Window Meditations

         Tap, tap, tap, ta-tap, ta-tap. The pattering of the rain draws me to the living room window. The morning sun is trying to peek out behind the gray, rolling clouds. The intermittent dull sound of thunder accompanying the flash of the bright lightening holds my attention. A small, cool steady drip of rain runs down the screen. Closing the window against the cool breeze, the sweet rain aroma and the freshly cut grass tickles my nose. This spring day has quickly become cool and wet.

         Leaning onto the hard pane, I gaze out at the dreary day. I can feel nature’s relief, as my flowerbed devours the much needed rain. Red, pink and yellow rose bushes open, swallowing each and every drop. Purple and white tulips dance to the beat of the wind and the music of the wind chimes. A lone mockingbird hums back and forth at the feeder. In the distance two birds sing back and forth to each other. The neighbor’s dog barks consistently.

         The soft falling rain easily sets the mood for memories to invade one’s mind. Thoughts of old love, unfinished business and mundane chores flow through my head. ‘What-ifs and buts’ roar their presence. All evoking emotions long buried. Gray, dark insecurities erode at my heart. I remember my marriage dying. I remember a heart attack and cancer taking my parents away.

         Tears run down inside as gentle as the rain on the outside. Signals louder than the thunder trigger my emotions, lightening flashing as fleeting as each memory. I stand trembling, much like the window that’s shaking and rattling due to the wind. As a ripple of angry, loud thunder rocks the house, I’m jarred into reality. Clearing my head with a shake, I go back to my housework.