A lady stopped and offered both of us a chocolate chip cookie. “Bless you, ma’am.” I said. “She’s okay. I’m careful about what food I accept. There was one guy who used to bring me fruit. Fruit’s okay. I like fruit. One day he brought me a home made muffin. After I ate it I felt a buzz like I’d had four hits of LSD. I was able to make it to the Mission. That was the only place I could think of to go. I was able to lie down and eventually it wore off. “I miss my boys, but I can’t go back to Toronto. I have two outstanding assault charges against me. In 1007 I was pushing a carriage with my two babies in it. A woman ran by and dropped a plastic bag into the carriage. Before I could do anything one of the babies had the bag and was chewing on the corner. There was white powder all over his mouth. It was cocaine. "The woman was running from the police. I caught up with her and beat her unconscious. Can you imagine, throwing cocaine into a baby carriage? I mentioned that I had been to “the heater” yesterday and had a long talk with A. I said that he was really a sweet man. “He is so sweet. All the women take advantage of him except me. I’ve been here thirty years. I’m not going to turn over a friend. He was drinking with B. one time and he fell backwards down fourteen concrete steps. He was in a coma for a while. His memory isn’t so good any more. “He had a nice house on Augusta and he gets pension checks, so he always has money. Four of us were at The Prestige Hotel one time. They know me there, so everything was cool. R. took A.’s bank card to the beer store. He was gone in the morning and A.’s account had been cleaned out. Some of them blamed me for it but A. said, 'I know it wasn’t Mo, I saw R. take my card.' We haven't seen R. since, but he'll be back in the summer." 8 February 2012 When I got off the bus this morning I was greeted by Grant and Steve who hand out the free Metro newspaper. “Good morning, Dale!” they both shouted (They never remember my name). "Mo’s here today!” I was pleased since I hadn’t seen her in four days. I brought her toasted sesame seed bagel, steeped tea with one cream and three sugars. “How’ve you been, Mo?” “My legs are sore from fibromyalgia, apart from that I’m okay.” "How did court go, Friday?” “I don't know what happened. I didn’t go back. That’s probably why my probation officer wants to see me this morning. I'm also A.W.O.L. from the hospital.” “When you were living in Toronto you were married and had five children. Is that right? When did things start to go wrong for you?” ”Well I was living common law, but it wasn’t a happy time for me. I have five sons, M., born in 1984, is now living on his own. C. was born in 1990, J. in 1992, K. in 1996 and D. in 1997. They’re all living with family. They all have my telephone number, but they don’t phone very often. I don’t interfere with their lives. They’re settled now. No point me barging in. “Nothing was ever good between me and my common law husband. K. saw his father come at me with a machete, no it was a hatchet! He chopped my leg! "My life has always been messed up. My grandfather was a freak. My father was a freak. I got along really well with my mother, in fact she was my best friend, until I got into drugs. Then she threw me out. I'd finished grade eight and was fourteen at the time. "When I started making good money she was friendly enough! I bought her a house. My boys thought of her as their mom, until she passed away. God bless her soul." At that point A. arrived. I said hello to him. He looked at Mo and rubbed his thumb and fingers together indicating that he wanted money. "I know, I owe B. money. This is the first time I haven't paid him as soon as my check came in, but I was in hospital. I signed the check over to C., who deposited it in the bank. The landlord took the rent money out and there's nothing left. A. said, "Niaut". Mo replied, "Niaut. That's Inuit for good-bye." she said to me. "B. can wait for his money." A. then walked away. I asked Mo if A. was Inuit. "No, he just seems to hang out with a lot of Inuit women. They go out together. He gets drunk and they "dig" (rob) him. I asked him if he ever gets anything. He said no. Next time he sees them, they're all friends again. I can't figure these guys. They'd be better off with a twenty dollar hooker. "A couple of them have full blown HIV. Little F. was drunk and his girlfriend threw him out. He passed out in the snow. Somehow he rolled over onto a "fit" (rig or hypodermic needle). That's how he got HIV." It was time for me to leave, and Mo mentioned that she had to pee, so I walked her to the library. I noticed that she was limping. "I didn't notice you limping on Friday." "No, Friday it was okay." We hugged and Mo said, "Don't forget that Sunday is my birthday." "I remember, February 12. Will you be at "the heater" later on?" I said as we parted. "No, after my meeting, I'm going home." At noon the sun was shining and the temperature was a relatively mild, minus 2 degrees Celsius (28.4 degree Fahrenheit). I walked to "the heater" and noticed Irwin and A. I can hardly count Irwin, since he was laying on his back, his head on his knapsack, sound asleep. I said to A. He must have had a rough night." "He's tired, that's all." A large man with a big smile and a missing front tooth came over. A. introduced him as R. "Where you been, R? I haven't seen you for a long time." "I just got out of jail." "What for?" "A Metro store. No more boosting for me. I just got out of jail today." "You got some money for me?" "I already paid you fifteen dollars. There's nobody around that I owe money to. Not until tomorrow, anyway." "I was just kidding, I know you paid me. You want to come to my house?" A. playfully kicked R.'s shin. "No, I'm just going to hang out for a while." R. walked to the stairs where other people were sitting. I could hear them talking and laughing. "I came by bus downtown this morning and had breakfast at the Salvation Army. It was a good breakfast. Then I did my run, visited some friends -- five people. I took the bus home, then came back here. See all the bus transfers I have. "I think I'm going to have my last beer." He opened a large can of Old Milwaukee. "I haven't had any beer for three days. "I was born across the river in old Quebec. I'm 63 years old now and I've never been in hospital. I wasn't even born in hospital. I was born at home. I nearly drowned though. My brother and I were swimming in a lake. I dove in and hit my head on a rock. I didn't know where I was. My brother reached down into the water and pulled me up by my hair, otherwise, I would have drowned. "I read cards, you know. My first wife showed me how. I read a lady's cards the other day and I said to her, 'Someone you love very deeply is sick. 'Yes,' she said, 'my husband has cancer.'" A.'s eyes welled up with tears. "I hate it." "You know B.? I read his cards once and I saw three deaths. There was Jacques, Andre and I can't remember the third one. I don't know how it happens, but I hate it. "Soon, I'm going to go home, smoke a little weed and listen to 98.6, Rouge FM. They play nice music, about 75% English songs, the rest is French. "You smoke a bit, I guess?" "Not really, I mean sometimes. I have problems with paranoia, so it depends on who I'm smoking with; but yes, It's nice to relax." "Friends are really important." "I agree, they're the most important, sometimes. If we have friends we have someone who will help us make it through the day, and sometimes through the night." "Well I'm off now. I'm going to see my dealer. He has a big bag for me." I walked him to the corner. 3 February 2012 I can only describe today as unbelievable. I was expecting to meet with Irwin at “the heater”, so I stopped by the liquor store to buy his favorite, Imperial sherry. He had shared with me, so I felt it only fair to share with him. I walked to “the heater” -- it was deserted. I walked to the park benches -- also deserted. I started heading back along Elgin Street towards work when I saw a slim, beautiful woman waving at me. I can only describe her as “drop dead gorgeous”. I turned around to see if there was someone behind me that she was waving at. She called out, “Dennis!” The woman’s hair was dark in a stylish pixie cut, teased and gelled in the latest fashion. She wore a fitted tweed jacket, slim jeans, designer sunglasses and tasteful makeup. I wasn’t wearing my glasses, but when I came closer I realized it was Mo. I said, “Mo, you look beautiful! You sure do scrub up good!” “Well, don’t let anybody else know. I’m dressed like this for court. I appeared this morning and F. pleaded innocent. “I was called to the witness stand and said, 'What do you want me to say? You’ve seen the video, the hospital reports, statements from people who saw me bruised and beaten with broken bones. What else is there?' “Anyway, I have to go back at two o’clock. I don’t know what is going to happen.” We went to the food court in the building where I work. I found an unoccupied table and asked Mo to wait so I could go to my office and get the get the pair of boots I had for for her. When I came back I felt like Prince Charming sliding the boot onto Mo’s foot. Like Cinderella, a perfect fit. I went over to the shoemakers to get a pair of thermal insoles, since Mo had been complaining of having cold feet. We had about ten minutes to chat before I had to go back to work. Mo had spent the last week in hospital for epileptic seizures that she admits are due to her drinking. She hadn’t liked the hospital food and had dropped to 123 pounds. I also learned that her birthday is February 12, 1966. She looks surprisingly young for a mother of five. She was born in Scarborough, part of Toronto. Her mother was French, her father a mix of English and Ojibwa (or metis). "Especially because of my blue eyes, I'm often told that I'm not indian enough." We hugged as we parted and I left her with the bottle of sherry. I don’t think I will ever be able to look at her the same way again. She is a true Cinderella story -- emerging from behind a dumpster in back of Starbucks to the beautiful, confident woman she is today. We'll be meeting again Monday. 2 February 2012 Today, the sun was shining. Temperature was -5 degrees Celsius (23 degrees Fahrenheit). Ice sculptures were on display outdoors at the Lord Elgin Hotel. At "the heater" (or "the wall") were Sparky, Irwin, J., H. and later M. I asked Sparky how he was doing. He replied, "I'll be great once I get this drunk on." I talked to Irwin about his birthplace, Bella Bella (also known as Waglisla), on Campbell Island. I had researched it on the Internet. "Ya man, It's grown since I've been there, but it's beautiful. That's God's country out there. The only way in is by boat or plane. The ferries may run there, but I'm not sure since that one tipped over a few years back. When I was a kid we used to have races, through the forest for a mile or so, around things, over things, under things, through the swamp then swim the last part. I was fast. We really had fun. J. mentioned that she had visited E. in the hospital yesterday. J. is very sweet and motherly looking with shoulder length white hair. "He doesn't look good. Besides the heart attack he has pneumonia. He has a nurse twenty-four hours a day, sitting at his side. She told me all the details of his condition. He died twice, but they brought him back. He's got tubes coming out of everywhere and one down his throat because he can't breathe on his own. He looks like a robot. They have him in an induced coma. They want to bring him back slow." "I had double pneumonia one time." said Sparky. "That's really bad. You can die from that. My martial arts trainer was with me and gave me a shot of whiskey every hour. "I took karate, taekwondo, kick boxing and boxing. I knew that stuff even before I went to the pen." "I have a red belt in jiu jitsu." said Irwin as he took my wrist and elbow putting it in a position where he could either throw me or break my arm. "My hands are considered weapons. Even these steel toed boots are considered weapons. The police told me that. They could see the markings on the sides. "A friend got me these boots, he said if you ever need boots let me know. I went to him and the next day he brought me these. They cost $300 and they're really warm. H., a large man with a beard, reached into his back pack and pulled out two small gift boxes and a heart-shaped tin of chocolate covered toffees. He gave them to J. She opened the boxes and showed everyone. In the first box was a necklace with a silver pendant and two stud earrings with pink stones. In the second box was a necklace with a black rectangular stone. "H.!" she said, "How long have you known me?" "Six years, maybe." "In all that time didn't you notice that my ears aren't pierced? I guess now I'll have to have them done. "I'm going to the "Sheps" (Shepherd's of Good Hope) soon to get my meds. My worker had them sent there. Irwin said to H., "You're barred from there aren't you?" "I'm barred for life. I hit two staff. They reported me and I was sent down for sixty days. I'm up on another charge coming to court soon. I hit someone. I don't know who. I was drunk." "Has anybody got a comb. I've gone three days without combing my hair." Henry reached into his backpack and pulled out a comb. "That's my comb, H. Now go easy, start from the bottom and go up, I've got a lot of tangles." H. gently combed out J's shoulder length, white hair. "J., I went to your place the other night, but you weren't there. I had five bottles of wine with me, so I just stayed there and got pickled. Do you know that your building was raided? If your room mates have any needles laying around you could get arrested just for being there. I don't think you should go back." At that point M. arrived with two litres (quarts) of Molson Ice Beer. "Where's E.?" she questioned. "I came all this way to see him and he's not here." "Don't you know that he's in hospital?" said H. "I was with him when it happened. We were at McDonalds. We had cheese burgers and each of us had a bottle of wine with us. We drank it right there at McDonalds. Then E. just slumped over in his chair. Somebody called an ambulance." J. said to Sparky, "I had a couple of joints earlier, but I could really use a drink. Will you give me a drink?" "Not now, maybe later. "Sparky!" Irwin said, "If you don't give J. a drink now, I won't give you a drink later." He pulled a bottle of Imperial sherry from his back pack. To me he said, "We always share with everybody, I don't know what's gotten into Sparky." He passed the bottle around and we each took a swig. "Very good!" I said, "This is what you were telling me about the other day." (Medium amber colour; aromas of walnuts, caramel and figs; sweet and creamy along with flavours of brown sugar. Has a slightly impetuous bouquet. I can imagine it served with pecan pie.) Irwin opened a bag of Cheezies and offered some to J. "Are you crazy! You'll ruin your buzz. I'm trying to hang onto my stone. I'm not going to ruin it just because of munchies. "I'm allowed back on Dalhousie Street now. I was banned for six months. I haven't been causing any trouble. I just get drunk. I woke up at B.'s place and asked her if I had any money. She checked and said, I still had fifty bucks. That was a relief!" It was time for me to get back to work, so I excused myself, said my good byes and to Irwin, "Maybe, I'll see you tomorrow." He shook my hand and we parted. 1 February 2012 Today was a learning experience. The weather was what the meteorologists called "freezing fog". I walked to "the heater" where I saw A. and a woman. A., I had met the previous day, the woman I had seen, but we hadn't been introduced. A. said to the woman, "C., this is ... What did you say your name is?" "I'm Dennis." I shook A's hand then extended it to C. She withheld her hand and said, "What are you doing here?" "I'm here to visit friends. I was hoping Mo would be here." A. was very friendly and talkative. The previous day he hadn't said a word. "He's alright, C., he was here yesterday talking with Irwin." C. may have noticed my "Shepherd's of Good Hope" bag. She said, "There was a man who was barred from "The Shepherd's of No Hope," The Salvation Army and the Mission. The temperature was -40 degrees. No place would let him in. He froze to death standing up, leaning against the brick wall of the Shepherd's." "Why was he barred?" I asked. "It doesn't matter why he was barred! Nobody should be forced to freeze to death!" "I agree." A., in a kindly voice, broke the awkward silence, "C. and I have been friends for a long time -- on the wagon and off. I was sober for 10 years. That's when I was with I., an Inuit woman. When she died four years ago I fell off the wagon." "I'm sorry to hear that." I said. "I don't like your voice!" said C. "I'm sorry, I won't talk." "It's not your voice I don't like, it's the tone. It's clinical and condescending." "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come across that way." A. went on with his stories. He mentioned that he lives on Chapel Street, that he likes British Columbia pot, that he used to be a drug dealer. "A., don't give away personal information." To me she said, "I don't like you!" "Would you like me to leave." I said. "Yes!" "Goodbye, A. Goodbye C." Today I learned that even the agencies whose sole purpose is to help the poor, the destitute and the homeless can be seen as the enemy. I learned that I will always be an outsider to homeless people. I haven't had their experiences. I don't blend. I am humble. I only want to help, but those who don't know me may not always see that. I must show more sensitivity. Tomorrow, I hope to have a more positive experience, but I have learned from today. |
| 3. January, 2012: Conversations with Friends | ID #746788 |
| Posted: 2-10-2012 @ 5:38 pm EST Edited: 2-12-2012 @ 3:33 pm EST | |
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31 January 2012 It’s snowing today. Irwin and A. were the only ones at “the heater”. A. didn’t speak much. Irwin said there had been about eight there earlier, but they left at around 11:00 am. Irwin is a member of the Heiltsuk Nation from the town of Bella Bella on Campbell Island, British Columbia. With a population of 1,400, Bella Bella is the largest community to be found on the Central Coast north of Queen Charlotte Strait. Irwin loved living in British Columbia even though it rained most of the time. “I’d never go back there. The memories are too painful.” He played hockey and baseball for several native teams, the “Odd Socks” (they wore one black sock, one white sock) and the “Red Eyes” (because they partied so much). He rose to the “A" Division and has been “carded" which prevents him from playing in either the “B” or “C" Division. Irwin has two sons aged 12 and 14. One wants to be a mechanic. At present he is content with model railroading. The other wants to play professional hockey. Irwin’s advice to him is, “Make sure you get an option.” I understand that to mean that he should not sign a contract without the option to renegotiate at some future date. Irwin’s girlfriend, M., is of Lebanese descent. Her family is supportive of Irwin because they can see he is trying to put his life in order. They’ve even said to him, “If you want to drink, why don’t you drink in our house, instead of going outside?” “I couldn’t do that! When I start drinking I don’t know what’s going to happen. I might do something really bad. I’ve cut back though. I used to drink eight or ten bottles a day of the really sweet sherry. I’d get a real sugar rush. Now I’ve switched to Imperial, which is dry. I’m down to one bottle of sherry and two bottles of beer a day. I don’t shake as much, but I still have the dry heaves in the morning until I get some alcohol into my system. I stay away from fire water. I just can’t handle it. "I used to work for a long haul furniture mover. I’ve been across this country six or seven times. The only province I haven’t seen is Prince Edward Island. We were nearly killed on one trip. We had driven for forty-six hours straight when my boss, who was driving, nodded off. As he was heading toward the ditch I yelled, ‘Wake up!’ He did just in time to steer the truck back on to the highway. "I’m bi-polar and schizophrenic, but I’m not taking any medication for it. I feel I’m strong enough to deal with this on my own. I’m not racist, but I have no faith in white man’s medicine. My doctor prescribed Valium, but it’s harmful for me to take it while I’m drinking. So that’s no good." I asked where a person could learn about native culture. I’ve heard of the Native Friendship Centre and asked if non-native people would be welcomed there. “Of course, that’s why they call it a friendship centre. “M. and I wanted to go out for dinner one night and we went to a native club on Rideau Street. They wouldn’t let M. in because she isn’t native. I was so mad! I said, ‘She’s with me. Why can’t she come in?'" It was time for me to go back to work. Irwin said it was time for him to get a drink. His head was starting to feel funny. I shook hands with A. and Irwin. Even though Irwin has suffered much pain in his life he has an infectious smile. Seeing his smile warmed my heart. 30 January 2012 At "the heater" today were Sparky, B., C., Irwin, M. and S. B. gestured across the street and said, "Sparky and me were on the bench earlier, but the wind was too frosty." There is a lot of construction happening downtown, high rise office towers going up. We heard two loud blasts of what sounded like a steam whistle. "I think that's dynamite." said B. as he looked around. "We should hear two more whistle blasts." Sure enough the whistle blasts came, then the rumble of the explosion. I asked if Mo had been by, since I hadn't seen her this morning. B. said that he hadn't seen her today, but had seen her on the weekend. She and some friends were at his house playing cards, rolling dice and watching a movie. "I like the fresh air." said B. "I don't smoke cigarettes and the smoke bothers my eyes. I have two dogs, a beagle and a black lab. They had to breathe that air. The cigarette and pot smoke was so thick that I think they got stoned." B. had a hash pipe that he had carved and drilled from a rock. He and Sparky passed it back and forth until Sparky had a coughing fit. I asked B. if he had carved the pipe from soapstone. He said he had done in the past, but soapstone gets too hot, also when heated it gives off gasses that are unhealthy. S. rode in on his bicycle. He shook hands all around then said, "B., you're looking healthy." B. held up a pop bottle that held an opaque liquid, "This is what keeps me healthy. I make it myself with raisins, rice, sugar, yeast and water. It takes thirteen days to make, but after ten I find it's okay. I have it worked out that I have a different batch (three bottles) ready every day. This is 10% alcohol. If I were to buy this at the liquor store I'd have to pay $10.00." He passed the bottle to S., "You've really improved. This tastes a lot better than what you made before. Since you're making your own, you have more money for food." B. patted his stomach, "I like to take care of my belly. When I make this wine I can use the raisins and the rice twice. I've always wanted to give the raisins to someone who could make muffins for me. I think they would be good. Usually I just give them to my dogs. It makes them drunk for awhile." "You could pass for Santa Claus." "I'd like to grow my beard like ZZ Top. I trim it sometimes to try to make it grow, but this is the best I can do. Claude shaved his off last summer and look at it now It's already longer than mine. I've been asked to play Santa Claus, but I can't do it when I'm drunk. Anyway, I wouldn't want some screaming kid hanging around my neck, slobbering. I'd tell him to go away." C. asked Sparky, "Do you have any water?" "I have some juice." "No," said B. "C. likes his with water." To me he said, "C. mixes rubbing alcohol with water. That's what he drinks." "Isn't that hard on the stomach?" "It's his choice. I don't judge. I just come here every day to see my friends and see who's alive. Last Tuesday, or was it Wednesday, E. had a heart attack. He's in the hospital now. We never know. "Where I live now, It's near Dow's Lake. I can drink beer in the park all day long, Nobody can find me. The parks near here, they patrol all the time." S. said,"They stopped me and a friend the other day and asked us what we were doing. I said I just broke up with my girl friend and was taking a walk. They asked if I had anything on me. I said a friend of mine had a bottle but he's gone now. They went away then. Actually I had some pot and a bottle with me but they couldn't see it. If they had they would have asked me to leave. It was time for me to go back to work. I shook hands all around and said, "Maybe I'll see you tomorrow. If you see Mo tell her I have some boots for her." 29 January 2012 This is what the poor, the disabled and the elderly are learning from one another: better to teach than to hate; better to talk than turn away; better to see another human being in trouble than to deny your humanity; better to remember I may be just a handicap away from being you. Even in extremes, I'm trying to reach you. From the book, "dispatches from the poverty line" by Pat Capponi. 29 January 2012 tonight the air is colder than ever their way to home empty boxes and backdoor castles too many nights alone there's a northern wind around me a blowing and they'll be here tomorrow waiting in the places I'd forgotten - with a smile and hand for holding..... by Tornado Day 27 January 2012 No Place Freezing rain, piercing wind, streets and walkways treacherous for driving or walking. Pedestrians hide under umbrellas, bustling to work -- except for one man sitting on the sidewalk, his back to a building, his head bowed. Ice cakes his parka, his pants. He has no place to go. 22 January 2012 there you are an almost stranger who am I to take your hand what I give is almost nothing - but the heart to hear and understand. you've told me of being abused, beaten, stabbed with a machete, making choices that proved harmful to yourself and others. when I look into your sparking blue eyes I see a full range of emotions, happiness, frustration, pain and sorrow, but, always love. an inspiration to me, and to anyone fortunate enough to know you. to have arisen from behind a dumpster to living in a clean, safe house, your life in order, on your own, is truly commendable. I am proud of what you have accomplished, proud to call you my friend. please, take my hand. I would like to introduce you to a wider audience so that they too can take inspiration and see the miracle that is your love, that is you. 19 January 2012 This morning, in the freezing cold, Mo was huddled in a sleeping bag with only her face showing. Her feet were nearly frozen from sitting on the sidewalk for two hours. She's been in hospital for the past two months due to epileptic seizures. She'd cut back on her medication because she wasn't having any symptoms, then the seizures hit. Her doctor has upped her meds, now she feels "spinny". She didn't have a pleasant time in hospital, in fact she went A.W.O.L. The nurses tried to get her to stay but she had an altercation with a woman. Mo said, "Either I'm out of her, or I'm going to hit her. In which case I'll be going to jail and she'll be in my hospital bed." Tuesday, Mo was scheduled to appear in court due to Frank having assaulted her. Frank pled guilty, but they didn't tell Mo until she appeared in court. She was in a wheel chair.n She wonders what kind of a deal they offered Frank. She's not overly concerned as long as he's out of her life. I spoke to Mo about the possbility of me writing a story about her and her friends. She thought that was a great idea. We'll talk more about it tomorrow. |
| 2. 2011: Conversations With Friends | ID #746838 |
| Posted: 2-11-2012 @ 11:46 am EST Edited: 2-12-2012 @ 6:40 pm EST | |
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23 December 2011 I saw Mo this morning. Snow was falling and she looked like a snow covered Buddha. It's the first time I've seen her since she's been back. She tripped over C.'s dog going down the stairs and broke her tail bone. She's in extreme pain. We also talked about her friends, prostitutes, who had been murdered. I had researched newspaper articles about them: Kelly Morriseau, 27, and pregnent found naked and bleeding in a parking lot near Gatineau Park in 2006. She died in hospital and an autopsy showed she had been stabbed at least a dozen times while trying to fight off her attacker. Pamela Kosmack, murdered June 4, 2008. Jennifer Stewart, 36, was found dead in a Vanier parking lot, August 2010. Leanne Lawson was found dead in a parking lot near King Edward Avenue in September. Mo said, "I used to do that, but I no longer have an expensive habit to maintain, so I don't do it any more." I hugged her and said "I'm glad you don't do that any more." With her breakfast I gave her a twenty dollar bill. I said, "Have a few joints on me and have a Merry Christmas." She laughed, "That's probably what I'll use it for." She gave me a big hug, "Have a Merry Christmas." 24 November 2011 Mo and Me You appeared to me sitting on the sidewalk dressed in rags without shoes (they'd been stolen at a womens shelter). I saw your blackened eyes, your broken nose, heard the stories of the boyfriend who had beaten you. I've seen the scars where you'd cut your arms. I learned from you how to give from my heart and feel true joy. I learned not to judge people by appearances alone. I learned that my problems were insignificant compared to those of others, yet, you listened with patience and compassion as I wept. Most importantly, I learned how to love unconditionally. Now, you've disappeared. Your spot on the sidewalk remains empty. My heart aches thinking you are sick, or have come to harm. I now realize you are an angel. I was told you were (by someone who knows about these things). I pray and believe that you're performing your angelic duties at another location, helping others in need as you have helped me. 21 November 2011 Mo and Me Mornings aren't the same without your smiling face to welcome and greet me. I miss our conversations most of all, I miss your hugs. There's an empty space on the sidewalk, and in my heart, where I've grown accustomed to your cheerful presence and our times together. Up and down the street I've asked vendors and other pan handlers if they know your whereabouts. They've neither seen nor heard from you, for the past several weeks. They say you've been sick, saw you throwing up in the alley. I'm worried and afraid for you. You are always in my prayers. I miss you, my special friend. 21 November 2011 This morning I spoke to Greg. I asked him if he had seen Mo lately, or had heard anything about her, "No man, I haven't seen her for weeks and weeks. I know she was sick. I saw her throwing up out back of the restaurant. She's a nice lady. We've talked together a lot. She's only 46, you know. She has four kids. I think two of them are in Toronto." I'm woried about Mo, but I have no way to contact her, no way to find out her condition. All I can do is 13 November 2011 When I read the line, " those who cannot ever be understood." I think of Mo. I listen to her and watch her moods, but I'm sure I'll never make sense of the decisions she makes or how she lives her life. She does appreciate me listening though. She has said so. 10 November 2011 It's been nearly two weeks since I've seen Maureen. I know I shouldn't worry, she sets her own schedule. Perhaps, she's won the lottery. Perhaps, her parole violations have caught up with her. She's an adult. Her choices are her own. 7 November 2011 My friend, Giovanni, greets me with a salute and a bow (it's his way). I am very glad to see him and very honored. I don't see him very often, he has his own schedule, not necessarily corresponding with mine. He is a free spirit. Through dark glasses he sees the world (so not to offend). He is very conscious that his appearance may cause concern. He wears a beard, his clothes are ragged, all his belongings follow him in a shopping cart. He feels uncomfortable in enclosed spaces, so he sleeps outdoors, summer and winter, on a park bench (with his friends the squirrels), when temperatures are well below freezing. He is not immune from assault, beatings (having his teeth kicked out), not because of what he does, but what he is, how he appears. I usually see him in front of the library, one of his favorite places. He likes to look at books and see pictures of kings and other people he has studied in school. Occasionally, he joins me for coffee. He tells me the most wondrous stories. Sometimes, I think he makes them up for my benefit. In any case I am honored. 2 November 2011 The Soup Kitchen The line forms at five o'clock, mostly long haired, bearded men wearing dirty winter coats, torn pants; some women with blackened eyes, some with missing teeth, each sliding a tray to be filled with a bowl of soup a hot meal assorted deserts. The television is on. Some stay for the evening reading, talking, playing cards. For the most part the evening is jovial, an occasional argument, fights are taken outside. I look on, wipe tables when people leave, take dirty dishes to the kitchen. Everyone is out by nine o'clock so that cots may be set up for those spending the night. Sleeping is crowded. Someone comes in late, starts punching the walls, fights break out because of snoring, someone tries to steal a cell phone -- a typical night at the soup kitchen. 12 October 2011 Mo and Me Love is amazing -- when we give it freely it doesn't diminish, it enriches our souls. Mo, is a panhandler (incapable of anything else), she is also my friend. Each morning (on my way to work) I eagerly anticipate her greeting and warm smile. I sit with her on the sidewalk, as witness to her blackened eyes. I listen to her stories of beatings and abuse, give comfort when she cries. "Tears are a sign of weakness" her father used to say. I bring her tea (cream and three sugars), a bagel with cream cheese, on mornings when frost is on the ground, and on the hearts, of most passers by. She gives to me her hand to hold, an attentive ear to my daily problems, and a hug (when a hug is needed). With her love, Mo has enriched my soul and filled my heart with tenderness. She has given me so much that I didn't know existed -- I am deeply in her debt. 7 October 2011 I saw Mo yesterday. The morning was see your breath cold. I met her as I got off the bus. She gave me a big hug, said it was too cold to sit on the sidewalk and she was going home. I asked her how things were working out with the kids. She told me that after she had given her notice of leaving to C., he told the other family to leave. Now it is just C., Mo and C.'s 14 year old son, who she gets along with very well. Mo and C. aren't a couple, there is someone else that Maureen is seeing. It had been so hard on Mo being left with the responsibility of somebody elses children. She wasn't being paid for it, or even thanked. The parents just neglected to care for them. The 5 year old girl hadn't had a change of underwear in four days. It's heartbreaking that some parents are allowed to have children. 4 October 2011 I was talking to Mo the other morning. She mentioned that she had an appointment in the afternoon with her parole officer who asked, "Will you be drunk?" Mo replied, "I don't know. We'll see." She is having problems with some of the kids where she is staying. As close as I can figure there are four adults and four kids (aged 5, 6, 13 and 14) staying in the one house. Mo does a lot of babysitting, cleaning and cooking. One of the kids said, "I don't have to do what you say, you can't hit me." Mo replied, "I can't hit you, but I know kids your age who can." I was surprised to see her on the sidewalk one morning when it was raining. She said she had to get away from the house because of the kids. 27 September 2011 I spoke with Mo this morning. She was in relatively good spirits, although she was having abdominal pain due to her period. Also, she thinks that she is beginning menopause. She's happy with her living arrangements, however C.'s son, who is in grade ten, will be moving into the house they share. How that will work out is uncertain. Her court case has been moved up to October 19. She's not overly worried about it because what she is charged with is a parole violation (I think). There will be a pre trial, then a trial, but her lawyer expects that it will eventually be thrown out of court. F., on the other hand has been charged with assault, assault with bodily harm and attempted murder. It's expected that he will be sent to the peneteniary for a long time. The next time C. sees F. he says he is going to kill him for what he did to Mo. 23 September 2012 I left my building, on my way to the gym (about a ten minute walk) and headed to a variety store where I regularly buy a couple of protein shakes, one for before and after my workout. In a doorway was Giovanni. He smiled and gave me a salute, like he always does. I shook his hand and said how glad I was to see him. I asked about his teeth, he said they were much better. I asked him if he would like a sandwich or a drink. He shook his pocket and I could hear change rattling. "I'm fine," he said, "someone gave me some money. I'll be okay." It always gives me such a good feeling to see him. As you have told me they are angels. I was very happy that he felt independence and pride. He didn't need my help. I said again how good it was to see him. "Likewise" he said with a smile and a salute. Then we parted. It is a shame that other people miss out on this, thinking of the homeless as being beneath them, a lower class, people to be ignored and shunned. I have you to thank for advising me how to approach Giovanni. He has become a real friend. We've shared much together, including wonderful stories, and I am richer for knowing him. 20 Sep 2011 This morning Mo was hyper, tense and a bit drunk. She made a comment to a woman passing by (I think it was one of our new lawyers), "Hey, Sweetheart, You need to get more of a tan!" The woman replied, "Thank you so much for the advice." Mo's bedroom ceiling wasleaking last night during a rain storm. It was dripping onto her air mattress. She kicked Carl off the couch (where he had passed out watching television) She is nervous about her court appearance Friday for an assault charge against F. Her lawyer expects the case to go in her favor, since Frank has been charged four times with assaulting Maureen. He is also well known to the police. He served one year last time, but it's expected that, with this latest charge, he will go to the penetentiary for a long stay. She was telling me that she has problems being in confined places with a lot of people. She was in a cell with four women who were very agitated and noisy. She checked herself into the psych. ward. She was content there, drawing with colored pencils. Then, another woman was brought in who screamed continually. She said, "I just lost it, man. (pointing to her head) I started stabbing myself in my private places with the colored pencils. Then they put me on suicide watch." 15 September 2011 This morning was interesting. I was approaching Mo, and was about to enter the restaurant where I buy her sausage, egg and cheese on an English muffin, when she waved at me and beckoned me to come over. She asked if she could change her order to a toasted sesame seed bagel with double cream cheese. (There is a point to this.) I returned with her bagel and sat next to her on the sidewalk. She smiled and began eating the bagel, "Lately, I love cream cheese. People ask me if I'm pregnant and I tell them that if I am I'll sue the doctor. "I've been having trouble eating sausage. It gives me severe heart burn. It's because I have this cage in my stomach -- Long story short, I used to be a crack dealer. I'd mix the crack with flavored spritzers, grape, strawberry and pink lemonade. I sell this guy a pink one, he gets a buzz, everything is great -- happy customer. Then he asks for another pink one. Look man, I only got purple and red, but it's all the same shit. He goes berserk and says I'm trying to rip him off. "He reaches in his coat and pulls out a saw toothed machete. He stabbed me in the stomach, then pulled it up through my ribs. My stomach was cut up so bat they had to reconstruct it. Now, I have this chicken wire cage holding everything together. They made a small upper chamber and a larger one below. Now, food goes into the small chamber where it's predigested. Sometimes it doesn't stay, it comes right back up. I have to be real careful what I eat." Maureen had to pee and asked if I would wait with her stuff. She said, Any change you make you can keep." When she returned she said that I looked really cool sitting there. (I didn't make any money, but I had a first hand view of pan handling on the street -- the dirty looks, averted eyes, One woman said, "Good luck." I think she meant it seriously. 14 September 2011 I had a long talk with Maureen, (Mo) this morning. Giovani was badly beaten as he slept on a park bench. Some guys came along and punched and kicked him for no reason leaving him with two broken ribs, a black eye, the side of his face purple and swollen. He also has a concussion. Now, he sleeps in another park with surveilance cameras. I think I've mentioned that Giovanni is a tiny man, he probably doesn't weigh a hundred pounds. I just feel sick thinking about him. Mo was interviewed for a documentary. It can be seen at: http://invisiblepeople.tv/blog/about/ Scroll down until you come to "Mo". It has audio, but at the library I can't hear it. Mo said she was a bit wasted at the time. 15 September 2011 This morning was interesting. I was approaching Mo, and was about to enter the restaurant where I buy her sausage, egg and cheese on an English muffin, when she waved at me and beckoned me to come over. She asked if she could change her order to a toasted sesame seed bagel with double cream cheese. (There is a point to this.) I returned with her bagel and sat next to her on the sidewalk. She smiled and began eating the bagel, "Lately, I love cream cheese. People ask me if I'm pregnant and I tell them that if I am I'll sue the doctor. "I've been having trouble eating sausage. It gives me severe heart burn. It's because I have this cage in my stomach -- Long story short, I used to be a crack dealer. I'd mix the crack with flavored spritzers, grape, strawberry and pink lemonade. I sell this guy a pink one, he gets a buzz, everything is great -- happy customer. Then he asks for another pink one. Look man, I only got purple and red, but it's all the same shit. He goes berserk and says I'm trying to rip him off. "He reaches in his coat and pulls out a saw toothed machete. He stabbed me in the stomach, then pulled it up through my ribs. My stomach was cut up so bat they had to reconstruct it. Now, I have this chicken wire cage holding everything together. They made a small upper chamber and a larger one below. Now, food goes into the small chamber where it's predigested. Sometimes it doesn't stay, it comes right back up. I have to be real careful what I eat." Mo had to pee and asked if I would wait with her stuff. She said, Any change you make you can keep." When she returned she said that I looked really cool sitting there. (I didn't make any money, but I had a first hand view of pan handling on the street -- the dirty looks, averted eyes, One woman said, "Good luck." I think she meant it seriously. 12 September 2011 Maureen was happy again today. She didn't have an exciting weekend, they just spent time organizing the house. Everything seems to be going well there. She was rubbing her hand and said, "Earl was drunk and acting like a bozo last week, so I gave him a shot in the head. I think I broke my hand again. I didn't go tho the hospital, but it really hurts. That and the arthritis in my knees. Cops tell me to get up, and I say to them, 'Where would you like me to sit, since I can't stand?' If it's not one thing, it's another." A letter for Mo came to E., who lives at the shelter where Mo use to be. The letter was from F., it had a dream catcher inside. F. doesn't know Maureen's new address and E. won't tell him. He apologized and said that he felt badly for nearly killing Maureen. He asked Maureen to appear in court for him and to change her testimony. He wants her to say that they were both just drunk and that Maureen doesn't remember what happened. M says that she still loves F., but she isn't willing to risk a charge of perjury or obstructing justice. That would only send her back to jail. Even if Frank goes to jail, he will be getting out some time and will be looking for Maureen. 2 September 2011 This morning Mo was crying and drinking sherry mixed with water. Her disability check was sent to the wrong address. There is a new resident at Cornerstone House who is driving her crazy. The resident is eighteen years old and does nothing but talk to herself. Mo is hoping to move to a friend's basement in the near future. She has cracked cartiledge in her nose with a gash across the bridge, two black eyes and pneumonia in both lungs. F., Mo's lover (who is 6'3" and weighs over 200 pounds) punched her in the face when she wouldn't give him oral sex (she couldn't breath through her nose because of the pneumonia). He left her on the sidewalk in a pool of blood. A month ago he kicked her to the point that her whole right side was bruised, she had two cracked and two fractured ribs. In both cases she phoned the police, so hopefully this time he will be in jail a long time. I sat with her, gave her a big hug and let her vent. She was very pleased with her gift from you and asked if the earplugs glowed in the dark. 14 June 2011 The good news is that Mo has started to pee again. She thinks that she will only be require dialysis for another week. Her biggest fear is infection from some of the shelters where she has to sleep. She has a place for now, so I hope things go well. 13 June 2011 Mo has been evicted from the place she was living because, while in hospital, she couldn't pay her rent. Her furniture, and other belongings, were all put on the lawn. She tried some of the shelters, but said that they were disgusting. She is staying with, as she called them, "so called friends". They told her that she had to bring home $30.00 today or they would throw her out. She had been sitting on the sidewalk since 6:00 am ( through the rain) and only had $10.00 in her cap. I bought her tea and breakfast. There is only so much I can do. 8 February 2011 I'm so excited!! When I saw Greg this morning he had a big smile and held out his hand for me to shake (he's never done that before.) When I took his hand he said "You've become a god to me." Then he said,"I'll have a sausage mcmuffin today with hot chocolate." I'm scheduled to work at the Shepherds again this Saturday. 10 January 2011 Walking the few blocks to work I met Sam. I introduced my self and asked if he wanted breakfast or a coffee. "Yes, please!" We went to the restaurant where he ordered cheese and tomato on a bagel, and a small coffee. I mentioned that I worked at the Shepherd's. "I go there for the noon meal. They have really good food. "I have a place to live, but no money. I used to work as a data entry operator, but I was having problems with my eyes and my fingers weren't working properly. Too much data entry will do that. Also, I was being harassed at work (he appeared to be Middle Eastern). It's hard finding work. "Thanks, Dennis. I really appreciate this." "Your welcome Sam, most people don't realize how close they are to the place that you are in now. I've been there. "Perhaps, I'll see you tomorrow." .... I saw Maureen for the first time since Christmas. I was so glad to see her. When I sat down beside her I noticed that she had a black eye and other bruises on her face. I put my arm around her and said, "I guess your boyfriend came back?" "He came back, but he's in jail now. I had a real shitty Christmas. Pardon the language." "Are you hungry? Do you want a coffee or anything else?" "No thanks, I've eaten breakfast and have had three cups of coffee. I could use some girl stuff." "I'd be glad to help you with that, but there aren't any stores close by." "That's okay, I'll make out." "Have a good day. I love you Maureen." "I love you, Dennis. You're really special." That was the first fifteen minutes of my morning. I felt very good knowing I was making a difference, however small, to their lives. They know that not everyone is against them. 7 January 2011 I talked to Greg today. He had already eaten breakfast and only wanted a hot chocolate. He was very talkative. I asked him how he liked the shelter. "It's very crowded and noisy, a lot of arguments. That area is the worst in town for drugs and prostitution. A guy came in drunk and started punching the walls. Another fight started because someone was snoring and another because someone tried to steal a cell phone. "At least, when I get picked up by the cops, I know I'll be safe." 6 January 2011 Squirrels in Winter Have you ever worried about squirrels in winter? I see them climb over snowdrifts with their bare paws -- they have no winter boots. I see them stop to tuck their tiny front paws into their armpits for warmth -- they have no mitts. When it rains I see them huddle under trees, they still get soaked -- they have no raincoats. They have no pants, no dresses, no hats, no warm winter coats, no shelter or fires to warm their bodies. Even the homeless men sleeping on sidewalks have sleeping bags to keep them warm. Squirrels have nothing. Still they remain cheery, hopping about gathering nuts, Who knew it was such a hard life for squirrels in winter? 5 January 2011 I had a long talk with Giovanni today. I showed him pictures of my granddaughter, Olivia and he really seemed to open up. "I have family too, you know." "Where are they?" "All over." "But seeing pictures of your granddaughter, babies are like animals. I don't mean like animals, but we are all animals. We call a lion an animal and a man a person, but we are all animals. I feel sorry for the animals, especially the squirrels. They have no mitts, no pants, no dress. I see them with their little paws tucked into their armpits, then they hop a little way. I wish they would come in my sleeping bag to keep warm." "How do you find sleeping in this kind of weather?" "This is okay." "What about when it gets really cold? Aren't you afraid that you might not wake up." "I just get more blankets. I'm alright." "What do you think happens when we die?" "We go into the ground. That's all." "Do you believe that our spirit can come back?" "Only if we choose. Before we die we get to choose. I would like to come back as a horse. or maybe something noble like an eagle." "How about a squirrel?" "No, squirrels have too hard a life." "Do you think trees have spirits." "I like trees. There should be more trees in the city. Animals live where there are trees. Their city is called a jungle, ours is called a city. I have to go now." |
| 1. 2010: Conversations With Friends | ID #746846 |
| Posted: 2-11-2012 @ 4:14 pm EST Edited: 2-12-2012 @ 3:51 pm EST | |
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31 December 2010 I saw Giovanni this morning. I asked him if he was hungry, he shook his head meaning no. I asked if he wanted a coffee. He said, "Yes, coffee would me nice. No, make that tea." "Do you want me to bring it to you, or shall we sit down in the restaurant?" "Let's go in." He pulled his shopping cart behind him and parked it at the bicycle stand where he could keep an eye on it. We stood in line. "What do you take in your tea?" "Nothing." I brought the tea and coffee to the table and apologized if I had asked too many questions yesterday. He said, "No, no." I told him that I was a writer and just wanted to get to know people. He didn't volunteer any information. I asked all the questions. "Are you a Buddhist?" "Almost." "I'm the same." After drinking some of his tea he got up, went to the counter and took three sugar packets. Then went back for a stir stick. "How did you get stared in this kind of life?" "Bankrupt." "Do you like reading?" "No." "Is it because of your eyes?" "No, there's no point. I read a page then it's gone. From my past I remember, maybe one name." "Do you sleep outside?" "Yes, near here." "Do you find it very cold?" "No, I have a sleeping bag, double." "Do you find people friendly in this area?" "Oh yes, but you never know. Sometimes people seem friendly but they're not." Before I had half finished my coffee he got up and said, "Thank you." and saluted. I wished him good luck. He bowed. 30 December 2010 I consider it a great honor that Giovanni and I dined together. I think of him as a guru. I was thrilled that I had the opportunity to ask him questions. I asked him if he had that syndrome and I couldn't quite make out his answer. I think it was no. With a name like Giovanni, I asked if he was born in Italy. He answered, "Do you wan't to know the truth?" That was it. Giovanni wears very dark glasses, but I'll ask him if he reads. He seems increasingly comfortable talking with me, but I don't want it to seem like an interrogation or a requirement before getting food. I would have been equally honored if Mo or Greg had joined me. Mo has come into the restaurant another time when I was waiting for her sandwich. I consider the friendship I have with her and Greg very special and am proud to be seen with them. December 29 2010 Giovanni and I had lunch today in a restaurant. It was a take-out restaurant with a long lineup. Giovanni may have lost patience waiting for me to return with his coffee and sandwich, so he met me inside and we sat at a table. He said, between mouth fulls of sandwich, that he can't work. He said that he says things that make people angry. He can't help it. That must be the reason he usually just nods. We had a very enjoyable conversation. He has been on the streets about six or seven years. I mentioned that I sometimes work at the Shepherd's and he said he may have seen me there. He loves their sausages. As soon as he finished eating he saluted me, in his usual fashion, then walked out with his coffee. I really enjoyed our time together. 25 December 2010 I spent this evening at the "Shepherd's of Good Hope" I was wiping and clearing tables, then I was I was assigned to wash dishes. It involved placing the cups, plates and cutlery in the stacking tray, so they could be with the pressure sprayer, before sliding it into the washer. I didn't see my favorite people there, but all the guests were helpful and polite. They brought their trays to the counter, scraped their plates and said, "Thank you very much sir, have a merry Christmas." The volunteers were also very nice; much nicer than the people I work with on a paid basis. I was asked if I was doing okay, if wanted to sit down, if I wanted a drink of juice, or something to eat, and at the end of the shift was thanked for the work I did. All in all it was a very pleasant evening. 23 December 2010 Mo had a headache and was feeling weepy this morning. Her boyfriend of four years had beaten her, punched her in the face, she had coughed blood. This wasn't the first time he had beaten her. She's had broken bones, her ribs are in bad shape and she is covered in bruises. She is afraid of going to the police for fear that she will lose the place where she is living, and she is on probation. She said she has kicked him out for good, but he always comes back saying that he is sorry. Ironically, she served time at the Kingston Prison for Women for assaulting this same boyfriend. While in prison she was raped by a male guard and gave birth to his son. Her probation officer is trying to arrange an appointment with a mental health counselor due to past issues of being molested by both her father and grandfather. Depending on the results of this interview she may be eligible for better assisted housing. She is 44. I told her that that I loved her and would help her in any way I could. I have decided that this is my mission in life. I am going to start looking for permanent work with The Shepherd's or a similar organization. 22 December 2010 I saw Maureen yesterday and today. She hasn't been feeling well lately, with a cold and sore throat. Yesterday she said she was in need of what she called "girl stuff". I would have been glad to help her, but I was already ten minutes late for work and there were no stores in the immediate vicinity.. This morning I took an earlier bus and had lots of time to spend with her. Some ladies in a nearby office building bought her a large frozen turkey. Maureen said she will cook it, freeze some and share some with her neighbors who aren't doing very well. She also had a bag of presents. I could see crackers, to go with the turkey and a pair of socks. A lady gave her $20.00 since she wouldn't be seeing her again until after the holidays. I invited her to the Shepherds of Good Hope for Christmas Eve. She said she would come. 19 December 2010 Inside a broken clock Splashing the wine with all the rain dogs Taxi, we’d rather walk Huddle a doorway with the rain dogs For I am a rain dog too Tom Waits Rain Dog  What brings you to the shelter? Where will you sleep tonight? Where will you wander tomorrow? You have blessed me with your gifts, giving of your art, your soul. Blessing others with your smile. I'd love to hear your tales of places you have traveled, of things you've seen and done. I hope to see you again so that I may learn from you. Rain Dog, you write on my heart. A Rain Dog is a dog caught in the rain, with its whole trail washed away by the water so he can't get back home. A stranded dog, who wants nothing better than to get home. People who live outdoors, people who sleep in doorways, loners knit together by some corporeal way of sharing pain and discomfort. (The Urban Dictionary} 18 December 2010 At The Shepherd's of Good Hope last night I was given two drawings by Rain Dog (I can't remember his other name). According to the Urban Dictionary, "A Rain Dog is a dog caught in the rain, with its whole trail washed away by the water so he can't get back home. A stranded dog, who wants nothing ... " I was truly blessed by the gift of these drawings. 18 December 2010 I trained for the Drop-In Program from 5:00 to 9:00pm. This is the evening meal open to everyone without charge. First I had to learn the Rules for Food Handlers. They served a very good meal with choices of roast chicken, mashed potatoes, peas, gravy, barley soup, salads (green, couscous and pasta), muffins, cakes, donuts and sandwiches (some to go, if they wished). I wiped tables, gathered dishes and served soup. It was five hours on my feet after a long day at work, but I enjoyed it. There was a sweet lady from England who served beside me. She was full of stories, was worried about her son who is an alcoholic. She loves peanut butter and was very interested when I told her that for breakfast I eat toast spread with peanut butter, covered by scrambled eggs (mostly whites). This lady seemed to know most of the guests and said to them how much she had missed them, worried if some didn't show up, worried if they were sitting all alone and not smiling as usual. The guests and the staff were very nice. The dishwasher, who sings in a choir, sang Christmas carols as he sprayed the dishes, and everyone joined in. A native man gave me two drawings. I didn't want to accept them, but he insisted. He said that he likes to pay his own way. He showed me his biography that indicated he had exhibited widely and had many gallery exhibitions of his work. The drawings were signed Rain Dog. One was a circle with an owl's head at the top, a turtle at the center, feathers at each side and a drum beating at the bottom. The other was a circle with and animal (perhaps a wolverine), a feather in the background and the animal's paw showing 4 claws. I felt so blessed that I am being guided along this path. I feel that it is where I belong and where I can help those that need it most. 13 December 2010 Greg hasn't been around much since he started sleeping at the shelter. This morning in his usual place was Maureen. She is in her forties (i would guess). Everything about her seems round. She has the most angelic face, sparkling blue eyes and a beautiful smile. When I brought her a sandwich and coffee she said to me, "Thank you so much, sir. You're so kind. Bless you." I truly felt blessed. Homeless people are angels. 9 December 2010 I have been blessed by Greg's presence. He wasn't in his usual place this morning. I couldn't see him anywhere. I was so dissapointed, especially since I have seen him smile. I've learned that he is forty years old and has been on the streets for twenty-two years. 7 December 2010 Greg joked with me when I approached him this morning. He said, "Good morning Greg, here's your breakfast." That is what I have said to him every morning when he was buried in his sleeping bag. He told me that he had stayed at a shelter last night, had a shower and a hot meal. I asked him if he was warm enough. He said he was wearing two winter coats and two layers under that. He also had a new pair of winter boots. He said he did okay for money. Some days better than others. He also mentioned that he was in a detox program. Then he said, "Okay, have a good day, I want to eat this while it's still hot." He is an angel. 19 November 2010 When I first met Giovanni I mentioned that he blessed me. I forgot to mention that it was what I interpreted to be a Buddhist blessing. His praying hands touched first his forehead then his heart then he shook hands with me. It was 2 degrees below freezing this morning. I saw Greg in his usual place, completely bundled in his sleeping bag. I brought him a coffee and a sandwich and sat down hoping to talk. I told him that I had brought his breakfast. His sleeping bag opened about an inch and I could see one finger. The opening then closed and I assume that he went back to sleep. 18 November 2010 I was accepted for an orientation session for volunteers at the Shepherds of Good Hope, the parent organization for The Oaks. http://www.shepherdsofgoodhope.com/ I saw Greg again this morning. I bought him a sandwich and coffee. He was just waking up so I didn't have much chance to talk to him. By opening my heart I can see that I really have nothing to complain about. 17 November 2010 This morning I met Greg, the homeless man who sleeps by the library. I brought him a breakfast sandwich and a coffee. It gave me an immediate sense of peace when I shook his hand and introduced myself. |
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