This is some more back ground information about me--well, when I came here I left all of my friends, so I decided to make more. I came here with a boyfriend of 1 year and 2 months; 3 best friends at Malvern; and 2 younger sisters that I protected at all costs. The main question in my mind at this point was, "Should I stay here?", well, I got my answer...
Do we really need males?
I came here with a wonderful boyfriend, Phillip Throgmorton. I love him more than anything, and I hated doing this, but he lived in Benton, and I lived in Malvern, so it already was a long distance thing. After a week of being here, I realized that we wouldn't get to talk that much considering how busy the schedules are(for future reference, at this school, free time is a luxury)and I began talking to other people.
I spent about 2 days saying hi to everyone, and though everyone knew who 'Connie Marie' was, I didn't really know too many people. I first started talking in a more than hi conversation to this guy, Jerrad Lee. I thought he was pretty cute and all, okay. Well anyways, I hang out with him when we go do Heifer project- where I walked on ropes way up in the air even though I am deathly afraid of heights, and I sit with him during play time. (At ASMS 9:30 to 10:30 pm at night is our 'recess')
Hints for life:(don't spend all of your time with a guy you begin developing feelings for if you want to stay committed to your boyfriend, or girlfriend for that matter; and when you are dating someone, it is okay to have a crush on someone, but it is not okay to act on it--this latter hint will be used in my next entry)
I started hanging out with him alot for about a week, and caught up in not having the security of Phillip right with me, I end up kissing him. It wasn't really my fault but it was. You see, I didn't have my friends to talk to, so I went walking with Jerrad and all, and ended up talking to him about the problems I was having with Phillip. I felt good talking to him. And when we came back I thought there was a kind of bond between us. Thought is the key word there, however.
The bad thing was, my boyfriend told me this would happen. Well, I have never kept soemthing from Phillip, and I called him up, and told him what had happened. So we end up considering the idea of seeing other people. I go home that weekend alright, and I get a phone call from my one of best friends, Brandi, telling me that Trey Williams had died in a four-wheeler accident. Well, I knew who he was, but didn't know him to personally, so it didn't affect me that much, but my cousin was friends with him, and I felt realy sorry. I called Phillip, and told him, then went to more serious issues, like that "I love you, and don't want to see other people, and I am sorry..." to cut this short, he listens, after he had just asked what I had thought about the seeing other people, and I had just answered with that. He says, and I quote, "I think we should break up." What am I suppose to feel about this.
He practically owned my heart, then he pulls it out of me, stabs it multiple times, throws it out the window lets the dog that he doesn't play with tear it up to peices, then does a happy, how do you feel now dance on it. And that was just what I felt with the initial shock, not what came later. I had been considering going home so I could spend more time with my boyfriend, who is going to a private school in Little Rock, but I stayed up here since I didn't have Phillip anymore, and I had Jerrad. I WAS WRONG!!!!!
Hint: (Listen to your boyfriends, they understand how to play women, and will warn you if they see someone else trying it on THEIR woman.) I came back, thiking I could talk to Jerrad about what all had happened, do you know what?! He all of a sudden was "to busy", he had time for everyone and everthing else, but not me. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to bundle up and cry. He said 'hi' to me during playtime one night, and when he saw I was sad, asked what was wrong. I bluntly stated " Phillip broke up with me, and Trey died, and I didn't get to see my friends" He said sorry and WALKED OFF. That was 2 guys in 2 days that just blew me off.
Now, here is the piece of advice this had been leading up to...I am stronger because of this, I didn't try and run off and commit suicide, though nothing was going right. I did change however...I learned that guys truthfully do have more than one reason to get to know you, NO MATTER WHAT. So if a guy ever starts trying to get to know you, LISTEN to what people you already trust say, because it hurts alot, if you get dissed by people you are emotionally bound to. I messed up by kissing Jerrad, I realized this two seconds after I did it. I won't fall for it again(hopefully)...