Losing My Best Friend

My Best Friend
January 2006
In loving memory of Elmo
December 25, 1991 to January 7, 2006

He seemed to be slowing down lately, but none of us wanted to give it any serious thought. He just turned fifteen on Christmas day, some would say that was old, and in hindsight I guess it probably was. He would get sick occasionally, just like the rest of us; but he would always bounce back to take his rightful place in the activities of his family. Maybe it was the pond water that he loved to drink so regularly, God knows in his life so far he had consumed steel wool, guzzled bleach, annually munched on Christmas ornament glass and then used the green tree water preservative as a chaser to wash it all down. He was born on Christmas day, a special day for so many, the day when God's greatest gift came into this world. We have learned that God also gives smaller gifts, and they too can enrich our lives and change us for the better.

I woke up out of a sound sleep and noticed that Elmo was missing from between us. That was strange I thought to myself, he would never willingly be apart from us. I got up to look for him and found him lying down on the floor; his eyes had that same wonderful sparkle, but as I approached him, I was perplexed as to why he did not move. I stroked him gently on the head and said, "Come to bed Moe, what are you doing out here? You gave me quite a scare you silly old dog". He tried to lift his head, but the effort seemed too much for him. At that instant an ice-cold chill of panic seized my heart. My God, something was seriously wrong with him, he couldn't move! I picked him up in my arms and carried him to the bed. We rushed to find an emergency clinic that was open. My oldest daughter heard the commotion and came out of her bedroom. "What's wrong Daddy?" she asked. It's Moe honey, he's not doing so well. She ran to the bed where he was laying wrapped in his favorite fuzzy blanket. She looked at me with tears welling up in her eyes, "He's going to be alright isn't he?" "I don't know honey, he is old and something is wrong with him," I said. We found an emergency clinic that was open about thirty minutes away. Say goodbye to him darling, I have to take him to the doctor. She wrapped herself around his neck and started sobbing. "He'll be ok; I know he will, he's just tired!" I pulled her gently loose from her embrace and told her we would be back soon and to take care of her little sister when she got up. We called Grandma to come over and watch the kids and bundled our precious Elmo dog into the truck.

Elmo came into our family before either of the two girls, but when the kids arrived he immediately accepted them and was their faithful guardian and loyal playmate every since. He loved to ride in my truck, you could not get him to settle down though, he was forever jockeying for a spot where he could get his nose out the window. Now he was quietly lying on the seat, wrapped in his blanket. We finally arrived at the animal hospital and rushed him inside. We filled out reams of paperwork, while they took him into the back; we were not allowed to go with him. We nervously waited while they ran some tests. I noticed the early morning sunshine coming through one of the office blinds; it formed a "sunny spot" on the tile floor. It reminded me of how Elmo loved to lay down in the sunny spots, they were some of his favorite places. Just then, the door opened and the veterinarian on duty came in to see us. She was a thin soft-spoken young woman dressed in green hospital scrubs. We must have looked like hell, both of us disheveled as we rushed out of the house. Now we were sitting there holding hands as a small but vitally important part of our world seemed to be folding in around us. The light hurt my eyes since they were already swollen and red from crying, but I managed to make eye contact with the doctor. What I saw in her eyes made my guts wrench, I knew what she was going to say, I felt like I was going to be sick. I listened as she patiently explained that Elmo was extremely sick, he was weak from loss of blood, and he had severe internal bleeding. They had to put him on oxygen to stabilize him, he was old and had already lived longer than most Basenji's do, there was not very much that could be done for him, and they believed that he was in a great deal of pain. She said with a blood transfusion and medication she might be able to keep him alive for another week or two, but that was the best case. She said she would give us fifteen minutes to think over what we wanted to do and quietly turned and left the room.

I had sworn that if Moe ever got real sick, I wasn't going to be the one to take him in, yet now that the time had come I felt morally compelled to do so. As a kid, I remember my Dad had taken all the family pets to the veterinarian and I had refused to go. They were my dogs, yet I let my poor Dad do all the most difficult things. I guess that is one of the differences between being a boy and being a man. This time I wanted it to be different, this time I wanted to do the right thing. Elmo was my dog and he was always there for me, he needed me now and I would be there for him. We really didn't say much as we sat there, we just cried quietly lost in thought. It seemed like hours before the doctor finally came back. When she did, we asked if we could please see Elmo and she said she would have him brought out to us. They wheeled him in on a stainless steel gurney. He was trying to struggle as they removed his oxygen mask, but he was too weak to cause any real trouble. I jumped to my feet, cradled him in my arms on the gurney, and spoke to him softly. When he recognized my voice, he immediately relaxed and put his furry muzzle on my arm. We talked about all the memories we had together, we just stayed there lost in our embrace until the doctor returned. The doctor checked his gums and said he would have to be put back on oxygen soon. We were playing a charade, everyone in the room knew what had to be done, but nobody wanted to say it. I cleared my throat and as the tears streamed down my face anew, I managed to utter the words, "I guess we need to put him down". The doctor shook her head, "that is the best thing now, you are doing the right thing". I knew she was right, but it still felt like my heart was being torn from my chest. "Do you need more time?" she asked. "No , I guess we have said our goodbyes as best we can," I said. She nodded and returned with a syringe and the necessary drugs; Elmo was asleep in my arms, he looked so peaceful. "Good dog Elmo, good dog," I whispered lovingly in his ear as she gave him the injections; he never woke up. She told us it would be fast and painless and I guess it was. I felt his head weigh more heavily on my arm and I felt his chest cease to rise. The doctor nodded solemnly and carefully closed Moe's eyes; I pulled my arms away from his still warm but lifeless body. He fell over on his side; the stainless steel gurney was cold, I pulled his favorite blanket closer around him and tried to position him in a less awkward pose. That was it, it was over, there was no way to recant the results of my decision now.

Just then a strange thought entered my mind, ever since Elmo was a puppy we would often run together. He was so competitive, whenever we would near the house he would get this crazed look in his eye and he would break out in a full on sprint, just to make sure that he arrived at the front door first. It became a game that we would play, and no matter what happened he would always manage to beat me home. "You silly old dog, you have done it again, you managed to beat me home." I forced a pained smile and took the worn collar and tags from around his neck and stuffed them deep into my pocket. I took one last look at his empty shell wrapped up on the gurney and whispered, "Rest now dear Elmo. You are my dog, you are my best friend, no one could ask for any more than you gave to us. You've run a hell of a race old friend and now you've finished, I only hope that I too can do as well. Please wait for me boy, I cannot go home just yet. Watch for me, I'll be coming along soon. Good dog Elmo, good dog."