Thoughts on life and society can be pointless, but that's what books are for. I've never enjoyed reading. |
It's always been difficult for me to read. Sometimes, I imagine little demons pulling at my eye lids.
The Devil is in the details. I like people, who can act. They're fun to watch. I guess I wish I could be an
actor, but I just don't have that charm and I stutter. My life is meaningless. I just lope from one place to
another. I think that's my strength. Most people need a career and family. .. Family is a nice idea, but
I've never had a nice family. Is this becoming annoying? ...
Let's start with Vertago! He's cool and a stud. He also is popping up a lot in my movie watching. The mind
can make association: like is the guy on the radio talking to me? Or why am I seeing so many eye balls in
my movie watching? Jeeeze! I just saw CASE 39. A really scary movie with an eye ball scene that's very icky.
This guy has a hornet come up out of his eye's lid.. tear duck. Any who, it's scary. Well, when I was
Veratgo on Private Games.com my picture was of my left eye.
It was trippy. Just a note to the CASE 39 writers: Lilith is not evil. I'm talking about Adam's first wife, expelled
from Eden, because she "Would not be his beast of burden." Lilith is the first feminist in Bible Lore,
she is immortal. So you can't drown her. Nope, only God can stop her.
Okay, this Vertago guy is still effecting me. Strangers will look at me and cover their right eye, cars will shut
one headlight off. That's dangerous! I had an elderly woman pinch my butt an call me "Vertago." in the mall.
There was a Vertago concert. There is a Vertago song by U2. I started writing about Vertago in the 90's on an
Australian web site Private Games.com. That's when I was working at Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart was awful.
I had an over night manager slap me in the face.
I just wish people would stop dropping pennies around me. I mentioned that Abraham Lincoln is looking to
the right, while all the other presidents are facing to the left, because he was assassinated. Now, I get penny's
dropped around me. I wish I had mentioned the dollar bill and the star of David over the eagel's head.
It has twelve stars in it for the twelve Apostles. Feel free to throw dollars at me.
Reflections: I wasn't completely honest about what I said about the penny. I was quoting the old Civil war
lore Lincoln was facing right because he freed the slaves and turned his back on the brotherhood. That's
what I wrote on Private Games.com. I'm not in favor of slavery.
I'm really not aware of a plot.
My old pick-up is an egg beater.
I have no career.
It's hard to rember the last time I had sex.
My life is pointless.
But, I'm always optimistic. Everyday is a party in my head.
I've been wondering about my surviving sister. She doesn't want to talk to me.
I've been airing the family dirt. Not, a politically correct thing.
My sisters loved to sceances. They burn candles in a circle with a big pentagram in the middle.
I thought it was scary. They'd chant and sway back and forth, while holding candles.
I think girls obsess over candles. Girls have always made me nervous. There just creepy.
But, I swear on a stack of Wonder Woman comics, I started seeing demons at night.
I was 9 and I woke my dad for help. Well, dad worked two jobs .. His main income was teaching, then
he'd work at the South Postal Annex until midnight and mom would drive out to pick him up.
He didn't like me waking him. He shouted at me to go to bed, then he added that the crucifix over my
bed would protect me from demons. So, I took it down and slept with it.
The demons looked like little drum toy solders. They were very tiny and had yellow eyes.
I'd hold out my crucifix and recite the OUR FATHER. That worked. Dad had told me that witches had been
hung on our property. The wind rustling the leaves was bone chilling. I could picture the witches' ghosts
moaning in the old creaking trees. Nice huh? Yep, that was my childhood. I guess I turned out okay?
My sisters loved to dress me up. I really envey these young slender girls in their tights.
There walking around in tight pants or just panty hose without a skirt. I wish I could flatten my belly like that.
Nope, I'm an old fatso. Drat. Their very sexy and I adore them and... I'm jealous. But, I'm straight..sort of.
Oh, I guess my mom was right. I have scramble eggs for brains..
I think I've lost my plot.. Maybe there isn't one?
Thanks for listening.
April 23, 2013 at 11:14am
Habits and Madness
Back in high school I'd write to Linda Carter.
She was an awesome Wonder Woman. I got an autograph
photo and a typed form letter... This was one of
many life's lessons in separating reality from ~
That's important. When Superman was on television,
some kids were jumping off the roofs of their homes
to be like Superman. The actor who played Superman
had to make a special announcement ~
"Only Superman can fly."
People can believe anything. And kids are especially
gullible. Now, let me take a moment to comment on
the events of the Boston Marathon. I grew up in
Cambridge. I knew many different kinds of people
of different faiths and lifestyles. I really think
someone in the media should interview a Muslim,
who doesn't advocate terrorism. There are plenty of
them. I have a copy of the Koran. Nowhere does it
say terrorism is good.
"If God should punish men according to
what they deserve, he would not leave on
the back of the earth so much as a beast."
(Koran ch 35)
"O men, respect women, who have borne you."
(Koran ch 4)
"God loveth not the speaking ill of one in
public." (Koran ch 4)
The Koran is a collection of Jewish Talmud and
Christian Gospel and the teachings of Mohamed.
Old Testament laws on stoning are practiced still
by conservative Muslims in Saudi Arabia, Pakistan
and Afghanistan, and Israel, amongst Orthodox Jews.
I ask any religious person, where is the honor in
killing defenseless people? Religion is about honor
and justice. I left Logan airport for a London
transfer to a flight to Israel on 9/11. I could have
been one of the highjacked victims. I see no honor
in flying domestic airliners into the Twin Towers.
It was evil and not just.
I'm not a theologian, but I know what murder is.
Pro-Life <+>? Am I missing something?
| I was raised in a very fucked up conservative
Catholic family. Dad was cold and distant when he
was sober.. He wore pressure stockings, because
of all the hours he spent standing, while teaching
and at his second job as a mailman. Yeah, he needed
the dispatcher job at night at the South Postal
Annex in Boston to support his family. Teacher's get
lousy pay and no protection from their criminal
students. . Dad had to have mom drive his station
wagon to school and the post office. His students
flattened his tires and poured bear in the gas tank.
I was a target of student reprisals too as were my
older brother and sisters.. High school was a toilet
swirly and a punch in the gut for me.
I got beat up by two .. African American girls.
I was in a big hurry for some class I never needed
and I made a big mistake. I pushed the two..
African American girls aside, walking in front of
me.. Those girls clocked me. I was curled up in a
ball, while they kicked me repeatedly. A circle of
my classmates watched and cheered them on.. I was
sent to the hospital and then home with cracked
ribs. The police did not arrest the girls, who stated
I assaulted them. No charges were filed.
When I got home I took down my dad's Lean field
rifle an seriously thought about going to school
with it. I wanted revenge, but something stopped me.
Perhaps, it was all those sermons at Saint Peter's
Church or I just didn't believe I could pull it off.
A Lean field rifle is a bolt action. It takes a lot
of skill to fire it rapidly. Today, I can purchase
an assault rifle that fires hundreds of bullets in
seconds. If I had access to an assault rifle
after my humiliating stomping in high school, I
might have done something terrible. But, fortune
favored the fool.
Hmmm. If your pro-life, how can you be in favor
of private ownership of machine guns?
I honestly do have neighbors, who own assault rifles
that fire, like machine guns. Is that safe?
Police have been called to their homes to break up
domestic disputes. Can you see the danger here-ya?
Jeeze! Those bullets can travel miles and go through
So, Muzzy, gets shot eating his Frosted Flakes
and he never hears the shot. That's dope!
I have another neighbor, who owns a Sherman tank.
He drives it on the highway to tracker pull events.
Jim Carrey you have my vote.. But, you weren't
born in America.. Oy.. Were doomed.
February 27, 2013 at 3:57pm
Porn & Puberty!
| I guess you know about this?
Well, I always assumed girls didn't like sex.
It was something to trick them into, because
girls got pregnant.
The sword of sexual harassment and rape hung
between my thighs. Boys were warned about
sexual harassment in my grammar school as well
as pregnancy. This was a progressive school.
The Peabody Grammar School in Cambridge Massachusetts.
I liked talking to the girls, who in turn
would kiss me. That was acceptable in school.
However, outside school there was a lot of
sex. These were the 70's and sex was experimental
along with marijuana.
My best friend Michael Wild had pot plants in his
backyard. His mom Cathy showed us how to roll a joint.
She was a double D and liked to go topless inside
and outside in their backyard.
All of this sexuality was happening with her
knowledge in that house. The Wilds believed
human sexuality was necessary part of adolescence.
Mike's dad was a Harvard psychology professor.
He let me sleep over with his daughter
Rachael .. Michael was not happy about that.
"It was a natural part of puberty and safer in
their house"... Gunther thought.
What Gunther didn't know at that time was
Michael's sexual relationship with me and other
boys. Michael was an aggressive homosexual,
who liked to cross dress and pick up boys.
I enjoyed showering with Rachael and sharing her
mother's marijuana. It was such a cool place.
At my parents house I had my Playboy Magazines
and my two horny older sisters.
They liked to experiment with pot and wine
and occasionally me.. That weirdness started when
I was 5 years old and they dressed me up like a girl.
Whatever, I just like to think it was a normal
part of puberty. The alternative is a perverse
twisted childhood. Both, sisters were not happy
with their breasts and neither was Rachael.
They looked sexy to me. Odd, that Rachael didn't
take after her mother's double Ds.
Rachael had small, but sexy boobs... at 15.
I really did write to the Playboy Bunnies ..
They responded with letters like~
"Your just the man I need. I don't have to
think of anything other than we get together.
I need a dominant macho male to be my master
and take me from behind."
That's what every 13 year old boy wants to read.
I also appreciated the lipstick kiss on their
I guess I was over the top asking them for their
panties. But, I got them!
Rachael liked to see me wear them.. This must
be a latent lesbian fantasy in girls.
Strange days indeed.
February 8, 2013 at 8:46pm
"Can I do that to you?" Jeff Faulkner said to me.
He was a store manager at the Newington New Hampshire Wal-mart.
That was one of his power phrases. I don't know why managers have
power phrases. It really doesn't help. If you have a job to do and you
can't finish it in the time allowed, you can't do it.
"Are you having trouble finding something to do?" Stewart Wolf remarked.
He was a store manager at the Porstmouth New Hampshire K-mart.
Both of these fearless leaders got fazed out or fired. It's a joke.
Was I having trouble finding something to do? Nope. I was managing three
departments at K-mart: Hardware, Toys and Seasonal~Garden and X-Mass.
I found a book a Barnes&Nobles on Power Words. I had to chuckle.
"What I need is a man for this job." Brenda Skeens berated ..
"No what you need are more associates." I answered. Mrs. Skeens was
not amused and wrote me up for insubordination. I was amused.
Getting written up at K-mart isn't worth the paper. They type it on word processor
and you type in your comments and initials. Does anyone read this poop?
There are two ways to handle harassment in retail: bend over or leave.
I can't remember a case where the lowly associate beat the store in court.
Unfortunately, there is the violent revolt. This ends badly for the violent associate
and the asshole manager.
"Wild (whoever) is becoming a liability." the Wal-mart mangers liked to say.
The manger will never back down. They must break the proud and defiant.
And that can set off a violent incident. When I got fazed out at Home Depot
the manager on duty Bill Batchelor played a Beatles favorite: Just a Little
Nowhere Man. This version was sung by the mangers. I think they read my
blog. As I was being walked and hearing the managers sing I thought about
a classic TV series The Prisoner. The last episode has the Prisoner escaping
to the Beatles classic Love.
"Can you wrap your head around that?" Linda Vilder said.
She was a store manager at Bradlees. I had to take a lie detector exam to
get a cashier job at Bradlees. They asked me if I steel and do I like Bradlees.
I passed. But, I was lieing. I hated Bradlees. It was a dump.
I thought Wal-mart was awesome, until the mangers started using power phrases.
I probably projected my positive feelings for the lie detector examiner.
She was smacking hot!
On a naughty note, the K-Mart security guy Tim was a friend
and he let me watch the security cameras in the ladies dressing room.
He'd sit there and say, "Take it. Take it." Then, he could arrest them and
interrogate them. Ironically, Tim was stealing from the store, mostly candy bars.
The funniest arrest happened on Christmas. Tim stopped a tiny woman with
a backpack of baby formula she hadn't payed for. She clocked him with the
backpack and baby formula was flying everywhere. I was laughing so hard
I had to take a breather.
The downside to all of this insanity is I know what the associates
are thinking about the customers and it an't love. When O.J. had his murder
trial. A fellow associate said to me, "I'd of done it for him. If he'd payed me."
That was in the K-mart lunchroom. Callous, but that is retail.
Trust me stay out of Wal-mart, during the Christmas madness.
A Wal-mart floor associate wants to beat the customer with a plastic
reindeer. Nothing personal, but Christmas shoppers don't act Christian.
Just my two cents.
January 15, 2013 at 12:29am
Jody Foster is 50
Okay. I'm officially depressed.
She does not look 50.
John Stewart looks 50.
I think Mrs. Foster is an elf.
December 24, 2012 at 6:41am
Going to MASS
I guess there are folks, who enjoy religious services.
I do not. In Catholicism there is an obligation to attend Sunday Mass.
Do the math~how many Sunday Masses are there in a year?
Answer: 124 + High Masses that can be said during the week.
My dad was old school and attended only the Latin Tridentine Mass.
This is a very long Mass and most people don't speak Latin.
God, I truely hate Latin Masses. Amen.
On the day mom died, dad was at Sunday Mass praying.
He had paid the Priest to say a Mass for her.
I thought it would be better to stay with mom at Youville Hospital.
Dad said, "We must fulfill our obligation."
Dad's funeral Mass was said at Saint James Cathedral.
There was a choir and huge numbers of friends and family many of his
students from his teaching career were present. Dad had been teaching
for 50 years. I was impressed.
Not with the Latin Mass.
December 12, 2012 at 9:16am
I've been ensnared by cable video yah-yah. Sometimes it seems like
they're trying to program me. My dad told me that television was mass hypnosis.
But, he'd watch Lawrence Welk every Sunday. That was snappy.
I preferred The Ed Sullivan show and later on The Carol Burnett Show
and Laugh In and Sonny&Cher.. and the Somthers Brothers.
They were just fun no sermons.
Television has been a big part of my life. Is that hypnosis?
There's all kinds of mind control. The bully at school, who gets you to give him
your lunch money. Is practicing aggressive advertisement.
I used counter intelligence to find out who my bully was afraid of.
His dad. A few strategically placed joints at my bully's house and he was
grounded. The threat of telling his dad that he was smoking pot was enough
to keep my bully off my back.
Random observation on life abound in my world view. Trust no one and try not
to get hurt. Bernadette Staza was a neighborhood girl friend. She snuck me into
her house to spy on her parents swingers parties.
It was hilarious .. The parties started formally with a dinner and some wine and music.
Then, it moved on to dancing and necking and stripping and sex.
Bernadetts parents and their friends were lumpy middle age swingers.
Bernadett did not feel inhibited by social mores and willing offered sex.
I had no trouble with that. Her parents did.
Mr. Staza hollered at us, while trying to make us ignore the orgy he had just
begun. Our sex act had been spotted by one of his guest, who thought it was cute.
I was forbidden to see Bernadette again. That curfew was impossible to enforce
in the Staza swinging house. We'd watch Batman in her room, while the swinging
party music played downstairs .. In hind sight, I'm amazed I didn't get Bernadette pregnant.
We were teenagers and had no idea about contraception. The Batman TV theme music
still arouses me... ?Did Batman make us horny?
Many right wing Christian activist believe that the erodetion of our morals
comes from Television .. All I see on cable are cop shows.
I'm afraid that freethinking is a product of a commercialized society.
Without a strong centralized authority people will pursue their fantasies
at whatever cost. That is the free market.
How many Reverends have been caught with their hand in the donations and their
pants down? Sounds like a sermon.. I liked my parochial education, but my secular
education was wicked. ~
"Sex is natural and good. You are all feeling the needs of young
healthy people, abstanance is the healthiest choice. There is the high
risk of vinerial disease and unwanted pregnancies.
If you need counseling, their is a Planed Parenthood clinic outside
the school on Cambridge Street next to the library."
The clinic gave out free condoms and there were horny girls there ..
I spent a lot of time in the library .. reading..
October 18, 2012 at 7:51pm
I will be 50 this December...13th.
I am not happy about this milestone.
My dad lived till 87 and my mom died from cancer
at 65.. I have maybe 3o years left.
I can't think of anything to brag about.
It's just a big waste.
As I've said before in previous chapters, I have
no plan. I don't even want to have kids.
Most of the people I've grown up with are divorced
or in prison or dead. They wanted to have kids and
they got-em in spades.
A girl I was smitten with Liz Darling got married
and had a daughter and got divorced and raised her
daughter as a single mother.
Liz is a nurse and her daughter is married now.
I don't know if the daughter has kids..
Just another milestone.
A buddy of mine Chris Warren told me his friend
drove his pick up to the beach and shot himself
in the head. Chris had been through a nasty divorce
and had loss everything he'd worked for.
He told me his friend was in a similar situation
when he suicided at 56. I told Chris not to beat
himself up and keep plugging away.
Chris quit his job and I haven't heard from him
2 years. I hope he didn't do it, like his friend.
As far as I can tell; this is all there is.
I like to watch movies and have some fun.
That isn't all have to say about my life.
I cared for my mom, when she couldn't clean or
dress herself. That was 5 years of my life that
I think I did some good. Mom was very grateful ..
She and dad were afraid a nursing home would take
all their savings.
This was my introspective period in my writing.
The result is what you read here.
Okay, I'm not Yeats! But, I think, therefore, I am
writing! Jesus, some people tick me off.
My surviving sister never has anything positive
to say. She's pissed, because I'm writing about
our dirty secrets.. So freaking deal with it!
I'm not a monster. I'm just different..
Abby normal :)
This blog is a bit chaotic and that's me all over-ah!
Happy Birthday in a little while..
I'm so freaking happy!
I shit my pants!
September 13, 2012 at 10:15am
| Maura shot herself. She was the eldest and had hyperthyroidism.
She took a lot of prescription drugs and illegal drugs.
My second elder sister was very addicted to marijaunna and cigarettes and sex.
She liked to sell sex and skip school. Honest to God, dating for my sisters was
about gifts and cash.
I think this all came from dad molesting them. I wasn't shocked when she
married Tony. He was just the kind of aggressive guy she likes.
What does amaze me is that she is a high school teacher. Well, people change.
I just can't see my sister behaving herself around so many young men.
She was a sex addict in high school. But, she focused on her studies in
college, while having a relationship with her fiance in the back of our dad's
station wagon. Dad did not like Tony. Dad knew about Tony's criminal record.
But, that didn't discourage my sis. She's got moxie.
I had mixed feelings about Tony. It was obvious they were in love and it was
also obvious Tony had a violent criminal past. His nose had been broken by a
rifle butt; not in Vietnam, but in a street fight in his teens.
Tony had gotten a deferment from a criminal sentence to the army, but he chose
to go AWOL. . I had an English teacher at U-Mass, who dodged his draft too.
Mr. Rutter went to Canada, rather than answer his draft notice to Vietnam.
It's hard to remember how controversial that police action was back in the 70's.
But, I guess my sis is lucky to have someone, who loves her.
Nowadays, my sister and I hardly ever talk and when we do it isn't easy.
We have a lot of history to get over. I hope she doesn't hate me for my honesty
in this little tale. I don't think anybody cares.
I'm just venting.
Tony is just what my sis needs a big Italian sausage.
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