I have failed miserably to keep this record. A lot has happened. I am no longer in school. I miss it. Carol's husband John died in February 2011. I moved to a larger apartment and Carol and Sarah moved in with me in May. I think we are now in the transition to attend the church I went to several years ago. My church is very close--I can walk. I have friends I enjoy seeing and working with. The message is pretty weak and anemic. The preacher never addresses salvation, sin, righteousness, or what he calls "negative issues."

For three weeks we have gone to Carol's church. It is a small Assembly of God church in the country. I have been blessed and I love the people some of whom were members when I was there before. It looks like we may stay.
 

I haven't written anything on Writing.com for a long time, not even a review. I think it's time to come home. I need to review some pieces and see how everyone is doing. I need to see if my writing is keeping up. I still write, but I don't have the kind of support Writing.com offeres to members.

I've missed it a lot. I think this is a good thing.
 

I've had a hard week. I went to Carol's three days in a row and they are coming to my house for dinner on Saturday. She wants me to do things for her that John or Sarah should help her with, like filling out applications and making calls. Maybe I'm too lazy or selfish, but there are things that should not be my problem.

I guess I see her side of it. She only get out of the house when I am there, and she only talks to anyone but John or Sarah, so having me there is a real relief to her. What about what that means to me. Yes, I do have time away from her needs, but I'm old. I need to be able to enjoy my own time.

And by the way, Sarah's books for school cost $723.11. She has not paid tuition and fees yet. I don't know what that will be. Oh, joy! She has got to get enough education to get a job. She has got to help them. I can't do all that needs to be done. Haven't I said all this before?

Whine, whine, whine.
 

I am at it again--trying to see where I am going, or aleast where I've been. This week Shania and Katy came to visit and Tracy joined them. I have realized how small a duplex apartment is and how much I value and enjoy my privacy and being alone. Oddly, I also realize that I love my family very much, but I don't need to see them all the time. It is enough that I see them sometimes and still like them.

I have also figured out thaI in spite of everything I am not really very good at organizing and leading things. I do better reading, studing, and writing in my corner. It is really nice to be able to share with someone and hear their stories and tell mine. But beyond that social activities and groups are not my thing Maybe I'll do better and not critize myslef so much and not expect things of myself that I can't do with this knowledge. I really do love life!.
 

WDC has made changes and I continue to make them too. I am writing on other sites now, too. Here I write because I love to write. There I also get paid. I am hoping to get paid some real money someday. It will take a while and a lot of writing, but then I love to do it.
My life is still a mess. Carol seems to get worse everyday. She called this morning to say she couldn't turn her head. I think an abscess is forrmng on her hip. Can't imagine why, but then I haven't understood most of the things that have happened to her. And life goes on.
 

I am tired of being sick with the kidney infections and dentists. I can't afford this. I don't like it either. I want to study and write. I want to learn to do it better. I want to stay in my house and research and learn what these site will accept and publish. And which ones I can make money on! Or is the whole thing a pipe dream or fantasy created in my mind?
 

I went to the dentist. Kinda sad. I knew I needed some dental work, but I wasn't prepared for the 4 to 5 thousand dollar estimate he gave me. I had that money earmarked for the taxes, and now somebody else is trying to get their hands on it. And this time I have emminent pain in the future if I don't take care of it. I don't know how I got in this mess. Remind me again why I have six children and got my life so entangled.
 

June is winding down, and I am experiencing my second kidney infection in a month. Help! I don't like to be sick. I don't do well when I'm sick. I don't know that I am doing too well whne I'm not sick, but this is getting ridiculous. On the other hand, I do get to lie in bed late and not feel gillty about it, except that I still can't lie there. Something there is that doesn't love for me to lie in bed, (pardon me Robert Frost).Maybe I'll get it all together tomorrow. Maybe I'll do all the stuff I want to do--oh, yeah, sure, I'm going to do that!
 

June is 1/3 over. What happened? I notice myself seeing time fleeing. It is disconcerting to be so taken with the speed with which my life is passing. Maybe it's because I don't feel like I get anything accomplished. Other people do. Things happen and people get new jobs and buy new cars and take trips. But I am still here trying to get out of this rut. Why haven't I written anything good lately? Well, I did write something, but it was not accepted. What do I do now about that? Post it somewhere else, silly. That's not the only game in town. Yeah, maybe I'll do that!
 

I was sick; now I;m better, but not enough better. I'm tired and I can't think or get anything done. I get a vision of what I want to do, but I can't muster the energy to accomplish it. It sounds so easy. But then there's the work. Please God,help me.