The Lecture

Day four. Harry sat in yet another lecture, wondering about the significance of the Mayan culture to a Chemistry major. An older woman planted herself down next to him; he tried to relax and block out the image of her personal space invading his personal space. When Harry was young he was told that 93.7% of the time, people will sit in their same seats with space around them every day; this woman, he mused, had obviously no regard for statistics. She seemed nice as she handed him a test; maybe this closeness won't be so bad after all, he thought.

Until she took off her shoes.

Harry stared in horror as she slipped off her black sneakers and revealed pungent white socks that made his nose wrinkle (as if the wrinkling would block anything out). He looked down at his own feet, a perfect foil with his white shoes and black socks. Good god, we match, he realized. The smell wafted across his desk as he hung his head down, determined to block out the distraction...

CRUNCH, CRUNCH

Harry's eyes slowly panned to the left, where Smelly Socks sat. In her left hand was a plastic bag, inside a stash of popcorn. The odor of greasy butter began to mingle with the ripe socks. He looked back down, trying desperately to remember with a roiling stomach where Ancient Mesopotamia was located.

CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH

Harry snapped his head in her direction, his teeth grinding with every crunch of kernel, his eyes wildly following the path of her hand from the bag to her mouth. He took a deep breath and started counting backwards from ten, trying to calm himself down as he finished the test as quickly as possible. He faced forward and readied for the lecture.

"The first people to settle in the Mesoamericas were the Olmec people..." explained the professor.

"Ol-MAY-cas", re-pronounced Smelly Socks.

Harry started counting again.

"One of their primary staples was maize", said the professor.

"My-EEZ", Smelly Socks responded.

Harry started counting from 100.

"The Mayans were known for their terrace farming, and also farmed squash, avocadoes, gourds, tomatoes, and peppers."

Harry shot Smelly Socks a look, daring her to give a new pronounciation of "tomato". Smelly Socks merely nodded her head vigorously with her eyes closed, as if listening to The Who play "Pinball Wizard" at Woodstock. "Where's her lighter?", muttered Harry under his breath.

"The Mayans also had a ritual form of ball game..."

CRUNCH, CRUNCH

"Oh for the love of God", Harry moaned.

PTOO!

Harry froze, then slowly swiveled toward Smelly Socks, instantly identifying this new sound and yet not believing it to be true. But there she was, crunching her popcorn and SPITTING back into the bag. He watched as she reached into the bag and pulled out another handful of popcorn, and he could almost see the pre-chewed flecks hanging off the pile. He turned back toward the front, letting out a silent prayer that no flecks would come NEAR him.

CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH

"Teotihuacan was located in the highlands of Mexico..."

"Meh-HEE-co"

"...and they did expand enough to become a massive city..."

PTOO!

"I have to get out of this class", said Harry.

"CLAH-say", said Smelly Socks.