Fireflies

Abby sat cross-legged on the ground. She was near the spot where she and Jordan had spent their last time alone together. They had met when they were little children. For years they had been friends and then three summers ago, their friendship had grown to something more. Now the only thing inside her was pain; a great searing pain, which had eaten every good feeling that she had ever had.

With time, the pain would fade. She could not believe that. No one understood her pain. They could say what they wanted to but she was alone in her agony. They didn’t understand that she felt as though she was being ripped in two and there was a cold fire in her heart. She had lost her love. There was no reason to live and everyday without him, she grew more tormented, more depressed.

She looked up at the moon, tears sliding down her face. She looked down at the knife. The light glistened in her tears and made them look like tiny diamonds. Large and round the moon stared back down at her. She picked up the blade and stared at the light shining on it. Her thoughts returned to a time when Jordan had surprised her with a romantic picnic. Little did she know then, that it would be their last time alone together.

Time had passed quickly and the sun had gone to sleep too soon but they did not care. She had lain in Jordan’s arms, studying the stars in the sky. She hoped to see a shooting star so she could wish upon it. Hours passed, a star did not come but the fireflies did.

At first, it was only one tiny orb of light. It wove in and out of the trees before flying over to them. It lingered just above their heads for a while. Abby giggled when it began circling Jordan’s head but fell silent when more arrived. A thousand little fireflies hovered around them and Abby was in awe of their beauty. The space around them became illuminated. It was shining so bright that it looked like sunrise had come early. In that moment, she felt blessed. They were in their own pocket of time. Then when Jordan turned to her and told her that she was more beautiful than the fireflies and the stars in the sky, she felt as if she were living in a fairytale.

Fresh tears formed in her eyes and streamed down her face. Her lips twisted into a weak smile. That day had been wonderful. She looked down and wiped the tears from her eyes then looked back up at the moon. It wasn’t a star but it was closer and brighter than any star, so Abby decided to wish upon it.

“Although you’re not a star, you are just as bright.
I need to make a wish, and I need to tonight.
My heart is broken, it’s shattered and empty.
I wish you could bring my love back to me.
So that my heart and soul could be whole again.
This sorrow that I am forced to live,
Has plunged me into a deep, dark hole.
Without my love, I can’t continue to live.”

The girl sighed and looked at her feet. A chill air made her shiver. She dropped the knife back onto the grass. A cool breeze stirred everything around her. The grass and the leaves in the trees rustled. She pulled her jacket tighter around her body and rubbed her arms in an attempt to warm herself. The night reminded her of their last time together but on this night there was no one to keep her warm. It felt magical but only brought her pain.

A twig snapped behind her. She jumped in fright and quickly looked over her shoulder. Behind her was her love, Jordan. He stood just meters away but he looked blurred, as if she were looking at an unfocused photo. There was a strange glow to him. He almost glimmered in the moonlight. Abby wiped her eyes but he was still there. He stood watching her, he was still blurred but just as handsome as ever. He moved towards her, not walking but floating. Abby’s heart stopped and the night stole her breath.

“Abby, I have missed you so much.” He said as he drew near. A smile formed on his lips.

“Jordan?” Abby stood and faced him. More salty tears formed in her eyes.

“Yes it’s me, Abby, please don’t cry.” His voice was soft and somber. “You wished on the moon,” Jordan smiled, “you always were an oddball weren’t you.” He laughed.

Abby smiled at Jordan. “My wish…” She said wistfully.

“You wished to have your love back. Your wish can’t come true because you never lost your love. You can’t get something back which you have never lost.”

“I lost you! I lost everything!” She howled. She balled her hands up into fists.

Jordan shook his head and took a step toward her. “You didn’t lose me. I died, but I’m still in your heart. You are still full of love. The pain will fade and you will find someone else to love. You are more than likely to find many loves before you die. Please don’t end your life because of me. Live, finish school, move on. Remember me and what we had but don’t do this.” Jordan glanced at the knife.
“Yes you’re still in my heart, but it’s breaking in two. I can’t handle this anymore.”

He extended an arm and pointed to the moon. It shone down on them like a giant firefly. “Remember this moment, remember the moon and remember the fireflies. You were happy on the day with the fireflies, so was I.” He paused and looked at her thoughtfully.

“Do you remember?”

Abby nodded between sobs.

“Good.” He said. “Hold that memory in your heart and think of it when your grief gets too hard. Think of it to remind you of happier times and know that there will be happy times again.”

Jordan held his hands out to Abby. She moved to him and took them in her own. “Jordan it’s so hard without you. I miss you so much. I need you! Why did you have to go?” She sobbed. “Why did you leave me?” She looked up at him with big sorrowful eyes.

“Abby, I didn’t want to go, I had no choice.” Sadness filled Jordan’s eyes as he looked at her.

“Yes you did!” She screamed. “You could have fought harder. You gave up and left me.”

“I fought it as hard as I could but the cancer had taken over too much of my body before they found it.”

“Why didn’t you go to the doctor sooner. You could still be here, if only you had.” Abby looked away and sobbed harder.

“You know that I went as soon as I began getting sick. There was no way of knowing that I had it any earlier.”

Abby began to say something but Jordan silenced her. He pulled her to him and kissed her on the forehead. He looked down into her eyes.

“Abby, promise me that you’ll never hurt yourself.” Jordan stared intently at her, his eyes pleaded with her.

“Don’t be sill…” She began.

“Promise me!”

The urgency in his eyes pushed her to answer. “I promise, Jordan, I will never do anything to hurt myself.”

Jordan smiled. “Good! I couldn’t bear it if you did something like that because of me. I love you so much. It hurts me to see you like this.”

“I love you with all of mine too!” She gushed.

Jordan lent down and kissed her. A soft, lingering kiss. Abby swooned at his touch as she had every time he had kissed her.

“I need to tell you something.” He paused and cocked his head to the side. “You are so beautiful.”

“Is that all?” she laughed.

“No,” Jordan chuckled. “You always had that affect on me Abby. Whenever I look at you I lose my train of thought.” He paused and looked deep into her eyes.

“What I wanted to tell you was that you were the best thing that ever happened to me. You filled my life with so much happiness that most days I felt like I would burst.” He pulled away from her and turned before he continued. “Like all couples, we had our difficulties but we got through them and grew stronger. Now we have been separated but you still need to grow stronger. You need to carry on without me. Live your life to the fullest.”

He spun back around and sat on the ground and pulled Abby down beside him

Abby smiled. “I will. I promise”

He looked up at the sky. The stars sparkled brilliantly. “It’s such a beautiful night.” He sighed.

“What’s wrong?” She frowned at him and studied his face.

“Nothing, I’ve just missed so many beautiful nights with you.”

“You don’t have to worry about that now. You’re back and we can see many more beautiful nights.”

Jordan looked away. A soft sigh escaped his lips.

“What is it Jordan? You are staying aren’t you?” Her chin quivered and her voice wavered. “You’re not going to leave me again, are you?”

“I can’t stay.” Jordan’s eyes dampened. He blinked the tears away. “We have tonight together but I can’t stay forever. I have to leave again. I’m sorry.”

“No! You can’t!” Abby jumped up. Her heart started to beat faster and rage began building up in her body. She stood rigid before him, a lump forming in her throat. “You can’t come back here and then leave again.” She choked out. Abby paced in front of Jordan; throwing quick searing glances at him.

Jordan gazed at the sky. “Calm down.” He said softly.

“Why should I? You are going to leave me again. I know that I can’t handle that again. Why did you come here tonight?”

He swung his head toward her. “I came to stop you from doing something stupid.”

“Well you shouldn’t have. If you had left me alone we would have been able to be together forever.” Abby spat out the words and stormed toward the knife. She picked it up and held it to her wrist.

“No! Don’t! Please Abby don’t be stupid.”

“Why shouldn’t I? Huh? Give me one good reason?” She looked like a wild animal. Her body was rigid and her eyes were almost ablaze with rage.

“I love you.”

He kissed her lips. “I have to go now, goodbye Abby, I love you.”

“No!” Abby clasped his arms in her hands. “You can’t go. I love you too. Please don’t leave me again.”

“I have to.” Jordan’s form shimmered then faded completely. Abby screamed, clutching at thin air. She fell to her knees, howling. Around her, the trees stirred in the wind and many animals scurried for a place to hide.

A faint buzzing noise silenced her. She looked up and coming through the trees were a thousand fireflies. They buzzed and danced their way toward her. When they drew near, they surrounded her. Abby raised her eyes skyward and laughter bubbled up from her belly. The fireflies flew in a spiral around her then flew off single file. As they left, Abby smiled and remembered how blessed she was to have ever known Jordan. She now realized that life was worth living. It was going to be hard, perhaps for a long time but now she recognized there were other people that she loved and that loved her too. They could help her. With time, the hurt would fade. She knew it.

She picked up the small knife and looked at it one last time. With all her strength, she threw it as far away as she could. It soared through the air like a tiny spear.

Abby looked toward the horizon. The sun was beginning to drag itself from its slumber. A new day was being born and a new life. She now looked forward to what lay ahead of her.