Chapter 9 - Fairy Tales are for Children

FAIRY TALES ARE FOR CHILDREN

         Jesse was at the dairy farm all day haying. It was hard work but the pay was good. There were bills to pay and tax time loomed only weeks away. Joey was already settled for the night when he got home.

         Jess went into his room. "Hey," he said softly and Joey opened his eyes. Jess sat on the bed. "How are you feeling?"

         Joey bounced upon his knees. "Good! I want to go outside and play tomorrow."

         "You go out when the doctor says you can go out! I hear you've been giving Mom a hard time. You quit that, you hear? She's working hard to get you well." Jess started to tuck him in.

         Joey said "Jess can I ask you something?"

         He's stalling, Jess thought, but on the other hand he was gone all day from before Joey was awake and wanted to spend some time with him. So he said "What about?"

         "My mother," said Joey and then Jesse knew it wasn't a stall.

         "I told you about her."

         "You said she was pretty and she had to go away. That isn't very much."

         Jesse sat down again. It isn't very much. But how much should I tell him? He's only six.

         "What do you want to know about her?"

         "Is she ever coming back?"

         "I don't know."

         Joey said, "I'd like to see her."

         "So would I, Little One."

         Joey's questions were getting more searching. He wasn't a baby any more and he had a right to answers. But how many answers? And anyway, Jesse asked himself, how much did he know? He was only a child himself when he saw her last and since then he'd learned a lot. He still wanted to believe that some older guy took advantage of his sister but he knew by now that wasn't likely. Still, she was only seventeen, and look what he did when he was seventeen! He'd never really given up on her. "I think we should keep on praying for her."

         "All the other kids have mothers. You have a mother."

         "You have a grandmother."

         Joey said, "Matt's mother kissed me once. She smelled nice, like flowers."

         "Ladies put perfume on to make them smell nice."

         "I like how it smells when a lady kisses you. Do you?"

         Jesse grinned. "Yeah."

         Joey sat up and put his arms around him. "You don't smell like flowers."

         "Guys aren't supposed to smell like flowers."

         Joey told him honestly "You don't smell very good tonight."

         Jesse laughed. "Thanks a lot!"

         He thought, if she could just see and hold him like this just once, nothing would keep her away! How could she forget him like that?True, he was only six weeks old when she saw him last. Still she had this beautiful child, this amazing little boy. It wasn't right that they didn't know one another. Maybe she thought having Joey was a punishment for her sins. Of course, what she did wrong. but this child was no punishment! Like the forgiveness of God, this child was pardon and purity, was love!

         He put him back down on the pillows and pulled up the covers. "You go to sleep now, all right?" He kissed the child's forehead and left the room.

         His supper was ready for him when he went downstairs. Lillian made herself a cup of tea and sat down with him while he ate. "Joey was asking questions tonight about his mother."

         "What kind of questions?" .

         "Mainly about her coming back. All I could tell him is I don't know."

         "Well, you don't know."

         "I didn't realize it before, but he needs his mother."

         "No he doesn't. He has everything he needs."

         "But he wants his mother. That's natural."

         "We can't always have what we want, not even Joey."

         "Mom I've been reading about how they find missing people. I'd like to try and find her."

         "No you can't do that, Love!"

         "Why not? If she saw him once she'd never want to leave him."

         "Jesse you listen to me! You don't know what you're talking about! I thought, where's the harm if you love your sister, if you think well of her? There's a lot you don't know."

         "I know what she did, I know she made mistakes. She had sex with some guy and got pregnant. But she's still my sister, she's still his mother."

         "She's still my daughter, too."

         "She loved Joey. "

         Lillian knew better. He wouldn't like anything she had to say about it. So she just repeated, "You don't know all about it."

         "I know you never forgave her."

         "It has nothing to do with forgiving."

         "It has everything to do with forgiving!" he contradicted and his voice had an edge now.

         "Jesse ~ "

         "I know what she did. She was looking for love."

         "And you think that was my fault?"

         "You fought with her all the time. No wonder she went away! You said Joey had no name. The whole town was talking about her! Couldn't you be on her side, couldn't you take her part? I tried to but I was only a kid. I got beat up for it!"

         "Jesse I did not make Cecily go away!"

         He got up and put his plate in the sink. He went upstairs and got cleaned up and then he told her, "I'm going out."

         "Where are you going?"

         "Mr. Treacher's working late tonight. I thought I'd go see him."

         "That's all right then, Love, go see him." She knew Paul could usually talk sense into him.

         He went out the door and headed for town. He found Treacher working on the books. He had deputies now to do chores like this but he did the books himself. He closed the ledger as Jess came in.

         "What brings you to town tonight? I thought you were haying all day."

         "I was. I had to get out of there."

         That didn't sound good. "Why? What’s wrong?"

         "I tried to talk to Mom, but you know how she is."

         "All right! Just hold it right there, Son. I do know how she is. There's nothing wrong with how she is."

         Jesse backed down.

         "So what's this all about? Did you want to talk about it?"

         "It's about Cecily. Mom has never forgiven her."

         "So what brings this on now?"

         "Joey. He's asking about his mother. He wants his mother."

         "We can't always have everything we want."

         "That's what she said."

         "Well she's right. So you got mad and mouthed off to your mother. Am I right?" Jesse knew he was right.

         "I don't like it that you mouth off to her. You're too old to get away with that kind of thing. It isn't right, it isn't Christian, and it's a bad example for Joey, seeing how he copies after you, and it's unworthy of her! It's unworthy of you, too."

         "I'm sorry," he said.

         "Don't tell me that! Tell her."

         "The thing is I was reading about the kind of police work they do to find missing people. I want to try and find Cec."

         "Oh, no you don't! Don't even think about it!"

         "Why not? If she could just see her son she'd have to love him! She’d want to be with him."

         "Unless you want to hurt that little boy really bad don't you go finding him a mother that's not fit to be anywhere near him! You were how old when all this happened?"

         "Twelve ~ thirteen."

         "So what do you think a puppy like that knew about anything? Lil didn't want to tell you because she didn't want to take it away from you what you thought of Cecily. You don't know the grief that girl put your mom through! You don't know the kinds of things she did. Going out and getting pregnant was just part of it."

         "Cec was only seventeen! Look at the things I did when I was seventeen! I've been forgiven; why can't she?"

         "Fairy tales are for children. You're a man. A man can take the plain truth."

         Jess sat looking at him. Treacher went on, "You don't know what kind of girl she was. There's plenty you don't know, plenty Lil could tell you if she was a mind to. Yes you acted up a little, but nothing like her."

         "Mom never told me ~~"

         "Well maybe it's time somebody did. Listen, Jesse, why did Lil hang on to the property? Because she knew you'd grow up and do something with it someday? No! But as long as she lives there Cecily knows where she can come home to if she ever wants to. And another thing, do you think it made your mother's life any easier to keep Joey? She could have let him be adopted, you know. She's worked harder than any woman I know to support you two and at least try to bring you up right. If I was you I'd get Cecily down off that pedestal and maybe put your Mom up there instead!"

         Chastised, Jess didn't answer.

         "And another thing. You say Joey is your kid now and you take care of him. And you do, I don't take it away from you. But how far would you get taking care of him on your own? Who cooks his food and cleans his clothes? Do you? Would you even know how? Who keeps the house? Not you. Yes you've done real good lately. You're starting to make it easier for her now. But what about all the past six years? You helped take care of him, as it was right you should, but that's all you did, you helped. She did the real work. Right? Or wrong?"

         Jesse had to say it. "Right."

         "Right. And when it comes to knowing about your sister and what really happened back then, Lil is the one who knows. You have to take her word for it." Jesse was beginning to see the truth in that. Treacher said, "Well, if you came here looking for sympathy you rattled the wrong cage. Now I have work to do. You get out of here and go home and tell your mother you're sorry. Go on, git!"

         Jesse headed back home. Lillian was going around turning off lights, getting ready to go up to bed. She turned as he came in. He faced her and said "I'm sorry, Mom. He said the same thing you did."

         "I forgive you, Love."

         He went upstairs. He looked in on Joey who was fast asleep. He stood looking down at him. Fairy tales are for children, he thought; well this is a child. But he was a man so he had to know the truth. He wouldn't try to find his sister but he wouldn't give up on her either.