I worked for the art exhibition today. Helped cut the thread, organize the paintings, and enjoyed it too. But when I gave the computer quiz today, my enthusiasm vanished, I won't get more than 2 out of 10 in it. Have to submit the new assignment.

I am a BBA(Bachelor of business administration) student, and computer science is for the engineering students. I took it cause I just wanted to learn programming properly. But the way I'm loosing points here! I wanted to excel particularly in this class, but I just can't perform here because of the circumstances.

My instructor is quite sweet and helpful, and that is what increases my woes. I don't deserve that sweetness, I really don't! The more I think about it, the more I feel bad. I know Allah Allmighty always tests my patience, and a lot of tears comes my way before an unexpected reward. I just hope I can make my instructor happy in some way, through my grades. But how? I've already lost more than 25 points in some way or other. My instructor knows I'm sincere, he helps me a lot but I just don't deserve those smiles, those encouragement...

Studies is the only field where I can dream big. But this time, my CGPA will be low, very low, I just know that. And why? Either because of the traffic congestion, or the broken car. I just wish I could walk like the other girls of my age, travel by public transport like my other friends do. I wish I could wear those beautiful footwear, the sight of which only makes me sigh!

Lord Allmighty, why me? Just what sin did I commit? Why am I not getting any chance to try this time? I had a CGPA of 3.25 out of 4 last semester, wanted to take it up to 3.75 this time. But how? When I know I'll get either a C or a D in computer science, the subject I wanted to learn so much!

I'd prefer to be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, instead of living like this!
 

My car was in the garage from last thursday. As a result, I couldn't come to university. I'm not allowed to travel without the car.

I've missed 5 statistics classes in a row. Missed computer class, couldn't show my homework to my instructor, and already have two zeros. If the total number is 100, and I get a zero out of 20(because I've missed two quizes). How can I dream of an A+(when I know that 90 or above gives an A+, 85 to 89 gives an A -, 70 to 88 gives a B+)

I had a dream of getting in the merit list since the begining of this semester. But if I get a C or below in computer science(which is obvious because I've missed so many things), merit list? Huh! Maybe I don't have a right to either smile, or dream!

Even today, when the car got out of garage(freshly painted and all), another huge car hit ours, and again, our car got smashed. Which means I'll have to miss two more classes. Well, the owner of this culprit car will pay for our repair, but will that bring my lesson back? NO!

Sum total - 0 on 20 in computer science
0 on 10 in statistics
Miss the art exhibition scheduled tomorrow - and miss another 10 points. Huh! Me in the merit list? No way!
 

I was trapped in the lift for about 40 minutes some days ago. When the door was finally opened, I had to jump down and got hurt- and as a result - footache again. Sometimes I really feel like chopping that leg down with an axe. I did not CHOOSE to be a premature baby, I did not WISH to walk with a stick, I did not ASK for the blood circulation problems. Sometimes the pain can be so severe that I just can't figure out what to do. I was fine for the first 12 years, then from 13 onwards, this constant pain, swelled foot, sleepless nights, painkillers, sleeping pills...

But then maybe my life really has a purpose. I know I was born with a short left foot with twisted blood vessels(all these happened because of the life saving injection I recieved at birth.) My father and mother, agreed to let me live, though for my relatives I'm nothing but a living corpse. I'm glad to get such supportive parents and siblings, and now a sweet sis in law. And on top of that, I've got two little bundles of joy(my nephew and niece) to live for.

I'm always reminded that all the babies born on the 4th of April 1984, in Holly Family Hospital, had birth problems. One by one all of them passed away within hours, except for me. Doctors used to call me a miracle baby.

And most importantly, I don't need medicines anymore. Whenever waves of pain sweep through my body, I begin either singing or painting. My physiotherapists encouraged me to do this. They've read about music therapy as part of their course, and I've applied that on myself.

Life's not a bed of roses but I've learnt to make it so. Life is a challenge, and I'm gonna face it. Hope Allah Allmighty will give me the strength!
 

I'm really enjoying life nowadays. It is true that the stupid footache sometimes gets on my nerves. But I guess I can enjoy life now, cause I'm trying to convert pain into strength. Got a 10 on 10 in statistics quiz today. The only thing I ask for from Allah Allmighty, is strength. No matter how much pain I get, I must not break down,

Met an old friend in university today. Also met another Bengali here in WDC. She writes well, check her outmellow pearl .

I love giving gifts. And I'm giving gifts to everyone these days. My mid terms are going on. Already gave 2 exams. Pray for me