Struggle

I look at her and feel my hands shaking,
And when our gazes meet I look away.
I want to tell her how my heart's aching.
There are so many things I wish to say.
I struggle deep within each time she's near
Because it seems she's never near enough.
I know I should not say how much I care,
And when I do the words come out too rough.
I laugh and play for all around to see
while silent tears amass behind the smile.
I joke about myself incessantly
to try and soothe the hurt for just a while.
I want, I wish, I hope. All are inane.
My feelings simply will remain in vain.