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  My blog was filled up. I'm too lazy to clean it out. So I started a new one. |
| It's definitely spring. My eyes are stinging, and sometimes watery (when the med runs down). The car needs cleaning daily. The jonquil blooms are gone, the dogwoods are blooming, and the peonies are shooting upward. Finally, my closely watched elephant ears have appeared. The clematis at my back door blossomed overnight. I have more at my mailbox on the street, but it only has 2 blooms. I have been doing a little spring cleaning. So I moved flowers from inside the garage out to the patio yesterday. Only a few didn't make it through the cold of winter in an unheated garage. I did have lights for them, and watered them regularly. Today I moved the gardenias and other things from my spare room by a sunny window to my back porch. How much nicer the porch looks. Those flowers fared very well. I have a few flowers in pots coming up from seeds that I saved from last year's flowers. I leave sage, strawberries, and chives in pots on the porch all year, so now they have pretty company. I have done some weeding in flower beds and in the cracks in the driveway. I don't feel like my budget will allow me to do any fix-ups, no matter how badly needed. Nature is beautiful, but it requires so much of us if we are not really wilderness people. Subdivisions do require some maintenance. As long as I am able, I will just have to keep working at it, a little at a time, so I can enjoy it. |
| My church has run a soup and desert cook-off for years. It stopped during the pandemic. I started it up again with some changes. Originally, only men were permitted to cook. There was a small group of judges, and prizes were given. I took out the competition and opened it to women. And the rules did not require the food be homemade. There was entertainment. In the past, we had a cruise theme, a "Grease" theme, so I took a TV western theme. It was so much trouble. Whew. It's over. Fortunately, someone with a special touch volunteered to decorate the tables. I found a blanket with a Southwestern look and draped it over a small table, and placed some western items from home just for atmosphere. I had two autographed photos from actors on The Virginian with my name on the notes. I framed them and took those, too. Lots of other little things went on the piano and books about Indians on music stands. We had more than enough food volunteered. The fellowship committee set up supplies and washed platters and made tea, coffee, and lemonade. Someone made hardtack. I tried it--inedible even after soaking it in soup broth for an hour. Hard enough to break your teeth. Lots of people helped clean up. I had a tall guy who plays guitar come as Roy Rogers. The music director sang harmony to Happy Trails as Dale Evans. She also led a sing along. Password was less than perfect, but it entertained an easy going crowd. I had a young person write the words on a dry erase board, so that the people on stage couldn't see. No one cheated, but they didn't understand the format. After a lot of time passed, I declared a winner with only one round. I also had Trivia quizzes on the table to get them talking, but that wasn't necessary even with guests. The room buzzed with conversation, but they did want me to review the quizzes with them. I didn't realize I would be doing that and didn't have my glasses, so that was the weakest part of the evening. I do think they all shouted in unison when the answer was "Rawhide"! Fortunately, for me, they were lovely patient people who love to eat. So they seem to have had a good time. Maybe next year. Maybe I'm retiring. |
| As an older person, I sometimes see older performers or bands. Most aren't as good as they used to be. The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band is an exception. The lead singer sounds like he always did. His son has now joined the group. The others have joined in or replaced someone over the years. They gave a great show. They give a little history, like touring with Willie Nelson, or recording a song that didn't sell, only to have Rascal Flats make a hughe success of it a few years later. The older audience loved them, I saw them in a very nice venue. They commented on how much nicer it was to perform in an elegant atmosphere with no flashing Budweiser lights blaring at them. I highly recommend that you catch them if they come to a place near you. |
| Today would have been my little brother's birthday. He was hale and hearty except for mesothelioma. It cut him down while he was still active and productive. He could get more done while he was sick than an average healthy man. He loved ball room dancing, motorcycles, his grandchildren, and remodeling old houses. He collected old rugs, Oriental style. He was opinionated, outspoken, and very funny. He played high school football, which he lived over and over. At one time, he was very active in a downtown church and drove the church bus. The kids would come by his house on a Saturday and ask to help him do chores around the house or yard, just so they could spend time with him. His daughters remain close to me and my other brother. We share our holidays, and babysit. I have no grandchildren of my own, so my brother's fill in. I love his grandkids dearly. Today I have both sad and happy feelings. I still feel the void left by his passing. I am so grateful for all the things he did, all the times he made me laugh, and even for the times he was just a PIA kid brother. Life was richer because of him. |
| I refuse to make another resolution only to disappoint myself. Weekly goals are as far as I care to reach. AARP tells us not to resolve things about achievement. Instead, we are told to think of single words that we want to describe ourselves at the end of 2023, They don't give examples. I thought of thinner or lighter. Richer would be a good one. Stronger, healthier. More grateful. Loving. Etc. You can can come up with better ones. No one is going to describe himself as angry or mean or short-tempered, so it's doubtful that anyone would think of "pleasant" or "patient" or other forms of kindness. We're advised to think of words that help us develop who we want to become, rather than what we want to achieve. So I'm setting no goals. I'm going to work on personal development to become a more secure, calm, peaceful, fulfilled person. We have a year to see how that works out. |
| I had finished my Christmas shopping when I discovered I would have two extra children for Christmas Day. It's not just a meal, I can always feed extras on holidays. But they would be there for family gift exchanging which already included 7 children. I was busy. I had to put candles out on the street, sing in the choir Christmas Day and had much cooking to do. So I would not do any last minute shopping. Needless to say, I am ashamed I had no gifts for a 7 year old and an eleven year old. Fortunately, my brother, who lives in another town, has a ten year old son who thought of it, and who made his parents buy something for him to give them. At least they had a little something to open. Then my 5 year old great nephew was tired and went berserk when they arrived at 3. He wanted to open every present he saw and threw a screaming tantrum. His mother held him to stop the crying much much later. He went to sleep in her arms, so he missed the rest of the family doing gifts in the family room. When he woke, it was almost as bad, just not loud crying. We had finished dinner by then. One family hadn't shown up, so their gifts were still downstairs. He got into them. We caught him before he got far. But he would not come back down to open his gifts. He wanted them upstairs. Now you can't discipline someone else's child. But we will not repeat this next year! My mother would have spanked us until we had the fear of God. This mother is not that stern, and "negotiates", instead of punishing. Nothing went as I had planned. All that housework and furniture arranging to accommodate everyone at once. Trying to have the food warm all at once, etc. What a waste. The kids played outdoors, which is good in that they were tearing up the yard instead of my house! They even played in the dark, when it was in the low 20's. I ended up with my wheelbarrow near the front door. My brother, who is 12 years younger than I, braved the cold yesterday to straighten what he could. One of the non-related children had pulled out some heavy wire (coat hanger thickness) and I got it tangled up in the wheels of the trash can Sunday night. Maybe next year, is I'm not broke by then, I can go on vacation for Christmas! |
| I had to look it up. I read a short story about some gangsters drinking hot Tom and Jerry's in a speakeasy during prohibition. Well, I learned a new drink recipe. It started in the 1820's in England, named for some play characters of the time. It was mostly a holiday drink, but has now fallen out of fashion. Maybe, it's the calories or the extra trouble to make one. When making a batch, which would have been normal, you separate a dozen eggs. Beat the yokes until liquid. Set aside. Beat the whites with enough sugar to make them very stiff. I found one modern version that suggests a pinch of cream of tartar to keep the sugar from sinking to the bottom of your mug. Carefully, blend the stiff whites and the runny eggs together with cloves, cinnamon, and nutmeg, all ground, of course. Heat some whole milk. Add a wine glass of dark rum, and a pony glass (approx. 3 oz.) of cognac or brandy to your "batter", or egg mixture. Pour slowly while stirring to avoid coking the yolks. Dip some into a mug of hot milk, although some claim it's just as good cold, but not as comforting in winter. You may sprinkle a dash of nutmeg if you like, or add a spoon of rum. It's the sugar and whole milk that adds extra calories, but 2 or 3 may not be any worse than a McFlurry or a frothy coffee with chocolate mini chips. In the story I read, the gangsters were hilarious after about 5 of these. Talk about a crime gone awry! I really want to try a batch for a gathering. |
| Today I had an unexpected text asking me to have lunch with my four year old great nephew at his school for Turkey day. I jumped into the shower and took my medicine before answering. I showed up at the school, but they weren't doing anything for parents or grands this week. I called my niece to discover she had mentioned the wrong child. I was at the wrong school. I had to drive miles away to get to his school, but they have a long lunch time, so I made it. He played with another boy, did not eat, and basically ignored me. He did tell the teacher I was his grandma. On the way home, I stopped near the horse farm where I fell on the gravel road back in August. I had blacked out, and still haven't recalled falling or what happened to me. I am still healing from my numerous injuries. Nothing rang a bell. No sparks of light came back to me. I was running beside the moving car, and came to on the ground with grass in my face. I tried to determine where I fell, which tree stopped the car, where the boys were standing when I came to. Nothing. There are piles of dry leaves covering the ground. The skid marks in the gravel, where I pulled out of the woods, are gone. Oh, well, my memory is gone with it. Only some pain and the scars remain. Then as I got closer to town, I decided to stop at the cemetery. I visited the family plot and talked to my mother, my two brothers, and my father, the last to go. It was hard. I told them I missed them and thanked them for all their love, even the spats or disagreements. If they were here, we'd have a less than ideal Thanksgiving, but we'd be together. They could spoil all those little ones. My mother never met any of them. One bother, who lavished gifts on kids he knew, only met one of the kids. The other brother was the grandfather of six, including the baby I met at school today. He also knew and loved the 7th child, the only son of my baby brother who will celebrate with me this week. Then I drove further into the cemetery to visit my mother's parents, who passed in the 1980's. I thanked them for all the memories and for giving me my wonderful mother. I knew they weren't perfect, but they loved me and I loved them. So totally without planning, I spent at least half the day honoring 5 generations of my family. I have so much to do this week, but this was time well spent. I spent time outdoors, gave thanks and paid my respects to people who have meant a lot to me and still mean a lot. t |
| I heard a sermon last Sunday about Moses being so close to the Promised Land, yet being denied the fulfillment of his dream. He was never to enter that land. The message for us was that, perhaps, we, too, have dreams which we need to release. I spoke with several others later, who felt as I did, that he was preaching to us individually. I didn't realize this was a universal theme. I feel a need to have my own ceremony: to get out the shovel and dig a hole in the flower bed, or several. Then I should symbolically bury a couple of old dreams. We all have different dreams, but life gets in the way. At some point we realize we might have the ambition, but not the talent to be a rock star. Personally, I will never be a self-made millionaire. I will never live in a large home which I decorated myself, with lovely landscaping. I will not be a world traveler. I will not have children or grandchildren. For that matter, It is highly unlikely I will ever find true romantic love. I will never have an enviable, successful career. Those are all dreams I need to let go. Yes, there are motivational speakers who tell us we don't dream big enough. We are encouraged to make Vision Boards. I decided retiring should be re-firing, as Kathy Lee Gifford says. So, I made a Vision Board almost two years ago. The vision included travel, decluttering my life, falling in love (more important, having someone one good fall in love with me), a well-maintained yard, being a productive writer, reading prolifically, being physically fit for someone my age and with my medical problems, overhauling and replacing my wardrobe, and losing weight. I actually bought the poster board and glued pictures, etc. I still look at it occasionally, and think I'm making no progress. After all that work, the speaker told us to narrow the list down. So, I combined weight and exercise together, combined house and yard and car under decluttering/organizing, I eliminated wardrobe, except on an as needed basis, and travel due to a more realistic financial outlook. And now I realize that we do sometimes hang onto dreams too long. I am going to give up perusing cruise catalogs. I am going to stop being envious of friends who go to exotic places with their families. I confess that I gave up the notion of my own family due to biology, but that at various times in my life, usually stressful times, I imagined what it would be like to have my kids; Maybe I pictured teenagers, a few years later, I pictured college students or beyond. Then I hit the grandma phase. If I had started young enough, I'd have great grandkids by now, maybe even teenage great grandkids. I need to bury the fantasies, along with the desire. I have held onto dreams, despite circumstances, because I always believed and hoped some miracle "out there" would happen and make it possible to open my own business, or an older Prince Charming would come along and make every day life seem more exciting. But those dreams might be keeping me from making the most of where I am right now. If I have my little ceremony, it doesn't mean I'm giving up on life or becoming a sedentary has been. I just need to be in the here and now, and not a dream from decades ago. I need to put my emotional and mental energy to realistic dreams for today, using my talents and creativity available now. I can't sing like I used to. So what? My memory takes a second or two longer. I have so much to remember. If I let go of what wasn't meant to be, maybe I'll find satisfaction. |
| I took a 2 hour vegan class today at the hospital outpatient center. There were useful tips. We got a free lunch for our free class. It was just samples of her salads. It was kind of fun, if you have low requirements for fun. I learned that the healthiest foods have three criteria: no animal product, no (or low) saturated fats, has fiber. I don't mind cutting back on meat products, but dairy products are my addiction. I can't make it without eggs and cheese, cottage cheese, yogurt, ice cream, and milk in baked goods, etc. Chicken is no better than beef or pork. Meat is meat. Fat is fat. Period. Olive oil, EVO, coconut oil are no lower in calories than bacon fat or corn oil. Physicians tells us that now we no longer count carbs if you're diabetic or trying to lose weight. Concentrate on plants to be healthier. This group claims the way to reduce arthritis, maintain (or possibly reverse) diabetes, prevent cancer, and live with heart disease is to eat a plant based diet. And physical movement, of course. I have already reduced my meat consumption, due to inflation, but now I will make a conscientious choice to do veggies and fruit. I take fiber supplements and occasionally eat oatmeal, so now more veggies will increase that. I'll see how it turns out. We did not see any cooking in this class, only mixing and a lecture. |
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