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Writing.Com Time

Tuesday
May 29, 2012
6:15pm EDT


By Online Authors
 tadpole1's Notebook
Please follow an ASR rating.*
Email replies to me.    0 of 500 characters used.        
Part I: Dear Friends,

I'm looking for advice.

I don't remember how it is called, but I know that you can zoom in or out when writing, and I think this is where my problem is. I would like your professional opinion on which is best, and if you can explain why you think so, it would really help. The story is written from Lizzy's point of view.
Like    Comment    Apr 4, 2012 at 6:54am EDT
1 person likes this.
II:
Original:

Uncle Vernon set the cooler on the floor in the living room, just aside the door, and Lizzy's dad set two jugs of moonshine on the bar that divided the kitchen from the living room. He took the closest barstool while her mom and Uncle Vernon sat in the other two.
Her dad grinned at Uncle Vernon and dropped his truck keys next to the jugs. "It'll put hair on your chest."
"I cain't wait." Uncle Vernon grinned and rubbed his hands together.
Her dad said grace.
Like    Comment    Apr 4, 2012 at 6:53am EDT
Part III:
Modified:

Uncle Vernon set the cooler on the floor in the living room, just aside the door, and Dad set two jugs of moonshine on the bar that divided the kitchen from the living room. He took the closest barstool while Mom and Uncle Vernon sat in the other two.
Dad grinned at Uncle Vernon and dropped his truck keys next to the jugs. "It'll put hair on your chest."
"I cain't wait." Uncle Vernon grinned and rubbed his hands together.
Dad said grace.
Like    Comment    Apr 4, 2012 at 6:52am EDT
Write a new update...
Like    Comment    Apr 4, 2012 at 6:19am EDT
IV:
I fear going back and forth between "her dad" and "Dad" where "Dad" does not to fit.

For ex:

Lizzy ate as fast as she could. The food was delicious, but her stomach would not stop churning. Did they always have to drink? Drinking was against the rules at church. She stole a glance at her dad. The rules did not apply to them, of course, but she and Janet had to do everything just right or they would get a whipping with a belt.

I'm on the brink of changing and am not sure I should.
1 Like    Apr 4, 2012 at 6:51am EDT
I think, whatever you've written is great. You can take it from there. If need help in co-writing I can help you my dear friend.
Like    Apr 4, 2012 at 8:26am EDT
Dear friends,

If you were looking for a thriller and saw these titles, which three would you pull from the shelf?

Designer Eyes
Unexpected Results
Twisted Technology
A Daughter's Challenge
A Daughter's Defy
In Memory of Mum
For My Mother
A Daughter's Dream
Immoral Experiments
Bad Science
Medical Monster
Tiny Warriors
Researching the Researcher
Catherine
A Pink Solution
Catherine's Search
The Killing Cure
Nanoplague

Thank you

Like    Comment    Mar 21, 2012 at 5:53pm EDT
1 person likes this.
Nanoplague (of course)
Twisted Technology (or perhaps, simply, Twisted Tech
and maybe Designer Eyes...
many of the others do not imply, suggest 'thriller' at all...
Like    Mar 21, 2012 at 6:29pm EDT
you should comment on others' scribbles,now!
Like    Comment    Jun 15, 2011 at 9:27am EDT
Hey, wow!

I didn't realize that I had a notebook. Hmm. Now, what do I do with it? *Smile*
Like    Comment    Jan 31, 2011 at 7:00am EST
1 person likes this.
Tadpole1, when you get to now what can be done with the notebook, please lemme know too :) Seriously, I also don't know anything about Notebook, and even don't know much about writing.com's features and how to use them
Like    Mar 17, 2012 at 1:21am EDT
Thanks for the wonderful reviews! You've made my day! *Bigsmile*
Like    Comment    Jan 29, 2011 at 1:23pm EST
I read your bio concerning the omniscient voice in a story. I have written a story in the omniscient voice and I am very unsure about how it plays. Hoping you'll take a look when I post it "Waiting Room for the Not Quite Dead" Thanks, Anya
Like    Comment    Nov 12, 2010 at 9:27am EST
You will achieve great things!
Like    Comment    Jun 16, 2010 at 1:10pm EDT
1 person likes this.
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