The Night You Almost Kicked Me Out

Father, after being discovered, I felt so bitter,
One bad trip I wish not to remember,
and I could not shake this oncoming disaster -
A catastrophe of brain-dead molecular breakdown.
I didn’t know if I was coming or going -
It was not me, you see, how do I explain?

The look you gave me
that night I told you I felt so alone
seemed as though your heart was breaking
and I was watching - the only time
that I really looked into your eyes.

I asked you please, and
you laid beside me until I slept.
Your ears would fill with tears and laughter
as I spilled my heart out to you –
Nothing I would ever do if I were in reality.

It’s rather sad when a daughter is told
when she screwed up and
sorry I’m not welcome here anymore -
her excellency made that clear the night she
almost kicked me out – but you let me stay.

It wasn’t me, please believe me, it was the drugs,
and it wasn’t until you looked at me that
a part of my heart fell to the floor
and rebellion quickly halted
for visions of what I should have been.

Maybe you wish too hard on some dream
that is too far away for me to ever capture for you –
I cannot do the things you want me to –
And, I never thought I’d want to die
until I saw myself in your eyes that night.