Because of You

Because of You


I am a woman of dignity. I am loveable and loving. I haven’t always been this woman. When I first walked through your door I was a shadow of the person I am today.

Quiet reflection, that pause to contemplate has led me on a journey back to those earlier days. How did it ever get so bad? There is no total answer but you taught me to put all the little pieces together and understand. I was a broken little girl, full of rage, and self loathing, incapable of trusting, seeing every ulterior motive for spending time with me. There was one reason, in my heart worth living for, one reason that validated my existence. Through it all I had motherhood to cling. That one incredible thing I did totally perfect and my wonderful ability was unraveling. That one reason that encompassed everything and led me to you.
Because of you I could see so many things that seemed opaque and sketchy at best. Things of such value but not deserved by me. Learning I was not a bad person, but a sick woman who could use the new tools you provided was like breathing for the first time. Tools you designed to help me love myself and to let others love me unconditionally. To grow and to become the person I was meant to be, all rewards of your opened all inclusive love.

You took me down a road surrounded by love and support and helped me to look at all my demons. What a joy to realize most of them were fabrications of scared child. How loving a way of life, that I had always aspired to, included a welcoming encounter with myself, someone valuable and worth loving. This woman who is someone not to be feared when she squints back from the mirror. Able to smile at my own reflection, one who no longer cringes at what she believes she sees. This woman’s reflection is attractive from the inside out. This person no longer needed proof of love for her. She validates herself. My value is dependant on only being. I am this woman. I wear many hats; all facets of the whole me. Being a mother, my most cherished hat is not my identity but a part of a whole wonderful woman who knows alone and lonely are not the same. That unconditional love is the norm not the exception. That love feels good and warm and fuzzy. Because of you I am whole and I am happy.

Because of you Alcoholics Anonymous
I AM