Afraid of Pain

I stay back and watch the fire,
too scared to get close because the thought of getting burnt again would be too much.
I'm cautious of my desire,
I'm afraid to get hurt because everytime it happens I feel like I'm getting punched.

It may seem that I'm mean,
and that I don't care for you,
but you have to understand
that many times before I have been broken in two.

It takes me a while to adjust to the pain,
and when you walk through my fogged mind,
it scares me,
and the confusion I get from you makes me insane.

I hate being a "playa," because even though I don't know how to play, I always manage to achieve the goal that I never wanted to accomplish and that would be to hurt you.

Forgive Me.