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Vertago
Why I want to write a book |
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Thoughts on life and society can be pointless, but that's what books are for. I've never enjoyed reading. It's always been difficult for me to read. Sometimes, I imagine little demons pulling at my eye lids. The Devil is in the details. I like people, who can act. They're fun to watch. I guess I wish I could be an actor, but I just don't have that charm and I stutter. My life is meaningless. I just lope from one place to another. I think that's my strength. Most people need a career and family. .. Family is a nice idea, but I've never had a nice family. Is this becoming annoying? ... Let's start with Vertago! He's cool and a stud. He also is popping up a lot in my movie watching. The mind can make association: like is the guy on the radio talking to me? Or why am I seeing so many eye balls in my movie watching? Jeeeze! I just saw CASE 39. A really scary movie with an eye ball scene that's very icky. This guy has a hornet come up out of his eye's lid.. tear duck. Any who, it's scary. Well, when I was Veratgo on Private Games.com my picture was of my left eye. It was trippy. Just a note to the CASE 39 writers: Lilith is not evil. I'm talking about Adam's first wife, expelled from Eden, because she "Would not be his beast of burden." Lilith is the first feminist in Bible Lore, she is immortal. So you can't drown her. Nope, only God can stop her. Okay, this Vertago guy is still effecting me. Strangers will look at me and cover their right eye, cars will shut one headlight off. That's dangerous! I had an elderly woman pinch my butt an call me "Vertago." in the mall. There was a Vertago concert. There is a Vertago song by U2. I started writing about Vertago in the 90's on an Australian web site Private Games.com. That's when I was working at Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart was awful. I had an over night manager slap me in the face. I just wish people would stop dropping pennies around me. I mentioned that Abraham Lincoln is looking to the right, while all the other presidents are facing to the left, because he was assassinated. Now, I get penny's dropped around me. I wish I had mentioned the dollar bill and the star of David over the eagel's head. It has twelve stars in it for the twelve Apostles. Feel free to throw dollars at me. Reflections: I wasn't completely honest about what I said about the penny. I was quoting the old Civil war lore Lincoln was facing right because he freed the slaves and turned his back on the brotherhood. That's what I wrote on Private Games.com. I'm not in favor of slavery. |
| I'm really not aware of a plot. |
My old pick-up is an egg beater. I have no career. It's hard to rember the last time I had sex. My life is pointless. But, I'm always optimistic. Everyday is a party in my head. I've been wondering about my surviving sister. She doesn't want to talk to me. I've been airing the family dirt. Not, a politically correct thing. My sisters loved to sceances. They burn candles in a circle with a big pentagram in the middle. I thought it was scary. They'd chant and sway back and forth, while holding candles. I think girls obsess over candles. Girls have always made me nervous. There just creepy. But, I swear on a stack of Wonder Woman comics, I started seeing demons at night. I was 9 and I woke my dad for help. Well, dad worked two jobs .. His main income was teaching, then he'd work at the South Postal Annex until midnight and mom would drive out to pick him up. He didn't like me waking him. He shouted at me to go to bed, then he added that the crucifix over my bed would protect me from demons. So, I took it down and slept with it. The demons looked like little drum toy solders. They were very tiny and had yellow eyes. I'd hold out my crucifix and recite the OUR FATHER. That worked. Dad had told me that witches had been hung on our property. The wind rustling the leaves was bone chilling. I could picture the witches' ghosts moaning in the old creaking trees. Nice huh? Yep, that was my childhood. I guess I turned out okay? My sisters loved to dress me up. I really envey these young slender girls in their tights. There walking around in tight pants or just panty hose without a skirt. I wish I could flatten my belly like that. Nope, I'm an old fatso. Drat. Their very sexy and I adore them and... I'm jealous. But, I'm straight..sort of. Oh, I guess my mom was right. I have scramble eggs for brains.. I think I've lost my plot.. Maybe there isn't one? Thanks for listening. Muzzy |
| Habits and Madness |
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Back in high school I'd write to Linda Carter. She was an awesome Wonder Woman. I got an autograph photo and a typed form letter... This was one of many life's lessons in separating reality from ~ fantasy. That's important. When Superman was on television, some kids were jumping off the roofs of their homes to be like Superman. The actor who played Superman had to make a special announcement ~ "Only Superman can fly." People can believe anything. And kids are especially gullible. Now, let me take a moment to comment on the events of the Boston Marathon. I grew up in Cambridge. I knew many different kinds of people of different faiths and lifestyles. I really think someone in the media should interview a Muslim, who doesn't advocate terrorism. There are plenty of them. I have a copy of the Koran. Nowhere does it say terrorism is good. "If God should punish men according to what they deserve, he would not leave on the back of the earth so much as a beast." (Koran ch 35) "O men, respect women, who have borne you." (Koran ch 4) "God loveth not the speaking ill of one in public." (Koran ch 4) The Koran is a collection of Jewish Talmud and Christian Gospel and the teachings of Mohamed. Old Testament laws on stoning are practiced still by conservative Muslims in Saudi Arabia, Pakistan and Afghanistan, and Israel, amongst Orthodox Jews. I ask any religious person, where is the honor in killing defenseless people? Religion is about honor and justice. I left Logan airport for a London transfer to a flight to Israel on 9/11. I could have been one of the highjacked victims. I see no honor in flying domestic airliners into the Twin Towers. It was evil and not just. I'm not a theologian, but I know what murder is. Shalom. Muzzy
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| Pro-Life <+>? Am I missing something? |
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| I was raised in a very fucked up conservative Catholic family. Dad was cold and distant when he was sober.. He wore pressure stockings, because of all the hours he spent standing, while teaching and at his second job as a mailman. Yeah, he needed the dispatcher job at night at the South Postal Annex in Boston to support his family. Teacher's get lousy pay and no protection from their criminal students. . Dad had to have mom drive his station wagon to school and the post office. His students flattened his tires and poured bear in the gas tank. I was a target of student reprisals too as were my older brother and sisters.. High school was a toilet swirly and a punch in the gut for me. I got beat up by two .. African American girls. I was in a big hurry for some class I never needed and I made a big mistake. I pushed the two.. African American girls aside, walking in front of me.. Those girls clocked me. I was curled up in a ball, while they kicked me repeatedly. A circle of my classmates watched and cheered them on.. I was sent to the hospital and then home with cracked ribs. The police did not arrest the girls, who stated I assaulted them. No charges were filed. When I got home I took down my dad's Lean field rifle an seriously thought about going to school with it. I wanted revenge, but something stopped me. Perhaps, it was all those sermons at Saint Peter's Church or I just didn't believe I could pull it off. A Lean field rifle is a bolt action. It takes a lot of skill to fire it rapidly. Today, I can purchase an assault rifle that fires hundreds of bullets in seconds. If I had access to an assault rifle after my humiliating stomping in high school, I might have done something terrible. But, fortune favored the fool. Hmmm. If your pro-life, how can you be in favor of private ownership of machine guns? I honestly do have neighbors, who own assault rifles that fire, like machine guns. Is that safe? Police have been called to their homes to break up domestic disputes. Can you see the danger here-ya? Jeeze! Those bullets can travel miles and go through walls. So, Muzzy, gets shot eating his Frosted Flakes and he never hears the shot. That's dope! I have another neighbor, who owns a Sherman tank. He drives it on the highway to tracker pull events. Seriously?! Jim Carrey you have my vote.. But, you weren't born in America.. Oy.. Were doomed. Peace out. ~~~ <^>
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| Porn & Puberty! |
| I guess you know about this? Well, I always assumed girls didn't like sex. It was something to trick them into, because girls got pregnant. The sword of sexual harassment and rape hung between my thighs. Boys were warned about sexual harassment in my grammar school as well as pregnancy. This was a progressive school. The Peabody Grammar School in Cambridge Massachusetts. I liked talking to the girls, who in turn would kiss me. That was acceptable in school. However, outside school there was a lot of sex. These were the 70's and sex was experimental along with marijuana. My best friend Michael Wild had pot plants in his backyard. His mom Cathy showed us how to roll a joint. She was a double D and liked to go topless inside and outside in their backyard. All of this sexuality was happening with her knowledge in that house. The Wilds believed human sexuality was necessary part of adolescence. Mike's dad was a Harvard psychology professor. He let me sleep over with his daughter Rachael .. Michael was not happy about that. "It was a natural part of puberty and safer in their house"... Gunther thought. What Gunther didn't know at that time was Michael's sexual relationship with me and other boys. Michael was an aggressive homosexual, who liked to cross dress and pick up boys. I enjoyed showering with Rachael and sharing her mother's marijuana. It was such a cool place. At my parents house I had my Playboy Magazines and my two horny older sisters. They liked to experiment with pot and wine and occasionally me.. That weirdness started when I was 5 years old and they dressed me up like a girl. Whatever, I just like to think it was a normal part of puberty. The alternative is a perverse twisted childhood. Both, sisters were not happy with their breasts and neither was Rachael. They looked sexy to me. Odd, that Rachael didn't take after her mother's double Ds. Rachael had small, but sexy boobs... at 15. I really did write to the Playboy Bunnies .. They responded with letters like~ "Your just the man I need. I don't have to think of anything other than we get together. I need a dominant macho male to be my master and take me from behind." That's what every 13 year old boy wants to read. I also appreciated the lipstick kiss on their letters. I guess I was over the top asking them for their panties. But, I got them! Rachael liked to see me wear them.. This must be a latent lesbian fantasy in girls. Strange days indeed. ~~~ <^> |
| Anonymous |
"Can I do that to you?" Jeff Faulkner said to me. He was a store manager at the Newington New Hampshire Wal-mart. That was one of his power phrases. I don't know why managers have power phrases. It really doesn't help. If you have a job to do and you can't finish it in the time allowed, you can't do it. "Are you having trouble finding something to do?" Stewart Wolf remarked. He was a store manager at the Porstmouth New Hampshire K-mart. Both of these fearless leaders got fazed out or fired. It's a joke. Was I having trouble finding something to do? Nope. I was managing three departments at K-mart: Hardware, Toys and Seasonal~Garden and X-Mass. I found a book a Barnes&Nobles on Power Words. I had to chuckle. "What I need is a man for this job." Brenda Skeens berated .. "No what you need are more associates." I answered. Mrs. Skeens was not amused and wrote me up for insubordination. I was amused. Getting written up at K-mart isn't worth the paper. They type it on word processor and you type in your comments and initials. Does anyone read this poop? There are two ways to handle harassment in retail: bend over or leave. I can't remember a case where the lowly associate beat the store in court. Unfortunately, there is the violent revolt. This ends badly for the violent associate and the asshole manager. "Wild (whoever) is becoming a liability." the Wal-mart mangers liked to say. The manger will never back down. They must break the proud and defiant. And that can set off a violent incident. When I got fazed out at Home Depot the manager on duty Bill Batchelor played a Beatles favorite: Just a Little Nowhere Man. This version was sung by the mangers. I think they read my blog. As I was being walked and hearing the managers sing I thought about a classic TV series The Prisoner. The last episode has the Prisoner escaping to the Beatles classic Love. "Can you wrap your head around that?" Linda Vilder said. She was a store manager at Bradlees. I had to take a lie detector exam to get a cashier job at Bradlees. They asked me if I steel and do I like Bradlees. I passed. But, I was lieing. I hated Bradlees. It was a dump. I thought Wal-mart was awesome, until the mangers started using power phrases. I probably projected my positive feelings for the lie detector examiner. She was smacking hot! On a naughty note, the K-Mart security guy Tim was a friend and he let me watch the security cameras in the ladies dressing room. He'd sit there and say, "Take it. Take it." Then, he could arrest them and interrogate them. Ironically, Tim was stealing from the store, mostly candy bars. The funniest arrest happened on Christmas. Tim stopped a tiny woman with a backpack of baby formula she hadn't payed for. She clocked him with the backpack and baby formula was flying everywhere. I was laughing so hard I had to take a breather. The downside to all of this insanity is I know what the associates are thinking about the customers and it an't love. When O.J. had his murder trial. A fellow associate said to me, "I'd of done it for him. If he'd payed me." That was in the K-mart lunchroom. Callous, but that is retail. Trust me stay out of Wal-mart, during the Christmas madness. A Wal-mart floor associate wants to beat the customer with a plastic reindeer. Nothing personal, but Christmas shoppers don't act Christian. Just my two cents. Peace out, =+= |
| Going to MASS |
I guess there are folks, who enjoy religious services. I do not. In Catholicism there is an obligation to attend Sunday Mass. Do the math~how many Sunday Masses are there in a year? Answer: 124 + High Masses that can be said during the week. My dad was old school and attended only the Latin Tridentine Mass. This is a very long Mass and most people don't speak Latin. God, I truely hate Latin Masses. Amen. On the day mom died, dad was at Sunday Mass praying. He had paid the Priest to say a Mass for her. I thought it would be better to stay with mom at Youville Hospital. Dad said, "We must fulfill our obligation." ?To who? Dad's funeral Mass was said at Saint James Cathedral. There was a choir and huge numbers of friends and family many of his students from his teaching career were present. Dad had been teaching for 50 years. I was impressed. Not with the Latin Mass. |
| Spinning wheel.... |
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I've been ensnared by cable video yah-yah. Sometimes it seems like they're trying to program me. My dad told me that television was mass hypnosis. But, he'd watch Lawrence Welk every Sunday. That was snappy. I preferred The Ed Sullivan show and later on The Carol Burnett Show and Laugh In and Sonny&Cher.. and the Somthers Brothers. They were just fun no sermons. Television has been a big part of my life. Is that hypnosis? There's all kinds of mind control. The bully at school, who gets you to give him your lunch money. Is practicing aggressive advertisement. I used counter intelligence to find out who my bully was afraid of. His dad. A few strategically placed joints at my bully's house and he was grounded. The threat of telling his dad that he was smoking pot was enough to keep my bully off my back. Random observation on life abound in my world view. Trust no one and try not to get hurt. Bernadette Staza was a neighborhood girl friend. She snuck me into her house to spy on her parents swingers parties. It was hilarious .. The parties started formally with a dinner and some wine and music. Then, it moved on to dancing and necking and stripping and sex. Bernadetts parents and their friends were lumpy middle age swingers. Bernadett did not feel inhibited by social mores and willing offered sex. I had no trouble with that. Her parents did. Mr. Staza hollered at us, while trying to make us ignore the orgy he had just begun. Our sex act had been spotted by one of his guest, who thought it was cute. I was forbidden to see Bernadette again. That curfew was impossible to enforce in the Staza swinging house. We'd watch Batman in her room, while the swinging party music played downstairs .. In hind sight, I'm amazed I didn't get Bernadette pregnant. We were teenagers and had no idea about contraception. The Batman TV theme music still arouses me... ?Did Batman make us horny? Many right wing Christian activist believe that the erodetion of our morals comes from Television .. All I see on cable are cop shows. I'm afraid that freethinking is a product of a commercialized society. Without a strong centralized authority people will pursue their fantasies at whatever cost. That is the free market. How many Reverends have been caught with their hand in the donations and their pants down? Sounds like a sermon.. I liked my parochial education, but my secular education was wicked. ~ "Sex is natural and good. You are all feeling the needs of young healthy people, abstanance is the healthiest choice. There is the high risk of vinerial disease and unwanted pregnancies. If you need counseling, their is a Planed Parenthood clinic outside the school on Cambridge Street next to the library." The clinic gave out free condoms and there were horny girls there .. I spent a lot of time in the library .. reading.. Hmmm.
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| I will be 50 this December...13th. |
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I am not happy about this milestone. My dad lived till 87 and my mom died from cancer at 65.. I have maybe 3o years left. I can't think of anything to brag about. It's just a big waste. As I've said before in previous chapters, I have no plan. I don't even want to have kids. Most of the people I've grown up with are divorced or in prison or dead. They wanted to have kids and they got-em in spades. A girl I was smitten with Liz Darling got married and had a daughter and got divorced and raised her daughter as a single mother. Liz is a nurse and her daughter is married now. I don't know if the daughter has kids.. Just another milestone. A buddy of mine Chris Warren told me his friend drove his pick up to the beach and shot himself in the head. Chris had been through a nasty divorce and had loss everything he'd worked for. He told me his friend was in a similar situation when he suicided at 56. I told Chris not to beat himself up and keep plugging away. Chris quit his job and I haven't heard from him 2 years. I hope he didn't do it, like his friend. As far as I can tell; this is all there is. I like to watch movies and have some fun. That isn't all have to say about my life. I cared for my mom, when she couldn't clean or dress herself. That was 5 years of my life that I think I did some good. Mom was very grateful .. She and dad were afraid a nursing home would take all their savings. This was my introspective period in my writing. The result is what you read here. Okay, I'm not Yeats! But, I think, therefore, I am writing! Jesus, some people tick me off. My surviving sister never has anything positive to say. She's pissed, because I'm writing about our dirty secrets.. So freaking deal with it! I'm not a monster. I'm just different.. Abby normal :) This blog is a bit chaotic and that's me all over-ah! Happy Birthday in a little while.. I'm so freaking happy! I shit my pants! ^ + # V
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| Brotherly Love |
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| Maura shot herself. She was the eldest and had hyperthyroidism. She took a lot of prescription drugs and illegal drugs. My second elder sister was very addicted to marijaunna and cigarettes and sex. She liked to sell sex and skip school. Honest to God, dating for my sisters was about gifts and cash. I think this all came from dad molesting them. I wasn't shocked when she married Tony. He was just the kind of aggressive guy she likes. What does amaze me is that she is a high school teacher. Well, people change. I just can't see my sister behaving herself around so many young men. She was a sex addict in high school. But, she focused on her studies in college, while having a relationship with her fiance in the back of our dad's station wagon. Dad did not like Tony. Dad knew about Tony's criminal record. But, that didn't discourage my sis. She's got moxie. I had mixed feelings about Tony. It was obvious they were in love and it was also obvious Tony had a violent criminal past. His nose had been broken by a rifle butt; not in Vietnam, but in a street fight in his teens. Tony had gotten a deferment from a criminal sentence to the army, but he chose to go AWOL. . I had an English teacher at U-Mass, who dodged his draft too. Mr. Rutter went to Canada, rather than answer his draft notice to Vietnam. It's hard to remember how controversial that police action was back in the 70's. But, I guess my sis is lucky to have someone, who loves her. Nowadays, my sister and I hardly ever talk and when we do it isn't easy. We have a lot of history to get over. I hope she doesn't hate me for my honesty in this little tale. I don't think anybody cares. I'm just venting. Tony is just what my sis needs a big Italian sausage. ~~~ <^>
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