"Let's keep it real." is a popular phrase.
How many Angels can sit on the head of a pin?
Answer: How the fuck should I know?
I've had theological discussions with plumbers and Priests:
Christians and Buddhist and Muslim.
It never can be resolved, because you don't have anything concrete.

Tonight on the David Letterman Show; an Angel Lucifer.
Lucifer will be performing his new album, Anarchy.
Dave' s Top Ten List; Top Ten Ways to know your going to Hell.

Number ten: you write a top ten list about Hell.

Back in the 70's Johny Carson was king of the night.
He actually had Tiny Tim and Ronald Reagan on his show.
Lately, I've been musing about God and the sacred feminine with
a hippie hobo.
He is a suspiciously well kempt hippie and reminds me of a narc.
There were a lot of undercover cops in my adolescent youth; 1975-ect.
You get a radar on Serpico.(It's a 80's flick with Al Pacino... sigh.)
Well, this hippie I met is obsessed with the sacred feminine, which is
rare. Most hippies are obsessed with marijuana.

"I know God is working to make us better, but
he/she can't get passed kicking ass.
I think the woman in God wants to love, but
he has to show us who's boss." the hippie said to me.

Then, he'll go on about mathematics and his fucked up life.
I like him. He's funny like a hobo trani.
But he does give off that narc vibe. His teeth are very white
for a vagrant and he's wearing good shoes and he has cash.
Maybe, I've attracted the attention of the Fibbies.
(A nickname for the FBI in the..70's. God am I old.)


OKAY! LETS GET DOWN!


Definition of God- Perfect, "The works of God are perfect and just." Genesis.

Nirvana, "God is everywhere and nowhere."

Islam, "There is one God and Mohammed is His prophet."

You know you can start your own religion?
Yup all you need, according to the IRS is at least a hundred followers,
then you get tax exempt status. Cool huh?


OKAY! KNOWLEDGE IS SUBJECTIVE!

Sorry Ellen Degeneres you are a pervert, by Judeo/Christian definition.
The dictionaries were written by Protestant and Catholic organizations.
So, homosexuality is defined in my Webster dictionary as a sexual perversion.
Words are ideas and ideas are religion.

Religion is not democratic it is dogmatic.
I went through Catholic Catechism Dogmatic Indoctrination for my Conformation.
My first question was, "Why should I believe this?"
The answer was believe it or get out.

Deuteronomy 24:16 "The children shall not be punished
for their father's sin."

Try and square that with Original Sin. Why did we all sin in Adam?
Is sin hereditary?
If it is, then, there is no free will and we are not responsible for our actions.
Criminals could be transferred to the mental hospital for the criminally
insane.

If a just man takes the place of a criminal on the gallows,
is that justice?
Jesus died for our sins, but has this stopped people from sinning?
If you follow Jesus example you will be crucified.
Isn't that suicide?

These are questions that cannot ever be resolved without faith.
Dr. Richard Dawkins calls faith a failure. Science must prove its assertions.
Perhaps.

When I was in surgery I felt as if I was drifting down
a cold river. I cold feel the water around my face.
There was darkness and then I started to remember
the Shaker song The Dancing King and the darkness
filled with stars. I was happy.

That's not science, but it helped me deal with death.
I don't know how many Angels can sit on a pin...
How can I?


Writing is whistling in the dark
and hoping someone cares..... ..


~~~
<^>


 

It's odd but I think my scribbles are part of
pop culture. Yay!
Does this mean I can have a date with Jennifer Anderson?
She's such a school mom. We could go bowling.
That's what I used to do a lot of in high school; that and movies.

God, high school was an orgy of horniness.
And then again my childhood was seriously fucked up.
My sisters just loved to play mind games with me.
One such punishment was the chair discipline.
They told me to sit in this old French chair with a straight back.
This game started when I was 5 years old.
If I left the chair they would beat me.
So, I peed the chair.

The cumulative effect was to turn me on to my gay
friend Michael Wild.
I think he was gay out of the womb.
Michael was kissing boys in grammar school and getting
beat up for it.
He didn't seem to care.
He asked me to tie him up in the gym shower,
which got us both beat up.
Thanks, Mike.

Anyway, I get really turned by girls now.
I think Michael was a faze. Maybe?
I kept the French chair, but I had it reupholstered.
It was in the closet of my dad's house and had been
stripped to its frame.
Sometimes, I'll fantasize about it.
It definitely has bondage memories.
Does any of this make sense?

I think I burned my Ramen Noodles...

Pissah!


=+=


 

I love Maine. It's a beautiful place.
You can go to the beach or camping or just
walk about. .. What is disturbing are the
few Christian Churches that promote racism.
This sounds nuts, but some of these Maniac
Christians believe that Jesus was not semitic.
They have this idea of an Arean Jesus with blue eyes
and white skin and wavy brown hair..
It's kind of silly, but not so if you cross them
on this skin issue. (I do like to stir things up)

Well, my mom liked to talk about Jesus
and his mission: to liberate the people of-

"Palestine."

Yes, she did use that term to describe Jesus.
She had Coptic paintings of the Black Madonna and
the baby Jesus. And I love her for it.
I'm not a big fan of the Palestinian movement today.
But, Jesus was a Palestinian.
That's what the Roman's called the region.
Israel is the name Jacob received after he wrestled
with God(genesis 32:28). Jacob called the spot Peniel
"the Face of God."
This is a strange segway, but the Divinity in
the human ego is the struggle in every faith.
To make this more germane, I have struggled with
forgiveness and vengeance. Here's a silly example.
Jimmy Fox was a bully. .. I was one of his victims in
grammar school. I thought it would be funny to take
some my dad's liquid laxative and put it in Jim's
milk. I brought the bottled laxative to school and
slipped it into Jim's milk. Well, he crapped his
pants and passed out. I guess it was too big a dose
for a kid.. The school nurse thought Jim had a
serious condition an called an ambulance.. .
Someone saw me put the laxative in Jim's milk.
I was told it was Wanda. She was blonde and taller
than me.. I guess that's how she saw.
I got detention and Jim on my back.. My mom's advice
took me by surprise:

"He had it coming. Never forgive an attack on
you or your family."

I really was nervous about Jim killing me..
I asked my friend Billy Hurley if he could help.
Billy was a giant kid, but gentle.. He spoke to
Jim and Jim punched him. Billy broke Jim's ribs.
You see how this is snow balling?

I guess I learned to be careful about vengeance .
It can make things worse.

? ?
V
 

I was told that the Wee People visited at night.
They liked the hot humid summer. And if they visited
I should give them some bread or water.
At the age of nine, I honestly believed my parents
and was fearful the box fan in my window would
shred fairies. Mom told me that fairies could not
be chopped up; "They are spirits."
I kept a flash light in my bed.
 

Let's face facts. I'm not Alex Baldwin.
I don't know how to talk about things I don't know to the media.
Alex Baldwin is an actor. He is a professional Bull Shit Artist.
In ancient times actors were also prostitutes. They had to eat.
I picture Alex reading the paper sitting on a gold toilet. His chicken lips pursed
and his balls immersed. What knew issue strikes his fancy?

To hold onto what sanity I have left. I'll ask myself what would Alex Baldwin do?
"If a Wal-Mart overnight manager punched him in the face, would he quit?"
"If a Home Depot assistant manager called him a "Faggot and a bloody hole."
would Alex sue or punch the ASM in the face?
Well, the question is mute. Alex Baldwin is a successful actor and comedian.
Just ask his ex-wife and daughter what a wonderful person he is.
There is a time in all our lives when we just have to accept the mistakes we've
made and move on or go postal.

I think Alex Baldwin would agree with me and we both like Russian escorts.
Even a successful actor like Alex Baldwin has to fork out the cash for some
love. And that's okay.

Peace out Alex!

=+=

P.S. Does he spell his name with a c?
Whatever...
 

I love my dad. He's passed away many years now.
But, he sure did hate Masons. I guess that came from
the troubles in Northern Ireland. Their was a Masonic
leader there Ein Paisley and he hated Catholics.
So, there was a civil war in Northern Ireland between
Masons and Catholics. I didn't pay much attention to
it, accept on Saint Patrick's Day. That's when dad
put the Southern Ireland declaration of idependence
from England and De Valera's picture up. De Valera was
the leader of the revolution against England in
Ireland. The tricolor flag of the new republic was
hung outside.. And the Cambridge anglophile
neighborhood sighed in disapproval.

What all of this did for me was introduce me
to revolutionary thinking. A traitor or terrorist was
what you called your adversary. The founding fathers
of the American revolution were traitors in the court
of King George. He ordered them hanged. Now, in the
mix of all this patriotism and unbeknownst to dad,
my sisters and I were fornicating. They were older
than me and I felt submissive to them and stirred up
by Irish rebel songs: "Why don't you come out and
fight me like a man, like you did down in Flanders!"
My sisters would river dance in their green short
dresses and I felt confused by the whole event.

These dancing girls took my virginity when I was
five years old. I thought my pecker was going to
snap off. Now the mind tries to find structure, I
watched them dance over the years of our puberty
to Irish rebel songs. So, I thought this is tribal,
like Genesis. Who was Cain's wife? His sister of
course. Dad insisted that I dance with my sisters
and I have two left feet. It made me angry and feel
more submissive. The two of them would laugh at me
as I stumbled. Sometimes they would kick me with the
tip of their toes in my butt.

I'm still pissed off about that. But, the sex was
wild and hidden from our parents. How do I relate to
woman? I just don't trust anyone. Most people are two
faced. They will try to deceive you to get what they
want. That is my experience. For example: I rarely
take baths. I shower. When I was little mom would
let my sisters bath me. You guess what happened.
Well, I don't want to relive that event, so I shower.
It's faster.

I'd like to think this is normal. It's not.
Whenever, I open up to a friend about my sisters
they look shocked. And it makes the friendship
difficult. The general response is, "That's sick!"
Okay, guilty, shoot me in the head. What I like about
Christianity is it forgives the sinner. When I
confessed to FR. Ducette about my sister Maura, after
her suicide, he told me she was in Hell.

Firstly because she murdered herself(?)

and secondly because she molested me...

I didn't accept his curse, but we prayed for
redemption.(?!) Yes, Roman Catholicism teaches
that the living can pray the damned out of Hell.
So, I knelt with FR Ducette at his private kneeler
in the rectory and prayed to a statue of the

Virgin Mary.(?)

This is how you pray to save the damned.
You say the Hail Mary and hope the Virgin Mary
will ask her son Jesus to go and get your loved
one out of Hell. Remember that wedding in the Gospels
and the Virgin Mary convinced her son Jesus to turn
water into wine? That's where this prayer comes from.
My eyes were red with tears of anger, but the Priest
didn't pick up on that...

Another Saint Patrick's day; I should get drunk.

=+=

 

Here is the boy of seven, what do you want to
teach him? "There is no rustic so rude, who does
not imagine he can hear the Holy Spirit." Rev.
Martin Luther's Diaries. How do we know God?
Stalin mentioned God often in his speeches he called
on the power of the people in communist party.
God was the state in Stalin's world view. Now, I
was raised Roman Catholic and I was sent to CCD,
Catholic Catechism Indoctrination on my 7th birthday.
The first thing the Sister Emeritas said was,

"You must have faith."

Unfortunately, I was horny as Hell and I was checking
out her legs. The nuns were dressing less formally
with the onset of the New Order in the Church.
So, Sister Emeritas was showing me her legs in black
nylons up to her knees. The black skirt rose up
further when she sat on the edge of the desk. She
was a young nun of twenty and had hot bod. ..
I was not listening to her indoctrination.. and
there were no written exams; just a manual to study.
Yup, Catholics get a manual on how to believe.
It's a Vulcan religion. They try to make it
intellectual.. but faith is emotional.

So, here we go down the shoots and ladders of
inspired theology. What do you do in Heaven?
The Bible describes a court with God on His throne
in Job. Funny how Job's name is spelled the same
as a job.. The Devil goes to God's court and asks
if he can test Job's faith. God agrees and lets the
Devil burn down Job's house and kill Job's children
and strike Job with a pox. Job is left homeless and
his wife spits on him and leaves him, because
obviously Job has done something bad to evoke God's
wrath.(Why is there a "w" in wrath?)

Well, Job never rejects his faith in God.
And his health returns and he rebuilds his life.
Happy ending? His children are still dead and the
wife came back after he got a house and a job.
What is the moral of this story? Perhaps, it is
to be self reliant and God will .. like you?
What is the Devil doing in Heaven? We come to a
wall of faith. Yup. This story was written over
8 thousand years ago and the writer was not a
free thinker. The message is whatever happens is
God's will..

Incidentally, I saw Sister Emeritas kissing
the music teacher, a secular man in Cambridge Park.
This further pushed my skepticism. Sounds a little
simplistic, but if you believe something without
proof your stupid. When I was a kid I like to believe
I could control the wind. I breath in when the wind
paused and then breath out when the wind blew..
But, when I stopped the wind kept blowing. Ergo;
I was not controlling the wind. Do you think?
Does God want us to think? Maybe, thinking is a curse
from the Devil. There is a school of thought that
rejects logic. It's called cynicism.

The philosopher Cynica agrued that knowledge was
obscured by our animal lusts. We could never be free
our prejudices. This is the slipper slope in natural
philosophy. One advantage in blind faith is you don't
debate the Doctrines of the faith. Therefore, if
your a Druid you should believe in human sacrifices.
And no matter what the authorities say; you must
satisfy your blood lust. God told you to.

Well, I'd sit by the box fan at night when I
was seven and whisper into the fan. The sound was
erie.. It felt magical. This could be Satanic ..
possession. Who knows?

=+=
 

I just don't know what the Hell is going on.
There are so many conspiracy theories. And what
can anyone do about it? I have my own theory,
that there is a collective unconscious and we all
want the world to end our miserable lives.
Just think, both Bush Presidents said we were in
the End Times. Now if the President wants the
world to end we are all fucked.

Do you know how many times Fox News has compared
Obama to the Anti-Christ? Who is Rupert Murdoch?
He behaves like a megalomaniac .. I have no idea
who to trust. This is the way I see the world.

1. There are people who want to kill us.

2. This country is too big to police.

3. We will become a police state soon.

I'm driving home from Mission Impossible at 12am.
I'm thinking you don't need to have gadgets to
be dangerous. Anyone with a gun is a lethal weapon
or a knife. What can be done to stop random violence?
I'm sitting in a little dark theater and I'm watching
a movie about assassins .. Could I be murdered in
my seat? Yup. Could someone leave a bomb ..
Kaboom! Oh yeah. That was a popular tactic in
Northern Ireland: the planted bomb.

Before the movie I killed some time looking at
DVDs at Barnes&Nobles another book store on its
last legs. There was a movie about the Weathermen
of the anti Vietnam era terrorists. These were
radical college students, who blew up military
targets in the USA back in the 70's. They reasoned
that the military industrial complex was the
cause of Vietnam and the only way to stop it was to
tare down the government. Heavy topic for the
bargain bin.. It was $5, but I just didn't want
to relive that hate.

I remember these radical groups and how easily
they blew up banks. It was insane. They took hostages
and demanded the impeachment of Richard Nixon.
That's what I grew up in. My mom would answer the
phone and someone would be threatening her or telling
her my brother was murdering children in Vietnam.
I was forbidden to answer the phone. Dad would call
the police. Only dad spoke to the police.

So, when I see some tabloid pics of celebs, I'm
thinking if the paparazzi can get that close could
a terrorist? Open concerts are a duck shoot.
How do the paparazzi know where their targets are
going to be? Are they tracking credit cards and
reservations? Nothing is secret even cell phones
can be hacked. Paranoid? What kind of ransom could
a celebrity bring? Millions. That's how I look at
these tabloids. They're stocking celebs.

I really do think there is a group of powerful
Christians, using End Times hysteria to
exploit frightened people. They want war and they
want everyone to pay them for protection from
the Anti-Christ. If you believe in an all powerful
God, then the Anti-Christ is doing God's will.
Or God would crush him. Who is pulling the strings?
Theist are really worshiping power and the ends
justify the means. God wills good to come from evil.
Isn't that what the terrorist believe?

That's my world view: paranoid.

Peace out..


 

I know I'm not normal, but, who is?
I like movies its a safe way to escape my boring
life. I think I've become addicted to The Blaze.com.
It's a lot like porn. You watch it. You get excited.
But, it doesn't feel real. George Soros reminds me
of my History Professor, Ralf. He has those same
sad eyes. I think he disliked his job, but it was
all he knew. I don't dislike George. He's just doing
what comes naturally: hunting and gathering.
So be it.
As I look back at my bizarre life, I wonder if
there is a moral or purpose to it. I loved growing
up in Cambridge, Mass. The feminist went topless
to prove they were just as free as men to do it.
More power to them!
Recently, I had a discourse with a young man,
who maybe a father. He's not certain. He is a now
18, but might have impregnated a girl of 15 when
he was 17. He didn't believe me when I explained
that teenage sex is illegal. He thinks its legal
if both partners are teenagers. It isn't.
If his girlfriend is pregnant he will have to pay
child support and he might be prosecuted for rape.
That is the way the laws are written in Maine.
I had a buddy Tim get a girl pregnant in
Cambridge. They were both teenagers and Tim got
arrested. He was put on a sex offenders list and
had to check in with a probation officer. .
Tim made a mistake poking around a girl whose
dad was a Cambridge police officer. I'm not certain
if this is the standard procedure. Tim is my age
now and that offense is still dogging him ..
The danger from society is too great.
Here's a story. Michael and I were kissing
in the Porter Square Parking lot. We were 12.
An adult woman pulled us apart. A total stranger.
She said it was disgusting. This was Cambridge
in the 70's. My fear was she might attract more
attention to me and Michael. We had been threatened
by other boys...
This all plays into my theory that people are
impulsive hypocrites. That most people hate more
easily, than love. That's the animal instinct.
I'm pessimistic about the future. Iran is a perfect
example of religious bigotry. Just watch what comes
from all their hosannas.
It's sad. Mohamed tried to unite Judaism and
Christianity with Islam. But, religion is about
dividing people. There is only one truth.
We are all human.

Sine De





 

Nobody knows who this guy is. But, he was my
favorite cartoonist. I have his documentary .
I think I'll post it. He just seemed to click
with my warped sexuality. Not that I have much of
a sex life to brag about.. It is almost impossible
for me to get sex now.. I'm such a loser.

And most the women I want to mess up are a lot
younger than me.. 19 or twenty.. thirty. Jeeze
I'm getting depressed.. Let's face facts women are
primal, they want the strongest caveman they can
find... I've never had the pleasure of meeting a
Saint.. Crumbs wives talk about how they were
attracted to his geekiness. "I like retards." the recent bride remarked.
That kind of momma has never crossed my path.

I probably shouldn't talk about how abusive
my older sisters were to me. One is still living.
But, I was sexualized at the age 5. This makes me
very passive and turned on by women, who are
aggressive. Nature generally kills off freaks.
Either the unwanted male is killed by stronger males
or he just wanders off and becomes extinct.

I freaked when I saw Jessica Michaels in Crumb's
movie... I love her Legs magazine. She was totally
dead on, "Women need to know they can manipulate
men through a man's fetishes." I like that.
It's kooky how I swung over to gay sex with my
best friend Michael Wild. We were 11 or 12.
I think I was beaten up emotionally I needed to
cling to him.. Maybe, I was rebelling against my
sister's cunt bullying? Michael started kissing me.
And we were playing war with our army set and
deck of cards and dice. .. I liked it.

I fantasize about women, who have cocks.. but
I also like to fantasy about fucking pussy.....
(?)....... It confuses me. This morning I woke at
5:30 am with an erection. I tried to remember the
dream I was having. I like to analyze everything.
There was a mall and I walking around(in the dream).
A women in a green skirt with a rack for a butt
was walking in front of me.. She looked familiar.
I approached her. She recognized me and smiled.

That's about it.. something about that gave
me a hard on. She was very curvy and had torpedo tits.
I think she looked like my journalism professor..
Anne something... God, this is embarrassing ..
(I'm doting a lot. because I'm really horny.)
Anne liked to personally take each of her students
to her office, which was so small her powerful
legs would brush against me as she crossed them.
She'd take off her flats and wiggle her toes beside
me.. This was too much for me to take and I became
obviously aroused. ............................

Yes. She spotted my dilemma .. and remarked
"That I was a A+ jerk." with a toothy smile...
I smiled, but was not amused. She continued to
critique my writing "as childish." while rotating
her bare foot next to my pant leg.. My dick was
throbbing.. She had a green skirt on that came down
to her knee, but it kept rising up as she shifted in
her squeaky swivel chair.. .. Her tits were pointed
straight out under her button up white blouse..
I swear I could see she was wearing no bra. ..

This is the kicker she was . openly lesbian.
Yup... But, she loved to tease jerks like me.
After my review I said, "Honestly, I wish I could
control myself. But, I want to fuck you. I can't
deny it." and I pointed with both open hands to
my throbbing boner. Ann gave another toothy smile
and put her left hand on my leg inches from my
erection. "Not ever." she said and handed my papers
back. The papers were covered with corrections and
notes like, "Your not making any sense." and
"You need to rewrite all of this."

*************BITCH!*****************

I thought. ... I really wanted to kick her in
the face, but she would have beaten me to a pulp.
That's when she stood up, and her torpedo breasts
towered over me.. I was aware I couldn't stand
without embarrassing myself more. But, she insisted.
Yeah. She pushed me gently out into the school
hallway.. and I scrambled for a restroom or hallway
bench, hiding my erection with my flunked exams.

I wonder if that was what I was dreaming this
morning... I had some green peas with my noodles
and fried eggs... the yokes reminded me of Ann.
Shit on a cracker!

I think I'll read Legs Magazine and fantasize
about Jessica Michaels on all fours giving me
an A+ blow job. Fucking A!


+ ^
V