Ponderings of Myself

This Daddy-to-Be!

A journey that will need just a little more than just a flashlight....just a little!

 First off, I thank God for giving and trusting to me and Brittaney the life he has so graciously given us to take care of and raise in His image. Through Him, we shall be the parents and the couple we are destined to be and will trust in Him for guidance through the darkness and EXPECT him to be right there for all those wonderful moments we're to experince as new parents!!! (and of course, I know He will be!)

         -amen


Ok, so... here we go!

What is it about knowing you are to be a dad that changes you so much? Its like a lightning bolt hits you and your priorities change from other thoughts and such to only one thing, being a good father (and with that, a good boyfriend, fience, or husband).

Yes, I'm going to be a daddy! As of now (though we argue the # of weeks), my girlfriend is 17 weeks pregnant and we are very happy to be becoming parents!

I've always wanted to be a dad, and its strange of how many "little" changes my own mind seems to be automatically changing to think about now!

One of the things I've noticed about myself is I used to work for me. The money I earned was mine. No one else's and if you tried to claim it to be yours, well, the end result was not pleasant!

But now I work with my future family in mind and yes, you could say every teenager does this in some form for most, they will have families in a few more years, but for me my family is on its way now! My girlfriend, and our baby(ies) will need me alot sooner than "a few years". They need me now and I'm not going to ignore the needs of my family.

Unlike many other Dad's of my age, I'm happy I am where I am. I don't want my life to be any diffrent and if something was to happen to either my child or even Brittaney, my life would be broken to a point of where recovery might forever be shrouded to me. I know of the challenges I'm putting myself and my family into with this choice to be dad and yes, I know I could bring up adoption to my girlfriend but we don't want that. We had already decided a long time ago we would keep our baby. And for the other thought that seems to go hand in hand with teen pregnancy..... abortion is not a choice, its murder and I dare someone to argue this fact with me.

Onto brighter subjects!

I am scared to death! Nervous beyond all reason and the HAPPIEST DADDY-TO-BE ON EARTH! (and with all that I swear I don't have M.P.D)

Heres a short breakdown:

Scared and Nervous: Why would this little guy (or girl) love me? I haven't done anything for them to love me, but yet, I know they will. And in everyway they'll look to me and Brittaney to lead them. How do I do that?! I'm still trying to figure out this great mystery of life myself, how do I lead someone else?!

Well as I do in all things, I prayed and I've prayed about this alot! The one thing God tells me over and over is that He lays out how to be a good father in the Bible, I just need to read and take to heart.... (and when the Big Man says do something, I DO!) Though I still sometimes lack in the faith department of things, I do my best to take in what I read and I'm still reading as I'm sure I'll be doing for this, and many other reasons, the rest of my life!

HAPPIEST DADDY-TO-BE ON EARTH: Wow! The happiest daddy-to-be on earth, that means I must be beating out alot of other guys! Of course then you got the ones who even don't know their to be dads, or don't care, or know and left their baby and their baby's mom to "be happy and free and BLAH BLAH BLAH!" STUPID is more like the word I would choose for those gentlemen, or more or less, dogs of society. And don't think you ladies of sort are escaping my opinion oriented rambling,

#1. If you don't want a baby, either use protection or the best thing DON'T HAVE SEX...or anything else... sordove hard to get pregnant when the fishies can't swim the river now isn't it?

#2. ABORTION IS MURDER (enough said)

#3. Trash cans are for trash not babies and if you even began to concieve the thought within that tiny, hormone ridden, adolescent mind of yours that a baby is trash I will come through this computer and choke you... (and please don't make me do that, it really hurts and the monitor doesn't like it too much.)

Do you immature people know that because you have invoked such strong emotions in me about such sensitive subjects, I've now been forced to raise my pleasently written 13+ rating to an 18+?

Ok, enough about all of y'all, back to me!

I'm the happiest daddy-to-be in the world! (and this is like the third time I've stated this) I can't believe this blessing of life has been given to me, to ME of all people!

More is to come...

Well I said more was to come and now I'm going to sat down and try to keep my promise!

Now we are 22 weeks along! Or is it 21, or 23? I can't ever figure it out! Brittaney tends to know easier than I do, though I do try to count it, I know her calculations are correct and I don't think I will argue with her! (it wouldn't be wise and everyone knows you don't make Brittaney angry, and this was even when she wasn't pregnant.

She's gonna hit me for that.

Well now my little one is kicking, and kicking hard from what I'm being told. All the kicks tend to be on the left side and Brittaney even claims the baby is doing flips! Wow, thats healthy if you ask me! I can't even do a flip!

I can't wait to be able to put my hand on her stomach and feel our little one kick, thats one of those "Daddy-to-be" things that just drives me insane not being able to do! But soon enough, yes, most definately!

Time to be pathetic, believe it or not there are certain things I dream about me doing with my little gift! Firstly, me and Brittaney really think we're having a girl! (And believe me, she'll have a daddy that probably won't want to ever leave her alone!

I read so many stories of Dads with their new baby and I wish for those moments. One thing that just gives me chills, is being able to look into her eyes, into her complete innocence and knowing that look back is one of even, "Why you staring mister?" or more seriously, "Daddy, I need you to teach me and love me, just please do that."

I know without a doubt I will do that! (and more!) Already while walking down toy aisles I see little books and toys I think of buying for her. "Baby's first Bible", different Fairy tale books. I think of how when she's 2 or 3 she'll run to the stuffed animals going, "Daddy, Daddy, buy this for me?"

I can already see it, we'll be walking in wal-mart and I'll hear her talking and at first thought I would think it would be to her imaginary friend but then I look down to see a little stuffed kitty has joined our group. In 5 short minutes she has already given it a name, told it she would keep it and formed an entire life story with at least 5 reasons of why we had to get this little cat TODAY!

That hard part will be saying no, which just between you and me, can be change to yes with a sad puppy dog face and her going, "Daddy pweezzzz?"

Yes, yes, I've got to get on top of that. No spoiling, nope, can't do that. (I think I will need some serious help with not doing that!)