Ode to Exercise

Ode to Exercise
Apr. 27 / 2005

Exercise, exercise;
Oh, how I loathe thee, exercise,
Thy power over will and choice
Is something to be scorned.

Exercise, exercise;
Oh, how I’d like to exorcize
The demons that demand participation in the rite.

Exercise, exercise;
‘Twould be so grand to exorcize
The evil that is haunting me,
The demons that are asking
That I worship at the altar in the holy church of Hell.
Lines and boundaries etched by faithful hands upon the floor;
Framed by nets of mesh that loom like specters ominous and grim.
Flying at me something I’d prefer were more a ghost, and less a solid object:
Something round and white that seems designed to bite;
No matter how you fight the pain and try to keep the light
With all your might, the dark of night is sure to overtake you as you feel the bite.
Welling up inside you like the rushing of a stream a cry of pain that seems to dull the suff’ring once you set it free.

Exercise, exercise;
These reasons said, I’d exorcize
The demon that is exercise
If only God allowed.
But as it is, it seems I’m fated—-destined, if you will—-
To carry on enduring exercise; that is, at least, until
The day arrives that I will finally have to exercise no more;
The day when exercise at least will be done of my own free will.

So get thee gone now, exercise;
Nobody likes thee, exercise
(well maybe, if you’re crazy, but for now I think I’m sane);
I banish thee, dear exercise,
I cast thee out, dear exercise,
I cast thee to the fiery pits of Hell from whence you came.

Exercise, exercise;
Oh, how I loathe thee, exercise,
Thy power over will and choice
Is something to be scorned.

I’d write an ode to exercise
If only I liked exercise;
But no, I hate thee, exercise,
So this is all you’ll get!
*shakes fist*