shimmer

         It happened again. Even after I had vowed never to let it happen again. I stared at myself in the mirror and was greeted by a stranger. Bloodshot eyes with dark circles under them, hair going every which way. I did not look like this in the morning. I sighed and turned the faucet on. Letting the water warm up, I leaned against the sink and rested my elbows on the cool porcelain. Steam rose from the water and began to fog up the mirror. My finger slowly touched the water and I forced it to stay under the hot fluid for longer than I should have. It had a cleansing effect on me. I formed my hands into a bowl and collected the hot water. Taking a deep breath, I dipped my face into it. It had cooled a little, just a little. I felt as if my face was being cooked, I swear I heard the fat sizzle as the water washed over my face. As the water dribbled away through my fingers, I tasted the coppery flavor of blood drip over my lips. My tongue darted out and slowly, as if it had a life of it's own, it passed over my lips. I cleaned off the mirror and looked at my face again. I did not remember any blood. As I squinted into the mirror, trying to figure out if I was injured in some way, I realized I was not alone. A blurry reflection of someone was staring back from behind me in the mirror. I turned around so fast I got whiplash but no satisfaction as to the identity of the owner of the reflection. I was a little freaked out, thinking maybe I was losing my mind a little and turned back to the sink. The water was still running but it now had a tint of red in it. I was surprised and again wondered if I was crazy. I decided no, since I was asking myself if I was. (I had read somewhere that if you ask yourself if youre crazy youre not. It's the people that adamnatly swear they are sane that you have to watch out for.) So, the water is now freakin' red and I tasted it and it tasted like blood. I'm thinking 'where are the freakin' cameras' 'cause I figure I must be on one of those hidden camera shows, and I just shut the water off. I wait a moment and then turn it on again. Red. totally red, no hint or nothin' just freakin' red.
         It happened again. I had just said it wouldn't but here I am again. How did I let this happen? I wonder as I stare at myself in the mirror. The face that stares back is that of a stranger. My hair is all messed up and my eyes have huge bags under them. Not to mention the fact that they are red and crazy looking. I sigh and turn on the hot water. As it's coming out of the faucet, before it gets too hot, I put my hands together and splash water on my ghastly face. There is a weird, coppery taste to the water and as I open my eyes I realize the water is coming out red. Red. I squint into the mirror and realize there is someone else here. There is a blurred reflection in the mirror. Someone standing behind me. I can't make out any particular thing about them just a form. I want so badly to turn around but a voice in the back of my mind yells at me to wait, just count to ten and wait. I obey as I have for the past fifteen years and wait. I shut the water off and close my eyes as I count to ten.
         The warmth from the sun hits my face and I slowly wake, my eyes refusing to open, I force them to obey the morning sun and finally manage to tumble out of bed. The house seems eerily quiet as I walk to the bathroom and when I finally reach my destination, I realize nobody's home. I frown as I reach for the doorknob, the corner of my eye catching movement to my left. I quickly spin around, my heart racing so fast I think it will burst, but see nothing, hear nothing. The memories, or were they a weird dream, of the last couple of days come back to me and I begin to wonder yet again whether or not I've gone stark raving mad. I consider the question and decide the answer to be no. Not yet anyway. I take a deep breath and decide to open the bathroom door.
         The flashing lights hurt my eyes as I tried to figure out what was going on. The police and firemen coming out of the house had a slightly green tint to their faces. I wondered what could be going on. I craned my neck around the side of the ambulance trying to get a better view but the paramedic tending to me kept pushing me back down on the stretcher. I wanted to ask him what was going on, why I was strapped to the stretcher but somehow in the back of my mind I knew the answer. It was there clear as ice but for some reason I could not understand it, wrap my mind around it. I tried to relax, do what the paramedic said but I kept thinking back to my memories, or were they just dreams, of what I had seen in the bathroom. What did I see, why did I go there?
         The nurse smiled at me. Again. I don't think I like it here. The food stinks. There is no privacy. I don't know why I'm here. The nurse says he's told me why and what his name is but I don't remember? He won't tell me anything and I'm starting to get a little upset. They mumble and whisper when they see me, the doctors. I hear words like delusional and psychotic. I know they can't be talking about me. I am not crazy. I keep telling them that. Again and again. I am not crazy. I yell it at the top of my lungs but they don't believe me. They give me pills and tie me down to the bed. Maybe next time I'll tell them, no show them I am.
         The cool air brushed my long hair out of my face as I watched the kids board the school bus. They are so young and innocent, I smile as they see me and wave, unsure of themselves. They should be careful to wave to strangers. Who knows what kind of wackos are out there. An old newspaper flits by on the wind and I manage to read the headline. I have to contain my laughter as I read yet again how I got away with brutal murders and hideous crimes. As if. I told them what happened. or what I remembered happened. They tried to say I killed my family and some other people to boot. They tried to blame me for chopping up people like carrots and sticking them in my bathtub. They tried to say I knew it was bad and wrong and how I tried to hide it. They didn't really have a case but they didn't have any one else to blame either so they tried to get me, the only survivor. I frown as a memory scoots by. A dream I'm sure. Screaming, pleading, they all ended the same. Me waking up and going to the bathroom. then nothing.