Journey into Submission

Journey into Submission

My Dark Garden


Can you imagine trying to free yourself from over four decades of repressed sexuality? It’s very difficult indeed, but fun, arousing and sometimes even amusing at the same time…This is that story.

I thought my journey began 7 months ago when I really started to write out my fantasies in story form but it actually began some 40 years ago (give or take, still on the journey) in my early childhood.

My fondest of childhood memories aren’t of Grandma’s house, fresh baked cookies or even the crafting my mother and I used to do together when I was little. Yes, I do remember those times with fondness, but my fondest memories wouldn’t be considered normal and certainly aren’t mainstream. But then again, being normal or mainstream was never something I was ever accused of being.

The childhood memories that elicit the strongest and most pleasurable sensations are the ones I experienced at the hands of my childhood friends. Though we played the normal games tag, hide-n-seek and many other old familiar games, when left to our own devices at the first opportunity, the fantasy switch flipped on.

My friends seemed delighted in spanking my bare bottom, probing, poking and sticking things in me as they sat back and admired their handiwork and as I recall I liked it too. In playhouses, bedrooms and forts elaborate sexual fantasies were played out (though I didn’t recognize them as such at the time).

I’m sure we took turns doing things to each other, but it seemed more often than not that it was me getting my panties pulled down being put on display in some way as my friends remained fully clothed enjoying my naked debasement trying to decide what part of me to play with next.

Progressing through puberty and into adulthood, I still remember those childhood fantasies with fondness and a bit of wetness. Now, the fantasies are even more elaborate as I play them out first in my mind and then on paper. Some of them as of yet haven’t even made their way to paper.

Tracing my sexual history, I now have come to understand somewhat why I’ve always been attracted to the bad-boy type (some things never change). The bad boys are exciting, fun, wild and crazy and have an air of forcefulness about them that I find so arousing. I often tried to push them (and it worked) to get them to show some force, not fully understanding why other than it turned me on (still does) to feel a man’s strength and the force of his body holding me in place.

Even when they complied it still wasn’t enough. Still being uncertain of exactly what it is that I wanted, I couldn’t articulate it, nor would I dare. Sure I got one to tie me up once, there were a couple of times some handcuffs were used, but apparently those were not my deepest, darkest desires, only a part(if I’d only known).

Unable to bring my desires out, I settled for vanilla with a few sprinkles thrown in here and there. It was not fulfilling in the least so I retired myself from the vanilla world and retreated into the only place to indulge myself – inside my mind.

Still cultivating and exploring my Dark Garden, I’m excited to see what else will crop up.