in your arms

a man holding another man
gently in his arms
guardian angel

in a moment where physical intimacy cannot exist,
no place, no desire, no reason for ambiguous overtones
a unique moment where there is no yearning
but another desire, yes, which was too imposing
that to help, to nurture, to bring strength where is was lacking
witnessing need, great and just, to comfort in fellowship
I recognize your personal strength to give comfort…
my tears spent
emotions opened and shared
two men have come closer
with no necessity of anything other than affection

I once dreamed of a man dead long before my arrival
I now need that grandfather,
and in the pain of this revelation
your strong arms and shoulders offered me comfort
unhoped-for, surprisingly delicate, masculine,
different from imagined maternal rocking,
your spontaneous gift of a place
for unshed tears to forget their modesty,
flowing freely permit transformation…
finally able to let go,
relying completely on the intensity of your strength
the stress of this moment has finally passed
into a new calmness
thanks to a man unafraid of suffering

through the tenderness,
discovered unexpectedly in your arms
I found the protection of generations of fathers and grandfathers
unknown before that moment…
the generosity of your unselfish concern renews my faith
in life, in mankind,
in manhood, in fraternal love
your awareness permits me to look
towards my future with renewed serenity

at last I will voice the request for your arms,
having learned of their warmth, their solidness, their boldness
that they carry the weight of my burdens down the banks of an invisible river
flowing forward off of a magic carpet
my chanting joins our sentinels,
helps encourage you to your last commitment
as my protector, friend, mentor
today's need of your strength has finished now
in its place will rest a memory of power
that we may both revive in our private hours of need
that is the goodness
that one man's courage of may bring to another

in your arms

24-25 october, 2004

for pierre delage

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