the holidays are over, can't ya? It seems that a relative calm, a "business as usual" atmosphere has returned to our site. Now, that's not a complaint by any means. I merely find it interesting to physically feel a dynamic that exists in what is largely a two-dimensional environment.

While I am not ready for a full blown discussion of it yet, I have long been absolutely amazed at the way this two-dimensional environment we call the internet can have such physical effect on us as humans. I believe this would be a topic of research worthy of a Pulizter or Nobel Prize if it could be determined definitively. Yet, the beginnings go back to the beginning of recorded history if you think about it.

I am old enough to remember when letters were actually posted in the mail, and news from the paper was a touch dated. No, I have no current direct remembrance of chiseled stone tablets, but then I've been sick. Who knows? Letters from far away, or from friends would brighten up our week, or our month. In many cases such missives changed lives one way or another. Written letters had impact. Typed letters had significance. Telegrams inevitably changed forevers. But even those letters from far way could be at least ticklish to the senses; Lilac fragrance or just knowing the reality that someone we care for actually touched the page we were reading could change us for a time. We felt connected. And that's the point.

Is it irrational to feel connected to a group of people I have never, and most likely will never meet? Is it unhealthy to consider people you type to as your friends? Should the terms be changed to maintain the vigilance of those whom we allow access into our lives? Are we all the more a "rube" for falling for an email scam than the snake oil salesman at the door? Must our society change the rules, and the roles?

We have all known of people who "met" on the internet. I know of one couple who had never faced each other in real life prior to their wedding day. Yes, that's extreme, but it is a point to be made. I am not certain where the boundary lies, or if one should. Even in this two-dimensional environment, we can harm or be harmed. We can be lifted, or felled. Our moment, our day, and our life can be forever changed. Our online environment can be just as emotionally charged as any three-dimensional relationship. The joys are there, but are they the same? The pain can still come, but does it hurt just as badly?

Group dynamics are also in play in the two-dimensional environment, I find. Belonging to a group on WDC is, for many a very important part of their online lives. I have learned the hard way that it can also be huge in their three-dimensional lives, too. I have heard stories to last at least one lifetime about the now-extinct, but legendary WDC Conferences that used to be held. I'd love to have the opportunity to create some of those memories myself, and I will honestly tell you that I feel not a little cheated for not having the opportunity to shake hands or hug some of the people who have, in all possible definitions, saved my life.

In September, I will have my 4th WDC birthday. I missed 2 and 3. I feel the loss in a real and tangible way. It is a regret I will always have. My first anniversary was just incredible. I even received (as if I were the only one, of course) a gift from SM/SMs! Now, how special is that??

I guess that is my point. How is it that, in a two-dimensional environment, our lives can so find the addition of such valued and treasured friends, or create such bitter enemies? Yes, I know that we do finally have to account to ourselves. I think the point is valid still. There are people I share, learn, and grow with here in this community (among many others, mind you) that I would not want to lose contact with for ANY reason.

I enjoy the company of like-minded souls on an impossible journey. It seems not to matter where or how they come into my life. I feel energized when I can help someone here. I feel like, somehow, a much greater and more humbling service has been given me when a WDC friend does the same for me. And, after 3.5 years? It has gained a kind and level of consistency to my otherwise wild and wacky world. Does that rely only and uniquely upon me, and my mental state?.

I may well be incorrect on this, but I don't happen to think so. The interaction, even if two-dimensional, is entirely real. I may not know what you care about, or how you feel. I do know what you say you care about, and I do listen when you tell me how you are feeling. Is it easier to fool me online than in person? Perhaps. Is it more difficult to be honest with me online? Perhaps. Does it, in the end, really matter?

The more strongly you feel about the answer to that question is a really good gauge of how connected you feel here, and online. It's not a Psychological masterpiece, but I believe it is true. If it weren't, how would we all be able to feel the changing of the seasons right here on WDC? Which life reflects which? It's something to ponder, or muddle if you be so inclined. I'm a muddler. (Got a paper to prove it, and everything!)

I'd sure be interested in your thoughts on the matter, before I make an appointment with a professional. In the meantime, I will stay

In His Care,

Budroe
 

It's 36 degrees outside--and snowin'! *grumbles and slinks off*

(I think Mother Nature, after all these years, has found me again!!)

Oi!

Budroe
 

For those of you that have been following this particular journey, you will know that this advice could possibly have saved me some travail. But, anyway here's the deal.

I just slept some 21 hours, non-stop. Yes, I missed two doses of meds. Yes, I woke up with my BiPap mask somewhere on the floor. No, the bed was not wet inappropriately. It was just sleep. An amazing sleep, in that I remember no dreams, and evidently (from the ache in my various and sundry body parts, anyway) I didn't move around a lot. Friends got concerned. Calls were made. Luckily, I awoke before the door was pounded upon.

I've got this project or several that I have been working on, pretty much nonstop. I've been stealing hours of sleep for weeks, when I was working on the project. Thanks to my dear friend iKïyå§ama , the basic parts of the project are now complete. I have about two weeks to finish the project. 95% of the work is done, because I have been stealing hours of sleep, and pretty much devoting the huge majority of my time to the work. I knew this morning, early, that I was ahead of task for the first time since the project began. I could physically feel the weight lift.

Evidently, so could my body. I had put together most of the project, one of two that are actively in my work here. (Not everywhere, mind you; just here. There's about four other "major" projects going on in my online life, as well. It can get crazy here at Chateau de Budroe! Ask Budroesgirl ! She's always screamin' at me to get off the damned computer, like all I'm doin' is working or something! (I am, and I do, and she does, and I don't.) The wounds will heal.

Anyway!

The project first on the deadline list is suddenly a week ahead! YAY! Man, that felt too good to talk about without smoking a cigarette, ya know? So I hit the bed for a "nap". The plan was to sleep a few hours, wake up when I want to (It's Sunday!) and just putz around on the computer. Right? Ummm, not so much.

Tomorrow will be better, time-wise. Now, I took pills and meds and I can't freakin' sleep! *sigh!*

I needed sleep. I got sleep. I want sleep. Sleep won't come. I'm pretty much convinced sleep is a female. At least, it's fickle like a female, anyway! He ain't happy at the moment, but I'm still,

In His Care,

Budroe
 

My new computer is a Dell Inspiron desktop. I got it in October, 2009. I've had no problems with it until recently. Now it seems there is a hardware problem that has the singular ability to shut off any time it wants to. As if that weren't enough, the start button may, or may not work when pushed.

When days are scheduled, sometimes to the quarter-hour, any distraction for such problems can make me crazy--for days! On top of the problems with the computer (Tech has been scheduled!), the fact that I get so angry over such simple things as this can really scare me. I don't have the time or, it would seem, the patience I used to known for. Every moment I'm not engaged is a moment lost. When these technical difficulties stop me for hours, it feels like time has been taken, stolen from me, I think it is the sense of time lost that bothers me most, a problem I've had since November of 2006. I'm told by many that I should spend less time on the computer. I do spend some extraordinary time in these past few months--that is true. Without equipment or access, my writing had been compromised to the severest degree for well over two years. Now, I have the equipment and the access only to have the system betray me!

Sometimes on, sometimes off. That seems to be my lot in life of late. "Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, it is well. It is well with my soul." Easy words to sing, but sometimes...very difficult to live in your soul. I wish I wasn't always so angry about such trivial things. I can't even tell you why. Perhaps it's just delayed reaction from all the craziness. I'm going to put it down to that for now. Who knows, I might even get my computer repaired!

In His Care,

Budroe
 

I heard the news as it broke. Incredulous, I did some follow up as the politicians raled either for or against the decision from the SCOTUS today involving an older case, captioned: "Citizens United v. SEC". It caught me at a bad time because I was actually doing some rather intense research on the proposed Healthcare Bill, passed by the Senate yet having "insufficient votes to pass" (Speaker Pelosi) in the House.

I wasn't relaxing. I was working. These two issues are benchmarks for me. I got so entranced with the goings on that I simply had to tune out the television, stay away from my incoming emails, deny myself my usual hunting haunts on the web, and just think for a bit. Somewhere along the way, my political nerves got itched to the point of distraction--so I scratched them. My time tonight has been used deciding whether or not to bother. Finally, I did decided. I bother.

I'm not certain when it happened, but I found myself wanting badly to discuss each of these issues with my online friends--a lot. In the end, I created a folder   and Forum. The folder will hold my political writings on these, and other matters of the body politic. The essays will be my personal read on issues that I find interesting, or necessary to write about. The Forum will be a general Forum that anyone can access and make response/reply to. Hopefully, a dialogue will begin. I went hunting for pics, and formatted the items, all the while thinking about the ramifications of each of these two landmark issues.

Sometimes, things are easy to see from where I sit. At least, I am more readily able to come to a decision about what I think of a given topic. Usually that happens when those things are important to me, personally for one reason or another. Then, I inevitably wonder if they are affecting anyone else, regardless of manner or severity. As usual, I almost instinctively create a writing place for putting down my thoughts and research results.

Healthcare is an issue which I think most people could, without too much trouble, come to a personal decision about--especially as it might pertain to legislative or judicial actions. But, how in the world is it that a 501 (c)3 court case could affect me personally? Then, I find that the very word "person" is paramount to today's ruling. I nearly flipped. Okay, I DID flip out a bit. You can surely google-search on either topic and come up with a mountain of links and references that give every possible view on each subject. But, in the end, what do I say about them? I'll write my findings, put them in the folder, and guide people who might read them to the forum link where that essay is being discussed. I hope you will all join in. You can find the Forum here  .
Needless to say, I have particular opinions on both topics. Rather than bore you with them here, I will write them down as essays and link you to them. I'd be interested in what you think of them, and what you might have to say as a response to them. You will be able to find a link to the completed works as they are done. I will put them here. They will link to the Forum. I hope to see you there, frenetically responding to my words like a ferret on steroids.It could get interesting! But, as always, it will not shake my sensibilities that I remain anywhere but,

In His Care.

Budroe
 

So, today I got a new set of labs, and a bunch of drugs. Sara leaves (a second time) in the morning. She made it part-way home, and was so ill she turned around. She slept most of the day and night, trying to ditch a lousy stomach. Not much of a fun drive that way; believe me I know.

Quiet otherwise. So, for now, I will remain,

In His Care,

Budroe
 

I got a new home care worker (CNA/LPN) today. Her name is Jerry. She is very nice, and she does VERY good work. It was an interesting morning as I watched her become aware of my apartment. She gave me (and Sara, too) complIments, telling us she thought it was a very nice, very clean apartment.

I was interested observing her become accustomed to my place, as I worked to become accustomed to her being in it. For some reason, it was a powerful exercise for me. I knew what she would see, but not how she might see it. As it turned out, she saw the correct things, and got down to work.

I was pleased.

Sara left for home today. Hardly had I had my first "pity fit" until she called, and told me she was on her way back because she was ill. She is. I'm just really glad she's here. With her, it's much easier being

In His Care,

Budroe
 

I just awoke after sleeping some 15 hours. Budroesgirl seemed to be grateful for the break! . She is here, with me in Chateau de Budroe for the weekend. The Christmas tree is being disassembled after one more night of brilliant beauty. It really was a special tree this year, and we both just wanted to enjoy it for a while. Now comes the "putting up" of things of the holiday celebration, and the general returning of the chateau to it's usual beauty.

I have been a fan of "Farmville" on FaceBook for some time now. Sadly, the game is one which, at a certain achievement level, allows advancement only by purchasing items with real money. This tells me that I have arrived at the Zenith of my willingness to partipate. The game serves me as a mental mind break from my writing. I wonder if anyone else uses online free games in this way. I have found many such opportunities through such venues as www.itch.com and others. Most recently, I have begun some diplomatic nation-building through a game called "Cyber Nations"  . It requires some significant concentration to successfully play. The game and its community have been around for several years now. It provides a really good mental break from things WDC.

Does anyone else use this or other things to provide an online "break" from the writing? I'd like to know your alternatives.

In His Care,

Budroe
 

My computer will not turn on. I know a ton of stuff about Information Technology (read software). I have no idea what is going on with my computer at the moment, but I am in the dark. As soon as I'm not, I won't be. You'll know because I will holler, loud and long.

I am back home. Figgers, don't it? Finally get back on my own turn, and Murph decides I need a recertification. There are words I could use, but I won't. This is a most special day in my world. I'll blog about it in a minute, but it will, I repeat WILL be updated later. May the peace meant to abide in you today find a willing and joyful welcome in your moments today, and tomorrow. In the meantime, I am suprizingly still,


In His Care,


Budroe