Let me Guess

Today was a Tuesday. Our characters name for this story is Derrick.

Derrick was never good with deciding what products to buy. Even when they were for himself.


He was collecting some aftershave that he had purchased over the phone. Luckily for him the girl on the end of the phone was proficient in his hygiene needs and suggested a certain fragrance which he was told to test before he took it away with him.

He was told that he would be able to collect his new aftershave at the drugstore, in his local town mall.

He went to collect it in the late hours of Tuesday evening. Derrick found himself driving around for a whole 25 minuets trying to find a space for his car. With no luck.

He finally decided to risk going into disabled spot. He got out noticing the guard at the entrance to the shopping mall was glaring at him.

Quickly his mind thought of how to get away with his risky park. He threw himself on the floor and crawled towards the elevator. The guard looking strangely at his bizarre leap to the ground walked up to him.


In his slightly authoritative tone the security guard asked, “Can I offer you any assistance sir?”

Derrick looking worried at the fact that he had been seen leaping to the ground stated, “No thank you I’m fine.”

The guard now looking less suspicious knelt down to Derrick and whispered,
“Where are you off to sir? Maybe I can get you a wheel chair.”


“erm no thank you I’m only off to the drugs store for my medicine. It’s not far. But thank you anyway”

Derrick then proceeded to the elevator crawling along the floor of the dirty car park.

He got to the elevator where a young woman and child were already waiting to go up to the fourth floor. Derrick reached up from his prostate position and pressed the button for second floor.
He proceeded out of the elevator, now standing much to the surprise of the young woman, smiling at himself for his quick wit, however glaring at each pigeon he saw for the mess he had acquired on his shirt as he had crawled through the car park.

He approached the drug store which seemed extremely clinical even though it mostly sold shampoo and soap. The white light glared at him as he walked through the doors towards the main reception.

A young girl was waiting at the desk handing out free leaflets which everyone proceeded to throw into the nearest trash receptacle almost with a machine type routine.

He walked up to the desk and was welcomed by a young girl in her early 20s.

“Hello sir can I help you?”

Her eyes were wider than the lorry he passed on the highway and her teeth were almost as white.

“erm yes I’m looking for…”

“Oh let me guess sir” she interrupted.

She smiled convincingly at Derrick who was pleased that the drug store had employed such proficient workers that he didn’t even need to ask for his product.

The girl turned and reached up towards the shelf behind her. Her height was aided by her huge heals and scrawny physique and she was able to pull off a box with relative ease even though it would be hard for Derrick to reach who was 6ft 5.

She handed Derrick the box which was again white.

“Here you go sir”

Derrick looked at the box reading the label

“Flakeaway dandruff remover”

Slightly taken back Derrick quickly started to correct the mistake.
“erm no I’m afraid your mistaken this isn’t what I need”

The girls smile faded and again thought to herself.

“ohhhh of course sir I am sorry let me get it”

She again reached towards the shelf but going for a smaller package. From the size it was possible that this was his aftershave.

“There you go sir”

Again placing the product on the desk

“Super small condoms”

“ermm...no I’m afraid you are still mistaken”

Looking around nervously Derrick almost threw the boxes at the girl who had already gone below the desk, looking for something else she had guessed was Derricks purchase.

“I’m looking for something I’ve specially ordered over the phone” Derrick insisted.

A brief pause was allowed before a hand appeared over the counter holding a brown wig.

“NO!” Derrick shouted. "NO BLOODY WIG!"

The girl arose, not in fear but in anger.

“Well maybe if you told me what you wanted I could have got it for you!” she stated aggressively

Derrick recoiled and looked around again for support from other customers in his que yet all he got was a young boy standing behind him throwing £16 shampoo bottles at his mother.

“Fine I’ll tell you what I want” Derrick stated patronisingly

“ohhh let me guess sir” The girl replied happily

“NO!! No guessing just bloody listen!” he said in fury.

“I’m here to collect some aftershave”

The Girl leaned over to Derrick and almost shouting in his ear said.

“Well sir I only give people what they ask for. Yet in your case I offered things which I though you also need!”

Derrick looking aghast stormed out and headed to the elevator. His pace quickened as he ran towards the open doors of the elevator yet his pace was not quick enough and the doors closed before he boarded.
He took to the stairs taking two at a time. What cheek he thought to himself as he passed the mall security guard, from the parking lot, who was astonished Derrick was not only standing but was leaping down the stairs.

The guard watched as Derrick zoomed out of sight.

“Bugger me” he said. “That’s a bloody good drug store!”