Not Your Average Rabbit

“Oh sorry about that sir, I was just… damn, what the hell are you?”

“Haven’t you ever seen a rabbit before?”

“Not one as big as you! You’re freaking enormous!”

“Very good kid. Now, if you will excuse me…”

“You’re like a basketball player… with fur!”

“Isn’t that interesting. Is there a reason you are following me?”

“Are you the…”

“Yes, I’m the Easter Bunny. Tada! Here, have an egg.”

“It smells horrible.”

“Of course it does. It’s from like five Easters ago. You think I make new eggs each year? Geesh, I have a life. Now why don’t you go find some other holiday character to annoy. I’m busy.”

“What you doing?”

“If you really must know, I’m trying to buy myself a new basket. I broke the old one when I used it as a helmet after one too many beers and a dare to drive a tricycle down a steep hill. So I want one that has… wait, why am I telling you this? Leave me alone!”

“Do people stare at you a lot?”

“Only the ones I don’t eat.”

“You’re funny. You should be a standup comedian.”

“They’ll just think I’m a crazy guy in a rabbit suit telling jokes. I’ll pass. Besides, I have to spread joy and cheer.”

“Isn’t that what Santa does?”

“Crap, you’re right. I guess I just… lay eggs?”

“Like that bunny on the Cadbury Eggs commercial!”

“Man, you’re mother must be so proud of your intelligence. What are you studying in school, Lame Thoughts 101?”

“Oh man, this stuff would kill a crowd. Seriously, you should be a stand-up comedian.”

“And then I can get a following, brainwash whole countries. They will elect me as emperor of the world and I will rule Earth!”

“What?”

“Nothing. Anyways, it was nice talking to you kid, but I’ve got people to see, things to do, rabbits to multiply. Have a Happy Easter!”




Written for:

ID: 941862   (Rated: 18+) The Dialogue 500: IT'S BACK, BABY!  Stories 500 words or less, written only in dialogue. New prompt for May 2012! by ~j

Prompt: You accidently bump into the real Easter Bunny - six feet tall with an attitude. Good luck and Happy Easter!