Druid Talk

“Well, I guess I will just sit here and talk to the tree as the master druidess told me to if I want to be a powerful druid one day. But people can’t talk to trees. Oh well, here’s trying anyways. Hello Tree.”

“I have a name.”

“Whoa! You do talk!”

“You’re a druid and yet this surprises you? Are you like… stupid?”

“Hey! I’m just a beginner.”

“Well bravo then. Most beginners can’t understand oak dialect.”

“But you’re an elm tree.”

“Really? Who knew. Guess you learn something new everyday.”

“You really didn’t know you were an elm tree?”

“Hey! Will you two keep it down out there! I’m trying to sleep!”

“Whoa, who’s that?”

“That’s my only resident, Horace the chipmunk. Come on out little guy. It’s our new friend, Druid so-and-so.”

“I do have a name.”

“Well, if you’re just going to call me a tree, then I’m just going to call you druid so-and-so.”

“Don’t waste your time talking to old bark and twigs here, he’s no fun.”

“Oh, you’re a cute chipmunk. Nice to meet you Horace.”

“Cute? Listen bush-boy, call me cute again and I will hang you from a branch, stuff you with acorns, and use you as a pinata.”

“Don’t listen to that overstuffed rag doll. He just likes to bully people around.”

“Now who’s that?”

“That’s the stupid beetle Gigi that likes to buzz around me and bite my tail. I still haven’t caught her yet.”

“Yeah, and if you do what will you do with me? Turn me into a broach for your mother? Serve me with acorns and peanuts at your family’s reunion? Put a leash on me and sell me as a pet? I’ve heard them all.”

“Have you heard the one where I fill you with helium, attach you to a string, and use you as a balloon to reach the nuts on the very thin branches?”

“Sadly yes. Twice.”

“Don’t mind those two. They are always fighting. Now, back to me. I’m a very lovely oak tree, 140 years old, I like long walks on the beach, Indian food…”

“Booooooooooooooring. Why talk to a tree when you can talk to the coolest thing around. I mean, hello, chipmunks are the best. It doesn’t get any better than…”

“Except beetles! I mean, we look cool, we have six legs, and my back shimmers in the sunlight. See? Isn’t that cool!”

“All three of you are boring.”

“Now who is talking?”

“It’s me, your conscience.”

“What?”

“Just kidding. I’m the wind.”

“More like hot air. Don’t listen. He talks about nothing but himself. Now, where were we? Talking about my good looks and perfect fur, or my superior ability to climb trees?”

“No, let’s talk about how all the male beetles want me!”

“Or how tall I am and how many leaves I have!”

“Uh, thanks but no thanks. I’m just going to… walk away now. Damn, I knew I should’ve been a wizard instead.”



Written for:

ID: 941862   (Rated: 18+) The Dialogue 500: IT'S BACK, BABY!  Stories 500 words or less, written only in dialogue. New prompt for May 2012! by ~j

PROMPT: In an outdoor setting, you commune with Nature, and then realize you can hear everything speaking to you: the insects, the animals, the trees, the wind...etc.