Unlikely Heroes

Part 1

The room was large. It had marble walls decorated with lush curtains of sapphire coloring that draped over enormous oval windows and shielded the place from the bright sun. Beautiful clocks carved into the wall or made of elaborate wood of exotic origin adorned the place even more while birds of hazy colors sat on branches that seemed to grow right out of the walls.

The room was fairly quiet. There were a few comments thrown into the air, but for the most part it was hushed. It was not empty though. There, in the center of the room, was a table. It was a large rectangular table. Around it sat seven familiar if not curiously unique and odd figures.

“Please everyone, please be quiet!” an old man interrupted. He sat at the head of the table, long gray beard draping onto the wooden surface and beady eyes staring around the room. He wore a robe that matched the curtains and had more wrinkles on his face than an unkempt bed. “This is a serious matter!” The room grew quiet. “I, Father Time, have asked you here on an urgent assignment. Things have grown dark. Times are not as they were. There is a great force that has…”

“Just get to the point, pops!” a little man seated on the left side of the table interrupted. It was clear that he was a leprechaun by his red beard and green outfit. He had a pipe between his lips and his arms were folded across his chest.

“I am Father Time, get that right,” the old man reminded the leprechaun. “Yes, as I was saying before I was interrupted, a great force has upset the balance of Earth. I regret to tell you that the Hourglass of Time has been stolen!” His voice was dramatic, but the only response was the sound of crickets chirping from who knows where. “Let me say that in an even more dramatic way: the most powerful item in the world, the Hourglass of Time, has been stolen and the balance of Earth rests on your shoulders!!!!” Still there was no response. “What is wrong with you people?!”

“Uh, what does that mean for us?” a large rabbit dressed in nothing but a suit of white fur asked.

“Have you all noticed that it has been day for over a week now?” Father time pointed out. “Not just day, but 11:44 am of April 1st to be precise. Time doesn’t flow!”

“I thought we were having a heat wave,” a large, overweight man in red with white fur trim and a matching beard stated. His cheeks were jolly and rouge-tinted. “I was about to tell the Mrs. we might need to get an air-conditioner. It’s quite warm up at the North Pole. Poor Dasher has come down with a fever and some of the elves…”

“Ah for goodness’ sakes, no one cares fatso,” the leprechaun interrupted. He then turned back to Father Time. “So? It’s night somewhere else on the Earth. If people miss it that bad, they can just take a vacation or something. You called me out of my favorite bar for this?”

“This is a very grave and important matter,” Father time informed the others. “I have called you all here because you are the last hope. We must get the hourglass back so time can continue. Without it, human life will cease to exist!” Once more there was a bewildered look on everyone’s faces. Father Time sighed, lowered his head, and shook it. “Let me explain this in a way you may understand. If there is no time, the holidays will never come, and you all will be out of business!”

“That’s just horrible!” the only female, a most attractive witch in a black dress and slightly tipped matching hat declared. “How will I buy my supplies without a job and money? Frog legs and newt eyes don’t buy themselves!”

“We must save the world!” the fat man in red said as he stood up and raised his fist to the air.

“Calm down, Captain Chunky,” the leprechaun stated to the large man across the table. Then he turned back to Father Time. “Who could do such a cruel and obviously spiteful thing?”

“I fear to say that it was,” the old man started, “The April Fools.”

“Those bastards!” the room shouted.

“Yes, yes, I know,” Father Time said. “Let us prepare for this battle. First, let me all formerly introduce you to each other. I’ll go in chronological order by months as it is only proper, and since that is how I seated you if you didn’t notice.”

The old man turned to his left and smiled at the young looking boy next to him. “This is Cupid. I think we all know what holiday he is from. He will be your archer on this mission.”

Cupid waved to the others. “Like, I’m totally thrilled about this adventure. I can’t wait! We’re all going to have so much fun and become best friends and I know we can get this done!”

“Right,” Father Time said with a slight roll of his eyes. “Next we have Iggy the Leprechaun. He is from St. Patrick’s Day.”

“What kind of name is Iggy?” the witch interrupted. “Is that even Irish?”

“Why don’t you say that to my face you holiday whore!” the leprechaun yelled as he jumped up onto the table. “I’ll show you Irish when I’m swapping the floor with your body!”

“Calm down, Iggy,” Father Time said. “Iggy will be your druid. He is trained in the natural arts and…”

“A druid?” Iggy interrupted. “What kind of racist crap is that, old man? A druid? Oh, so just because I’m Irish you think ‘hey, let’s give the guy a Celtic role since I’m too stupid to tell all that stuff apart and don’t give a damn about others’. And why are we doing your work for you? You’re the idiot that lost your own hourglass. I say you go get it yourself!”

“I would, but there’s so much to do around here without the Hourglass of Time,” Father Time said. “There’s paperwork to file, figures to look over, pie charts to create. You know, business work to make sure the world doesn’t get destroyed without Time. Anyways, moving on. Next to Iggy we have…”

“I am the Easter Bunny of Light!” the large rabbit stated with the widest smile imaginable.

“Yes, he is the Easter Bunny. He will be your cleric and healer. You must have complete faith in him to keep you all alive.”

“I like carrots and eggs!” the Easter Bunny said.

“Damn, we’re doomed,” Iggy stated. The rabbit turned to him. Iggy put his hand on the large bunny’s shoulder. “Look, you’re a nice guy and all, but something’s not right in your head. I’m just telling it how it is.”

“Do you have a name?” Cupid asked.

“I am the Easter Bunny of Light!” the rabbit stated once more.

“Well that won’t do!” Cupid said. “How about Ryan? Or Kristopher? Or Vince? Or…”

“Why don’t you just name him Gayass Rabbit and let his ass get kicked at the school ground already,” Iggy stated. Cupid just folded his arms and sighed angrily and dramatically.

“Um, hello?” the witch interrupted the little side conversation.

“Oh yes,” Father Time said. “Next we have Matilda, the Halloween Witch.”

“More like the Halloween Bitch,” Cupid joked.

“As I was saying,” Father Time sighed, “Matilda is your mage. She will be your damage dealer. Keep her well protected.”

“I doubt she knows what protection is,” Iggy mumbled.

“What was that?” Matilda asked as she glared across the table at the little leprechaun.

“Nothing sugar cakes.”

“Sugar Cakes. That can be the Easter Bunny’s name!” Cupid stated.

“Were you born that gay or did you take special classes for it?” Iggy asked in his sarcastic and bitter tone. Cupid just ignored him.

“Next to Matilda we have Gobble the Turkey. He is the spirit of Thanksgiving.”

“Gobble!” the turkey said.

“Nice to meet you, Gobble,” Cupid stated as he tried to make the room a bit more friendlier in nature.

“Gobble gobble!” the turkey said once more.

“Does he um,” Cupid whispered to Father Time beside him, “say anything but Gobble?”

“Gobble gobble gobble!” the turkey continued.

“No,” Father Time said matter-of-factly. “He will be your bard.”

“Oh lord, we’re going to need a lot of alcohol to survive this trip,” Matilda sighed with a roll of her eyes.

“Aw, a woman after my own heart,” Iggy said. “There is hope for us yet.”

“I’d rather do the bunny,” the witch said coldly.

“I once got a carrot stuck in my nose!” the Easter Bunny said with another large smile.

“Finally, thank the heavens, we have Santa Claus. I have put him in charge since he is, quite frankly, the only one of you that will keep the others in check. He will be your warrior, absorbing the damage for the team while the rest of you take down this evil!”

“Let’s head out, team!” Santa said as he stood up proudly. His chest was puffed out like Superman, his beard flowing like a majestic cape, and the sun glistening off his red suit. He sighed and his chest fell down, plopping into his stomach that bounced onto the table. “We have a lot to do!”




Part 2

An hour later Cupid walked back into the room dragging two suitcases. “Oh man, I hope this is enough clothing and supplies!” Cupid said as he headed to the others. They were already set to leave and had just been waiting for him. “I can’t wait to start this vacation! We’re going to have so much fun!”

“It’s not a vacation,” Father Time stated. “And why do you have so much supplies? I told you it wouldn’t take a few hours.”

“I know,” Cupid replied. “But one can never be prepared. I have back up outfits for in case I get dirty, and I packed up back up outfits for those. I also packed some extra clothes in case my outfits clashed with anyone else’s. And I brought my CD collection so we wouldn’t be so bored.”

“You wear a pair of white boxer briefs,” Matilda pointed out. “What kind of outfits could you possibly have packed?”

“I wanted to make sure I had the perfect bathing suits for the different beaches we will be going to,” Cupid replied. “I have red and white ones for more serious beaches, I have yellow and green ones with oranges for more playful beaches, and then I have a speedo…”

“I’ve heard enough,” Iggy interrupted. “Can we go yet?”

“Yes,” Santa replied as he grabbed Cupid’s suitcases and threw them out the window. Then he grabbed his own backpack and started out the door. The others followed quickly, carrying a few supplies for the mission.

“Good luck!” Father Time yelled. Once they were out of the room he sighed. “Humankind is screwed. Oh well. Time to find a new planet to live on. I hear Mars has some cute Martians. I hope they go for older men.” He walked off humming to himself. “I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger…”

~*~*~*~*~
An hour later.

“Who has the map?” Santa asked.

“Iggy does,” Cupid replied. “He’s our druid after all. He should know his way around this forest.”

“So where are we exactly?” Santa wondered.

“Well, according to this map, we just have to take a right at the river, take a left at the large rock, go pass the Giant Pit of Doom, and we will be at the bad guy’s lair.”

“We’re lost aren’t we?” Cupid asked. Iggy nodded. “Just great! And I don’t even have my Cher CDs to calm me down now!”

“I lost a tooth once!” the Easter Bunny interrupted.

“That’s not all you lost,” Matilda stated with a roll of her eyes. “Hold on a second. It’s hot and this robe is killing me.” She pulled off the black cloth and revealed a tight two piece bikini of dark purple lace. Long flowing fabrics poured down her back elegantly. She tossed her hat aside, letting her blond hair flow over her shoulders. “Much better.”

Everyone froze and stared at her with their eyes and jaws wide open. “What?” Matilda asked curiously. “Does it make me look slutty?”

“I think the girl wearing it makes it look slutty,” Cupid replied with a roll of his eyes. “You look like a drag queen.”

“You wish,” Iggy said. He turned back to Matilda. “It’s just… you’re a witch. You’re supposed to be… hideous!”

“Hideous?” Matilda asked. “That’s boring! I hate stereotypes. It‘s so not cool.”

“I know,” Cupid agreed. “I mean, there is nothing true about stereotypes. People are just lame.”

“I agree,” the witch stated with a nod of her head.

“By the way,” Cupid continued, “that outfit is fabulous!”

“Keep focused, ladies, we’re on a mission!” Santa interrupted.

“Hey, birdbrain,” Iggy said as he turned to the turkey that was no taller than him. “How about some music? This is pretty dull.”

The turkey nodded his head and pulled a lute from his backpack. He thumbed the instrument and made a beautiful sound. He continued to play the lovely song that filled the forest and enraptured the trees.

“That is just stunning,” Cupid stated. “Do you take requests?”

“Gobble,” the turkey replied with a nod.

“How about ‘Toxic’ by Britney Spears?” Cupid asked.

“No, how about ‘Bring Me to Life’ by Evanescence?” Matilda asked.

“How about ‘The Dirty Glass’ by Dropkick Murphys?” Iggy wondered.

“No! I got it!” the Easter Bunny interrupted. “Play ‘My Heart Will Go On’ by Celine Dion.”

The turkey shook his head to all requests. “Gobble, gobble gobble gobble.”

“What is he saying?” Santa asked.

“He says,” the Easter Bunny started, “that he will play his favorite song.”

“Oh crap, the bunny’s the translator?” Iggy moaned.

The turkey played a different song and cleared his throat. Then he started to sing. “Gobble, gobble, gobble-go-o-bble. Gobble, gobble, go-o-o-bble, gobble, gobble, gobble-ble-ble.”

“Oh, that’s… uh… nice,” Matilda stated in her best false happy voice.

“Gobble, gobble, gobble-gobble-gobble,” the turkey continued to sing.

“Oh, that was such a nice song,” Iggy stated.

“Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble-gobble-gobble.” The song continued still.

“Regretting throwing out my CD collection now, Santa?” Cupid asked with a smug grin.

~*~*~*~*~
An hour later.

“Gobble, gobble, gobble-gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble-gobble-go-go-gob-gobble,” the turkey continued his song.

Everyone else walked slowly, head hung, eyes looking tired. They dragged their feet like worn soldiers, moaning as the song went on and on and on. It seemed to have no end to it.

“Whose bright idea was it to get the turkey to sing?” Iggy moaned.

“Uh, yours,” Matilda pointed out.

“Are we there yet?” Cupid whined.

“My feet hurt!” Matilda added.

“Quiet children!” Santa yelled. “Stop your bitchin‘. We’ll be there soon enough. I think we’re unlost now. Not sure.”

“Is unlost even a word?” Iggy wondered.

“Well, we’re not lost, that’s for sure,” Matilda pointed out. “I can see that giant rock that was mentioned on the map.”

“We’re not Lost, I agree,” Cupid interrupted. “I mean, that show is actually interesting. I wouldn’t tune into watching us take this journey if I got paid. And I’m far better looking than the whole cast of that show anyways. Matilda could be Kate, and Iggy would be Sawyer, and…”

“No one cares,” Iggy interrupted. “No one even knows what you are mumbling on about. Aren’t you too busy at the clubs anyways to watch TV?”

“What’s that, a joke?” Cupid asked as he glared down at the little leprechaun. “Like you’re one to talk. You spend your whole workday at the bar.”

“That’s my job, you Clay Aiken wannabe!”

“Listen here you short, overstuffed Lucky Charm…”

“Oh, it’s on now, Seacrest!” Iggy suddenly jumped up at Cupid and knocked him to the ground. The two started to roll around on the ground.

“My money is on the leprechaun,” Matilda let the others know. “Cupid might have the muscles, but it’s not the size of the dog in the fight…”

“Break it up you two!” Santa demanded as he walked over to them. He grabbed each in a hand and lifted them up.

The leprechaun dangled in the air, his little legs kicking and his fists swinging. “Let me at him! Let me at him!”

“Start acting like adults,” Santa said as he let go of them both. “Can we move on now?”




Part 3

The six continued through the forest. It had grown eerily quiet. No one talked now. They were all stressed and tired. The sound of crickets and the wind and all other animals in the forest had died out. The only sound was that of six pairs of feet treading across the earth.

“It’s eerily quiet in here,” Santa pointed out.

“You think, tubbo?” Iggy asked with a cocky growl. “Something is up.”

“The sky,” the Easter Bunny stated.

“Besides that, cotton brain,” Iggy sighed. “You think that the…”

“Trouble ahead,” Matilda interrupted. She enough, she was right.

There, on the path ahead of the six travelers, stood eight jesters. They wore outfits of yellow and purple, with little bells and giant maces made out of stars and moons. Their faces only had glowing eyes and little bumps for noses.

“Are they for real?” Iggy asked.

“I know, seriously,” Cupid agreed. “Those outfits are so out of season. I mean, look at their shoes. They have bells on them! This has to be a joke.”

“I meant that it’s pretty lame and unoriginal for the April Fools to send jesters, but your points work too,” Iggy stated.

“What do we do, Santa?” Matilda asked.

“We do what any other group of misfit holiday characters would do,” he stated firmly and proudly. “We run!”

The six turned to run but were greeted by another group of eight jesters behind them. “Scratch that plan,” Santa said. “We resort to Plan B. Draw your weapons men, and Matilda and Cupid. Now we fight!”

And so all six pulled out their weapons and prepared for battle. But after they had pulled out their weapons, they all examined them curiously. Obviously, as with anything they did, there had to be some comments made.

“A toy hammer, Santa?” Iggy asked. “That’s just lame. Grow some balls.”

“Oh, like your mace shaped as a four leaf clover is all that creative,” Santa growled. “I see you can’t get rid of that stein in your other hand. Does it give +5 to lame comments? Cause I don‘t think you need any help in that department.”

“Will you two stop your arguing!” Cupid interjected. “We are in serious trouble right now. This is no time to make fun of each other’s weapons.”

“Says the man with a bow that has the pictures of the hot gardeners from Desperate Housewives on it,” Matilda pointed out with a roll of her eyes.

“Listen you cheap piece of trash,” Cupid growled, “just because they would show more attention to a hot, young and beautiful person like me rather than a washed up, $5 toy like you doesn’t mean you can insult my taste in weaponry. Besides, like your voodoo doll is anything creative. Who’s it supposed to be, your ex-husband?”

“One of them,” Matilda replied. Then she turned to the Easter Bunny. “A basket of eggs. Do you have a brain?”

“Grass tastes like grass,” the rabbit stated as he chewed on some of the lush green vegetation. Matilda and Cupid both rolled their eyes.

“Gobble gobble, gobble-gobble-gobble, gobble!” the turkey interrupted as he raised his lute into the air and jumped up and down.

“For once the turkey is right,” Iggy stated. “Let’s kick some ass!”

“Since when did you learn how to speak turkey,” Matilda wondered.

“After I heard that damn song he sung at least five times,” the leprechaun started, “I began to understand some things. It’s actually quite a touching song. Did you know he grew up in New Hampshire? And he has six brothers and three sisters? And his great, great, great, great ancestor was the turkey served by the pilgrims?”

“Quit your yapping,” Santa interrupted as he clutched his giant toy hammer, “and let’s do this!”

“Let’s do this?” Matilda questioned. Santa stopped in his tracks and almost lost his balance. “You can’t be more original?”

“Do we really have to argue about this right now?” Santa asked.

“No, so stop stalling and let‘s kick some ass!” Matilda replied.

Santa sighed, clutched his giant toy hammer again, and charged towards the jesters. He swung his mighty weapon and deflected the attacks of the star and moon maces. He swung his weapon some more and pounded the foolish foes with great force. When they took too much damage they exploded into clouds of gold and purple glitter.

His large, powerful body and warrior-like red armor absorbed the damage easily. He endured the damage from the jester maces. Still he couldn’t endure it forever. The power was too much, the harm too strong, and he was tiring out. But just when he felt like he couldn’t take it anymore, he felt rejuvenated.

A cloud of blue and white sparkled around him. He turned around to see the Easter Bunny tossing him eggs. When they hit his skin, they burst into healing clouds of pastel vapors.

A few more eggs were tossed past the jolly warrior. They exploded in showers of light and vivid colors. They blinded many of the combat jesters and damaged them with their holy colors. The rays of energy pierced through their slim and lithe bodies, turning a few more into dust and sparkles.

Gobble the Turkey also aided Santa in his campaign, playing a song that wrapped its notes around the jolly warrior’s ample body and sped up his actions and power. He swung faster, dodged quicker, and moved with the speed of a man many, many, many times lighter than him.

While those three of the party focused their attention on the first group, the others aimed at taking care of the second. They prepared themselves for the battle. They were range fighters though, which meant they had to take care of the jesters before they got too close to deal damage.

Iggy was the first to take action. He grabbed a hefty jug of ale in his hand and gave it a great toss as a tear streamed down his cheek. It shattered and exploded across the earth, turning the slightly moist dirt to a quicksand whirlpool of mud and muck. Two jesters were sucked down into its vile belly while the others were slowed down as they tread through the mess.

Three jesters didn’t want to deal with traveling through the mess any longer. They put their maces away and reached into their pockets for something. They pulled out playing cards shaped like throwing stars and threw them at the holiday characters.

“Incoming!” Cupid shouted.

“Not the first time you had to say… whoa!” Iggy yelled as he leapt to the ground while Matilda deflected the cards with blasts of blazing energy from her hands.

Cupid tried to physically dodge the throwing cards, and his lean body found it fairly easy. However, one did manage to rip itself across his sparkly underwear. It was the only damage done, but it was more than enough. The young man fumed, his face steaming and his wings arched angrily. “Oh, it’s on now queens. You messed with the wrong holiday character!”

He whipped out his blow, pulled the string back, and let out a torrent of arrows. There were dozens. His arm moved so fast that it hardly looked like he was even using the bow. But sure enough it was clear that he was by the amount of arrows raining down at the jesters. The fools tried to run and find cover but it was near impossible.

“He has a lot of experience with that back and forward motion,” Matilda whispered to Iggy.

“I’m glad you pointed that out and not me,” the leprechaun said with a smile.

“Matilda, why don’t you finish them off,” Cupid said as he looked around the battlefield.

Iggy was about to make a comment but Matilda slapped him before he could. Then continuing the motion of her arms she raised them high into the sky and a great gust of wind swept across the land. Great clouds rolled in across the sky and the forest got darker. Screeches sounded across the heavens and black dots zoomed through the air. As they grew closer the dots were easily recognized as dozens of bats coming spiraling down towards the jesters.

“You have to be kidding me,” Iggy laughed. “Bats? That’s even lamer than the eggs that dumb bunny was throwing. What kind of nonsense is…” He stopped his talking when he saw the bats crash into the jesters and explode into balls of fire. Soon nothing but huge flames and great twisting clouds of smoke covered the foes until they were all turned to ash across the dark earth. The clouds departed, the bats were gone, and the forest quiet again. “Now that… that was freaking awesome!”

“Hurry men,” Santa interrupted as he ran through, “and Matilda and Cupid. I can see the great castle of the April Fools. The hourglass is within our reach!”




Part 4

The castle was dark. It was gloomy and had a bitter, almost wicked presence to it. It was large, vastly large, made of gray and dark brown stones and boulders. It looked evil in all forms, sinister even, and had giant dark towers that disappeared into even darker clouds in the heavens.

Lightning of purple tints and colors flashed across the sky. It gave only hints of life to the world. The earth was cracked, bruised, fading into vast canyons miles deep and filled with foul smelling vapors and fumes. A great stairway traversed over the huge canyon, making its way to the enormous doorway.

The six heroes traveled this stairway and admired the haunting view. Once at the doorway they opened it up and proceeded in. The interior was no different from the outside. The hallway was huge, decorated with antique furniture and lamps, fires raging on twisted black torches and stone archways coating the ceiling. The walls were covered with cobwebs, with dust, with pictures of playing cards and practical joke toys.

“Typical,” Santa commented as he lead the way through hallway. “You’d think bad guys would be original once in a while.”

“Someone really needs to talk to their interior decorator about this,” Cupid sighed.

“I quite like it,” Matilda admitted. “Reminds me of home. It’s like a castle fit for a princess!”

“So Cupid’s castle.,” Iggy commented.

“You’re just jealous because the walls aren’t dripping alcohol and there aren’t stripper poles everywhere,” Cupid growled to Iggy.

“Now that would be bad ass,” the leprechaun said with a big smile.

“Gobble gobble,” the turkey interrupted.

“You’re right Gobble,” the Easter Bunny translated, “it does smell like Father Time in here.”

“I’m glad I’m not the only one that noticed his stench,” Cupid stated. “I mean, did he role around in Old Man Musk before he had that meeting with us?”

“Mummy tombs smell better than him,” Matilda joked. “I think it’s that robe. He has to learn how to do laundry.”

“Quiet,” Santa stated. “I hear something.”

A soft thudding filled the room. The six had traveled into a large chamber at the end of the hallway. It was far too dark to see anything though other than a small twenty foot area around them. Suddenly great torches, larger versions of the ones in the hallway, lit up with flames as big as houses. The room was like a football stadium. It had the same matching style as the hallway but the floor was littered with bones.

“It’s like a dragon’s lair,” Cupid mumbled as he shook nervously behind the others. “Maybe we should turn back?”

“Relax, pansy,” Iggy stated. “There’s no such things as…” He stopped when a great roar filled the room.

On the other side of the chamber, in a dark archway, two huge eyes glowed eerily. The six gulped nervously as a large, powerful figure entered the room. It was the size of a dragon, with huge horns, great demonic wings, and a mouth capable of swallowing a whole human. It was a giant dodo bird of doom!

“I think I just peed myself,” the Easter Bunny said.

The dodo bird roared again, a roar that sounded like a mixture between a T-Rex and a chicken, and charged at them.

“Let’s do this!” Santa yelled as he charged at the bird. He had barely got half way with hammer tight in grip when the bird opened its mouth again. This time the only sound was that of fire roaring. A great fireball shot out and hit Santa dead on. The large man was sent flying like a bug and crashed to the ground amidst his group of allies. His suit was burnt to a crisp, much of it ash now and revealing his tightie whities. His eyes were glazed back.

“I think he’s dead,” Cupid said as he poked him with his foot.

“Quick, Easter Bunny, revive him!” Matilda yelled.

“I can’t,” the rabbit stated.

“What?” Matilda yelled in shock. “You’re the cleric of Easter. A cleric… of Easter. How can you not be able to bring someone back to life? Are you freaking kidding me?!”

“Forget chubby,” Iggy said as he turned his attention back to the giant dodo bird. “We can do this. Attack position alpha!”

“I don’t think I know that position,” Matilda admitted.

“Gobble, gobble, gobble-gobble-gobble,” the turkey said. Everyone else burst into laughter, except Matilda who just gave the turkey a cold stare.

“You said it not me, buddy,” Iggy smiled. “Now, it’s time to turn this dodo into some finger-licking KFC!”

“Seriously, who is writing this crap cause I am beginning to question their sanity,” Cupid admitted.

“Ugh, fine,” Iggy moaned. “Dodo, all your bases belong to us!” He grabbed his mace and charged forward. The dodo shot another great fireball out, but the little leprechaun dodged it with sprite or even elf reflexes. He ran up to the nearest leg of the giant bird, and gave it a great strike with his mace.

“Ruaaaaaawwwww!” the giant creature yelped in pain. It stumbled around a bit on one leg, crashing into the walls and tripping over some large bones.

Cupid and the Easter Bunny attacked next. They let their arrows and eggs fly. The weapons exploded into the side of the great bird with loud crashes and bursts of brilliant colors. The bird moaned and stumbled around some more. It turned this way and that dizzily, trying to get its bearings but being confused over and over by the explosions.

Then Matilda stepped forward. She held out one hand and began to chant some words. Wind and light wrapped itself around her body. The flames of the torches flickered, the shadows of the room danced with carefree ignorance. Her hand glowed a vibrant yellow and became stronger by the second. Soon it danced before her body and took form of a Jack-O-Lantern face.

When it was complete, crystal cleared, Matilda pulled her hand back. Then she struck both forward, creating a powerful gust of wind and energy that slammed into the face. It didn’t stop there though. It continued on, pulling the light of the Jack-O-Lantern into great lasers of power that struck giant dodo. There was a huge explosion that lit up the room beautiful and then died out quickly.

Once the spell was over, the battle complete, the dodo was left standing. It was featherless, hornless, nothing but a golden brown skin and dead eyes. It fell onto its back like an overcooked chicken and the ground shook with the huge thud.

Two mad hatters came running out of the entrance way the dodo had first appeared in. Their eyes were full of sorrow and their arms stretched out widely. “My Precious!” they yelled as they swarmed to the dodo. They threw their little arms around it the best they could and cried.

“Oh Precious,” the one in gold and yellow said with a sigh. “How could they?!”

“They will pay for this, Precious!” the one in purple and lavender said with a moan. “They will not get away with this!”

“The April Fools!” Matilda said as she and her friends regrouped. Save Santa who was still knocked out cold on the ground. They held their weapons tight for another battle. Their eyes were intense, their looks careful. They were well prepared this time.

“How could you kill our dodo Precious?” the fool in yellow asked.

“She was such a kind dodo!” the fool in purple remarked. “She never hurt anyone!”

“If you hadn’t stolen the Hourglass of Time, then we wouldn’t have to barge into your castle and defeat your dodo bird of doom!” Cupid pointed out.

“Stolen the hourglass?” the fool in purple asked his brother.

“Did we steal it?” the fool in yellow wondered.

“Father Time has sent us here to retrieve it, so give it back now and no one else has to get hurt!” Matilda shouted.

“That’s just foolish,” the fool in yellow pointed out.

“Even foolish for fools like us,” the one in purple added. “We didn’t steal the hourglass. He gave it to us to refine. The wood was getting dull and the glass was getting chipped. He just wanted us to make it all pretty again.”

The one in yellow pulled the hourglass out of his pocket. “You can have it back. It’s all done!”

“What?” Matilda asked.

“You kidding us?” Iggy wondered.

“Unbelievable,” Cupid mumbled.

“Oh, right,” Father Time said as he appeared behind Cupid and the other characters. They all turned to look at him. “Guess I forgot about that. I just knew it wasn’t at my house anymore, and with my old age… well, glad this is solved.” He walked over to the fools, grabbed the hourglass, and put it in his own pocket. “Thank you all for retrieving it for me. Now, if you don’t mind, I have things to do and people to see.”

“What about Santa?” Cupid wondered.

“He’s just napping,” Father Time replied. “His elves will be here soon enough to retrieve him. Anyways, have a nice vacation. I will see you at the New Year’s party at the end of the year! Bye!” And with that the old man disappeared.

“I’m so not going to his New Year’s party this year,” Iggy mumbled.

“Neither am I,” Matilda and Cupid agreed.

“Ooo, how‘d we get into a castle?” the Easter Bunny asked. The others just rolled their eyes and left the castle. They went back to their own little worlds and the Earth was restored to normal. Well, as normal as it can be…



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