Single dads always get a lot of sympathy from people in the workplace. "He's really there with his kids" and other such remarks are made about the guys who get to have all of the fun and little discipline with his kids. He can be party dad, while Mom is the sensible food- sleep normal- do your homework- bad guy.

These single dads need to step up and listen to Michelle Obama's new campaign. They, too, have a role in their children's health. Instead of hot dogs and french fries on the weekends, these men need to be pushing fresh fruit and salads and low-fat proteins. Instead of theme parks and movies and video games, they need to play ball and run and exercise with their children. The fathers they don't see every day should be setting an example of healthy eating and active lifestyle.

To this end, men need to learn about healthy eating, too, for themselves and their children. Any campaign against childhood obesity must include educating fathers on food shopping, cooking at home vs fast food, and exercise for children in appropriate age levels. Men need to learn the basics of cooking, make appealing food presentations, and encourage kids to try new things. (I even experiment with fruit salads to get grown men to eat more fruit at my house!) Even married fathers have a role to play supporting Mom and co-leading in healthy eating and exercising.

Fathers have an equal role to play in avoiding childhood obesity. Encouraging words, positive reinforcement, and a good example will surpass nagging and criticisms. I hope Michelle's campaign will not only include fathers, but will teach the psychological and emotional aspects as well.
 

Snow, while beautiful, can be expensive when in excess. You either pay someone else to clear the driveway and parking spaces out front, and to shovel your walkways, or you spend a lot on gas and repair on very expensive equipment. Then the trees break off. Some trees will be totally removed this spring. Some have already been cut up. More big branches need to be cut and removed once the yard drives up and the trucks won't tear up ruts in the lawn. Our budget will be hit by at least $3000! And it's not a large yard.

We've shoveled snow and ice since before Christmas. We're still chipping ice out of the gutters, and off the patios, and are clearing a wider path in the driveway. When it really starts to melt, or if we have another hard rain, the neighborhood's going to be flooded again, and the downstairs furniture and rugs will have to go up as fast as we can grab them.

It's been beautiful, but it's had a price.

On another note, today begins Women's History Month. In a culture that still seems to objectify women and to discriminate against them, it is refreshing to pause and remember the role that women have played in history.

I read an article today about Hungarian women who ran boarding houses in Cleveland. This was an important industry there and enabled many workers to leave the farms and take factory jobs, or other city jobs. They provided shelter, all meals, and clean clothes and mending. Monday was laundry day, so Monday night, these women did not sleep, in order to avoid getting behind on the rest of the week's work.

A lot of women were farmers. They either worked alongside their husbands, in addition to child-rearing and household duties, or they inherited all the work when the men died in war or from disease. My widowed great aunt, who died before I was born, ran a 500 acre dairy farm by herself. Land was cheap, not a true asset. Hiring outsiders was not an option to most country folk. So she did what she could to take care of her own needs, and to sell cream to the dairy in town before refrigeration was available.

Unfortunately, these roles were ignored because they were filled by mere women. In fact, if you trace your family tree, you will not be able to find the family name of your grandmothers, and sometimes not even the first name. Women have been so ignored and considered so unimportant, yet they contributed as much to our DNA as our grandfathers, and as much to history.






 

Okay, at first, Tiger Woods' story was a little interesting because of the celebrity melodrama. And who would have expected it from this nice guy with the hard worker image? How many preachers or teachers have used Tiger as a holy example of perseverance and focus? Now that good guy image is all shot up.

Now such speakers and leaders of young people want to add a disclaimer to any example they use. They must also say, "I'm not endorsing everything he does or says today or in the future, but in this one aspect, he is admirable." And it must be added to all celebrity examples. How pathetic that the private lives of public people should be so blatantly scrutinized.

I confess that my ears perked up for a few days when I heard his name. But then, the news grew tiresome. And yet, it continues still. Leave him alone. Let his family have some quiet time to heal, whether to repair their relationships, or move on to different relationships, since this affected his children, in-laws, and own family, as well as his wife. Why flaunt their misery continually?

So where does the fault lie here? The public who loves to hear dirt on the superstars? People like me who just need the occasional small dose of melodrama? Or with the media desperate for ratings? When does responsible journalism say that the facts are enough, that the personal stuff should be sorted out without us peeping toms? Would a good journalist ever say, "I'm not covering again what's already out there. I'm not adding more details to a personal affair."?

Shame on all of us for gossiping and hanging on to this sordid story where innocents were hurt.
 

Next to Monticello mountain, in a range of similar small mountains, is one called Pantops. It's a dome-shape mountain overlooking the river and offers a breathtaking view of the city at its feet. Its covered with commerce, more than its neighboring mountains, and is getting more crowded all the time. A major highway from the state capitol cuts across it and leads across the river into the city.

I grew up immediately below Pantops on the east of the river. I knew my little section of the river well. Now I live outside the city limits on Pantops, in a nicely wooded subdivision. where the houses aren't so close together. From my neighborhood, I can see only trees. But if I drive three minutes away to my church, I get that breath-taking scene that gives you peace and awe all at once. Maybe I love that scene because when I was in college, riding a Trailways bus home to visit, that scene always signaled that I was home again. I thought it was awesome then, and still do. The view is not only the town, but the Blue Ridge Mountains in the distance.The mountain chain got its name from the blue mist the evergreens emit each morning, something about the oxidation of the trees in the cool morning air, casting a bluish mist about it, visible from a great distance. The mist dissipates with the heat of the day.

This morning I drove the ten minutes into town and stood in a parking lot on East Jefferson St-see, his name is in everything-looking at a clear full view at the series of mountains to the east and southeast, Pantops barely visible to my left through the trees, then Monticello, Carter's, Brown's, and one I can't name. I felt exhilarated. All this beauty. These mountains have been such a source of joy. They have had their place in history, commerce and the unfolding story of people. I recall when I've had out of town guests who have been flabbergasted by the views I take for granted.

I feel blessed that I have been born and raised and returned to this little part of the earth.
 

I grew up in the shadow of Monticello, one of the nation’s best known historic mansions. I lived on the west side of the Rivanna River (I lived as close as anyone could out of the flood zone), and Jefferson’s home was on the mountain on the east side of the river. We could drive up to the front gate in less than 10 minutes. There actually is a series of mountains that always seemed to overlap to me: Monticello, Carter’s, and Brown Mountain.

Of course, TJ didn’t have electricity. And having died bankrupt, a series of owners had the home without electricity as well. In the 1930’s the house was in the possession of the foundation that was formed to preserve it. My grandfather was the electrician who brought electric lights for the first time to the mansion. I’m sure it’s been updated many times since then.

He took my dad, then a young boy, maybe 5 or 6, to work with him. Young Harry ran around the private areas of the house, the secluded staircases, and other employee-only areas. He learned stories from people who worked around the place. Later he read books about Jefferson and newspaper articles. As a young teen on a bike, he explored the woods and trails on that mountain with his friend Bill.

So when my brothers and I were young, we were raised with tales of TJ and Monticello. They were personalized stories, real anecdotes about our river and our neighborhood. He told them with enthusiasm, and we listened in awe. As a young adult, I researched for myself and discovered that he told them with little embellishment.

I also had the opportunity to tour with my school groups in the spring, and later, to chaperone my little brother’s tour group when I came home from college for the summer. I also attended many Sunrise Easter services there. (They quit doing that.) Easter afforded me a chance to get there in the dark and witness the rise of the sun from that mountain top. It would be really cold up there, even if it turned out to be shirt sleeve weather later on. The sun reflected off the old glass windows, casting rainbows out onto the grand porch.

The complex, or campus, which is now Monticello has grown considerably sophisticated. It was much simpler for TJ. I have witnessed tremendous changes in the tourist attraction side of the business. I’ve seen the changes in parking, access, and trams, and now a new entrance road. Further down the mountain, overlooking the southeast part of the downtown area, there is the Michie Tavern (with a restaurant and gift shop today), and a road to Carter’s Orchard on Carter’s Mountain.

Across from the Tavern is a cemetery. The name, of course, is Monticello Memory Gardens. The name Monticello or Jefferson is used repeatedly in businesses of all sorts around here. In that cemetery are many of my relatives, including my mother. My oldest brother and I also have sites there. Trying to make it easier for one of my nieces, I lay down on the ground next to my mother’s site, just to try it out. You know, to see how it feels. It feels quiet and peaceful there despite the busy road in front of the Tavern that runs by the old Monticello gate. She laughed at me. I told her I could stand to let my bones rest there for centuries to come.

It seems fitting. We grew up with all those tales of TJ. The local people tend to deify him at times, forgetting that he was a human, first and foremost. So there is an obsession with him and his home and his university. And we will rest there below his home in familiar territory as long as the earth lasts. Even when we are forgotten, we will be in his shadow, a familiar place.

 

Kaplan University runs a commercial that states we no longer need traditional education, but that our modern age demands a new kind of education and new standards. It sounds heroic and revolutionary. As the commercial progresses, you see that the noble opening addresses are not really what they mean. They are merely marketing their school to people of all ages, who may need on-line courses, or part-time schooling, or who simply want a specific job training program. The bottom line is they are not really throwing out traditional education, but that the means by which one may obtain this education are expanding.

First, we must remember this is a marketing technique, not an altruistic message. They are selling their school and its programs. It may be a very fine education. However, they don't really care to change history or society. They just want to be sure the school thrives in today's marketplace. The aspersion is cast toward the large, well-known universities and the students who have been able to take 4 years or more to devote to their higher education. The drive now is for IT and medical tech jobs, and schools that prepare for that end.

The danger in those opening lines is that traditional schooling may be losing respect. This commercial fuels the argument of many people who scoff at a traditional college degree. Colleges and universities have not been sleeping. They have added extensive IT departments, and new programs as they are able. Many have extended programs for the older student or the commuting student already. But knowledge is still knowledge. The need for arts, history, math, economics, science, etc., are as great as ever. The ways to get that knowledge may be increasing, but you don't throw the baby out with the bath water. There is still great value in traditional education.

Career training seems to be the objective here, not obtaining an education. They may overlap, but are not one ant he same. I once had a professor in the graduate business school of a prestigious university tell me that the BS students were very likable and smart, but the BA students had a better sense of who they were and how they fit into the universe.

Paul Goodman was the education guru of the 70's. He warned that higher education was not intended to be a driver's license, or a means to a job. It was to make one well-rounded, A master's program might be needed to focus on a single profession. We appear to be drifting away from the well-rounded graduate to merely creating employees.

This attitude carries over into the entire educational system. SOL's, which may have been a well-intentioned measuring tool in the beginning, have put limits on teachers and students and narrowed the the field for creativity. Instead of imaginative scientists and inventors, and free thinkers, we are turning out robots, homogenized, and standardized. If they pass SOL's, they can earn a UPC code.

Back in the 80's, I remember magazines touting the service industries, suggesting the successful person train in finance, credit, banking, law, etc. The future of our country lay with service jobs. Thirty years later, we have problems in manufacturing, agriculture, and many other "dirty" jobs, with a shortage of plumbers and special ed teachers, and an over-abundance of realtors, financial advisers, bankers, and upper management.

Meanwhile, we have lawmakers who don't know the constitution or the bill or rights. We have voters who don't know history, or appreciate the price of freedom, or understand the responsibilities and limits of those in office. Johnny still can't read, Suzie can't do math, and Teacher doesn't know she can't date one of her underage students.
 

Why don't we label all photographs immediately? How often have I sat down with a box or pack of great old photos, and didn't recognize the people? Now that all the grandmas and aunts and Mom are gone, I have no resource.
Some photos have faded with age or turned dark. Some weren't very well taken. But some are exquisite. The perfect pose, the perfect light, or just a capture of a moment in history make them outstanding. The fashions, the hairstyles, and the cars from my youth, and before I was born. But who knows who those people are?
I wish I had been a photographer. I sometimes see things that I just want to freeze and keep forever. For example, I used to walk my dog after dark in the lake community where my husband and I lived. Depending on the time of year, the moon would peek through the trees and reflect off the water in different places. I thought about taking pictures all year long, and picking out just 4 of the best, one to represent each season. I always loved looking at the "double" moon.
Another shot I froze in my mind was of a friend sitting in a chair with her 18 year old daughter sitting on her lap. The silhouette of both mother and daughter lined up perfectly, while the light shone from their eyes. It was peaceful and warm and loving.
One evening, a coworker had pinned her hair up awkwardly in the warm summer evening. As she wrote on her clip board on the counter, the soft light of a Victorian style lamp caught her long slender neck and dangling earrings. It looked like a scene lifted from a bygone era of elegance and grace.
I wish I had more photos of my grandparents, not just sloppy snapshots, but really nice photos. And one or two more of my late ex-husband. Granted when I'm gone, these photos will mean nothing to anyone else. But they definitely give me pleasure, and make life more beautiful.
 

The first lady's attempt to combat childhood obesity is a laudable project. Education and training at home and school are required to change the attitudes and lifestyle bringing about this affliction. It has been a struggle since JFK addressed it, but has only gotten worse.

As for using her daughter as an example, that was unfortunate. She may have addressed it earlier with the girl, so that she would be prepared and willing to help. However, the public immediately identified with the girl, feeling that her daughter's privacy had been betrayed. This is a very sensitive subject, especially for young girls, who have esteem and body image issues already. The public has no way of knowing whether or not the issue was discussed between mother and daughters and were okay with it. They put themselves in the girls' shoes and empathized with them. Many, no doubt, could feel some pain in that position.

However, the Obabma girls are not unique in this position. Every week preachers' kids are exposed to the same public airing of their secrets. Therapists who write books or speak on TV shows do the same thing to their kids. Mrs. Obama only meant to say that it wasn't just for other people's kids. Her family is just like everyone else's. She certainly did not want to embarrass her daughter.

The media needs to stop making mountains out of mole hills. Once mentioned, forgive the comment and assume lesson learned. By continuing to harp on it, the girl's supposed misery is prolonged. Instead, let's focus on healthy snacks, regular mealtimes, and plenty of exercise. One of the problems of today's kids is too much time in front of a TV, video game, or computer. We don't need laws to help us do this, just more attention to s healthier lifestyle. All of us need to be careful about criticizing or nagging kids about what they eat, which may exacerbate the problem. Keep them busy and happy, so that they don't think about eating!
 

Friends come, friends go. (Don't try to convince a teen of that.) But your family is always there, at least most families.
If your family isn't embarrassing you, irritating you, annoying you, or making you really angry at least once a month,more often if you're 21 or younger, they're not doing their job. Aunts, uncles, great-whatevers, parents, siblings, step-parents. It's all the same. They're flawed people, and they're gifted at getting under your skin.

But when you need surgery, or wreck the car, or you lose someone, that family will be there for you. They'll grieve with you at the graveside, throw rice at your wedding, And they're just family. They don't have to be perfect. We just take them the way they are, flaws and all. I knew two brothers who always disagreed, even in their 50's. Their sister told one who was complaining, "Yeah, but he's ours." Another man told me that he was 40 before he learned to love his father, but when his father died, he missed him almost beyond bearing. A grown man once told me about the personal problems he was having, and he was afraid to tell his parents. (See? We never get over it.) I told him to tell them, let them love him, and give them a chance to help carry his burdens. Family isn't just there to pat us on the back, but to give us a shoulder to cry on, too. I was right. He was surprised at how accepting and supportive they were.

What I'm saying is: Don't be so hard on your family. Overlook the little things. Develop a thicker skin. Get angry when necessary, but find some other way to deal with it. Don't shun a family member. Look for kind deeds to do, not just for strangers, but also for someone in your family who regularly irritates you. Your actions will change your attitude; we seldom change others, but our own attitude can change through our actions.

And no matter how much you love someone, you can't fix them by criticizing him or his friends or spouse. You might know better how he should live his life, but you have to let him make his own decisions. You don't want anyone telling you what to do, right? Neither does that brother or sister. Just be there. Be a source of love and support. The Beatles summed it up well: "In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."