It only snowed for one afternoon last weekend, but freezing temperatures have ensured the pavements and roads are still dangerous and limit activities. No golf means hubby is stuck at home twenty-four-seven and I have to risk life and limb by going out on icy pavements to escape. On the plus side at least my new wellies have been getting some action. It has also ensured the bird population have decided they like my new bird table and have condescended to gobble down anything and everything I put out for them.

Hubby has now confessed he has a cold. The problem is it will now develop into a case of severe manflu, meaning bum in chair, no activity, wall to wall sport on television and much coughing, blowing, sneezing and lack of input on the housework front. I notice it doesn't affect his appetite or make him more inclined to go to bed. Should I catch the cold, he may need medical treatment for injuries.

Paul and family came over on Friday as he was supposedly working this weekend. Mey Ling was subdued and tired, but not objectionable, so we can only hope they'll get over another blip until the next drama. The problem was I kept thinking it was Sunday with them being here. Today I realised I hadn't cleaned the bog, which as you know is a set in stone activity every Friday. So I had to complete that exciting task this morning, which has left me thinking it's Friday instead of Sunday. It doesn't take much to confuse my one remaining brain cell.

Otherwise, days come and go with little to show for them and very little to write about. I'm really going to have to take up bungee jumping, hang gliding, scuba diving, pole dancing or have an affair with Robbie or I shall die of boredom and take my blog readers with me.
 

Is my luck changing?

Sis and I decided to visit one of our cousins in Derby on Friday. It was extremely cold, but well worth the effort. With the loss of our parents and a shrinking family, we feel it's important to keep in touch with the blood relatives we have left. We didn't like Stephen much when we were kids, but now we both love him to pieces.

Anyway, it seems for once our timing was right as since then the white stuff has been falling and moving very far isn't an option. This means for the third weekend in a row I haven't seen Mey Ling. I have to keep convincing myself she isn't avoiding me, but it's just down to circumstances. Paul has dropped in today after a night out in Nottingham with his friends, but we thought it best he go home then and we all stay put. Perversely I've missed the grandmonsters today and it's been too Sunday and quiet with just the two of us stuck at home like Darby and Joan.

Hubby has a cold. He says he hasn't got a cold, but the coughing, sneezing, nose blowing and sniffing indicate otherwise. I think it's a ploy so that when I start with the same symptoms he can deny I caught it from him, as he hasn't got a cold. But he has.

The highlight of the day has been being able to wear my new lime green, spotted wellies to walk to the new supermarket we have in town. Hell, all the other shops are boarded up or run by charities, so the excitement of a brand new supermarket is almost overwhelming.

It has good points and bad, but I have to admit it has the largest and weirdest collection of vegetables I've ever seen. Not something you'd expect in a working class town where even a curry is considered exotic. Some of them are even stored on ice, giving off a strange, eerie vapour. Should the inclement weather continue I may feel the urge to slosh down to the shop again complete with camera and engage in further conversations with erotic vegetables. Lettuce pray for a thaw instead.
 

As I’ve mentioned before, one of my small pleasures in life is feeding and watching the birds that visit my garden. Before Christmas we had a new carpet laid in our kitchen, which has a door leading out to the garden. Two gifts I received for Christmas were a new bird feeding station and some expensive toning slippers. Bear with me, these three things are linked in another tale of calamity.

I have a bad habit of going out into the garden in my slippers. This means they don’t last very long when mud and waterlogged lawns start to rot the delicate fabrics. My new toning slippers are sturdier and costing more than I’d usually pay for slippers I felt determined to remember to change into old shoes when going into the garden in future. This would also ensure my new kitchen carpet was spared from mud, damp leaves and other miscellaneous objects that tend to stick to the soles of slippers. Things were going well at the start of the year.

After placing my new bird station in the garden at the end of December, I decided my original bird table also needs replacing, but settled on just tidying and cleaning it for the time being. Armed with plastic bags, dustpan and brush, cleaning sprays and fresh food I set about picking all the abandoned food off the lawn, scrubbing and cleaning the table top, then filling containers and the table with fresh food. Looking out the window I was pleased with the result. It would do for the time being.

The next few days turned very windy and on looking out the window again one morning I discovered my recently cleaned and restored bird table had toppled over. The newly placed food was now scattered all over the lawn and I considered not for the first time lately what a waste of time many of the things I do turn out to be. I asked hubby if he’d kindly go outside and pick the table up, but after waiting five minutes decided if you want a job doing, do it yourself.

In my haste to rectify the situation I forgot to change into my garden shoes, so the new toning slippers were introduced to wet grass, mud and bird droppings. As I realised my error I felt quite annoyed with myself, but knowing the slippers were machine washable realised it wasn’t a major tragedy. It was when I bent to rescue the bird table I forgot all about my slippers and my annoyance changed to anger at someone else not a million miles away from where I was standing.

You may have read of the presence of a rat residing in our garden late last year as I wrote a blog entry on the topic and how obsessed hubby had become with getting rid of it. He’d been paranoid the rat would climb up to the bird table and leave its germs and diseases up there, so unbeknown to me he’d decided to paint the stem of the table with something very black, very thick and very sticky, which now covered both of my hands completely.

Now fuming, I returned to the house in my muddy slippers, not only leaving muck on the new carpet, but black finger marks on anything I touched. It appears hubby in his wisdom had painted the bird table with black anti-burglar paint, believing that would deter the long gone rat from climbing onto the table. What was he thinking? The rat would pause in its tracks and think ‘Whoa...just a minute. If I climb up there I’ll leave paw prints and the police may have my records down at the station and I’ll be done for theft of bird food? ‘

It’s strange how when I tell anyone the sad story of my sorry mishaps they roll around laughing instead of showing any sympathy for my trauma. Anyway, I’m now the proud owner of a brand new, gorgeous bird table, pictured below. Should anyone even think about painting it with anything but wood preserver, they may find themselves left out in the garden as fodder for future rats or birds of prey.

Thanks once again for your understanding comments and very wise advice. I think you should all club together and start a WDC advice column.

Paul and the children came over yesterday and stayed for dinner. The family had been out for lunch at a Thai restaurant near home and Mey Ling had decided she'd prefer to go home from there. I'll work hard not to take that personally or conclude she doesn't want to face us. It was a pleasant enough afternoon and both Paul and the grandmonsters seem in good spirits, so that is as much as I can ask for right now.

In between painting, colouring, watching cartoons and playing sweet shops, we managed to hold some conversations over the situation. Paul is of the opinion he needs to leave Mey Ling to grieve in whatever way she needs to and allow her to come to terms with things in her own time. I believe that to be a pretty wise decision apart from the fact he seems to be living as a one parent family at present, but I know he's capable of coping with that and the children absolutely adore him, which makes me proud.

I will emulate his resolution and make whatever allowances I need to in order to support him in maintaining as stable an environment for the children as possible. I'm quite willing to offer Mey Ling emotional support and the chance to go to Cambodia if she wants to, but will draw the line at loaning money without knowing exactly what it is for. Paul and I discussed the Cambodian culture at some length and it's obvious it is so far removed from our own there are always bound to be problems in understanding on both sides. But that does not rule out some sort of compromise or hope for the future. I won't hold my breath however and will continue to take each day as it comes.

This one has been pretty frustrating so far, but I know I have to step back from my son's problems in order to cope with other things. I conclude today all estate agents, solicitors and banks are run by wet-behind-the-ears youngsters with no experience of life, limited people skills and scant knowledge of the work they have been supposedly trained to do. Apologies to any estate agents, solicitors or wankers bankers who may be reading this.

One day I will find time to search out my lost sense of humour and return it to its rightful owner. After all, I doubt anyone else would want it or know what to do with it.
 

There goes another week.

Plans I try not to make, achievements I tend not to count and another day I never take for granted. We never know what they can bring which is one harsh thing I've learned at least.

I've had a pleasant day out with my gals in Newark today, despite the fact it's pimply sissed down. But we know where to go when it's raining, so no worries.

Three days spent with my precious sister flew by far too quickly, but we managed a few laughs and recalled many happier times during her stay. We've found and approved of the perfect place to scatter Dad's ashes, but decided to wait until spring, God willing, when hopefully it will be warmer and prettier.

We've also had to grit our teeth and armed with plenty of tissues set about clearing our parent's home. We've worked very hard and hopefully will have completed as much as possible by the time the new owners are ready to move in. The mountain of paperwork involved may require a brain transplant and the elixir of life however. How come estate agents and solicitors charge so much, yet the workload for clients is horrendous?

On the son and family front I am still very confused, suspicious, annoyed and just about had enough if I'm honest. They came over last Sunday despite the fact Mey Ling had a cold and also made it obvious she didn't want to be here. Paul and the children seemed fine, but she was sullen, uncommunicative and disinterested.

I realise she is bound to be very upset and depressed by her father's death, but there is nothing we can do about that and she has two small children here where she chose to settle. We would be quite willing and prepared to pay for her to visit Cambodia if it would help, but without further excessive funds she doesn't seem to want to go. She won't open up and discuss the matter or her feelings.

We've not seen them since then, but know she is now blaming Paul and ourselves for her father's death claiming if we'd supplied the money immediately for an operation it may have saved his life.

I don't know the facts, the customs, the truth or the next stage, but one thing I do know is I'm rapidly getting to the end of my rope with her very unfair, cruel and ungrateful attitude. I've been making allowances for five years now and am teetering on thin ice.

They should be coming here on Sunday, but I think it's best I tape over my mouth and keep out the way as much as possible. I'm tired, down, below par, still grieving and also have concerns over other things. I'm quite aware the world doesn't revolve around me, but think it's time someone made Mey Ling aware the same applies to her. Why does it always have to be me?
 

Thank you again for your very kind, supportive and helpful comments over the latest situation. You have no idea how much I appreciate them.

I'm the first to admit I'm far from perfect and rather late in life have attempted to try the walk a mile in another's shoes philosophy before passing judgement. I don't always succeed and there are many times I'm not too fond of myself at all. This is one of those times.

My son phoned on Tuesday to inform us Mey Ling's father had died of his injuries. I felt bad for not taking her too seriously in the first place and even worse that although I have to believe no one would ever lie over something so serious, a tiny, tiny part of me still questioned if she's telling the truth. That's an awful confession I'm ashamed of, but life and particularly incidents from my son's relationship have made me wary and unable to fully trust. For this I apologise.

I still believe her behaviour and some of the things she's said were totally out of order and she did not approach the subject of her going to Cambodia in the correct way. But then, that is how she is and as some have pointed out I do believe she is depressed and would maybe benefit from medical intervention on that front, but she won't comply.

Anyway, any doubts must be thrown aside and the situation is now a different one. We have spoken to Mey Ling and assued her that even if she had left for Cambodia immediately she would not have arrived there in time and there was little she could do about it all anyway. We do understand if she feels she needs to go back to support her family and attend any funeral rites and have offered to pay for her flight and help with the kids in her absence. However, when she asked to borrow £2000 we had to draw the line and decline.

Research leads me to believe the daughters in a family are expected to pay for funerals, which seems rather bizarre and impractical, but I have always tried to respect her culture as best I can. However, there are four other daughters in her family and I suspect they believe all Westerners are filthy rich and can afford anything and everything. I'm also aware Mey Ling is not daft and realises I will have inherited some money, but I do not like to think my Dad worked all his life to pay for a stranger's funeral. I know she would try to pay the money back, but that would make things difficult for them over a long period of time and I could not stand by and witness them struggling further, particularly as their relationship is shaky and may not last the course. I feel bad about all that too, but am not prepared to cough up that amount of money in these circumstances.

I do believe Mey Ling is aware the family will ask for money she hasn't got and I sympathise with her when she says going out there in sad circumstances would probably only make her feel worse, so she has decided not to go. I gather things are a little calmer over at their house, but as yet we haven't seen Mey Ling to observe what her mood is like. No doubt we soon will and hopefully things will smooth over until the next drama, which I predict won't be very long.

In the midst of all this I still have much to attend to after my own father's passing. Hopefully, we have sold his humble home to a lovely young couple with a baby girl, but this means sis will be coming over next week to help clear the house and if there's time we still have to scatter Dad's ashes. So, all in all it's a pretty jolly January so far, but you know me...
 

Nine days into the New Year and why am I feeling this is going to be another difficult one already?

Five years to the day of my son's bizarre marriage, things kicked off again and I can't see a happy ever after on the horizon.

It's a long story, but basically Mey Ling's father has been involved in some sort of accident at work in Cambodia and is supposedly in hospital. In her usual drama queen manner she's predicting his demise and demanding to go out there, with no regard for the expense, her family here or the children's schooling. Admittedly it's a long time since she visited last when her mother was at death's door, but both have managed to survive another three years. They were saving up to go for a holiday later this year, but now I have no idea what will happen.

As a result of not complying with her wishes we've all been wiped from her Facebook friends yet again, she refused to join Paul on an arranged night out on Saturday and has threatened to sell the iPhone I bought her for Humbug to finance her fare. I am also accused of not knowing my own son and always believing him and not her. According to her, she's the victim, he gives her nothing and is cruel to her, she does everything for him and the world and his wife are responsible for all her problems as she creates none.

I am not unsympathetic to her feelings or the fact she misses her family and her country, but she is proving over and over again that she has no consideration for anyone but herself, is demanding, volatile, unreasonable and intent on causing confrontation no matter how reasonable people try to be.

The difference is now I think my son's rose-coloured glasses have finally dropped off and he's reaching the point where he's willing to admit he made a big mistake and things cannot continue in this way. We had the children this weekend while he went out to the arranged party and she stayed at home. When he arrived back with the children last night she wasn't in, he had no key, her phone was switched off and he was genuinely worried something bad may have happened to her. She finally arrived home at midnight and continued ranting. Not the actions of a caring mother or wife in my humble opinion.

I have no idea where we go from here. I do know he will have got up with the kids this morning as usual, washed, dressed and fed them before taking them to school, then taken time away from his demanding job to fetch them, thus having to make up the time at work later. I imagine she'll have stayed in bed as usual nursing her wounds and be on her phone and laptop complaining to her cronies about her awful life and husband.

Things will calm down I suspect, but if they return to any semblance of normality we are all aware it won't be long before there's another altercation and the cycle will continue and it just cannot go on. Our concerns are of course for the children and our son, though I do not wish any harm to Mey Ling, but realise she's never going to change or adapt when she can't get her own way.

Next life I'm booking the most uneventful, boring and ordinary one I can find.
 

Three days into the New Year and I'm already beginning to suspect it's the Chinese year of the Murphy or something. Unexpected, frustrating and time consuming mishaps are piling up, making me wake up wondering what calamity lies ahead today. I must try to remain my positive self however.

One example relates to a decision my sister and I reached at the end of December. Every year we record chosen events, thoughts or ideas each day to compare at the end of every month. We've tried hopes, dreams, funny incidents, inspiring moments and pleasant memories. The aim is to try and promote positivity, meaning and upliftment, particularly during the last few very painful years. This year we decided to write down a good deed for each day, hoping that would inspire us to be nicer people and feel more purposeful.

On Monday I didn't need to look far to find a reason to perform a good deed when my son phoned to say his laptop was on its last legs, Mey Ling and the children had bumper Humbug gifts compared to him, so I thought it the ideal opportunity to step in and treat him, something I've rarely been able to afford before. It's vital he has a laptop to work from home (and play Football Manager) so I told him to head off to his local PC World store, choose a laptop he liked then call me and I'd pay for it over the phone with my credit card. He was delighted and thanked me profoundly which is what makes good deeds worthwhile.

The first problem arrived when he called to say he'd found one he liked, but the store wouldn't take the order over the phone. I don't live near enough to where he was to go there and don't drive anyway, so they suggested I buy it online. After locating the site, the laptop he wanted and filling in pages of details about my date of birth, marital status, hair colour, delivery address, favourite film etc etc I clicked the button to place the order. Eureka - NOT. I received the message saying my credit card had been declined and to contact my bank or purchase the laptop another way.

After various attempts, being put on hold, explaining to five different people what the problem was, the bank finally informed me they'd blocked my card as the intended payment was rather high and described it as abnormal activity on my account. Despite the fact they knew it was me and could see clearly there was enough money in the account to cover the purchase I then had to go through a security check answering questions like my stepdaughter's age, my son's birthday, what time my hubby went to the loo, my best friend's dress size and the colour of pants I wore last Sunday. Eventually they agreed to unlock my card and allow me to pay for a purchase out of my own bank account. Gee thanks.

After filling all the details online yet again the afternoon was gone, but at least I'd performed my good deed and could polish my halo. The following morning I received a phone call from PC World asking why the delivery address for the laptop was different to my own. I explained it was a gift for my son who by some strange coincidence has the same surname as my own , but no, they claimed it wasn't standard procedure so would have to carry out a security check. After revealing my postcode, my son's address, my sister's favourite drink, the name of my grandson's teddy and the medical conditions of my mother-in-law they finally agreed to deliver the laptop the bank had allowed me to pay for out of my own money, but I was in no mood to throw a party in order to thank them for their kindness.

So today hopefully my son will have his new laptop and I can go out with my friend Joy and look for another opportunity to perform a good deed, though I'll try to avoid it involving any credit cards. Maybe I'll just buy her a few drinks using real money and hope that causes no problems other than a hangover.
 

I think this is the tenth new year’s eve I’ve been around since joining WDC and the seventh since starting my blog here. Still being here in itself is something to be very grateful for. I take nothing for granted these days.

Yet again I have to be honest and admit I’ll be pleased to see the back of this year. It’s been another very tough one with an exceptional amount of anxiety and heartache. Even checking back on my fewer than average blog entries for 2011 brought many fresh tears.

From the start there has been so much illness and stress within the family. My Dad’s continuing falls and hospital stays were a constant worry until the ultimate of horrors involving a house fire last February. To find him a place in a caring home should have been a blessed relief, but sadly it was not meant to be and his passing in October is still a very raw wound. All I can pray for is that he’s found peace and is in a better place.

Problems with my son and his family are part of life now and there have been many sticky moments over the past year. Again, all I can hope for is they will smooth things out and do what is best for themselves and the children. At least the house move last January, although stressful at the time, has turned out to be a positive and both the children have settled well into schooling.

All in all it’s been a tough time, but I have always said my friends are the people who help me through. Never did I imagine 2011 would see the end of one of those friendships when Big Pam turned her back on me after what I consider to be a very trivial incident. But proof we never can predict what lies ahead or what people are capable of. One reason I won’t be making any resolutions or promises apart from continuing to take one day at a time.

But there have been good times and happy moments including a second trip to the U.S.A. on the Queen Mary 2, some special birthday celebrations, some good times with my sister and a visit from Kåre Enga en Costa Rica last August. I’ve joined a walking group and consequently visited new places and made new friends.

Change is the only constant in life and as such I know the next year will bring more and hopefully better ones. 2012 will be the first year I will have no parental responsibilities, which evokes a huge cauldron of mixed emotions for me. It will be strange and difficult to come to terms with, but as stated previously, one day at a time.

So, on this last one of the year I’ll wish you all the best for 2012 and whatever your plans for this evening may your first hangovers of the year be little ones.

 

So that’s it then. Another one bites the dust. Feeling totally knackered with mixed emotions and memories to store.