No Control

You see a smile
maybe even a giggle.
You see me dance
and hold friends tight.

What you don't see
is the monster inside.
He forces me to smile
but causes me to ache.

This monster won't leave.
He controls my every move.
He moves my every muscle.
It's him who speaks to you.

I'm powerless to stop him
when he decides you're boring.
I can't make him leave
when he's screaming at friends.

When I cry its because of him,
Because of what he makes me do
or won't let me do for myself.
It's all about him. He likes it.

You see me cutting
trying to cut him out of me.
You see me shaking,
fight him with everything I have.

When I'm smiling
we all think he's gone.
But that's just another act
and he's the main character.