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Rated: 18+ · Book · Fantasy · #1712884
Why I want to write a book
Thoughts on life and society can be pointless, but that's what books are for. I've never enjoyed reading.
It's always been difficult for me to read. Sometimes, I imagine little demons pulling at my eye lids.
The Devil is in the details. I like people, who can act. They're fun to watch. I guess I wish I could be an
actor, but I just don't have that charm and I stutter. My life is meaningless. I just lope from one place to
another. I think that's my strength. Most people need a career and family. .. Family is a nice idea, but
I've never had a nice family. Is this becoming annoying? ...

Let's start with Vertago! He's cool and a stud. He also is popping up a lot in my movie watching. The mind
can make association: like is the guy on the radio talking to me? Or why am I seeing so many eye balls in
my movie watching? Jeeeze! I just saw CASE 39. A really scary movie with an eye ball scene that's very icky.
This guy has a hornet come up out of his eye's lid.. tear duck. Any who, it's scary. Well, when I was
Veratgo on Private Games.com my picture was of my left eye.
It was trippy. Just a note to the CASE 39 writers: Lilith is not evil. I'm talking about Adam's first wife, expelled
from Eden, because she "Would not be his beast of burden." Lilith is the first feminist in Bible Lore,
she is immortal. So you can't drown her. Nope, only God can stop her.

Okay, this Vertago guy is still effecting me. Strangers will look at me and cover their right eye, cars will shut
one headlight off. That's dangerous! I had an elderly woman pinch my butt an call me "Vertago." in the mall.
There was a Vertago concert. There is a Vertago song by U2. I started writing about Vertago in the 90's on an
Australian web site Private Games.com. That's when I was working at Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart was awful.
I had an over night manager slap me in the face.
I just wish people would stop dropping pennies around me. I mentioned that Abraham Lincoln is looking to
the right, while all the other presidents are facing to the left, because he was assassinated. Now, I get penny's
dropped around me. I wish I had mentioned the dollar bill and the star of David over the eagel's head.
It has twelve stars in it for the twelve Apostles. Feel free to throw dollars at me.

Reflections: I wasn't completely honest about what I said about the penny. I was quoting the old Civil war
lore Lincoln was facing right because he freed the slaves and turned his back on the brotherhood. That's
what I wrote on Private Games.com. I'm not in favor of slavery.
Previous ... 4 5 6 7 -8- 9 10 ... Next
July 23, 2011 at 2:33am
July 23, 2011 at 2:33am
#729457
What a different perspective you get walking.
I stepped out my front door and saw a toad at my feet.
It was a plump one. Maybe, the size of a golf ball.
It jumped under some daffodils. . I've never thought
walking was unusual. But, it seems that way now
in Maine. We have stop checks.
The police will question you if you are walking.
They want identification. Most of the time they
recognize me. I've noticed new traffic signs. The sign
is blue with white letters and says, "Evacuation Route." Odd, no one told me we were evacuating? I've
noticed many critters have been left on the side of
the road. I even saw a dead deer. I called my friend
to collect this fresh meat on my cell phone.
I get the feeling there is a storm coming or some
other.. calamity. Animals get restless when something
like that is coming. It just doesn't feel right.
We had a peat moss fire. The fire department was called. That can be caused by cigarettes or extreme
heat. Most folks don't know there is a dormant volcanic rift off York beach. I swear the planet is
shifting its mantel. That could explain the odd animal
behavior. I don't think Maine has ever had a tsunami.
It has had flooding and earth quakes.
Let's assume that the coast has to be evacuated. Where
to? Canada? These roads aren't large enough for that
much traffic. The best exit would be on foot into
the woods. It would take more time and planning.
You can't stop off at a restaurant in the middle of
a hike. I think the Huron tribe is around here.
They might help out.

Ponderous....

 
Chess Player ~ A Czechoslovakian, who played chess with me.
July 10, 2011 at 2:52pm
July 10, 2011 at 2:52pm
#728349
It's strange, but I've always had the feeling I knew something important.
I guess that's narcissism. Take a moment and try to remember a time when
you weren't thinking. On a summer day I could focus on nothing, but the bird's
song and the breeze . . It was all about me. Life. Tree climbing was a big event.
The trees were maple and sycamore. Pine was too sticky. Oh, maybe a pine tree
was crossed over in the canopy of branches. I had a my first high fall from a tree.
I broke my fall on the branches and had the wind knocked out of me. The thought
of death did not seem possible.

Mom told me to thank the tree for not letting me fall too hard. She had washed
out my scratches. At the time it didn't sound ridiculous. I walked up to the maple and
thanked it, then I slapped it's trunk. It felt good. Brad a neighbors child asked me
what I was doing. I explained matter of factly. Brad thought I was nuts. His parents
were humanists and he said he was an atheist. Okay, we had a debate. Followed
by wrestling. Brad was younger and I pinned him. It felt good. Brad refused to
concede. But, I let him up. So, what does it all mean?

Well, I would walk through the house with a hand held mirror.
Not to admire myself, but to see if the ceiling was over my head. I was suspicious.
I even made a chalk x under my bed and checked on it. I had this idea that the
whole house was an illusion. I was being tricked into thinking it was real. Every door
in this old creaking house had a skeleton key lock, except the bathroom.
For some reason this door had a deadbolt also. Was this so no one could use a
skeleton key to unlock it? I liked the bathroom. I felt safe in there. But, there was a
vanity sconce in the bathroom. It indented to three mirrors. This is where I found
transcendental meditation after a hot bath in the standing iron tub.

I stepped out of the tub and beheld my nakedness in the three mirrors.
There was a round shaggy mat in front of the tub. Then, I crossed red and white
tile to the indented three way mirrors. I introduced myself as I had to the maple tree.
I sensed a presence. It was very erotic.

A long closet was the next door to the bathroom. It shared the wall with the mirrors.
The closet was L shaped and ran a length along the back wall of my bed room.
On one inspection of the closet, I spotted a crack of light where the mirrors were.
I could see into the bathroom through this crack in the joining of the mirrors.
This closet was also connected to my bedroom. I had a naughty opportunity.
In a few days I had seen everyone in my family use the bathroom. It was funny
and erotic. Until, I reasoned that someone could be watching me.

After a few days, I noticed the crack between the mirrors had been caulked.
A hard knock came at the bathroom door, while I was enjoying a hot tub.
Dad said he needed to use the toilet. I unlatched the dead bolt. He did a long
stream into the toilet as I slipped on my shorts. Then, he asked me if I had
enjoyed my bath. I of course did. Then, he added, "Did you like my caulking?"
I felt my guilt was unraveling. I nodded. He smiled and shut the door behind him.
How quickly I had lost my sense of importance. But, I had fun.


~~~
<^>
 
Mom ~ Her step dad painted her portrait. She was a teenager.
June 22, 2011 at 12:20pm
June 22, 2011 at 12:20pm
#726850


My first brush with the media was a zoning issue. In Cambridge, Mass this
can be a big event. The cambridge school board had voted to build a school
for underprivilidge children on Huntington Avenue. This was near the house
of Julia Child and the president of PBS. Well, nobody in that neighborhood
wanted poor inner city kids running around. The school was nixed.
I thought this was hypocritical. I had intergrated myself with many girls
from the Freshpond Towers.. in my puberty. I guess it was section 8 housing,
but it looked very comfortable.

Another big issue in my neighborhood were trees. You couldn't cut down a
tree without a permit from the city zoning commitee. Mr. Cohin did. He owned
a rental house on Upland Road and wanted to put an under ground garage in.
There were neighbors picketing outside his house. The idea that Mr. Cohin
cut down a tree on his property without a permit and then increased the number
of cars at his rental house was ... worth protesting. Karen Wild was arrested for
protesting topless. She was a feminist and believed that if men could be topless
so could she. It was a pleasure to see her excersise her freedom. There were
press snapping pictures at Karen, not the hundred year old ginko stump.
Mr. Cohin was a very important member of the zoning board and got his way.

Right up the street a wealthy East Indian couple purchased a colonial house.
The house was protected by the Cambridge Historical Society. The East Indian
couple painted the house pink. There was a protest. The house stuck out like
a pink elephant. The attorney for the East Indians, successfully argued that many
colonial houses were painted pink. Karen Wild did not bare her breasts for that one.
I, however, recieved a ticket for spray painting on the sidewalk. I called it art.
It was a drawing of a butterfly with breasts.

Saint Peter's Church was protested. Many church goers wanted to allow girls to
be alter boys. I was an alter boy. I would have welcomed girl alter boys. Instead,
Fr. Ducette gave us a lecture on "Why women sould be subvervient to men."
Fr. Ducette told me that Maura was in Hell, "She had murdered herself."
I didn't accept that. Let it be written I like Jesus. But, his followers can be a-holes.
There's a book somewhere in my jumbled library; JOSHUA. It's the story of a
Christ like man in a religious town. And the town folk do not like Joshua.
I'll see if I can get a picture of it...

Here's some fun pics!
 
Patches ~ She's sitting in my Chair!
Hens&Chickens ~ The barn is open!
Eye Ball ~ from Private Games.com
June 9, 2011 at 3:52pm
June 9, 2011 at 3:52pm
#725900
So, a dump truck rammed into my neighbor's house. The driver was a naked
burly man. He had purchased illegal drugs from another neighbor across the
street. Am I living the dream?

Nope.

I like to listen to Glen Beck, "We are bombing Yemmin .. Is this a fourth war?"
Well, every President likes to bomb terrorist. Right? Regan was famous for
clandestine Ollie North wars. Didn't Bush bomb Libya?

Any-who, there's a crystal meth lab across the street from me. That's explosive.
Why not bomb them? They're terrorizing the neighborhood. Am I a hawk?

Okay. Let me tell another disturbing childhood story. One day two older boys
came into our yard where I was playing. I was a toddler. They were teenagers.
They decided to kick me. I fell over. I started laughing. My mom came out with
a rifle dad had brought home from the war. The two boys mocked her. She shot
the rifle in the air. The boys ran. I laughed. Mom grabbed me and took me to
the kitchen. I got freshly cooked chocolate chip cookies. Is this terrorism?

The police came and questioned mom. Now, this probably dates this incident.
Instead of taking the rifle from mom. They asked that she not fire it in the city limits.
Mom gave a Mona Lisa smile and agreed. The boys were told not to trespass.
Mom told me not to play alone. She gave me a cool buck knife. I still have it.

Dad was furious. He scolded mom for firing his rifle. "We have a phone." he said,
"That bullet could fall on someone a mile away." Mom explained the threat the
boys made and she would not use the rifle again. She was proficient with knives.
Dad shook his head in despair. Dad got hammered on Jameson.

Mom took me to the living room to watch We Willie Whistle. Dad stayed in the
kitchen to listen to a ball game on the radio. Mom explained to me that if someone
attacks me, "I should cut them down." She showed me how to cut the achilles
ankle. I laughed. Is this bad parenting? Shouldn't we all know how to defend
ourselves? I sat and played with my buck knife and ate my cookies.
It was wonderful.

Dad fell asleep in the kitchen.


(^)(^)
<+>

 
One-ton dump truck ~ Nude man driving..
Poker face ~ Keep smiling....
Republic ~ Don't mess with me
March 18, 2011 at 2:19am
March 18, 2011 at 2:19am
#719996



Let us look for a moment at the erroneous interpretations given to the
Gospel Story an ancient story presentation often presented down the ages,
prior to the coming of the Christ in Palestine has been twisted and distorted
by false clergy. Jesus is pictured as born unnaturally, as having taught for
three years, and then crucified and resurrected, leaving humanity for a distant
Heavenly Kingdom. The major appeal of the churches has been upon the death
of Jesus and the Heavenly Kingdom. The keys to this Heavenly Kingdom are
held by this false clergy. I say false, because this was not the life of Jesus.
Jesus lived and preached to Jews in Palestine two thousand years ago.
The possibility of some distant date Jesus will return from a cloud is not
realistic. The triumphal arch in Jerusalem was walled up by Muslims when
the Prophet Mohamed controlled the city. Muslim buried their dead in front
of this arch, which is believed to be the arch Jesus will enter Jerusalem
upon His return.
There are those today, who know that the return of Jesus will begin
with a world war. There is a hidden agenda in the New World Order to make
one king. This is the ultimate conclusion of global competition. But, what will
be the conscious of this king? This is the second coming of Christ. History has
demonstrated that cruel dictatorships are always resisted by the oppressed.
The necessity of the common good will govern this King or there will be an
uprising. What is now becoming evident is the effect the solar storms are
having on the global community. The magnetic polls have moved slightly and
many birds and fish have died from this EM-Field. Earth quakes and floods have
followed as the pull of the Sun increases. These are the cycles recorded in
the Mayan Calendar. If there is a full Moon, during these solar flares the flooding
is greater. All of which will push the world's nations closer to Armageddon.
This is a natural explanation for the return of one king.
 
The Beast Shall Have Ten Heads ~ The North American Union Coin.
Amero Dollars ~ The Union of North and South America.
February 9, 2011 at 5:51pm
February 9, 2011 at 5:51pm
#717492
Okay, I tried dancing. My dad insisted that I take Irish Dance lessons.
Have you ever seen River Dancing? It's ridiculous. I was not a good dancer.
The dance teacher had me do hop scotch. She was not impressed with me.
I guess I should point out I was twelve. Sister pugnacious was kicking and in step.

I liked the music and the sound of the bucrom as the feet pounded.
I just stumbled a lot. You know your not talented when you step out in front
of an audience and forget to River Dance. Everyone else was in line kicking
and River Dancing. I just started and stumbled and did hop scotch. I don't
know how much dad spent on the month of lessons, but he was visibly
amused: laughing. Mom, had her Mona Lisa smile.

Similar, flops occurred in the theater. I played Shylock and got all the words
right, but kept tripping over the set. I bumped into fair Portia, causing her to
hick-up through the rest of the play. This was one of many mishaps on the stage.
I fell off the stage, but rebounded reciting my lines to the first row. A lot of
Broadway shows like to interact with the audience; such as a deep cut on my hand,
"It seems this contract will be signed in blood." I remarked as a motherly member
of the audience banged me.

My performances were limited by the drama teacher thereafter.
It was onto the Chess club and the school paper: SMUDGE. I excelled at SMUDGE
and did okay at chess. My favorite topic on SMUDGE was gossip. I exposed the
the brownie thief. It was Miss Sheridan. She had access to the desserts before
they were opened in the kitchen. I also revealed that Ralf had been cheating on
three girls and he was a popular basket ball player. I was a top SMUDGE reporter.
But, a frustrated actor.

I love attention even if its bad.

+ ^
V
 
Parcheesi ~ I think I'm winning.
(1983)
January 28, 2011 at 10:58pm
January 28, 2011 at 10:58pm
#716734



"You will die alone and no one will care." This was the advice I got from
my surviving sister. She liked to call me "Kiddo." I don't know exactly when
things started to get tense between my sister and me, but my guess is after
my older sister shot herself. That was a mess. My older sister used the wrong
caliber bullet in the rifle. This made the bullet spin side ways through her heart.
The police never found the bullet. It passed through the outside wall of the third
story bedroom.
Around this time, I withdrew and studied my religious upbringing. I asked
Fr. Ducett what would happen to Maura. He said she would remain in Hell
until she was forgiven. Naturally, I hated this answer. But, it started my religious
inquiry. If God is all powerful, then how can evil exist? I assumed that God is
benevolent. In Genesis Adam fell from grace and God punished him and all his
descendants with death. That did not seem like a just God. But, I persevered.
I prayed to the Virgin Mary; the mother of the Savior. My brother had these
words comfort, "She was deranged and needed attention."
"You must pray for her." mom said. "Your sister was mentally ill. God will
forgive her." dad said. Dad petitioned the Church to have Maura buried in
consecrated ground. The Church would not allow it, unless it could be proven
Maura was insane. Was Jesus insane when he told Judas to go and betray him?
I was raised in a conservative Roman Catholic home. My dad would only
attend the Latin Mass. He strongly disliked the Novas Ordo English Mass.
"It's a Protestant meeting house." he scowled. I was more concerned with the
spiritual consequences. Where was Maura? This was impossible for me to
answer logically. I lost her.

I became suicidal. Fortunately, my fear of oblivion stopped me.

"I know the smiling faces of my enemy
I know the pretense that is the weapon used.
I have been the enemy
and learned to know myself well."
(Daughters of the Copper Woman; Anne Cameron.)

~~~
<^>
 
Maura ~ I got her a slinky.
January 24, 2011 at 12:16am
January 24, 2011 at 12:16am
#716295


Money is the root of all evil. After being a caregiver for half of my life;
it was time to pursue my career. I did warehouse at Service Merchandise.
The company went bankrupt and didn't tell its employees. On payday we
stood around in the parking lot of Service Merchandise and discussed how
to get our final checks. I was living on minimum wage; pay check to pay check.
My big brother told me to get a job at the Post Office. He liked to mail me
M&M plastic Elfs for Christmas. So, I did.

I was a 90 day wonder at the Post Office, but I never got full time.
It was time for a serious job with benefits. I got hired as a manager at
K-Mart. Being a manager has many perks, I was elected to shovel out
the fire exits and clean the toilets. There was a tight budget at my K-Mart,
but I believed in the K-Mart college. Someday I would retire as a store manager.
I closed the store and put the cash in the safe. This was Assistant Manager
work, but I wasn't an assistant manager. I was a department manager.
I got fired for sexual harassment.

The store manager had an assistant manager girl friend. He was married to
another woman. I like his girl friend too. That was stupid. I weathered the
storm and got a cashier/lot attendant job at Wal-Mart. That lasted 5 years.
A college student from UNH said I was standing too close, when she asked
which light bulb to use in her lamp. I had no idea that there was a three foot
rule at Wal-Mart. The customer has a three foot circle that should not be entered
by associates. The customer never told me I was standing too close.
Tricky.

When dad was being evaluated for an adjudication into a nursing home; he
said, "I don't trust anyone." I thought that was ungrateful. I had been taking care
of mom for 15 years until she died from klebsiella pneumonia. Dad died 3 years
after entering the nursing home. My sister's husband said, "It was merciful."
Dad had alcoholic alzheimers and couldn't move. The morphine IV drip was too
high and his heart stopped. It was time to find a new career.

"Hey mother fucker! I guess pay backs a bitch!" a fellow associate at the
Home Depot shouted. He was referring to my foreclosure. I thought this was
rude, but no one else did. The assistant managers thought it was funny.
I asked my sister for $800.00. Her husband told me their money was tied up
in IRAs. "Are you trying to pull a fast one?" she said.

Row-row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily Merrily life is but a dream.

=+=

 
Wheat Penny ~ A collectible.
January 15, 2011 at 6:56am
January 15, 2011 at 6:56am
#715541


I don't know how old mom was when her step dad took these photos.
He was a professional photographer and these pictures were amongst my dad's
belongings ..
I'm listening to Tori Amos, Strange Little Girl.

Very apra poe.
 
Mom ~ Mom posed for her step father. He was a published photographer.
January 9, 2011 at 10:30pm
January 9, 2011 at 10:30pm
#715137

After graduating college, I had no ambition. The core requirements of
the university had drummed any will power out of me. Basic math skills
were a challenge to me and I nearly flunked French. My dad was less and
less interested in me. He thought I was a moron. He could say it in French.
I guess that's about the time I became a care giver. Mom's cancer was getting
worse and she had parkinson's disease. She needed to be in full term care,
but dad didn't want to pay for a nursing home at $7,000 to $10,000 a month.
So, I started changing into Norman Bates.
"Yes, mother.." was a common reply for me. I would struggle to peel
off mom's depends as I held her shaking body over the toilet with my left arm.
Exercise, involved a walker and a stationary bike for mom. I liked to lift weights
in the basement. There was a basement window, looking up to the neighbor's
bathroom window. Sometimes, Susan our neighbor would look at me from that
window. I tried to look like I was power lifting. Somewhere, along this strange
saga I started feeling up Susan.
I would snow blow neighbor's walks and driveways. One evening Susan
wrote me a check for $200. at her kitchen table. She was wearing a white bathrobe .
The robe was not tided. I could see Susan's belly button and hairy parts.
Well, that's when I ran my ice cold hand up and down Susan. She jumped and
then giggled.. It was fornication. I enjoyed my lustful groping and sexual intercourse
with Susan. Of course, I made confession before Mass. Dad insisted Mom and I
attend the Mass every Sunday. This was a moral dilemma for me and a care giver's
nightmare. The bathroom at the church was in the Sacristy to the right of the Alter.
Mom needed to be changed regularly. So, I'd wheel her up the center isle to the Alter
and kneel and pull open the gate in the Alter railing and yank the wheel chair up.
Parishioners, complained that this was disrupting the service ... Mom had to stay
home.+
Dad still mailed in his donation to the church. I was pleased to have more
time with Susan. I like maintenance.
 
Mom+Pop ~ She had been his high school student.

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