29 February 2012

Little Frank and Sparky were at the benches. Frank was standing, Sparky was sitting on the ground.

"Is nobody across the street at 'the heater,' I asked.

"Cops chased us away, four times. Security has been phoning them whenever they see us."

"Frank, how did you break your nose? Were you in a fight? I forgot to ask you yesterday."

"No, I did a face first."

"It was slippery on the sidewalks yesterday."

"No, I was in a buddy's apartment. I was too drunk to stand. Didn't even put my hands out to stop my fall. I hit the floor face first.

"Today I'm, drinking 'Frankenators'. It's my own recipe. I mix half wine and half beer."

Sparky was having difficulty stuffing his bottle into his jacket pocket. He kept missing it.

Frank said, "I'm going to Scott's place."

"Can I come too?" asked Sparky."

"It's not my place. It's just a small room. I can't just bring somebody with me."

"Can you phone him?"

"Scott doesn't have a phone."

"I'll go to Custard's then. How do I get there? Do I take the number 12 bus?"

"No, take the 14. I'm not going there because I'd end up broke. You can catch the 14 at the end of the sidewalk."

"Can you help me to get up?"

It took both Frank and me to get Sparky into a standing position, and it took us two tries. Sparky held on to my arm for balance.

"Will you help me get on the bus?"

"Sure I''ll help you Sparky, I'm going that way back to work."

I guided him to the glass enclosed bus shelter. There was a small woman inside, waiting for a bus. I helped Sparky to sit down.

"Hi!" said Sparky to the woman. "I'm Sparky! What's your name?"

"My name is Daff, short for Daffodil."

"What country do you come from?"

"The Philipines."

"I knew a Philipino lady one time. She was nice. She looked after me in the hospital."

"What hospital was that, Sparky?" I asked.

"St. Jo's, in Toronto, 1987."

"Why were you in hospital?"

"Gun shot."

"Where, on your body, were you shot?"

"Right leg. The bullet went through my femur. It was at a party. It was a bro' that shot me."

"How did it happen?"

"Before I went to the party I asked my sister for my '9 mil.' It's a Luger. At first, she wasn't going to give it to me, but I knew there was going to be trouble, so I needed protection. I put the gun in my front pants pocket.

"At the party, my friend tried to pull the gun out of my pocket. It had a hair-trigger and it went off."

"Why did your friend try to pull the gun out of your pocket?"

"Because! He wanted to shoot the guy!

"Do you know what Custard's buzz number is?"

"Frank said it was 0211."

"Can you write that down for me?"

"Is Custard a friend of yours?"

"You know Custard!"

"I don't recognize the name."

"You know Scruff!"

"I know a dog named Scruffy."

"That's Custard's dog!"

"You mean Peter?"

"Ever since I've known him, for twenty years or so, I've called him Custard."

"Why?"

"Because he looks like a Custard!"

I helped Sparky to climb on the bus and told the bus driver where he wanted to get off.

"I know where he wants to go. Come on Sparky, get on the bus."



28 February 2012

The temperature this morning was -16 degrees Celsius (4 degrees Fahrenheit). Because I have asthma I keep my nose and mouth covered with a wool scarf to protect my lungs; otherwise I may have a coughing fit and lose my voice.

Grant and Steve, distributors of the free Metro newspaper, greeted me with, “Good morning, Dale. It is Dale isn’t it? (They always call me Dale, I haven’t bothered to correct them.) Dale, Make sure I get a percentage of any banks you rob today!”

…

Little Frank, Elaine, Rhino, Hoover and Peter (without Scruffy) were at ‘the heater’. I’ve met everyone before, with the exception of Scott, in varying degrees of drunkenness.

Peter was using his leather mitten as a hand puppet, “‘Eddie, keesa me goo’night!’ Who knows who that is?"

“Topo Gigio!” I shouted. I recognized it as the puppet mouse that appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show in the 1960’s. Nobody else recognized the character. They were all too young.

Peter came over to me and said, “I knew you would get that. Do you know how old I am. I’m fifty-five.”

“How old do you think I am?” I asked.

“Fifty-five?”

“No, I’m sixty-five!”

“I would have guessed that. I was just being nice. So, you’re a friend of Irwins? Is that right?”

“I know Irwin, Rhino, Little Frank and Hoover. I just met Elaine and Scott today.”

"I don’t usually trust people that don’t drink. You’re not with the F.B.I are you?”

“I’ve known Mo for the last year and a half. I usually sit with her on Metcalfe Street, for about twenty minutes, every morning that she’s there. Just ask her about Dennis. She’ll tell you I’m solid.”

“If you know Mo, I know you’re okay. Do you know where Mo stayed after she was beaten up?’

“No.”

“She stayed at my place, and I wouldn’t let Frank in.”

“You mean Big Frank?”

“Super Big Frank!” Peter extended his arm indicating a height of about six feet, four inches.

“Elaine stays with me now."

"I'm not his girlfriend or anything like that, just a boarder. I pay him $200. a month rent."

"Elaine has saved me a few times. I was passed out on the sidewalk on Rideau Street. I was with Scruffy. None of the cops wanted a dog in their car. They asked one guy, ‘No!’ They asked another guy, ‘No, leave it for a rookie.'

“They took me right up to the door of my apartment and rung the doorbell. Elaine answered the door.

“‘Hi Elaine!’ the cops say.

“‘Hi, guys!’ says Elaine. They asked her, “Are you willing to take responsibility for this man?

“'Sure!' she says, ‘he’s my landlord.'”

"I'm going to make a pharmacy run," said Hoover. "Anybody want anything?"

"l'll go with you!" said Peter.

"How much do you need?"

"About $10.00 worth."

""I've got three purples and a yellow for $20.00."

To me Peter said, "The reason I asked if you were F.B.I. is because I do a bit of narcotics. I also have my beer."

“The only reason I come down here is to visit with my friends. I didn’t drink for twenty-eight days in January. If any of these guys came over I wouldn’t let them drink, because if I see an open beer, I’m a gonner. I'm German, so I like my beer.

”Hey guys! Is somebody going to help me get on the bus? I'm too drunk to try to get on by the back door, and I can't risk getting a fine. I've got $3.00, can someone give me a quarter for bus fare?"

"Here, Peter," said Elaine "you can have my quarter. I got it from Frank and was going to put it towards buying a cigarette, but you can have it."

"Talking about television programs," said Hoover. "When we were kids my father let us stay up late on Saturday night, because the hockey game was on. We'd all be asleep by the end of the second period, then Mom would have to make sure we got upstairs to bed."

"Hey guys!" said Scott. "I gotta leave for a while to take a dump. Already I'm squeezing my butt cheeks."

"Don't fart!" warned Elaine.

"I'm afraid to!"

Twenty minutes later he returned and said, "You wouldn't believe the new toilets they have at the Lord Elgin. You flush up for liquid waste and down for solid waste. I've never seen that before. This new technology is getting crazy when you have to figure out how to flush a toilet."

Every one was planning to meet tomorrow when the disability checks come in.

“I owe Bert forty dollars," said Scott, "twenty of that is from last month, when I got back from Dryden."


27 February 2012


Ian at 'the heater'

On Sunday, while sitting on my couch, I meditated on how I can be more effective in helping homeless people. I wouldn't say I had a revelation, I can be a bit slow sometimes, but ideas came to mind. This is after one and a half years of helping homeless people.

I am reluctant to give cash to people who I know to be alcoholics. Homeless people often spend their last cent on beer or wine. They take a collection amongst themselves then someone will for a ‘liquor run’. Being temporarily short of cash isn’t a problem, they still share what they have.

I have often bought breakfast, or lunch for people I know on the street. Each person has their particular preferences. For me, the nearness to a restaurant has proved to be a problem, especially if I am rushed for time.

This morning I bought a pocket full of gift cards from Subway, enough credit on each card to buy a sandwich and a coffee.

My second idea was bus tickets. I got this idea from Mo, when she asked if I could give her bus tickets instead of breakfast. I now carry extra sheets of bus tickets so that, if needed, I may offer a person bus fare to get home and back the next day.

I met Chris sitting on the sidewalk. I introduced myself and asked if he minded if I sat down and joined him for a while. His attitude wasn’t overly enthusiastic about sharing my company.


“Don’t worry, “ I said, “I won’t spoil your business, in fact I’m considered lucky. I know a lot of people on the street: Mo, who usually has a spot on the next block.”

“I know Mo.”

“Greg, who is usually across the street, some of the people who meet at ‘the heater’: Sparky, Albert, Bert, ‘Lonely Heart’, Irwin…….”

“Yeah, I know those people.”

“I’m surprised that anyone would be out in such cold weather.”

“It’s Monday. I’m broke”

I gave him the Subway gift card.

“Subway, that’s good. Thanks!”

“I’ll leave you to it then. Good bye.”

…

Serge, who I’ve met before, and Ian Lambert were at ‘the heater’. A larger group had been there earlier, but they left either to ‘pan’ to the lunch hour crowd, or because it had started snowing.

Ian is First Nation, Shuswap, from the interior of British Columbia near the Alberta border. He’s been here for the past seven years. He isn’t homeless, he has enough money for an apartment. The rent he pays is $700.00 per month (I don’t know if he shares with anyone). After he pays his rent he has nothing left, so he panhandles and eats his meals at the Mission or at Centre 507. He’s alcoholic, but trying to cut back. At one time he drank four bottles of sherry per day. At noon he was sober.

Serge had an apartment in Vanier, a low cost section of the city. He was on Welfare, but when they raised his rent, his benefits weren’t enough to cover the increased cost. He was asked to leave. He moved to Montreal for a while, found that just as expensive, so he moved back here. Now, he eats and sleeps at the Mission.

Serge asked Ian, “Why would you leave British Columbia to come here? It’s beautiful out there and much warmer.”

“I left and now I can’t afford to go back.”

“I took the plane out there. It only cost $200.00, mind you, that was ten years ago.”

“Now it costs about $800.00.”

I asked Ian if he would allow me to let me take his photograph, "As long as I don't have to smile and say cheese." I told him I would give him a print. He said, "If I don't see you, you could always leave it at the Mission for me. They know me there."



24 February 2012

Mo wasn't in her usual spot today. Yesterday, she said she'd be here, but it's not as if she has to punch a clock. She's a free spirit. When I don't see her I wonder, did she get in a fight? Is she sick? Is she in hospital? Is she in jail?

At noon, the snow was falling and the wind was brisk. At ‘the heater’ I met Rhino, Ambrose and Maryam. Rhino is big, blond, has a missing front tooth and, there is no other way of describing him, he looks like a rhinoceros. When Ambrose greeted me he offered me a piece of cardboard to sit on. I was reluctant, but he said, "You are our guest. We are pleased that you would sit and talk with us. We do this to honor you." I thanked him and graciously accepted. Ambrose offered me a drink, a cigarette, and when I told him I neither drank nor smoked he offered me water. He also said he would go to the store and buy me an Orange Crush or something.

"I appreciate and thank you for your kind offer, but I've just finished a coffee."

Ambrose is forty years of age, has long black hair, several missing front teeth. He is of the Innu First Nation, from Nain in the province of Newfoundland and Labrador. Maryam, also Innu, is twenty years of age, pretty with black hair from Sept-Iles, Quebec, She speaks Montagnais (Innu) and Ambrose is teaching her English. They are both alcoholic and very much in love. They couldn't stop kissing each other.

"She keeps kissing me on the nose. I don't know why she does that.

"We take care of each other. We love each other, We are very happy, We have everything we need.

"Maryam is feeling bad because her grandfather died last week. Maryam was his favorite. He would always buy her things. He was a good man. It hurts me here." Ambrose put his fist against his heart.

Ambrose was just released from jail where he served a ten day sentence. Rhino, Maryam and Ambrose are all barred from the Mission for fighting with staff. The two men are barred for six months, Maryam for one month. She went back the next day and apologised, "I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was doing. I was too drunk."

Ambrose is proud of the fact that he and Maryam make enough money by panhandling that they don’t need to go to any of the shelters for food. They buy their own from Subway or KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken). He is also a soapstone carver, although he hasn’t been carving lately.

"You used to drink, didn't you? I nodded, "My family were alcoholics."

"We are your family now. You used to sit where I'm sitting, didn't you?" again I nodded.

"I can see the pain in your eyes. Your eyes tell me much about you."

"If you're looking for a place to sleep," I said, "Sparky told me of a place behind the Lord Elgin."

"I know Sparky's places. Right now he's at his office -- that's what he calls it. Do you know where his office is? It's at the corner of Laurier and Bank. It's where he panhandles."

"Is Darrell with him? Darrell says that Sparky gives him good luck. He pans at the opposite corner and they joke with each other." Ambrose laughed.

"I don't like the 'leeches'. The people who only come around to ask for a drink or a cigarette; the ones who only take, but don't give back. They never help others. I always help my family, and we are all family here. If someone were in need, I would give them my hat, my shirt, anything I have."



23 February 2012

On my way to the library, to drop off a book, I met Greg, who I haven’t seen in a long while. He isn’t an early riser, so his schedule and mine aren’t often compatible. He was sitting, with his back to an office building, wearing his familiar red bandana wrapped around his head. He stutters and talks as little as possible.

“There’s a Chinese restaurant in the next block. Would you get me some Chinese food? It’s better for me than pizza. That has too much cholesterol. Would you get me some guy ding with rice, and maybe some chicken balls. I’ll have a Coke with that too. It’s better than eating at McDonalds.”

I had good intentions, but the restaurant was in the food court of the World Exchange Plaza. It was noon hour and the line up was forty-five minutes long, so I headed for ‘the heater’.

Sitting against the wall were Irwin and Little Frank (not to be confused with Big Frank, who is in jail).

Irwin greeted me and said "The police were by earlier and rousted everyone. The cruiser pulled right up on the sidewalk. They come by at least once a day.

"I talked to the security lady earlier, she said, 'Either you move in twenty minutes, or I phone the police.' I said, 'We're not doing any harm. Why can't you just let us be? If You'll give me a broom I'll even sweep up the cigarette butts.' I guess she phoned the police."

"By rights, they can't ask us to leave here," said Frank. "This building is built on Algonquin land, and I'm Algonquin. There's not even a No Trespassing sign."

Irwin showed me the smart phone that Malvena, his girlfriend, had given him.

“It’s about a three hundred dollar phone. It has everything on it. I love watching the porn channels. Right now I’m listening to “Bob.FM”. ‘Raise A Little Hell’ by Trooper was playing, followed by ‘I’m Just a Gigolo’ by David Lee Roth.

“My girlfriend and I had a fight today. We’re both bi-polar and schizophrenic. I told her, “Enough of this, I’m going out.'”

Both Irwin and Frank were looking for smokers.

“Mister, can I buy a cigarette from you.”

Irwin saw a squirrel and excitedly dug in his backpack for a bag of roasted almonds. By the time he found them, the squirrel had disappeared.

Frank and I talked about the near fight between Mo and Dale yesterday. Frank said, “Sparky was able to keep Dale calm. Mo was pretty drunk, so was everybody.”

I mentioned that Mo is scheduled to go for an anger management course.

“I started one of those once,” said Irwin, “but I only lasted three weeks. I was being held at the Youth Detention Center in Vancouver. I nearly killed a guy. I have a red belt in jiu jitsu and my hands are considered lethal weapons. I broke his nose with the palm of my hand. If it had gone into his brain he would have died.

I'm not dumb, you know, that's not why I didn't finish the course. My time ran out. I have an I.Q. of 107.”

I asked him what started the fight. He said, “The guy was being an asshole.”

Frank said, “I’d never be able to go on one of those courses. I can’t stand being in an enclosed space for too long. Even when I was in the hospital with pneumonia, I pulled out the intravenous tubes and tried to get out of there. They strapped me to the bed after that.

Irwin excitedly said,"Hey! I can get a DVD for you. It's of Sparky and me when we were living in 'Tent City', part of 'Occupy Ottawa'. A camera crew came by and someone asked me, 'How much do you make panhandling each day?' I told him, 'from fifteen to thirty dollars.' Then he said, 'I'll give you thirty dollars if you'll let us videotape you doing what you normally do. I had to borrow some pennies from Sparky to have some jingle in my cap. You can't have too much, $5.00 at the most. He stood guard and I went to the corner and panned for a while. The guy gave us an eight minute DVD. A friend is having it copied for me now.

"I'm feeling a bit tired. There's an alcove behind the Lord Elgin Hotel that Sparky showed me. It's carpeted, near an exhaust vent and there's even an electrical outlet so I can listen to my music without running down my batteries. It's a cubby hole just big enough for two people.

"Later I'll go to Mom and Pop's restaurant, the Friendly Corner, and have some chili."



22 February 2012

I told Mo about meeting "Scruffy" and Peter at 'the wall' the other day. She told me of her own experiences.

"I don't know why he keeps that damned dog. Peter and Scruffy and me were in the park, across the way, near the overpass. Peter had a container of chilli from Wendy's. We shared it and I fed some, with my fingers, to Scruffy. When we were nearly finished I tore down the sides of the container so Scruffy could lick the bottom. When I got up he bit me in the achilles tendon. I punched him and he bit all the harder. I've been bitten by other dogs and it just left a bruise from their teeth, but Scruffy is the only dog that punctured my skin and caused me to bleed. I nearly had to crawl home after that. Whenever Scruffy is around he tries to bite me.

"Sam has found Giovanni a place to stay. After Giovanni was beaten, Sam bought him some clothes and arranged a room in an apartment for him to stay. I looked after his cart when he was taken to hospital. Giovanni normally hates enclosed spaces, but since the beating he's happy to be locked inside where he is safe. He goes out occasionally, but not for long.

"I haven't been to 'the wall' very much lately. I'm trying to manage my drinking on my own. I drink when I want to; not when it's pushed in my face. I drank on Friday, but I haven't had anything else until this morning. Right now, 'I'm half in the bag.'

"Audrey, my parole officer wants to get me into a home for women suffering from alcoholism, but first she wants me to attend an anger management course. I really don't want to do that. It means three hours a day for six weeks. That really cuts into the time I have for myself. What are they going to do if I don't take the course? Add to my parole? I've already got one parole violation because they didn't tell her I was in hospital.

"I'm not an angry person! Look at me! I'm smiling. The only reason I was charged with assault was because Frank was beating me."

...

The feeling was jovial at 'the heater' this noon hour. Everyone had been drinking a lot: Hoover, Sparky, Pudlo, Peru, Emile, James, 'Long Haired' Dale and Mo. Dale was talking about his favorite bands from the seventies: "Remember 'Foot in Cold Water', from Ottawa; 'Helix' from Kitchener. I saw 'The Rolling Stones' at the 'El Mocambo' in Toronto. Those are my favorites and I don't care what anybody else thinks."

Mo shouted, "Nobody cares what you think, Dale. You're talking to yourself, so why don't you just shut up!" To me she said, "Dale is a friend of my ex, Frank. He sends him stuff in prison. I don't like him. He's served twenty-five years in Kingston Penitentiary for murder."

I asked Emile how he was feeling.

Mo said, "You've lost a lot of weight."

"I lost nearly twenty-five pounds while I was on intravenous. They also had brandy pumping into me. When I first woke up, I didn't know where I was. I pulled out all the tubes and ran outside in my hospital gown. It was freezing out there. After that they had me strapped down. They drained two quarts of tar colored mucus from my lungs. Now, I eat everything I see."

Dale started recounting television programs from the seventies, "Does anybody remember 'Barney Miller', 'The Partridge Family', 'Car 54, Where Are You?' 'Welcome Back Kotter?"

"Go sweat hogs!" shouted Sparky. "Epstein with the big hair, Horshak. The only one to go anywhere from that was the dumb guy, Vinnie Barbarino -- John Travolta."

A tiny stuffed turtle and a hare were attached to Sparky's backpack. "Does anybody know who would win a race between a turtle and a hare?............It would be the turtle!"

Dale started singing, 'One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer' by george Thorogood. Everyone joined in. They were on key, but each sang a different verse:

Well, I ain't seen my baby
since I dont know when

No, I ain't seen my baby since
nigh on a week.

No, I ain't seen my baby since
the night before last

All this at the same time. They managed to get together when they came to the part:

Gonna get drunk man
till I can't even speak
Gonna get high man
listen to me
One drink ain't enough
Jack you better make it three
I wanna get drunk
I'm gonna make it real clear
I want one bourbon,
one scotch and one beer


Albert was on his cell phone, "Mo, it's Earl, he wants to talk to you."

"Hi, Sweetie, want to come over and have some cheap sex?..........I said, do you want to come over and have some cheap sex? Love you.

"Does anybody know why Dale is even here?" questioned Mo. I think he should get his ass out of here. He's a piece of slime that I scraped off my boot."

"If you scraped me off your boot that means I'm still here."

"I've got a couple of finger nails that I'd love to dig into your skin. If you don't get out of here I'm going to go over and punch your face in, and I don't punch like a girl." Mo got up from the backpack she was sitting on and confronted Dale.

"I'm cool, just keep away from me!" Dale remained half seated, half ready to run or fight.

"You can't hit her, Dale, she's one of the crew." cautioned Sparky as he held Dale.

"Just keep away from me! KEEP AWAY FROM ME! KEEP AWAY FROM ME!"

Mo eventually sat down.




21 February 2012

There are always surprises at 'the wall'. Today I met a famous Inuit soapstone carver, named Pudlo, from Cape Dorset. She said she hasn't carved for about ten years. She is charming, beautiful, talented and homeless.

Irwin and his girlfriend Malvena slept on the street Friday night, but she has recently returned to her parent's home. Irwin said that he loved her, but he didn't want her to share his lifestyle. This morning he was awakened with a kick to the foot by the police. He had been sleeping near an exhaust vent in front of the Toronto Dominion Bank. "It was really warm there, man."
Irwin offered me a sandwich. He had two bags of them, he said that 'the sandwich lady' had been by. "We always share. We always take care of each other."

John, also offered me a sandwich. He had a cart of groceries. He asked me to guess his age. I'm not good at guessing ages, but said, "I'd guess about fifty-five." I thought I was being generous.

"I was hoping you'd say forty, actually I'm forty-five."

Peter, 'Lonely Heart' wasn't at the wall today, but he was going over to Jannie's house to cook supper. I asked about his lung cancer.

"Well, he doesn't go for his treatments, so it couldn't be doing too well. I had cancer at age thirty, but I went for my treatments and am okay now."

Irwin asked me, "Why do you come to 'the wall' every day?"

"The conversations here are much more interesting than at the place where I work. Also, the people are nicer.'

"There is always something going on here. I want to go back to work, to furniture moving. I enjoyed that. When I lived in Vancouver we were moving a man from Hong Kong. His house was enormous, with ten foot wide hallways. He said, 'Don't scratch anything.' We replied, 'With hallways this wide there is no chance of that.'

"At lunch time he ordered a huge meal for us, roast pork, roast duck, shrimp, fried rice. I liked the pork the best of all. When we were finished loading the truck he gave us each an envelope with ten, hundred dollar bills in it. Imagine that!

"I'd like to go back to that job, but I'll have to get sober first."

"You're doing well. You've cut back a lot."

"Yes, but I still have a way to go."

As I was walking away I heard a woman say, "You look nice. You look so clean."





20 February 2012


when you have passed
I sit alone -
and pray for you this day
that kindness would be shown
to you - the way that is the way -
that you might fill
your hollowed heart -
with more than pride and blame
would that you come
some other day -
and speak to me
by name


by Tornado Day





20 February 2012



How Dare You!


Am I not worthy
to be treated
as a human being,
more like yourself
than you would care
to admit?

Am I invisible,
will you not look
me in the eyes?
Must you look away
pretending
I don't exist?

Am I not worthy
of common courtesy?
What is it that you despise
about me sitting here
humbly, silently
on the sidewalk?

How dare you judge me!
You don't know my life!
I've done you no offense!
You treat me as detestable slime,
that you you would scrape
from your boot.



17 February 2012

This morning, when I brought Mo her tea and bagel, she said to me, “I was trying to get your attention before you went into the restaurant. Instead of breakfast I was going to ask you to buy me some bus tickets. I got a $150.00 fine this morning for climbing on the bus, by the back door, without paying.”

“What are you going to do about the fine?”

“I don’t know. I can’t pay it. I still owe money to Bert., and he’s mouthing off about it. I won’t be able to pay him until my next check comes in. Carl owes me money for the rent. He’s staying with his new girlfriend, so I have the house to myself; well, with the dog, the snake and two lizards.

“I’ve got a sore back because Carl’s dog has been jumping up on me. He’s a pitbull. Maybe he’s missing his master. He’s been acting funny lately. I think it’s near time to have him put down. I’ll have to do it. Carl wouldn’t be able to.

“He has trouble going up and down the stairs. He’s no good around kids. He’s not even a good guard dog. It used to be that he’d bark when someone came to the door, now he just lays there.

“Daisy, one of the lizards, has been going crazy lately. I thought they were supposed to hibernate, or something, but not her. I threw her a handful of crickets and she was scurrying all over the place. She tries to get out too. That’s all I’d need.

“I saw Rhino and ‘Lonely Heart’ this morning.”

“I saw them yesterday along with Irwin, Albert, Emile, and Cathy, who was even nice to me. She shook my hand.”

“I had a talk with her. I said, ‘What’s this I hear about you not being nice to my friend. He's solid. I know he’s a bit too square for your taste, and you don’t know much about him, but there are lots of people that go there that you don’t know.'

“I’ve had run ins with her before. I’d hate to hit her. She’s so small it would be like hitting a child.

“My Carl doesn’t have much in the way of street smarts. His friends, his poker buddies, all have real jobs. I have a real job. I sit on the sidewalk and greet people. I’m a greeter. I could work at Walmart.”

....


There were about a dozen people, and a dog named “Scruffy” (perhaps, a golden retriever, poodle mix; a goldendoodle), at the wall today. I was talking to Peter, or ‘Lonely Heart’. “Do you know why they call me that? Because I have a hernia that sticks out. Women don’t like the sight of it, so I don’t have many girlfriends. I was scheduled to have it operated on last Wednesday. I was at the hospital, had my gown on, had been off drugs and alcohol for two days (the required period), had even talked to the anesthesiologist. A nurse came running down the hall and told the doctor that my health coverage had run out. I’d forgotten to renew it. I thought it was good until my birthday in 2015, but it expired in 2012. The operation was cancelled and I’ll have to wait another year to have it rescheduled. I also have lung cancer.

He yelled at someone in uniform passing by, “I used to wear that uniform, but they retired me.” To me he said, “That’s the truth. The government laid a bunch of us off due to cut backs. I was 42 at the time. Then the next year they hired three hundred others.

"I hate it when people disrespect us just for being here. They don't know a thing about us. We don’t pan here, or across the way at the benches. We’re in an alcove, not in anybody’s way. A cop threatened to give me a ticket for loitering. I said, ‘Go ahead, but I’m not going to pay it. I’m on a disability. pension for drug and alcohol addiction. I don’t own a house or a car, and in Ontario I won’t serve jail time for unpaid tickets, so give me all the tickets you want."

Alcoholics and drug addicts are covered under the Ontario Disability Support Program. For more information:
http://www.employmentlawmonitor.ca/tag/ontario-disability-support-program/

Irwin and his girlfriend Malvena had been staying with her parents, but last night they were asked to pack their bags and leave. Irwin is 35 years old, and an alcoholic, Malvena is 26. Her birthday is March 4, but she said I don’t need to buy her a present. Malvena doesn’t like shelters, so they will be sleeping on the street tonight.



16 February 2012

The weather today was 3 degrees Centigrade (37.4 degrees Fahrenheit). There was a crowd of people around one of the park benches. Most of the faces I recognized, a few were new to me. N. is a woman I hadn't met before. P., another new face, just got out of jail.

Emile was wearing a pair of jeans that, originally, had PORTUGAL printed in large letters on the right leg. Due to his height he had to have them chopped off at PORTUG.

I asked Emile about his pneumonia.

"I still have pain, and this lump in my chest is permanent. When they were removing the tube draining my lung, some air got in. It's created a bubble between my lung and my chest wall. Sometimes, it sticks out and I have to push it back in. That hurts."

"Can you get that fixed at the hospital?"

"Oh yeah, they could fix it. There was a whole list of things they wanted to fix, but I said, 'Hey, I just came back to life. Let's take things easy, one thing at a time.' I've got severe hemorrhoids from when I worked as a roofer. They want to operate on them. They want me to have a colostomy. Me, I hate hospitals.

"When I was a kid riding my bicycle, the guy in front of me stopped quickly and I piled into him. I fell, face first, into his pedal. The bolt caught me right between the eyes. My forehead was torn wide open. When I was riding to my grandmother's, a flap of skin kept falling over my eye. I had to keep pushing it back into place and there was blood everywhere. When my grandmother saw it she said, 'You're going to have to go to the hospital and get stitches.' I didn't want to hear that, so I rode home. My mom took a look at it, cleaned it, put the flap back in place, bandaged it and said, 'There, now don't touch it.' When it healed it pulled my hairline down a bit on one side."

Irwin said, ”Malvena and I were at church the other day, the big cathedral down the street. We were saying prayers for her family. I lit two candles and put $5.00 in the collection box. The police arrived and accused me of shooting up in the bathroom. I'm an alcoholic, I don't do drugs. When they took me outside I asked, 'Why are you doing this?' Then the two cops threw me down the flight of steps. There was no need for that. I was drunk, but I wasn’t causing any problems. I’d press charges against them if I had any witnesses.”

“They make sure there are no witnesses. Then they do whatever they want.”

Cathy said, “I heard that you also got tackled last night. Some cop came flying through the air and hit you from behind.”

“I don’t remember that. I was drunk.”

Cathy had slammed her finger in a steel door and most of the skin was torn off. Her finger was bandaged. She showed it to P. and asked, "Should I get stitches?"

"No, they would just do what you've already done. Put lots of Ozonol on it and keep it clean. I've had the same thing and that's what they did for me."

Emile said, "Once I got my arm caught in a revolving door. They don't go backward, so I just had to keep pushing forward. The more I pushed the more skin was rubbed off my forearm. It was a mess."

Cathy looked in her cigarette package and said, "Hey, there is a pill in here!. I bought half a dozen smokes from an guy and he gave me his package."

Emile looked in the box and said, "Looks like Valium."

"Is it yellow?" asked Peter "If it's yellow it's 5 mg. I used to take those for hangovers. You'll get a slight buzz from that, or, more likely, you'll just feel mellow. It wont hurt you."

"Irwin, do you have any kids?"

"Yes two boys aged 12 and 14. They're in Vancouver."

"Do you talk or write to them?"

"I send them emails. I won't talk to their mother."

"I'm going to panhandle until I get enough money for a pack of smokes," said Cathy, "then I'm going to Mom and Pop's."

It was time for me to go. I shook hands with Rhino, Emile, Peter and Irwin, gave a wave to Albert, who was some distance away. Cathy came over and extended her bandaged hand. I took it (gently) and shook it. I had thought of her as a hard person, and she has described herself as a 'wildcat' if anyone were to cross her, but in her gray eyes I saw vulnerability and pain, something I have seen in many of these people. Previously, Cathy had said she didn't like me, so this was her way of welcoming me to the 'family'.



14 February 2012

Irwin was asleep, sitting on his backpack, his back against the wall. Rhino and Emile were sitting cross legged. A woman was asleep and snoring on Emile's’s lap.

“Is that Mina?” I asked.

“I don’t know. She told me her name last night, but I’ve forgotten now. There are so many of them.”

“I know, it’s hard to keep track.”

Rhino was holding a box of donut holes. He offered me some.

“Emile, you’re looking a lot better today. Your face has more color.”

“I had a joint last night and couldn’t stop eating: ham, cheese, chips some President’s Choice barbecue popcorn. That burned my mouth. Before that I couldn't eat at all.

"I’m keeping my drinking under control. The heart attack was a real wake up call for me. Now, I only drink in moderation. I just brought three beers with me today.

"I still have the pneumonia. A lot of people where I’m staying have it. It feels like a lump in my chest. It makes it uncomfortable to sleep. There are only two positions that I find comfortable for sleeping.

"They got me doing exercises like squeezing my hands together. I guess it’s to get the blood flowing. Five years on the streets, I’ve nearly worn the skin off the palms of my hands. Sidewalks are like sandpaper. I have to get a bike. The only exercise I get is walking down here.

“Happy Valentine’s day, ladies. I said, HAPPY VALENTINE”S DAY! I SAID, I said, HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! She heard me the third time.” He flashed his toothless smile.

Rhino said, “Keep it down, Emile You really got a booming voice. We don’t want to attract too much attention."

“I got that voice working for the carny. I did that for a couple of years. Setup and takedown meant we worked straight through the night. The hardest ride to set up was the eleven point ferris wheel. There is a nine point and an eleven point, that’s the really big one. Six hours for setup, four for takedown. All those pieces are held together with cotter pins.

"I also set up rides for Kiddy Town. I’d lay the track for the train. I was good at that. It had to abe perfectly level. If one of those cars tipped over, with a kid strapped inside, It could break his back, or his neck.

"I worked the Round Up, Tilt-A-Whirl, Roller Coaster, Tomb Raider, Cobra and that one that looks like two school busses going around. I can’t remember the name. The Zipper was really bad. To stop a swinging car, with two heavy guys in it, takes a lot of strength. Because I’m short, the gate kept hitting me in the leg. By the end of the night, I was black and blue from the waist down. I told them I couldn’t work that one any more.

"They divided the company in two units. Red was for the small rides, blue was for the big ones. I went with blue. Then they stopped my midday meal, they messed with my pay, so I told them where to shove their job. That was four years ago. I had to hitchhike two hundred and eighty miles to get back home.

“Happy Valentine’s day, ladies. I said, HAPPY VALENTINE”S DAY! I SAID, I said, HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! ”



13 February


Noon had been quiet at the wall. Sparky, Emile, Albert and Cathy were there, then Darrell arrived, "I've been doing the lines for two hours and haven't made anything. Not a nickel.

Sparky will you give me a drink. I promise I'll pay you back later. It's noon hour, we should both be working. Come on, Sparky, you're good luck for me we'll go down to Bank Street, you take one corner and I'll take one opposite.

"No, I'm going to start working at 3:30, then I'm going to a restaurant, then to mom's (J. his street mom).

I said, "She's really sweet. She visited Emile in hospital and told us all how he was doing."

Darrell said, "I have to go for my orientation at that handy man place, but I never manage to get there. There are lots of jobs, but you've got to be sober."

Emile replied. "I have something ahead of time that helps me make it through the shift. A little under the counter helps too."

Darrell said, "I had a good job through Advance Employment Services. It was at a warehouse, paid $11.00 an hour. That's pretty good. I was okay until my first pay check. I didn't make it back the next week at all. So much for that job."

"Cathy can I use your phone?"

"Use my phone? Are you joking? When have you ever seen me with a phone? Someone lent me a phone once. I was on the bus and this phone kept ringing. I yelled, 'will someone answer that damn phone?' Everybody just looked at me. The ringing was coming from my bag."




10 February 2012


I nearly missed Mo this morning. I saw her feet sticking out from behind a concrete partition, so I went into the restaurant for her bagel and tea. When I came back she was gone. I asked Steve if he had seen Mo pass by. He said he thought she had entered the restaurant. I waited outside for what seemed a very long time, but eventually she came out.

"Are you stalking me?" she said with mock anger. "I see the way people in there look at me, like I'm some kind of scum."

"Of course I'm stalking you. I have something for you. I gave her a poem written by a friend. When she started reading she said, "Oh, my God...... Oh, My God.........Oh, my God." Then the tears came. "All this from somebody I've never met. It's so sweet. Thank your friend for me, and tell her I love her."

I hugged her and she started sobbing into my shoulder. She looked up at me and said, "If you start crying, I'm going to kick you."

I said, "My friend has been in some of the places you've been. She understands. There are a lot of people who love you.

You've told me of the terrible things that were done to you, about the guilt you feel because you didn't live your life the way your mother may have wanted, but that is the past, it's gone, you don't have to carry it with you. It doesn't define who you are now.

I know you're worried about what will happen when F. gets out of prison, but that is in the future. We never know what will happen tomorrow or next week. You don't have to carry that either."

"I still love Frank, but I can't live with him."

"It helps if you can forgive others who have harmed you, and forgive yourself. The only things you can control are what's happening this moment. Have you ever tried meditation?"

"Sometimes, when I'm alone."

"The next time you get a feeling of sadness or pain or frustration, just concentrate on breathing in and breathing out. Count your breaths. Look at what is happening in your mind and decide if there is anything you can do about it. If not, concentrate on what you see in front of you, what you smell in the air, what you are going to do next. Will you give it a try?"

"Yes."

I hugged her again and said, "Happy birthday, Mo. There are lots of people who love you." I kissed her on the cheek.


....


Noon hour at the wall brought Darrell, Emile, Rhino and Sparky.

I was glad to see Emile He is a small man, pale, with no front teeth and haunting gray eyes "We've met before , at the benches with Mo. You're looking well after what you've been through. Judy, 'Mom', said that your heart had stopped twice in the ambulance. She also mentioned that you had pneumonia. Do you remember her visiting you at the hospital?"

"No, I don't remember her, but I was in a coma for fifteen days. So she came to see me?"

"Yes, the nurse described your condition to her, and she sat at your bedside. She told us all how you were doing. It didn't sound good."

"I only had two hours sleep. I was coughing all night. I still have the pneumonia. This is my third heart attack. I really have to take it easy. I'm still weak. Walking from the Salvation Army to here, I had to stop for a rest six times."

Darrell said to him, "Do you want a drink?" as he pulled out of his pocket a small bottle of vodka.

"No, not that stuff. I got a few beers in my backpack for later."

Sparky who has a scar running from near his right eye through his upper lip, has yellow, uneven teeth, a very infections laugh and usually wears a dirty fedora with a brightly colored headband, said, " I had double pneumonia once. It was just after I got out of the haven (Millhaven Institution is a maximum security facility located in Bath, Ontario. The Institution opened in 1971 and can accommodate up to 413 inmates).

Darrell said, "The worst place I've been in is Lindsay. Any of you guys been in Lindsay? (The Central East Correctional Centre [as known colloquially as the Lindsay Superjail] is a medium/maximum security prison located in Lindsay, Ontario. It has recently been rebuilt.) I was in a cell with two black guys. There were only two bunks so I lay down on the floor.

"No man! Take my bunk. We're cool with anishnabs (slang for a member of the Anishinabe Nation). I'll sleep on the floor."

"So I take the bunk. Next morning he says to me, 'You had my bunk, so now I get your breakfast.' I was hungry, hadn't eaten since lunch the day before, but I said, 'You can have my breakfast, but you're not getting my lunch.' Shortly after, I was transferred out of there."

Emile said, "One guy asked for my breakfast and I said sure. I hit him in the face with it. 'You can eat my breakfast, tray and all.'"

"In Lindsay they still had ceramic toilets. We took a sheet and tied it in knots every foot or so. Then we flushed it knot by knot. Before the last knot we pulled back hard and the toilet in the cell next to us exploded.

I think they've changed everything since then. Replaced the ceramic with stainless steel. If you busted one of them ceramic toilets you could make a mean shank (knife). That ceramic can be really sharp."

Sparky said, "The Don Jail is bad too!" (a provincial jail for remanded offenders in the city of Toronto, Ontario, Canada).

"I remember twenty-eight of us were transferred in the Grey Goose from there to Penetang (The Central North Correctional Centre, a maximum security prison located in Penetanguishene, Ontario, Canada.) The driver, we called him Goofy, gave smokes to everybody."

"I've been in the Don Jail," said Rhino, who is missing a front tooth. "I remember this black guy. He was about E.'s height, about five feet something, but his shoulders were about four feet wide. He had his own hour in the gym. I saw him bench 625. Everybody was afraid of him. He pretty much kept to himself.

"I said, 'I'll go over and talk to him.' The others said I was crazy. I went over and said, 'excuse me, do you mind if I talk to you?' He said, 'Sure, man. Have a seat on the bench. Do you want to smoke some hash.' Everything was cool from then on."

The others said, "Yeah, it was always easy to get drugs in the Don."

Sparky smiled and said, "You guys hear that the price of sherry is going up. Last time I was at the liquor store I asked the clerk for the telephone number of their head office. He gave it to me. I was real polite when I phoned, I said 'Sir, I've heard that the price of sherry is going up. I happen to drink Imperial and I would appreciate it if you wouldn't raise the price of that particular brand.' All the other sherries went up, except for Imperial."

"You did good, Sparky! Way to go!" Handshakes all around. Sparky laughed. It's great to see him laugh.




9 February 2012


This morning as I was walking along the sidewalk, approaching the spot where I usually meet Mo, I saw two feet sticking out from behind a concrete partition. Before I went to the restaurant for Mo's bagel and tea I wanted to make sure it was her. Lately her visits have been sporadic and if she's not there another person may take over her spot. I saw a head peek out, then go back. I walked closer. The head peeked out again, then I saw Mo's smiling face and her hand waving. She had been playing peek-a-boo.

Mo had been drinking.

"Do you like me better when I'm sober, or when I've been drinking?"

"Mo, I like you however you are."

"I'm going to have to move. Carl and I had a big fight last night, mostly over his coke-head girlfriend. I could have had some last night, But I said, 'No, thanks.' What does that say about me? There is a word for it."

"It says you have will power."

"Frank will be out of prison in eight months. My parole officer said he was sentenced to eighteen months, but with time already served and time off for good behavior he could be out in October."

A man stopped, pulled out his change purse and handed us each a quarter.

"Bless you, sir." I said.

Mo said to me under her breath. "What does he expect us to do with this? Make a phone call? Thant's what it costs now to use a pay phone. I couldn't believe it.

"I miss my boys so much, and I miss my mom. I feel bad that I haven't lived my life the way she wanted. She was happy though when I was making big money, even if it was illegal. I just want to talk to her."

"You can Mo. Just talk to her. She can hear you. It's not a question of being good or bad, right or wrong; but about choices and consequences. It was choices that brought you here. It was choices that brought me here."

"Sometimes, I just scream at her. I don't look like her or my father. I was the youngest of eleven children. I was born with blond hair and blue eyes; my sisters and brothers are all dark. I got a lot of abuse growing up, especially from my father's side of the family.

"I asked my mom one day if I was adopted, or if I was maybe the mailman's baby, or something. She said we found you in a cabbage patch. You sere so cute we decided to bring you home and keep you.

"I found out later that I was meant to be aborted. My father had the cash in an envelope. My grandfather slit it open and ran off with the money. He came back eventually.

"When I was two years old my grandfather took me out to the woodshed. There was a tree limb in the shed. He chained me, hung me up, then he punched me and did things to me. It happened again when I was four, with my father and my uncle "Bugless". His real name is Douglas. I hate him so much for what he did to me.

"One time my mother saw him coming and she told me to run as fast as I could.. I went to one of the tree forts we had built in the forest.

“I can get so cold sometimes. I just hate people, especially men. Why do they have to be so…?

“There’s a lot that can be said for dogs.” I replied, referring to a quote by Mark Twain.

Silent tears had been streaming down Mo’s cheeks, but she started laughing. “Now I can take care of myself. Since 1995 I’ve been taking kick boxing. The owner of the studio drives a Hummer to advertise his business.”

A lady stopped and offered both of us a chocolate chip cookie.

“Bless you, ma’am.” I said.

“She’s okay. I’m careful about what food I accept. There was one guy who used to bring me fruit. Fruit’s okay. I like fruit. One day he brought me a home made muffin. After I ate it I felt a buzz like I’d had four hits of LSD. I was able to make it to the Mission. That was the only place I could think of to go. I was able to lie down and eventually it wore off.

“I miss my boys, but I can’t go back to Toronto. I have two outstanding assault charges against me. In 1007 I was pushing a carriage with my two babies in it. A woman ran by and dropped a plastic bag into the carriage. Before I could do anything one of the babies had the bag and was chewing on the corner. There was white powder all over his mouth. It was cocaine.

"The woman was running from the police. I caught up with her and beat her unconscious. Can you imagine, throwing cocaine into a baby carriage?

I mentioned that I had been to “the heater” yesterday and had a long talk with Albert I said that he was really a sweet man.

“He is so sweet. All the women take advantage of him except me. I’ve been here thirty years. I’m not going to turn over a friend. He was drinking with Bert one time and he fell backwards down fourteen concrete steps. He was in a coma for a while. His memory isn’t so good any more.

“He had a nice house on Augusta and he gets pension checks, so he always has money. Four of us were at The Prestige Hotel one time. They know me there, so everything was cool. R. took A.’s bank card to the beer store. He was gone in the morning and A.’s account had been cleaned out. Some of them blamed me for it but Albert said, 'I know it wasn’t Mo, I saw Richard take my card.' We haven't seen Richard since, but he'll be back in the summer."



8 February 2012


When I got off the bus this morning I was greeted by Grant and Steve who hand out the free Metro newspaper. “Good morning, Dale!” they both shouted (They never remember my name). "Mo’s here today!”

I was pleased since I hadn’t seen her in four days. I brought her toasted sesame seed bagel, steeped tea with one cream and three sugars.

“How’ve you been, Mo?”

“My legs are sore from fibromyalgia, apart from that I’m okay.”

"How did court go, Friday?”

“I don't know what happened. I didn’t go back. That’s probably why my probation officer wants to see me this morning. I'm also A.W.O.L. from the hospital.”

“When you were living in Toronto you were married and had five children. Is that right? When did things start to go wrong for you?”

”Well I was living common law, but it wasn’t a happy time for me. I have five sons, Michael, born in 1984, is now living on his own. Cody was born in 1990, Jonathan in 1992, Kassidy in 1996 and Dylan in 1997. They’re all living with family. They all have my telephone number, but they don’t phone very often. I don’t interfere with their lives. They’re settled now. No point me barging in.

“Nothing was ever good between me and my common law husband. Kassidy saw his father come at me with a machete, no it was a hatchet! He chopped my leg!

"My life has always been messed up. My grandfather was a freak. My father was a freak. I got along really well with my mother, in fact she was my best friend, until I got into drugs. Then she threw me out. I'd finished grade eight and was fourteen at the time.

"When I started making good money she was friendly enough! I bought her a house. My boys thought of her as their mom, until she passed away. God bless her soul."

At that point Albert arrived. I said hello to him. He looked at Mo and rubbed his thumb and fingers together indicating that he wanted money.

"I know, I owe Bert money. This is the first time I haven't paid him as soon as my check came in, but I was in hospital. I signed the check over to Carl, who deposited it in the bank. The landlord took the rent money out and there's nothing left.

Albert said, "Niaut".

Mo replied, "Niaut. That's Inuit for good-bye." she said to me.

"Bert can wait for his money."

Albert then walked away. I asked Mo if Albert was Inuit.

"No, he just seems to hang out with a lot of Inuit women. They go out together. He gets drunk and they "dig" (rob) him. I asked him if he ever gets anything. He said no. Next time he sees them, they're all friends again. I can't figure these guys. They'd be better off with a twenty dollar hooker.

"A couple of them have full blown HIV. Little Frank was drunk and his girlfriend threw him out. He passed out in the snow. Somehow he rolled over onto a "fit" (rig or hypodermic needle). That's how he got HIV."

It was time for me to leave, and Mo mentioned that she had to pee, so I walked her to the library. I noticed that she was limping.

"I didn't notice you limping on Friday."

"No, Friday it was okay."

We hugged and Mo said, "Don't forget that Sunday is my birthday."

"I remember, February 12. Will you be at 'the heater' later on?" I said as we parted.

"No, after my meeting, I'm going home."

At noon the sun was shining and the temperature was a relatively mild, minus 2 degrees Celsius (28.4 degree Fahrenheit). I walked to 'the heater' and noticed Irwin and Albert I can hardly count Irwin, since he was laying on his back, his head on his knapsack, sound asleep. I said to Albert He must have had a rough night."

"He's tired, that's all."

A large man with a big smile and a missing front tooth came over. Albert introduced him as Rhino

"Where you been, Rhino? I haven't seen you for a long time."

"I just got out of jail."

"What for?"

"A Metro store. No more boosting for me. I just got out of jail today."

"You got some money for me?"

"I already paid you fifteen dollars. There's nobody around that I owe money to. Not until tomorrow, anyway."

"I was just kidding, I know you paid me. You want to come to my house?" A. playfully kicked Rhino's shin. "No, I'm just going to hang out for a while." Rhino walked to the stairs where other people were sitting. I could hear them talking and laughing.

"I came by bus downtown this morning and had breakfast at the Salvation Army. It was a good breakfast. Then I did my run, visited some friends -- five people. I took the bus home, then came back here. See all the bus transfers I have.

"I think I'm going to have my last beer." He opened a large can of Old Milwaukee. "I haven't had any beer for three days.

"I was born across the river in old Quebec. I'm 63 years old now and I've never been in hospital. I wasn't even born in hospital. I was born at home. I nearly drowned though. My brother and I were swimming in a lake. I dove in and hit my head on a rock. I didn't know where I was. My brother reached down into the water and pulled me up by my hair, otherwise, I would have drowned.

"I read cards, you know. My first wife showed me how. I read a lady's cards the other day and I said to her, 'Someone you love very deeply is sick. 'Yes,' she said, 'my husband has cancer.'" Albert's eyes welled up with tears. "I hate it."

"You know Bert? I read his cards once and I saw three deaths. There was Jacques, Andre and I can't remember the third one. I don't know how it happens, but I hate it.

"Soon, I'm going to go home, smoke a little weed and listen to 98.6, 'Rouge FM'. They play nice music, about 75% English songs, the rest is French.

"You smoke a bit, I guess?"

"Not really, I mean sometimes. I have problems with paranoia, so it depends on who I'm smoking with; but yes, It's nice to relax."

"Friends are really important."

"I agree, they're the most important, sometimes. If we have friends we have someone who will help us make it through the day, and sometimes through the night."

"Well I'm off now. I'm going to see my dealer. He has a big bag for me."

I walked him to the corner.




3 February 2012


I can only describe today as unbelievable. I was expecting to meet with Irwin at “the heater”, so I stopped by the liquor store to buy his favorite, Imperial sherry. He had shared with me, so I felt it only fair to share with him.

I walked to 'the heater' -- it was deserted. I walked to the park benches -- also deserted. I started heading back along Elgin Street towards work when I saw a slim, beautiful woman waving at me. I can only describe her as “drop dead gorgeous”. I turned around to see if there was someone behind me that she was waving at. She called out, “Dennis!”

The woman’s hair was dark in a stylish pixie cut, teased and gelled in the latest fashion. She wore a fitted tweed jacket, slim jeans, designer sunglasses and tasteful makeup. I wasn’t wearing my glasses, but when I came closer I realized it was Mo. I said, “Mo, you look beautiful! You sure do scrub up good!”

“Well, don’t let anybody else know. I’m dressed like this for court. I appeared this morning and F. pleaded innocent.

“I was called to the witness stand and said, 'What do you want me to say? You’ve seen the video, the hospital reports, statements from people who saw me bruised and beaten with broken bones. What else is there?'

“Anyway, I have to go back at two o’clock. I don’t know what is going to happen.”

We went to the food court in the building where I work. I found an unoccupied table and asked Mo to wait so I could go to my office and get the get the pair of boots I had for for her.

When I came back I felt like Prince Charming sliding the boot onto Mo’s foot. Like Cinderella, a perfect fit. I went over to the shoemakers to get a pair of thermal insoles, since Mo had been complaining of having cold feet.

We had about ten minutes to chat before I had to go back to work. Mo had spent the last week in hospital for epileptic seizures that she admits are due to her drinking. She hadn’t liked the hospital food and had dropped to 123 pounds.

I also learned that her birthday is February 12, 1966. She looks surprisingly young for a mother of five. She was born in Scarborough, part of Toronto. Her mother was French, her father a mix of English and Ojibwa (or metis). "Especially because of my blue eyes, I'm often told that I'm not indian enough."

I left her with the bottle of sherry. I don’t think I will ever be able to look at her the same way again. She is a true Cinderella story -- emerging from behind a dumpster in back of Starbucks to the beautiful, confident woman she is today.

We'll be meeting again Monday.



2 February 2012


Today, the sun was shining. Temperature was -5 degrees Celsius (23 degrees Fahrenheit). Ice sculptures were on display outdoors at the Lord Elgin Hotel. At 'the heater' (or 'the wall') were Sparky, Irwin, Judy, Henry and later Maria. I asked Sparky how he was doing. He replied, "I'll be great once I get this drunk on."

I talked to Irwin about his birthplace, Bella Bella (also known as Waglisla), on Campbell Island. I had researched it on the Internet.

"Yeah man, It's grown since I've been there, but it's beautiful. That's God's country out there. The only way in is by boat or plane. The ferries may run there, but I'm not sure since that one tipped over a few years back.

"When I was a kid we used to have races, through the forest for a mile or so, around things, over things, under things, through the swamp then swim the last part. I was fast. We really had fun."

Judy, 'Mom', mentioned that she had visited Emile in the hospital yesterday. 'Mom' is very sweet and motherly looking with shoulder length white hair.

"He doesn't look good. Besides the heart attack he has pneumonia. He has a nurse twenty-four hours a day, sitting at his side. She told me all the details of his condition. He died twice, but they brought him back. He's got tubes coming out of everywhere and one down his throat because he can't breathe on his own. He looks like a robot. They have him in an induced coma. They want to bring him back slow."

"I had double pneumonia one time." said Sparky. "That's really bad. You can die from that. My martial arts trainer was with me and gave me a shot of whiskey every hour.

"I took karate, taekwondo, kick boxing and boxing. I knew that stuff even before I went to the pen."

"I have a red belt in jiu jitsu." said Irwin as he took my wrist and elbow putting it in a position where he could either throw me or break my arm. "My hands are considered weapons. Even these steel toed boots are considered weapons. The police told me that. They could see the markings on the sides.

"A friend got me these boots, he said if you ever need boots let me know. I went to him and the next day he brought me these. They cost $300 and they're really warm.

Henry, a large man with a beard, reached into his back pack and pulled out two small gift boxes and a heart-shaped tin of chocolate covered toffees. He gave them to 'Mom'.

She opened the boxes and showed everyone. In the first box was a necklace with a silver pendant and two stud earrings with pink stones. In the second box was a necklace with a black rectangular stone.

"Henry!" she said, "How long have you known me?"

"Six years, maybe."

"In all that time didn't you notice that my ears aren't pierced? I guess now I'll have to have them done.

"I'm going to the "Sheps" (Shepherd's of Good Hope) soon to get my meds. My worker had them sent there.

Irwin said to Henry, "You're barred from there aren't you?"

"I'm barred for life. I hit two staff. They reported me and I was sent down for sixty days. I'm up on another charge coming to court soon. I hit someone. I don't know who. I was drunk."

"Has anybody got a comb. I've gone three days without combing my hair." Henry reached into his backpack and pulled out a comb. "That's my comb, Henry. Now go easy, start from the bottom and go up, I've got a lot of tangles." Henry gently combed out Judy's shoulder length, white hair.

"Judy, I went to your place the other night, but you weren't there. I had five bottles of wine with me, so I just stayed there and got pickled. Do you know that your building was raided? If your room mates have any needles laying around you could get arrested just for being there. I don't think you should go back."

At that point Maria arrived with two litres (quarts) of Molson Ice Beer.

"Where's Emile?" she questioned. "I came all this way to see him and he's not here."

"Don't you know that he's in hospital?" said Henry, "I was with him when it happened. We were at McDonalds. We had cheese burgers and each of us had a bottle of wine with us. We drank it right there at McDonalds. Then Emile just slumped over in his chair. Somebody called an ambulance."

Judy said to Sparky, "I had a couple of joints earlier, but I could really use a drink. Will you give me a drink?"

"Not now, maybe later.

"Sparky!" Irwin said, "If you don't give 'Mom' a drink now, I won't give you a drink later." He pulled a bottle of Imperial sherry from his back pack. To me he said, "We always share with everybody, I don't know what's gotten into Sparky." He passed the bottle around and we each took a swig.

"Very good!" I said, "This is what you were telling me about the other day." (Medium amber colour; aromas of walnuts, caramel and figs; sweet and creamy along with flavours of brown sugar. Has a slightly impetuous bouquet. I can imagine it served with pecan pie.)

Irwin opened a bag of Cheezies and offered some to Judy "Are you crazy! You'll ruin your buzz. I'm trying to hang onto my stone. I'm not going to ruin it just because of munchies.

"I'm allowed back on Dalhousie Street now. I was banned for six months. I haven't been causing any trouble. I just get drunk. I woke up at Bernice's's place and asked her if I had any money. She checked and said, I still had fifty bucks. That was a relief!"

It was time for me to get back to work, so I excused myself, said my good byes and to Irwin, "Maybe, I'll see you tomorrow." He shook my hand and we parted.



1 February 2012


Today was a learning experience. The weather was what the meteorologists called "freezing fog". I walked to 'the heater' where I saw Albert and a woman. Albert, I had met the previous day, the woman I had seen, but we hadn't been introduced.

Albert said to the woman, "Cathy, this is ... What did you say your name is?"

"I'm Dennis."

I shook Albert's hand then extended it to Cathy. She withheld her hand and said, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to visit friends. I was hoping Mo would be here."

Albert was very friendly and talkative. The previous day he hadn't said a word. "He's solid, Cathy, he was here yesterday talking with Irwin."

Cathy may have noticed my "Shepherd's of Good Hope" bag. She said, "There was a man who was barred from "The Shepherd's of No Hope," The Salvation Army and the Mission. The temperature was -40 degrees. No place would let him in. He froze to death standing up, leaning against the brick wall of the Shepherd's."

"Why was he barred?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter why he was barred! Nobody should be forced to freeze to death!"

"I agree."

Albert, in a kindly voice, broke the awkward silence, "Cathy and I have been friends for a long time -- on the wagon and off. I was sober for 10 years. That's when I was with Epeepee, an Inuit woman. When she died four years ago I fell off the wagon."

"I'm sorry to hear that." I said.

"I don't like your voice!" said Cathy.

"I'm sorry, I won't talk."

"It's not your voice I don't like, it's the tone. It's clinical and condescending."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come across that way."

Albert went on with his stories. He mentioned that he lives on Chapel Street, that he likes British Columbia pot, that he used to be a drug dealer.

"Albert, don't give away personal information." To me she said, "I don't like you!"

"Would you like me to leave." I said.

"Yes!"

"Goodbye, Albert Goodbye Cathy"

Today I learned that even the agencies whose sole purpose is to help the poor, the destitute and the homeless can be seen as the enemy. I learned that I will always be an outsider to homeless people. I haven't had their experiences. I don't blend. I am humble. I only want to help, but those who don't know me may not always see that. I must show more sensitivity. Tomorrow, I hope to have a more positive experience, but I have learned from today