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My writing journal
I'm constantly thinking "I wish I wrote more!" So, here I am writing more! |
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My life is always so busy and I always have so many ideas floating around my head that I can go months at a time without doing any writing. Once I realise I haven't written anything down for however long, I instantly regret it. I'd love to put more time aside for my writing - this is my attempt |
| Nothing to report |
| 23/02/2013 Well it's nearing the end of February - there's one week left (and what a busy week it is going to be!) I don't feel I have much to show for it. I've been working a lot! Next week I am working in eight different schools, so that will be extremely tiring. I've only read 10 books so far and I've done no writing! I'm writing this on my brand new iPad mini actually. Bought to encourage productivity, I adore it so far!! I'm still waiting for my MA results, which is currently driving me crazy. Things between Chris and I are a little fraught at the moment. However, I will not go into that right now as I only wanted to type up a quick entry. What would win in a fight: a platypus or a manatee? |
| What will 2013 bring? |
| This, 2013, is already an bizarre year. One of planning, growing up and deciding. So far, I've gotten engaged - well, technically, that came very late in 2013, but I'm still counting it - I've finished my Masters degree, and discovered that the contract of one my jobs will not be extended (in all honesty, I'm not disappointed by this. Therefore, wedding planning/discussions and looking at houses to buy are at the core of many conversations in this house. As a non-girly girl, wedding plans worry me as everyone expects me to have definite demands ... I have none! As long as I am not stood up and we have a good day, I will be happy. The question "have you decided what you'd like from a dress?" makes me squirm. The answer to this is, unsurprisingly, "not a clue". Looking at houses excites me more, I think. It excites me that, one day, in the not too distant future, I will own my very own home - well a share of. I'm also enjoying the way the year is going. All my life, I have been tied down to something that requires me to give up my spare time - be it school, college, university or my sporting career. But now, although I do have a job, I have loads of spare time and its all mine! So, other than the aforementioned planning for my future, I have five main goals for 2013: 1. Work as much as possible: I am a self-employed motivational speaker - mostly in schools. I work on a wonderful program, going into different schools speaking to students. So, the more I work, the more students I inspire and, of course, the more money I make - for the house 2. Write as much as possible: I think this one may be obvious, otherwise I wouldn't have returned to writing.com ;) 3. Read as much as possible: I love reading. Often I don't read as much as I'd like, probably because I was too busy. So, this year, I've set myself a challenge. Altogether its 169 books to be read this year. I have a list of 13 books in 13 different categories (or authors) that I want to read. Perhaps I'll post my list on here. I'm currently ahead of pace, having read 24 books already since January 1st. Still a long way to go though. 4. Watch as many films at the cinema as possible: Last week I realised that there were tons of films coming out that I wanted to see. But tickets are pretty expensive these days. So I treated myself to an unlimited card - you only need to see two films to make it worth the money worth it. I've had the card 5 days and have seen 3 films - so far so good. 5. Get fit again: I've lost all my fitness as I have been so lazy for a year. So I'd love to get it all back :) Wish me luck!! |
| I'm back |
| It seems I had been away from here for 206 days. This makes me sad - I really enjoy using writing.com. The website has so much to it that I get lost all the time or never know where to start. Nevertheless, its a great way to read new pieces, get inspiration and meet new people. So I've come back. I have had no time to be here since I was writing my MA thesis and working. But now, my thesis is finished (grade still unknown) and my free time - the little I have - is now my own. So I'm praying that this will offer me the time to write :) We'll see :) |
| London 2012 Paralympic Games - 50 days to go! |
| Sometimes it is hard to believe that the Paralympic Games started life as a archery demonstration involving just 16 people. In fact, on 29th July, just 2 days after the Olympic Games commence, we will be able to celebrate the 64th anniversary of that, inauspicious, archery demonstration held at Stoke Mandeville hospital. Now, 64 years later, we are rapidly heading towards the second biggest sporting event on the planet! Indeed, the Paralympic Games have always been a “big deal” for all athletes involved; they are the ultimate goal, the chance to shine and a chance for global glory. However, now, finally, realisation is dawning on the rest of the world; the Paralympic Games are coming and they are a “big deal”. Exactly four years ago, I was preparing for my second Paralympic games in Beijing. It wasn’t the perfect run up to a games; even though I had qualified and secured my place way back in April, I was injured so I needed to prove my ability once more. You see, athletes at a Paralympic Games are of only the highest calibre. All athletes, whether they accept it or not, are competing for a shot at those coveted gold me. Therefore, because I was injured, I had to do another time-trial to make sure I was definitely up to scratch. Thankfully, I was and I well and truly secured my seat on the flight to Beijing. Beijing 2008 was spectacular. The organising committee went all out to ensure that it would be a Games to remember; the greatest games to date, and it was! I remember thinking, in quite harsh terms, about how London 2012 would fair in comparison to the amazing scenes unfolding before my eyes. I convinced myself that there was no way Britain could equal China in putting on such an incredible show. Four years later, I stand corrected. Britain do not need to equal China; we do not need to have sparkly lights in places you would not expect to see sparkly lights. No, all we need to do is go one step further in proving the worth and high standards of Paralympic sport. If the Beijing Paralympics 2008 was able to alter attitudes towards disabled people in China, which I believe it did, London 2012 can go one step further. If every person in Britain watches or hears about even just one (hopefully more) aspect of the Paralympic Games, and is inspired by that snippet, London 2012 will have done its job and will be the greatest games ever! I hope, in 50 days time, some lives are changed - and I don’t just mean those of the athletes! |
| The life of an athlete: Doping control |
The life of an athlete, from the outside, may seem glamorous at times. But I assure you, most of the time, it is not – and I am not just talking about the dodgy sports gear that needs to be worn. One of the least glamorous parts of an athlete’s job is doping control! The inspiration for this particular post comes from me finding approximately 30 doping control forms, safely filed away in a filing cabinet “just in case”. Every World Class athlete has been there (if not, your time will come) and, I assure you, every World Class athlete hates if. I don’t know how to talk about this without telling you that doping control involves pee and a pot (or two… or maybe three if you’re really unlucky! Ahem). They can come for you, and your pee, at any time! Pretty much all athletes have to complete online forms to tell the lovely “doping control officers” where they’ll be at any given time and when is a “good” time to turn up. Then during competitions they are there, lurking in little rooms, deciding who to target next! Full credit to them, its not a job I’d choose, that’s for sure. All athletes have their own doping control stories. Whether it be that they were unable to ‘go’ despite drinking 2 litres of water; or feeling shattered after a really hard training session looking forward to bed, only to see a woman with a UK anti-doping badge wandering towards you; or being woken up at 6am on your day off by a knock on the door and a woman saying ‘can I see some ID please? In fact, these are some of my own stories. There are hundreds out there. As we head closer towards London 2012, doping control officers will be going into over drive! Before Beijing 2008, I was tested a grand total of 4 times in a single eight day period – twice at home and twice in competition. By the 4th visit I was not impressed! But, if it cleans up sport, I’m all for it! I just thought I’d tell you the story of my worst ever doping control experience. Its funny now, but spare a thought for all our “glamorous” athletes that have to go through this kind of thing on a regular basis…. Durban, 2010: I’d just won the World Championship gold by 4 seconds! I was so happy. Well, I was, until a woman with a clipboard approached me, “congratulations! Sorry but you’ve been selected for anti-doping”. OK, I thought, I really could do with the loo, in and out quick, job done, lets go! However, I was also due to swim in the relay later in the programme. My competition coach was also head coach for our relay team, and he reckoned I didn’t have time to go straight away: after all, I needed to swim down, go to my medal ceremony and then prepare for the relay which was only an hour away! Fine, I’ll wait. An hour and a half passed: we were still waiting to race! We were the very last race on so there must have been a hold up earlier on in the evening. Bear in mind, I’m drinking the whole time to keep hydrated. In we went, raced a brilliant relay, winning gold in the process. Two time World Champion, in one night, how awesome is that? Unfortunately, all I could think was “I really need the loo!” Now, not only were we the last race of the evening, but we were the last race of the entire meet. So, we went to our medal ceremony and I thought I could head straight to doping control. Wrong! Team photo time! If you ever see any of the 100 versions of that team photo, you’ll be able to note my unease, shall we say! I finally reported to doping control at 10pm. You’d be wrong in thinking my story ended there, oh no. As all the countries left the pool and the stewards began their clear up, I grabbed my chosen pot and ran to get the job done. Quickest time ever, I thought. However, in order for the lab to be able to do their testing properly, the doping control officer has to check the “quality” of the sample. If the sample isn’t up to scratch it has to be done again. You see, if you hold on long enough, and drink more than enough, you will just pee water! 11:45pm and three pots later, I stood outside with the team nurse trying to find away back to the hotel! So, ladies and gentlemen, what have we learnt today? We have learnt that behind each and every gold medal in London this summer there will be celebration, there will be cheers and there will be media. But, there will also be a woman with a clipboard waiting patiently to say: “congratulations! Sorry but you’ve been selected for anti-doping”! |
| Wimbledon: Feel the Passion! |
Last night I turned on the TV, just to fill to void as I sat eating a very late dinner. I wasn’t looking to watch anything in particular, so I decided to check out what was going on at Wimbledon. And there I was stuck for two hours, mesmerised by the amazing tennis and sportsmanship that unfolded before my eyes. I must say, as an ex-sports person, I love sport, not all sports but most. However, I can take it or leave it… until I’m watching, and then I cannot move before the final whistle blows, so to speak. Playing last night were world number 2, Nadal and world number 100, Rosol. An easy and quickly concluded match you’d think? Wrong! There went my plans of an early night. I’m not writing to tell you technical information of the game so, put simply, Rosol won in the 5th set – a huge accomplishment, no question, for Rosol and a pretty major blow for Nadal. I like tennis but I do not know that much about it. No, what fascinates me is the unwavering levels of passion that goes into every serve, every stroke and every rally. Tennis can be a long game, 4.5 hours I believe was the total last night. That is an incredible amount of time to have to keep the passion flowing at an adequate rate! Me? My main event was 50m backstroke – if we include the time I had to be in the call up rooms for, we are looking at 30-40 minutes max. But, actual race time? It is no less significant, but surely these guys need 100% more mental stamina than I ever did. It is phenomenal! There was no doubt that Rosol was the underdog. Not much was even known about the guy before this particular match. He certainly was not due to beat the World number 2, not any time soon at least. However, that did not matter. You could see from his face that he needed to win. He may have started the match just thinking: “lets just see what happens”, but half way through - a switch was flicked. I’m not saying Nadal did not want, or even need, to win. But the fire in Rosol’s eyes was so bright, that he had to win. I was confident he would do just that. When Rosol was younger he had a dream, he worked hard towards that dream. Now, I’m guessing, he has realised at least part of that dream. This can never be taken away from him! It is from this match, that I have been given even more inspiration to realise my current dream: to develop my personal philosophy and write my book. I will write about this further at a later date |
| What a different a year makes! |
I rediscovered writing.com last night, I just logged in and reminded myself how great it was. But why did I log in? I hadn’t been on here since August 2011, that’s quite a while, so why would I feel the need to return? It obviously didn’t work for me the last time I was here. Or did it? The truth is, yesterday, via twitter, I was invited to a seminar about professional speakers and book writing. That’s what I do you see, I am a speaker. Well, no, that’s one of my jobs but I’ll get to that another time, I digress! Anyway, the invitation came because the guy thought I had a great book “in me”. To be honest, this comes with no surprise – I love writing and I have had a rather unique life that I enjoy sharing with people, hence the speaking jobs. So, because of one 140 character tweet, my brain went into overdrive about my need to get back into writing. So here I am, after 6 months of not writing a word (other than two chapters of my MA thesis – yawn), trying to get myself writing again. To start, I have chosen to write about the last year. Once I have done this, it may become clear as to why one month I can fill a journal and a half with thoughts and ideas but write nothing at all for the next six months. I opened my journal for the first time in ages today and discovered that my last entry was on 14/01/12 … far too long ago! So, a year ago I was depressed. I don’t just mean a little down in the dumps, I genuinely mean clinically depressed. You see, I was a swimmer, I swam for Great Britain for ten years – I have several international medals to my name. It was an amazing job, I was very fortunate to have been given the opportunities I was, and yet I was still depressed. A year ago today I was attempting to pack for the European Championships, not knowing exactly whether or not I would be able to go due to the situation I was in with my depression. To be honest, I wasn’t sure whether I still wanted to go. The whole time I was there, training and competing, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be there, but I was and, like the professional I was, I just got on with it and hid my feelings from the world. I won’t lie; the meet didn’t go to plan – at all. But I’m not sure what I expected – miracles? Whilst I was there, I found myself saying goodbye to the world of competitive swimming (from an athletes perspective). I knew I had given all I could to my sport and now it was making me unhappy. I had to wait months to make my official announcement, but in October 2011 I retired from swimming and my entire life shifted – for the better. It took a while for it to sink in that my life was entirely my own. I’d been living a World Class athlete’s lifestyle since I was 14 years old. So to be completely free of rules, regulations and a rigorous time table was an entirely new concept. But I soon got used to it and I think it is safe to say that retirement pretty much cured my depression. I had to find a new job and money from somewhere, but that was ok. I didn’t exactly have a plan, but that was ok. I was just extremely grateful to myself that I’d decided to go to university when I did. I still don’t have a plan, but that IS ok. However, what is not ok is my apparent need to do everything, all the time, at exactly the same time! During my depression, I had some counselling. I cant say I enjoyed it, but I did learn a few bits and pieces about myself along the way. Due to my competitive background, I have a tendency to put myself under huge amounts of pressure with everything I do. Also, I make mental lists of all the things I need (or think I need) to do and if I don’t do the things on such lists I will come down on myself really hard. It’s even worse if I would like to be doing all the things at once. So, for example, say I am reading a book: I will want to be reading 4 other books at the same time, doing some writing, baking, studying, preparing a speech for the next week and watching an entire series of House – all at the same time!! To be fair, its not always that severe, but it can be exhausting. It gets to the point, sometimes, that my brain is so full of things I want/need to do that I run out of energy just thinking about it so I cant do any of it. Then, I get annoyed at myself! I feel I ought to point out here that I am a Gemini… apparently this is obvious! So basically, in order to start writing more, I have to clear my head, prioritise and work on my time management. This, I promise you, is far easier said than done! I’m not quite sure I have done what I set out to do in this entry, but life cannot always be about structure! I had much much more to say, but I’m figuring smaller chunks might be the way forward. Any comments/suggestions/reviews are gratefully received! |
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