You have to give your emotions a chance to be heard. Give them time and space to air their grievances, worries, anxieties and complaints.

Then you have to kick them square in the butt.

Come on folks, you KNEW it wouldn't last!

I'm making the uphill climb. I feel better today than I have in almost a week. No doubt powerful antibiotics are to thank. I believe coming back to work did me some good too - I've been locked up in the house a lot since Sunday. I also gave myself some time and space to reflect on my own grievances and I think that was long past due.

Yes, 2009 has been a tough year. While nothing major or catastrophic has happened (for which, I must add, I am extremely thankful), it has been a year of shattered hopes and broken dreams. Things haven't turned out as I hoped in a number of areas and I've been dealing with a lot of disappointment. I've been telling people lately that I'm the kind of person that doesn't mind taking calculated risks. Sometimes they work out great. Sometimes, I lose my head. This year, I've been more in decapitation mode.

Sometimes what you're doing works great and then one day you hit a brick wall. Boom! Just like that what worked yesterday isn't working today. I think my first experience with that came in college. My first two years, I did great. Wonderful study skills and the grades to prove it. Then I started my junior year and those grades went down. Turns out that what gets an "A" in lower division classes will get you a "C" in upper division - at least at the University of South Carolina (Go Cocks!). After a truly hellish first semester my junior year, I realized that I was going to have to plan my classes much more efficiently in the future - not too many 300 or higher classes, and I couldn't take 17 hours of courses a semester. I made the changes and things went much better - but ouch, that was a painful lesson indeed.

Well, obviously I'm there again. The way I've been doing things with my writing and in my job aren't going to cut it any more, and I have to find a new strategy. Yesterday's gone, today has kicked my butt (and I have the bruises to prove it), and tomorrow I must try something different. I don't know why this has happened. Maybe it's the crappy economy. Maybe it's crappy luck. Maybe I've been riding a high wave and been extremely lucky for a while and the supply has been depleted. Maybe it's the random crap of life. I don't know. All I do know is that it's a new day and I have to find a new way if I want to see progress.

So ok, fine. I hope the past few days have been me hitting bottom. Just please, don't anybody throw me a shovel. I will wack you with it! Yes, that's where I'm at now. Determination and hope are taking a foothold again. Thank God.

It's funny. As I look at the shattered pieces of what was I see - possibility. It's time to put things back together in a new and different way. I have no doubt that it will be much more beautiful than what was because that's always the point of these trying times.

When I came in this morning the first thing I saw on my desk (besides a truckload of mail) was my plaque with Jeremiah 29:11 on it: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Talk about a good, swift kick right where I need it. I think when most people hear that verse they see prosper, hope and future. Today I saw "not to harm you." I think that's where the real focus should be.

And now I would like to take a moment to thank you faithful readers that I haven't scared off yet. You've been great, encouraging, and reminded me that I'm still alive and not alone. You guys are awesome. Thanks so much!

So that's it. The demon of depression, or the blues, or whatever it was has been squashed. It's still not great, but at least now I see that hope again. I will get a grip on the changes coming at work. I will write that novel. I will do much more. Where there's life, there's hope and I'm not done yet. It could be that I'm just getting started - or restarted at least.

That's all folks. I hope you have a great day. I'm hungry and ready for lunch. Gosh, I haven't been hungry like this in almost a week. I might turn into Jabba the Hutt yet. Hmm. I promise I won't freeze anybody in carbonite.

Bye!