Klara, 85 and Still Weak for the Knees

Klara Kaoekski, 85 Years Young and Still Weak for the Knees
Quizmo LaGrande

Darlink, dearest, trust me;
If there’s vun think I know,
I know nothink.
Nothink, ya?

Alive these 85 years,
Yet, I do recognize a change or two.
Believe me you, it’s not always easy to comprehend.

For instance… Astroturf.
Now darlink, vhy, tell me vhy,
Vhy darlink, vould they take away grass..
Rrreal grass?
Rrreal mud?
Are these not rrreal men?!

Give an old voman pleasure, please.

Lady’s mud vestling?
Hmm.
No substitute for hulkink, manly men battlink,
Muscles bulgink, hormones raging!
That’s vhat rrreal vomen vant!
Sweat, blood drenched Vikings
Crusadink tovard the goal,
Raping millions!

At least entertain an old voman.

Vhat’s vith the carpet?
Do it in the damn mud like your damned ancestors, for Christ’s sake!

Basketball…
Piffle! Poo!

Chicky baby, bless your soul!
Darlink, I miss you!

But vhat vomen vant…

Listen ladies,
You must agree,
I’d rather vatch those long legs
ABOVE the knee!
Those tall, handsome players
They run, they strut,
Those gorgeous long limbs, shoulders and butts,
But who vants to vatch a ball pass through a hoop?
It’s not about points earned in a bright orange loop.
I vant to see legs, knees, and thighs,
I may be old but I’m…
… vomanly vise.

I confess to not knowink.
I’m an old lady. Ya true.
My Last Resort days here, dear, ya, they are few,
But long legs with nice muscles, umm, I rather to view,
Vhat is this to vatch handsome men runnink ‘round
Vith their shorts hanging down, towards ankles are vound?

I am but an old voman.
Don’t bother with me.
I hold up my hands;
From different lands, I agree.

If you vant, how you say,
Emasculate men?
I will vhimper and vail but try not to pretend
That the man of my dreams, sixty years at my side,
Beautiful legs and a heart to preside
All raging hormones between us in stride.
The love of my life, through hardship, through drought;
The love of my life,
I must now do..

Vithout.

So…

Give me a football or basketball stud
There’s nothink like it to pump up old blood!