Tourniquet

Tourniquet


by


E. A. Irwin

         






“How exactly does it work?”

Nathan stared into the obsidian-colored eyes of the woman dressed in white, her expression comforting despite her eyes’ excited glisten. His gaze wandered from those fascinating dark holes and took in the swinging motion throughout the room. Feet jerked up and down in a charade of a marionette’s dance, while others drew slow, elongated circles full of grace. Many had completed their rotations and remained stilled.

Excitement stole his breath, spilling his thoughts in a myriad of directions. The sight of the legs and feet sent messages to places he couldn’t quite control. But, did he really want to control those places? Wasn’t that the reason he’d entered this shop? To finally relinquish his battle with control? He brought his drugged senses back to meet the slightly disconcerted look of the woman behind the marble counter.

Nathan adjusted his tie, hoping she hadn't noticed his inattention. “I’m sorry, did you say something?”

“No.” She smiled sweetly in an effort of reassurance.

He watched her mouth move, stared hard at the row of perfect white teeth encased in a slimy pink wrapping. “Huh, thought you did. Just a bit of nervous energy on my part, I suppose.” Nathan’s stare took in more of his surroundings. “Never knew about this sort of thing until recently.” He tugged at his jacket. The anticipation of what was to come made him antsy, his breathing ragged as he struggled for calm.

The woman lifted a perfectly arched brow. “Oh?”

Her expression remained the steady calm he’d counted on—a mixture between grandmotherly and nurse with a side of saint thrown in. Non-judgmental. Tranquil. That’s what she was. Compelled by the awkward shifts, hypnotized by the inconsistent rhythm of the pendulum feet, his body ached to join their silent dance. An unusual combination of movement, like watching a quickstep ballroom dance competition similar to the one he’d seen the other night on PBS.

Nathan yanked his altered ideas from the feet, experiencing a painful sensation as he concentrated with growing difficulty on the eyes of the woman. Lost in her depths of black the vastness reminded him of black holes in space into which he might fall. His body gave an involuntary jerk as he dwelled on being absorbed into her. Maybe it wasn’t kindness he needed.

His voice came out in breathy stammers. “Anyway, how does it work?”

She smiled her perfect smile again as she spoke. “It is placed around an appendage, and then tightened to stop blood flow.”

Nathan relaxed. “That’s it?” How easy it sounded, just a little tightening and he’d have the experience he desperately craved. His brain ignited with the fire of possibility. The air lacked oxygen as he held his breath while dreaming of the upcoming delirium he knew he’d experience.

Her soft voice interrupted his building excitement. “The short version, yes.”

Perhaps he needed an extended play on the record inside his head. His brain worked, only the words evaporated prior to registering. Her black eyes and the swinging feet removed meaning as he struggled through darkened emotions for comprehension.

So many questions to ask. Dyslexia of conversation rapidly filled his mind with wrong terms and meanings until he felt sure his brain was either bloodied or ready to burst. He grabbed his chest to make sure he was still in his body. His brain surged with an electrical charge. Another wave of unanticipated pleasure shot through him.

His voice came in strangled whispers. “Does it stop pain?”

She innocently gazed at him. “What type of pain?”

“Pain, you know, from the blood flow.” Was that the question he wanted answered?

“Perhaps. One would have to experience it though, and then advise us as to the result it brings. There are many types of pain as I am sure you are aware. The only definite guarantee would be the stoppage of blood flow.”

Her eyes lost their glisten and leaned toward a soft compassionate black if that were possible. The incongruity of compassionate black swirled with the backward conversation pulsed through his brain at an accelerated rate. There was too much to absorb regarding blood stoppage. It wasn’t like putting a bandage on something and hoping for the best. No, this was information he needed. Like so many other things he needed, and this was the only way to obtain information. Still, getting his head around the subject made it hurt as the swinging feet and black eyes merged into one thought. A consolidation of pleasure and pain infused his thoughts. Nathan felt insane having to answer questions while yearnings devoured him.

“Were you interested in more information regarding the application, or have I supplied what you need?”

Nathan realized he’d been staring at his body, imagining it in a secret place only a few could touch. He slowly raised his eyes to meet hers as he quickly jammed his hands in his pockets. Had she read his thoughts with those hypnotic eyes? Was his soul transparent?

Her head cocked to one side, her eyes fixed like a bird. Her pink glossy lips curved into a slight frown, her body posture not as welcoming. Had he insulted her and been unaware of the gaffe? He couldn’t remember what he actually wanted to hear now that his body controlled his thoughts. Why had he come here?

“Sir?”

Had he imagined the impatience in her voice as the conversation in his brain swelled, speaking with a new voice? He stole a glance at the swinging appendages to make sure they weren’t imagined and still there. Images of being sucked into the depths of her black holes reeled him into mental pandemonium.

Why had he come? Oh right, the blood flow and its stoppage. Perhaps he should have brushed up on the topic at home and saved what was left of his sanity for another day. He couldn’t think clearly now that the flow of blood escaped to keep his body alive while his brain dissolved into useless gray matter.

Her soft voice wafted in his ear. “Are you unsure of the outcome?”

Confusion thickened in Nathan’s brain. “Huh? Not really. Is there anything else you can tell me about this thing?”

She ran her hands along the marble counter as she spoke with authority. “There will be a definite line of demarcation when it is used. One cannot get away from that inevitability. I do not think it will be bothersome to you though. It is just a part of the normal procedure. Were there any other questions I can answer?”

Her bird eyes returned to their compassionate expression. The glossy lips back to their non-irritating sweetness, her welcoming posture a comfort for his rattled thoughts. He felt better since she’d described the line. That necessary part of the procedure he’d forgotten about. A momentary displeasure.

His brain synchronized. The merge with hers exciting as a shy little grin beckoned him on. So nice. So understanding. Taking time to walk him through his insecurity. Just what he needed, taking away the questions, filling him with answers he could finally accept.

“I feel better speaking with you. Getting the questions out of my head and making them real. Thank you for being so understanding. You have given me exactly what I need.”

She was that non-judgmental person that would help him fulfill a lifetime of desires yet unspoken. Someone who understood life could be something other than what he’d lived for years—a solitary existence spent staring at others more complete, never knowing he lived among them as they walked past. Excited now, his mind and body combined into a place where he so often lost his emotions. This would be the ultimate experience. A true pain-filled pleasure where no one told him he was doing harm to himself. She was here for him, those black eyes eliminating all doubt.

She returned Nathan’s anxious voice with a soft welcoming tone. “You are very welcome. This is why I am here … to help in your time of need. Would you like my help?”

Nathan stared into her kind eyes with that expression of a grandmother and nurse with a little side of saint on the side. “Yes, if you don’t mind. I’ll gladly accept the help.” The desire to have her hands on him while it happened swelled him, careening his brain into a black realm of unrelieved need.

“Very well.”

The line of demarcation stood out vividly against the pale white flesh. Cutting deeply. Swelling the skin until it resembled nothing like what previously existed. The movement was jerky at first. The dance of the marionette as it bucked and swayed. It took longer than he thought, as he remembered asking if it took away pain. Eventually perhaps … after. There was nothing but pain, though the pain in this body now matched that of his mind. Matched what he could never release no matter how diligent his attempts. Not quite peaceful though. Maybe after this he would find solace for the pain.

The body began its slow dance, an odd spinning waltz as it dangled from the garrote the woman with the obsidian-colored eyes and pink glossy lips lovingly provided. The one she now thoroughly tightened with strong neat hands while her eyes took on the excited burn of a zealot. With each turn of the handles, the excitement of their acts spun to unbridled euphoria.

Nathan’s feet and legs didn’t sway like all the others in the room. Didn’t dance to any music real or imagined. Left behind long ago after being tied off with tourniquets and removed during the war. Nathan gazed around the room as his eyesight failed, his mind filling one last time with the images of those swaying around him. Some finally came to rest in their now silenced dance. Moisture dripped from his nose and bloomed red on his shirt. Another turn of the knot brought a new revelation as he gasped for breath to fill failing lungs. One he should have thought about prior to entering this procedure. One question Nathan should have asked God about before his tongue swelled and death claimed his thoughts and speech.

What happens next?