MY Contest ~ MY Rules

This item is meant as an accompaniment to my contest:

ID: 939666   (Rated: XGC) Angry Rant Contest  Give us your angry. by Satuawany

That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t pertain to other contests all over Writing.com.

The Angry Rant Contest started on a whim one day after I was in a tiff and needed to vent. I figured that a.) others probably wanted to do the same and b.) wouldn't it be cool if they could win Gift Points for their pains?

The contest started with something like four rules, but it soon became abundantly evident that further restrictions were needed. The more rules I instituted, the more whining I heard. The more whining I heard the more rewording I had to do and thus, the Angry Rant Contest started to seem like more of a burden than a "fun" idea.

About the time I was ready to stab myself in the eye with a toothpick, I decided to add just a couple of more rules in the hopes of keeping the contest a place where people could just come in and rant. I think it's pretty sad that there has to be so many damn rules just make sure the contest can continue to keep its name and not become the “Angry Debate Contest” or the “Mildly Upset, But Really I Just Want To Tell You About My Day Contest” or, best yet, the “Here’s Your Soapbox Contest.”

But I wasn't going to rant.

Actually, I need to get to the point because I wanted this to be a short piece.

What we're here to discuss is the abundance of email I get from very concerned readers that complain about how I am "trampling all over the first amendment." Ah, you oblivious little narrow-minded drones and your “Freedom of Speech.” That’s right. I said “narrow-minded.” Were you as open-minded as you claim, you’d sit and think about it before you bitched.

Just how many of you have emailed the contest moderators that only allow entries rated 18+ and below? Aren’t they limiting your right to express yourself? Are they not stunting your ability to share your thoughts? How dare they have rules!

Right, I was going to remain calm. I remember now. I do apologize.

No I don’t.

Look, the point is this; Writing.com is a house where we can seek refuge if we are willing to follow the rules laid down by the owners of that house. If you do not wish to follow those rules, then the owners ask that you seek refuge elsewhere. And if you come in with the pretense of following those rules, then you disrespect them, you are asked to leave.

If you walk into your friend’s house and start screaming obscenities while that friend’s eight-year-old cousin is visiting, then odds are, you’re gonna be asked to cease and desist. And if you don’t, you’ll be shown the door.

That’s not to say you aren’t allowed to scream obscenities. That’s to say you need to visit a friend who doesn’t mind that sort of behavior. (And, actually, Writing.com doesn't mind at all if you want to scream obscenities, you just have to go into the appropriate room first.)

Now, think of my portfolio as one of the 600,000+ rooms in the Writing.com mansion. I get to stay because I follow the rules. If I slip up, I do my best to rectify the situation. If I did not, I’d get the boot. The rules are there so that all 600,000 of us roommates can cohabitate in such a way as to not spoil each other’s enjoyment of our stay here. If you disagree with the rules, you are welcome to seek shelter in a house whose rules fit you better.

Now we come to my contest, a corner of my room in the Writing.com mansion. I enjoy having guests and I’d love for you to stay a while, but it’s still my room. If you don’t want to follow my rules, fine. You’re entitled to that. But please leave. Find a place that caters to your desires. If you can’t, then perhaps it’s time you made a place of your own.

Flip me the bird on your way out if it makes you feel any better.


Your fair warning: There's a good chance that the more literate reviews will be posted at the end of this piece at some point. That's a lie...I'll probably post the illiterate ones as well.


UPDATE: First, I'm sad to say I've never gotten a illiterate review on this item. That's what I was really hoping for when I made that khaki-coated threat.

Two, the ARC is back down to three rules, though they're rules I've gotten riff about in the past and so this item still pertains.

(19 June 2009)