Since moving back home (I was living with my older sister, about 25 minutes away), I've had to deal with the poor excuse of a relationship that my sister and her boyfriend are in. Yes, they're still living here and how my parents have dealt with it thus far, is so beyond any comprehension I have. All they do is argue, constantly about something. Her boyfriend was in jail for six weeks due to something from last year, where he was accused of stealing beer or something. Anyway, he came home last week? And apparently my sister has lied to him a bunch of times (I'm not surprised) and apparently cheated on him (I don't know), so they've been arguing about it basically since he came home. It came to head on Sunday (not a surprise they'd pick THAT day), he was going to move out (I was cheering this part on the whole day) and they were done, but he told my mom he couldn't leave my sister in the state she was in.

Instead, they've just argued since then. I'm guessing he's still leaving? I don't know. They can barely have a civil discussion with each other. And remind you, they have an almost two year old (he'll be two in June).

I don't get how people who can't stand to be with each other, stay together. There's no trust, no civility and I wish my parents, my mom specifically, would just tell them to deal with it. Fix it or break it off.

It makes me realize how glad I am to be in the relationship I am. It's not perfect, but we love each other, we have faith and believe in each other, and most importantly, we trust each other. We just celebrated our 8th anniversary together in January. Sometimes I don't know how we do it, since he lives in Indiana and I live here. It's been a long road, because we both have grown and we're finally heading towards something we both want. He's in college (studying Chemistry), and he's finally doing something he enjoys and he wants that before we settle together (get married, have babies). I plan on moving there (hopefully), next summer. He'll be starting his senior year then, and it'll be easier for us to both start looking for jobs, easier to find a place for us together.

I look at what we have, what we've worked for, it's what I've wanted in a relationship since...I ever even remember wanting to be in one. I was very very stubborn about the type of guy I wanted. A lot of people said my expectations were too high and that I needed to settle, to compromise. I didn't, and I'm in the relationship I want to be in. Then I look at my sister and I see what kind of mess I could've found myself in if I didn't have any expectations at all. If I wasn't strong and independent and felt I needed a man to make me feel complete, to make me feel some kind of worth.

It's sad, because I remember the sister I had as a child, the fun and the closeness we had. She's a totally different person, she isn't the girl I grew up with. It makes me miss her and I don't know how to bring her back, if there's even the possibility of that happening. I know I can't do it, specifically. I know it's up to her to do that, but it doesn't make it hurt any less or make me wish there was a possibility.

I've tried multiple times to talk with her about her relationship and it seems as if I'm getting through, but then when she's around him, there's this power he has over her. She's a totally different person when she's around and with him. Gone is the loving, sweet person she is and instead, is this rotten, selfish person who only thinks of herself and yet tries to make only him happy. It's a difficult and very convoluted aspect.

Again, it always makes me think of the relationship I'm in. I have a man who makes me happy, who thinks of my happiness and wants to make me feel special and as if I'm the only one in the world. Who wants the best for me and wants me to strive for the best I can do. I want that for everyone I know, for everyone I love. I know that it exists and I want others to believe that it does too. To realize you don't have to settle. To know you don't need a man to succeed, to be happy, to have worth.

It's much like anything else in life.
 

It has been a long time.

A very long time.

My life has been so many things, so very all over the place. I think things have calmed to the point where I can focus on things I want to do. I've been absent here for a long time and I really miss being here and being active in the things I used to do.

I've started a new story and I'm planning on giving myself at least one day a week where I'm doing reviews. I actually miss doing those as well. I miss a lot of the old faces, a lot of the old good times with the site. Even though I've managed to connect with a lot of them through facebook, it just isn't the same. Not in a bad way, obviously. Just, I miss this site and then friendships I made here, on here. If...that makes any sense whatsoever.

I do hope though, to keep this active and to keep writing. I've missed writing SO much.

I do plan on going through my port at some point and condensing and keeping the things I want and need. Refamiliarizing myself with everything and making, hopefully, some new friends. We'll see how things go and how things work out.
 

So, things have just been...uhm...well...they've been, let's put it that way.

I've taken in two kittens, which we took in literally on the day they were born. They're going to be 7 weeks old on Monday and they are freakin' a hoot and a half and adorable as heck. One is all black with bits of gray in him and my boyfriend has called him Fritz and his brother is all black with bits of gray in him as well, but he has a white chin and neck and a little bit on his belly, with white toes and his name is Chance. They're freakin cute and Chance likes to snuggle, he'll climb up on you and go to sleep.

My boyfriend has also started college. He's going for chemistry and this is his first year. He's enjoying it so far and I'm happy. We're also planning to meet at Thanksgiving. So, I've already been looking at prices and stuff. Not sure if he's coming here or I'm going there, but I'm excited either way.
 

I'm writing on a story I've been working on, or at least semi-was. I'm hoping it can be my second finished novel. I have a bunch that are still unfinished, and hopefully I can finish them also.

Life isn't any more or any less exciting. I'm doing my online class thing and enjoying it. I can't wait until I'm good at PHP & MySQL. It's just an introductory class, but when this one finishes I plan on taking the intermediate course they offer. Least then I can say I know it and go from there. I'll probably buy some books on it and study myself some more.

I'm hoping that within a year to 18 months, I'll be able to move to Indiana, where Matt is. That'll be a big move. I'm not sure exactly what I'll do or how I'll do it, but it's the plan. I need to get my career going and it's so stagnant and stale its basically lifeless. I spent money on getting a degree and its been useless to be so far. I'm hoping these online classes will help.

Hopefully.

Maybe.

Please.

I don't want to work at Wal-Mart anymore. I might just end up shooting myself.
 

Well, here I am...again. Lets say the past six-seven months have been crazy. Well, in general to my normal life. It's because of that I haven't been here and it's because of that, that I am now a Preferred (which is weird because I've always been a mod, so I'm trying to get used to the yellow).

Anyway, my upgrade ran out in April...I think and I haven't had the money to upgrade. I was saving for my trip to Orlando and Daytona with my boyfriend. We stayed there for a week and it was really nice. We loved Daytona and wished we could have stayed there longer. Orlando was scorching hot and very busy, but we did get free tickets to the Arabian Night Dinner show and we both had fun with that.

After that, was my sister's baby shower. Yeah, she had a baby with a loser. I feel bad for the kid already. They're living at my parents' house...with me. Across the hall. Oh well.

I'm also taking an online class in PHP & MySQL, which has been interesting so far and very flexible as far as me working a bunch. I didn't even have to buy anything except the class.

I also had a friend who had a baby, and a baby shower for that also.

Then my paychecks have just kind of sucked, considering now I have to pay for a new computer since my laptop died in the beginning of April. Yeah, so that sucks.

I have missed this place and it's kind of sad seeing how much it has changed and how many people I "hung around with" have left or aren't as active as they used to be. I want to be more active. I have done some writing off site, so I'm going to bring some of that here and working here. It'll be nice to see if I can get some help here whereas I didn't so much just writing myself. lol

Uh... I guess that is it. So, for those that care, I am back. Yippie!
 

I've been writing, not huge amounts, but huge amounts in comparison to what I was doing. It feels good to be writing again, I've been denying myself for such a long time. I've forgotten how well I write when I come here. Right now, that's all I am going to focus on. I think I'm going to give myself a few months to just write, to do what I came to this website for. It's what this site is about, isn't it? For most of us, we came here to write to expel all of those story/poetry demons within us. I think after that, I will get back into the site, doing my part in my Moderator duties, which I've shunned for way too long.

I'm not sure entirely what I'm going to do with my group. It's not that I don't have people for it, it's just that no one is willing to do things and it's frustrating. So, it's going to sit dormant until I have the time to screw around with it. I put a lot of time and energy into it, just getting it ready and I really do want it to work still. I would love to have a group where romance writers can exchange ideas and get ideas. I can only do so much though. So, we'll see.

Hopefully, I can get back into this and people will actually know who I am again.
 

So...

Let's see where to begin. Well, first of all, my younger sister is pregnant. Yeah. With the loser she's been with since we were living at the apartment. Yeah, that same one. She doesn't know what she's having yet, but she's hoping for a girl. Right now, he's been staying at our house, but I'm trying to get my mom to put pressure on him because I don't want him staying here. At all.

There's a bunch of internal drama all built up in that, but I'll save it for another day.

I also failed at two attempts to get DSL at my house. Once was through our phone company, who for all intents and purposes told us we could get it. Shut off my phone line and then the day before we're scheduled to get it, they tell us that we can't get it. We're too far away from their little centers. Then I tried this movearoo.com thing where it finds internet at your address and (don't use them btw) they took all of my information, she even repeated stuff back to me, so I knew it was right. Then apparently, she knew we didnt get it, but picked a random address in syracuse, which she proceeded to send to Verizon, which said that we got their services and proceeded to set up everything. And then our modem and stuff was sent to this address, which exists, but its a business building with different floors. So, they couldnt send it to just that address and I had to go pick it up and then they sent technicians twice to that location and I finally called and they said that was what was put on the order and I had to tell them, no it wasn't. Then proceeded to tell me that they don't service our area at all.

Sigh.

So, our only option is an option we can't afford right now. It's like $60 ($70 with the $10 rental fee) a month, just for 1MB download and like 128KB upload and it won't even be that during high traffic times, which I shouldn't bitch because it would be faster than what I have now, but honestly. $60 for something no one else would pay if they had other options. If it was $60 for what you could get with DSL, which is at least half that now, or like $20 a month, then okay I'd agree to it. But eh.

Other than that, I'm going to Florida in May, with Matt. I think I might have mentioned this already, or I guess maybe not? I thought I had. Anyway, Matt and I are going to Orlando and Daytona Beach for a week. So, right now I'm saving for that. Or trying to save for that. I'm saving for my plane ticket and the car rental. Everything else will probably come from my tax return money. Yippie Skippie

Anyway, I'm going to try writing.
 

Oh yeah, I forgot to add a couple of things and I am too lazy to edit my last post.

First: http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs207.snc1/7417_573048484365_284015...

^ Picture of lil Kayla.

Second, I got new glasses and I'm gonna show em off: http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs227.snc1/7417_572957062575_284015...

Also, don't mind the nasty lookin' eye brows. The person who did them prior I wasn't really too much of a fan, though she did cut my hair magnificently and I'm just growing them out so I can redo them later. So, yeah I'll look like a man beast eventually.

Oh and, a third thing. If anyone is on Facebook or MySpace and wants to friend me. I know on Facebook, there's a Writing.Com group and I'm apart of that as well. But if you want to friend me (God only knows why), then message me or email me or comment me or whatever you want to do and I'll tell you my name.

I think that's everything I wanted to say.

It's late and I've had a long day. Work sucked. People need to not shop at Wal-Mart on the weekend. You have a day off, don't spend it with the other 40,000 people who are in the store. Thanks.
 

So....

My friend had her baby, or well she did by Cesarean section on Thursday at 9am. Named her Kayla Yuliette (Y makes a J sound in Spanish) and she's so beautifully precious. Of course I might be a tad biased.

Anyway, I've been busy with that since Thursday and just kind of everywhere I think lately. I keep trying to not think of my younger sister. She's kind of... gone off the deep end. It's weird for me to think that it's the same person I grew up with and yet at the same time I'm not surprised at all. I kind of predicted this back when we were both younger. She has a very adaptive personality where she'll change what she likes and the type of person she is depending on whom she's hanging with.

Right now.... she's been with a guy of which I haven't heard one good thing about him. Anyone who knows him has said that he's bad news. She's so stuck up his ass that it's disgusting. I know she's been popping pills and god knows what else. She's basically become an alcoholic and she's doing crack or something, I only know that for a fact because I found a bent spoon with a white powder crusted all over the top of it.

I want to send her off somewhere and I would if she wasn't being charged with petit larceny. A guy my sister worked with didn't have any money on him when she asked if she could borrow $20. He gave her instead, his debit card along with his pin. Then she took and got the money but then turned around and gave it to her boyfriend along with the pin and took the guy for $340 by the end of the night. She then didn't call the cops back and ended up getting arrested walking around in the city.

Sigh.

Then later, she took my credit card (I really don't know for positive, but I basically broke it down to it had to be her or my card grew legs and ran away. I got a call from the fraud department and apparently she tried to use it at an ATM for $61 (which is a weird amount) multiple times and didn't end up getting anything because she didn't know the pin. I don't even think I set up one for that card because I never even used it for that ever. She took my car (these 2 things happened within the same weekend, or well sort of. Sunday - Tuesday) and drove around with it somewhere.

I've just gotten to the point where I don't want anything to do with her anymore. I've wanted to yknow, be the sister who was there for her, who didn't give up on her, who made her turn around and face the music, but honestly, I'm just so sick and fucking tired of her bullshit. She has no respect for anyone, I don't even think herself. She uses everyone and anyone to get what she wants and she'll play the I'm such a wonderful, innocent, cute and funny, persona that makes you want to just love her to pieces. It just... I'm so tired of it. She needs to grow up and I know she's going to be some rickety old lady at like 40 who's going to regret everything she is doing now. She's going to wake up one morning and hate herself because she's isolated herself from everyone who truly loves her for who she is.

It's what hurts the most I think, because I was close with her. We shared a room for most of our lives. I didn't have my own room until I was almost 17. We're opposites in almost every way, both physically and otherwise. We've fought a lot, mostly because of the way she is, but I love her and it hurts when I remember us as kids and thinking of her now. It makes me wish I could've done something...then, but then when I think of it in that way I don't regret anything that I did when we were kids.

If that makes any sense whatsoever.

Anyway, I'm going to work on some cross-stitching until my eyes cross and it's time for me to go to bed.
 

I wasn't really back before, but I am now. I just didn't have the extra money to upgrade after my account ran out. I somehow got lucky with not having to pay bills, plus a bonus check from the time before this when I got paid, so I had some extra money to get a 6-month upgrade.

There's a lot of things that have happened since I was last..uh...here.

First, I've been living back at my parents' house. I got a loan to pay off my credit cards and that will be all taken care of by next November. My friend Sayda is pregnant and in reality, she's due anytime. Her first due date was the 15th of this month, but then they moved it back to the 27th. Her baby is very active in there and I tease her all of the time that she's salsa dancing in there (my friend is Puerto Rican and her fiance is Mexican). I've been working on some stuff to give to her after the baby is born. I found one of those HUGE coloring books at the store that had baby pooh in it, along with all of his baby friends. Her theme has been pooh and baby pooh stuff, so I bought it, scanned each page in quarter sections, shrank em, put the pages together, colored em and I'll be printing them out and framing them soon. I'm also working on a baby blanket, cross-stitching on it and I'm waiting for her to have the baby so I can put her birth date and maybe the time on it.

I've been working a lot, well not a lot, but it's been really busy at work so I get home and I'm really tired. I've been thinking of going back to school, but it'll probably be next Fall, because this next year, I'll being going on a trip to Florida with my boyfriend. I'm going to Orlando for 4 days and 3 nights and then Daytona Beach for 3 days 2 nights. We're going in May before school gets out and it'll be around finals and stuff for me, because I'd originally thought of going this Spring.

So, now I got to make sure I work a lot. The hotels are all covered for, I just have to pay for the travel and the hotel taxes. Oh, and I plan on renting a car. But we're thinking of going to Disney, because the hotel we're staying at in Orlando is right outside the main gate of Disney.

I plan on writing some, especially some of my older pieces. I want to finish editing Country Lovin', which I started awhile ago. Now I can feel at least like I'm being constructive in some sense. I know I really need to.

Anyway, I'm here, so bug me if you want to.