Sis and I generally have a chat on the computer on Saturday nights. Last night we’d discussed the latest departure from Strictly Come Dancing and dissected the performances on the X Factor, then concluded we were sad sods for having nothing to type about but what we’ve watched on television. I suggested we change the subject, but having little to report sis concluded we should discuss the price of carrots.

I’ve been neglecting to check up lately , but told her I would study them carefully at the supermarket on Monday. She then informed me lately she’s noticed full carrots are generally more expensive than those without tops .

Now erotic vegetables are one thing, but topless carrots exposing themselves in shops is quite another. I suggested to her we should maybe report this to the Naughty Vegetable Society. She agreed possibly it would be an idea to whisper quietly in a few cauliflower ears and I said I would perhaps leek the information to the appropriate body. We concluded we could pass a few tips to a european asparagus group, but thought it better to keep it out of the hands of the swedes.

Moving on, I enquired what she was doing to marrow and she replied she wasn’t sure courgette. I told her we’d probably turn ip at our son’s place and they’d be welcome to join us, but as she pointed out there wouldn’t be mush room for everyone.

It was then hubby noisily blew his nose and I told her he’d almost given me a celeriac while clearing his broccolis. She warned me if he keeps blowing it that hard he could avocado arrest, but as I stated only in my aubergines. Left only with the weather to discuss we concluded it had been rather chilli but peppered with some sunny intervals. By this time I thought I might artichoke and she decided she needed a pea.

It had bean an interesting chat but we decided it was thyme to go to our seed beds and sleep, if our brains would lettuce. Mine was pickled, hers was mashed and we didn’t want to end up in a stew.

So another intellectual evening bit the dust, but I’ll certainly be on the lookout for those topless carrots tomorrow. Don’t you wish your life was as exciting as mine?