The Way of the Zern (Book) http://www.Writing.Com/main/profile.php/blog/zippityzern My Regular, Annual, Semi-Official Ghost Written Disclaimer My name is from the 1950's. My age spots are from the wear-no-sunscreen '60s. My stretch marks are from the baby making '80s and my attitude is the culmination of fifty-three years of paying attention to the big words coming out of the mouths of politicians, professors, popcorn ...[Read Full Post] Tue, 14 Feb 2012 09:26:41 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/747062 I go to college. I am a student of higher education. I have a book bag from Gap and a map of my college campus, and for seventy dollars per year they let me park in the parking garage. I pay, no-strike that-my husband pays an exorbitant amount of money for me to go to a private college with an excellent reputation and a parking garage. When I say exo...[Read Full Post] Tue, 31 Jan 2012 06:02:52 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/746029 It's a recurring criticism of college life and academia that they don't represent "real life." It's true. They don't. The mental ballet of the Socratic method of question and answer, the delicate give and take of knowledge given and received, and the glittering fire of minds forever changed are rarely experienced outside the colle...[Read Full Post] Sun, 22 Jan 2012 09:45:18 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/745301 I walked onto our back porch, caught a whiff of what surely had to be a molting skunk, and started searching for the offending stink monster. But something about the smell was strangely familiar, a smell that quite possibly qualified in certain states as a toxic chemical spill under EPA regulations. That was no skunk smell. That was an odor that ca...[Read Full Post] Sun, 08 Jan 2012 05:16:55 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/743646 1 In the year in which common courtesy didst die and the people didst make much of their "Angry Birds" and their "Farm-Villes" saying, "Just a minute whilst I dost harvest my pumpkins," I didst continue the record of my people. 2 And in that selfsame year, I didst curse the harvesting of the imaginary pumpkins saying, &#34...[Read Full Post] Tue, 20 Dec 2011 09:52:06 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/742202 Last year I did not decorate for Christmas. I don't know; I just wasn't feeling it. Aric was in Afghanistan. The housing market was in the local landfill. Everyone who had decided to have only one or two kids so that they could "spoil them" had succeeded. Instead of decorating, I started my spring cleaning-in December. And I heard abou...[Read Full Post] Tue, 06 Dec 2011 12:31:18 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/741190 Warning: Some of the observations in this essay may appear politically incorrect, boorish, or just plain snobby. My advice is to "roll with it" and take comfort in the knowledge that your judgmental attitude toward my judgmental attitude is superior in every way. I am a weirdo magnet. And when I say "weirdo" I mean I attract peop...[Read Full Post] Mon, 05 Dec 2011 07:43:10 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/741104 By the year 2099 (if we survive 2012, 2013, and the year that asteroid comes back with Bruce Willis riding on it) the world will be covered with old people. Some will be older than others. I am anticipating that oldness will be very hip in the coming years and some oldness hipper than others, depending on the condition of people's knees-also hips,...[Read Full Post] Fri, 25 Nov 2011 20:19:21 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/740372 Potty training is a real **pisser. Just ask Sadie, my three-year old granddaughter, who at any given moment breaks into hysterical weeping when she has a potty training malfunction or thinks that she MIGHT have had a potty training malfunction or SUSPECTS that she might have a potty training malfunction sometime in the future-near or far. Just ask...[Read Full Post] Fri, 18 Nov 2011 07:51:43 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/739761 I go to night school. I go to night school to pursue higher education, which is education that is higher or taller than lower, shorter education. You can tell if education is higher because the people are taller-also sleepier. Presently, I am studying Major English Writings I. These are major writings like Beowulf and The Canterbury Tales, but they are ...[Read Full Post] Thu, 10 Nov 2011 12:07:24 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/739167