Thoughts on life and society can be pointless, but that's what books are for. I've never enjoyed reading. |
It's always been difficult for me to read. Sometimes, I imagine little demons pulling at my eye lids.
The Devil is in the details. I like people, who can act. They're fun to watch. I guess I wish I could be an
actor, but I just don't have that charm and I stutter. My life is meaningless. I just lope from one place to
another. I think that's my strength. Most people need a career and family. .. Family is a nice idea, but
I've never had a nice family. Is this becoming annoying? ...
Let's start with Vertago! He's cool and a stud. He also is popping up a lot in my movie watching. The mind
can make association: like is the guy on the radio talking to me? Or why am I seeing so many eye balls in
my movie watching? Jeeeze! I just saw CASE 39. A really scary movie with an eye ball scene that's very icky.
This guy has a hornet come up out of his eye's lid.. tear duck. Any who, it's scary. Well, when I was
Veratgo on Private Games.com my picture was of my left eye.
It was trippy. Just a note to the CASE 39 writers: Lilith is not evil. I'm talking about Adam's first wife, expelled
from Eden, because she "Would not be his beast of burden." Lilith is the first feminist in Bible Lore,
she is immortal. So you can't drown her. Nope, only God can stop her.
Okay, this Vertago guy is still effecting me. Strangers will look at me and cover their right eye, cars will shut
one headlight off. That's dangerous! I had an elderly woman pinch my butt an call me "Vertago." in the mall.
There was a Vertago concert. There is a Vertago song by U2. I started writing about Vertago in the 90's on an
Australian web site Private Games.com. That's when I was working at Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart was awful.
I had an over night manager slap me in the face.
I just wish people would stop dropping pennies around me. I mentioned that Abraham Lincoln is looking to
the right, while all the other presidents are facing to the left, because he was assassinated. Now, I get penny's
dropped around me. I wish I had mentioned the dollar bill and the star of David over the eagel's head.
It has twelve stars in it for the twelve Apostles. Feel free to throw dollars at me.
Reflections: I wasn't completely honest about what I said about the penny. I was quoting the old Civil war
lore Lincoln was facing right because he freed the slaves and turned his back on the brotherhood. That's
what I wrote on Private Games.com. I'm not in favor of slavery.
October 30, 2014 at 6:57pm
| I think being rude is part of human nature.
I try to avoid confrontations. but, rudeness is everywhere.
It is very rude to mock the death of someone's mother.
My mother had died on Halloween .. I went to pick up
my subscription to Ghost at Ed's Comics a week later ..
I had told Ed about my mom's passing. He said that his
mother was dead too. I asked when did she die?
He smirked, "I'm just fucking with you."
I didn't get the gag and canceled my subscription.
I never went back to that store.
Ed apologized ... "Why would I be so rude?"
My neighbor , Mr. Hughes, asked me if dad would sell the house.
I said that dad had collapsed and was in the hospital.
He remarked, "Well, then everything is up for grabs."
I felt violent, but smiled, "Isn't it always?"
I tried to avoid Mr. Hughes after this, but he kept questioning me.
When dad's house was sold Mr. Hughes remarked,
I suppose he wasn't fond of my family.
At a Home Depot, Casie Bova said to me,
"Your mother should have gone up the chimney."
I asked him what he meant by that.
He said he didn't know. I made a complaint.
It was odd to me he would be so hateful.
. .. Home Depot has zero tolerance
Nothing was done about my written complaint.
I don't believe I am overly sensitive.
It's just common courtesy to not insult someone's dead mother.
Unless your trying to start a fight.
Just my two cents,
October 25, 2014 at 6:11am
ME or You?
|Oh, that is the story of me.
My many encounters with failure and humility
have taught me that I usually lose...to you.
I met a Derek London in the summer of 77.
His parents were wealthy. His mom looked like
Marry Tyler Moore. I wanted her....She sunbathed
topless in their backyard. Their were a lot of bare
breasted women in Cambridge, Mass. The reasoning
went as such : men can go topless, why can't women?
That's okay with me.
Derek was a "color boy" as my mom would say.
He is of Ethiopian heritage. Derek beat me at basketball
and running and girls... But, not chess!
Derek's mother would get very colored sunbathing.
Normally, she was coco.. with wavy hair like
Mary Tyler Moore. Derek had a closely trimmed afro.
I noticed these things. I'm very visual.
Derek had been born without ears. He had reconstructed
ears from his butt.. I called him "Butt Head."
He called me "Casper."
Well, Derek was an atheist.
His parents were "Humanists."
They wanted Derek to decide what he thought was true.
At the time I thought atheists were Devil worshipers.
My dad had explained this to me~ "Atheist have no morals and follow Satan the ruler of this world."
"Was Socrates a Satanist?" I queried.
"No. He was a pagan." dad answered flatly.
Dad was an English teacher and taught Latin.
I was forced to attend Latin Mass. I'm not fluent
Did Jesus speak Arabmaic? Oy!
I would have debates with Derek over the existence
of God and Jesus. Derek had facts like, "What is real
is not imaginary!"
And I'd go on about cause and effect and ogal Derek's
mom, who smelled like cookies. Derek would punch me.
I think he won that debate..
I don't know what became of Derek.
He wanted to be a surgeon .. Andy told me Derek
was dead from a heart attack. But, Andy is not
reliable. He likes to drink a lot.
Well, did we learn something?
Maybe, maybe not.
October 15, 2014 at 10:37am
| I've had a pretty unusual life, but I want more.
Jesus was a large part of my childhood and adolescence .
My dad put a crucifix over my bed. Late at night I'd look up
from my pillow at the porcelain Jesus hanging over me.
I'd imagine Jesus jumping down and having a conversation
Jesus would say~ "You must stop abusing yourself in front of me."
I'd apologize .. and abuse myself. That's what mom and dad called it.
They actually expected a 9 year old boy to be celibate.
My sisters were humping everything, especially cucumbers.
I guess that is natural.
I think the big appeal of Rock&Roll is abusing yourself and others.
(Youtube: Sweet Dreams) It gets a little silly with Myle Syrus.
To each his own. I think most people just want a tickle.
Sex is entertainment.... Why not legalize prostitution?
I'm terrible with names. The girl on the Fox Five that gets the leg shot;
she's a thousand dollar baby doll. Who cares what she thinks?
I've noticed they don't have many men wearing shorts on Fox.
Maybe Greg could wear a kilt? Maybe not.
My dad lectured me on abusing myself. He said I would not enjoy sex
with my wife, because "my grip was tighter than her womb."
I was 11 or 13 and this peeked my curiosity . I had sex with Marcella
in my bed under my crucifix. Marcella was tight. I like how she made
opera noises. ... I think the important thing was not to get pregnant or a
STD. We always used a condom. Marcella stole them from her dad.
Marcella wanted to get married. I did not think we could.
Honestly, I selfishly abused Marcella. She was my fucking pillow.
Jesus watched it all. I imagined Jesus chastising me, but I was
having too much fun abusing Marcella.
Reflection: Is sex entertainment? It can be, but love is complicated.
A lot of girls got pregnant at my high school, most of them
had babies. They were all unwed mothers.
October 2, 2014 at 11:12pm
Trick or Treat ! Smell my feat !
My mom died on Halloween. Creepy.
Things like this are rarely taken lightly.
What struck me odd about the holiday,
is how easily people slip into witchcraft.
And that is what Halloween is about.
You dress like the dead to raise the dead..
Lawrence Krause is fond of saying that,
"Most people are 99% atheist."
We reject the old pagan gods, but still hold onto
mono-theism like , Judeism , Islam and Christianity.
But, that does not disprove the existence of the supernatural.
Particle physics states that particles can be in two places at once
and that these particles of energy blink in and out of existence
from nothingness. That is supernatural.
Nature has a beginning and a end. Life comes from life and dies.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
But, what if life were supernatural?
Could the ancient pagan magic be real?
I grew up in Cambridge, Massachusetts, every kind of new age
Wiccan magic is practiced there.
My mom warned me about Witchcraft,
"You don't know what your dealing with."
I've met good Witches and Satanist.
The thing about Satanism is that it's angry.
Good Witches want harmony with nature.
Therein is the divergence. No offence intended,
but why would you want to go to Hell?
To each there own in the time allowed.
I believe Jesus would not be taken seriously if
he had begun preaching today. Most people are skeptical and cynical.
He most certainly would not tolerate Halloween.
Jesus taught, "That those who are not with me cannot enter Heaven."
That is not multiculturism.
This Halloween ask yourself do you believe in demons.
And then consider what you would do if you encountered one.
You could draw a magic circle around you.
Or would you ask God or Jesus or Buddah to protect you?
A Devil by definition is very angry.
I make no bones about Halloween. . It is conjuring demons.
Is that okay?
October 1, 2014 at 11:44am
An Obelix and Crescent Moon for 9/11
A monument stands on the site of the airliner 93 crash.
It is an obelix with a crescent moon and morning star.
This is commonly known as the symbol for Islam ..
The artist claims it is an ancient pagan symbol for peace.
If that's true, then, what do these symbols have to do with
the hijacking of airliner 93 on September 11th 2001?
I believe there is a more subtle message here. The obelix
is a masonic symbol joined with a Islamic crescent moon.
Many cultic Egyptian symbols are used in masonic rituals.
The Shriners use the crescent moon and morning star.
It is a ritual connection to Kabbalahism; Hebrew and Egyptian magic.
But, why would this be a monument for 9/11?
September 17, 2014 at 9:19am
The Greatest Speach Ever Made
| Youtube ~ The Greatest Speech Ever Made
Charlie Chaplin plays the little dictator
As I have explained in many ways, war is genocide.
It is impossible to bomb a city and not kill
civilians. But, evil must be stopped.
Unfortunately, I have a limited cable selection
and am forced to watch Fox News. Their hatred
for the President is seething in every report on
the gang warfare in the middle east.
How do these bandits communicate and coordinate
their blitz creed? There are no cell towers in
the desert. Do they have access to satellite
communication? Cannot the CIA or Inter Pol
stop that or trace and locate their source?
The United States will become the policemen of
the world for the Saudis ? A perpetual state of
war created George Orwald's 1984. It is not
treason to say that nation building in the Middle
East will lead the United States into a military
One EM bomb would paralyze Syria.
One neutron bomb would kill every Syrian.
But, the oil refinery would still be functional.
All that is needed is the initiative to do it.
How does a government promote war?
The threat of attack is perpetuated.
Genocide is the final solution.+
Remember the rush to invade Iraq.
The high-jackers of 9/11 were Saudis.
Billions of weapons manufacturing dollars
were spent by American tax payers and billions
more rebuilding what was destroyed.
What difference did it make?
But, evil must be stopped.
September 9, 2014 at 6:04pm
| Honest to God, my life is boring. I live like a hermit.
Cathy, my sister, has never told me her feelings about our childhood.
She refuses to have children, but has been a school teacher...
Cathy is 5 years older than me. .. The first thing that struck me about
my sister in my childhood was her missing a penis. It was startling.
I thought she was a monster... Cathy and I were bathing together.
It was disturbing to me. I was 6 years old.
Fast forward to 8th grade. My best friends sister Rachael sits
on the stairs in front of me. I was racing Michael, my best friend,
up the stairs. Rachael spreads her legs.. She is wearing a short skirt
without panties... I stop and gawk. Michael shoves me.. We continue
our race.. Later, in that month Rachael asks me if I would like to take a
shower with her. .. I nervously, agree.. We suds each other and Rachael
masturbates me. She likes the hollow in my chest.. I don't.
Rachael is a year older than me.
Michael was angry about the shower I took with his sister..
He told his dad. Gunther told me never to come to their house again.
Cathy had many boyfriends and continued to flashed me... She liked to
walk about naked in front of me and walk in on me when I was on the toilet
or showering... I was sneaking Rachael into my room.
Rachael confessed to me that her father molested her, while on heroin.
Gunther is a professor at Harvard University.. Her mother warned Rachael
they will loose everything if she tells anyone..
This was my puberty. After Rachael's confession, I was allowed to visit Rachael
at her home.. Nothing was said about the molesting and I rarely saw Gunther.
Cathy liked to smoke cigarettes and pot and set her bed on fire. I pushed the
smoldering bed out her window.. Dad calls her "My problem child."
My oldest sister Maura committed suicide a year later. She had returned home
from a divorce... After mom had a double mastectomy , dad would go into my
sister's room at night when he was drunk. But, dad never shouted at or struck any of us.
Cathy's behavior was suspiciously similar to Rachael.
August 31, 2014 at 7:18pm
I first saw Robin Williams on the Johnny Carson Show.
I was watching with my parents. We all thought he was nuts.
And we couldn't stop laughing.
I wasn't a big fan of Mork. It was running opposite to Wonder Woman.
Sorry, Linda Carter was more ... entertaining.
I think that's why I'm a fan of Sarah Palin. I can imagine her in a nylon
When I heard about Robin William's death. I immediately remembered
how difficult it was to reason with my older sister, who took her life.
I can imagine the mood swings Robin must have had.
I hope his family has forgiven him and their own helplessness.
I felt anger and then despair over my sister Maura.
That happened over 20 years ago and I still wonder if I could have
prevented it. .. I said some mean things to my big sister and
she said, "Now your turning against me."
But, she was tormented by bigger demons. She had divorced her husband
for abuse. He would tie her up and go to work.
She had an addiction to meds and a hyperthyroid ... I wish dad had put her
in a mental hospital. Instead, he asked me to baby sit her.
I was 15 and she was 35.
I've watched a lot of Robin Williams on Youtube .. God he was quick.
Genius is always on the edge;
"From whom travelers born no man has returned."
What dreams may come?
Market Basket Whore
| It's a simple way to get some ... but, beyond my budget now.
So, any who, I'm at the Portsmouth Market Basket and the store
manager is setting up a display with a sign that says~
"Don't shop Here"
I asked him if he wanted to close the store.
He said , "You haven't been reading the paper."
This store manager had been with Market Basket for more than 20 years.
I went to the pet food and then to the bread.
There were signs not to shop ... The bread lady rep told me to go to Shaws.
Well, I cashed out my purchase and ..met a fellow who liked escorts too.
I had seen this gentleman at the Danish Health Spa and the Blue Motel in
Kittery.. where the escorts worked. This friend says ~
"They should fire all of them. No call, no show."
As I leave the Market Basket parking lot, there is a large group of Market Basket
employees in uniforms waving and holding signs , "Don't shop here. Honk your horn."
So, I honk my horn and wave back with my Market Basket shopping bag.
They didn't like that and shouted at me ~
Well, aren't we all? I'm certain if the CEO Albert could buy Market Basket he would,
but he can't. .. It"s just business. That's what I love about escorts ; they just want
the money. .. That old store manager must have a lot of cash to risk his pension.
Am I cynical? You don't bite the hand that feeds you, unless you've got money.
Female Celebrity ... Porn?
| Rosie O'Donnell is returning to the View.
Why? Has she lost her sex appeal?
The Rosie O'Donnell show was fun, but got low ratings.
I like Rosie, She reminds me of Kim Cabral in Peabody Grammar.
Kim was a big girl, who liked to sit on my chest and punch me,
then she kissed me.
I feared her and was aroused.
Rosie has a similar effect on me, I especially enjoyed her cat fights with
Elizabeth Hasselbeck .. Just purr-fect.
Angelina Jolie has a funky feel too. I think I could get into her business.
But, my acting is lousy. .. .. I love a girl in leather.
Lady Ga Ga is a twin of A-Go-Go. I met A-Go-Go at the Fresh Pond Towers.
She gave blow jobs in the parking lot for $5. I rode down to her on my 3 speed bike
when I got some cash. I was 13 and . .. I loved hanging out with A-Go-Go.
My mom did not like it. She had me tested for STDs .
I was clean, I used condoms.
Oh, what a lecture my dad gave me on the slippery slope of fornication.
I got grounded. But, nature will find a way and I did with Bernadet.
Bernadet looked a lot like Rosie O'Donnell too.
And she lived 2 houses down from me. I didn't need my bike or $5.
Bernadet liked to give it away and take showers with me in her basement.
She was about 16 or 15 and I was a happy 14 . Is this natural or deviant?
I always gravitate toward an older woman or a woman who takes charge.
I am not very aggressive.
"Hello? Is Angelina Jolie available? I have $5."
"Oh? Hi. Carol Burnett. Angelina is busy. Okay. But, you'll be over?"
"No. Brad. I don't think I can handle a 3 way."
"Jeeze. What a stoner."
I like that copper woman on the Fox at Five or is it just FIVE?
She looks juicy and swauve... (spell check)
I like her in that red dress on a mechanical bull with a dildo up the saddle;
Red Riding Hood Republican.
I need some OJ and some lotion.
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