peach colored people, the white essay

My white essay, aka peach colored people

I used to deal with these racist irish kids around my way.
I'm also irish by the way.

They would call me names like wigger and start fights with me because I hung out with an almost all black crew and I walked with a bop. The sad thing is that they didn't even take the time out to realize that I was universal and they was just witnessing an exterior element of a complex personality. If they would've caught me a few years prior they would have seen me hanging with a bunch of Asians. Would that have made me a Wh-Asian?
I was more studied on my irish heritage than they was. I am universal and defy your pigeon holing and compartmentalized programmed form of thinking. These kids never understood this.
I was miffed to understand how they could wear their hats backward, always rush to buy the newest starter gear, listen to all the new rap records and hang with a few black and hispanic kids; then turn around and use the word nigger with contempt. What kind of crap was this.
I would hear the old your different line played on the so-called acceptable blacks and would get it turned back around on me from a few of my black friends.
When I was young I tried to ignore color. I had a good heart and said that it didn't matter. That was before I learned more about history than what was being fed to me. When my eyes opened up to the struggle I realized how much color really did matter and for awhile there it con sumed my life. I became trapped in a color clouded existence. It sucked.

Black, the negative connotations of the word. I heard it spoken about in that third bass song, about black cat, where he said it must have been a white guy who started all that.
Something in this site keyed me into the thought once again. It was good poetic work but I somehow wondered if this was the subconscious programming working on the writer. Maybe its just my own personal programming.
The other place I saw it was in Malcolm x where he talks about the demonizing of black people. The things that come to mind are, the black cowboy is always the bad guy. Black comedy. And so on. Note to self I need to go back and pull up those passages for further inquiry.
Its so true though that we have created this whole language to suit our own european objectives. That makes us so biased itas unbelievable and the we don't even as a group want to admit it to ourselves.

We have created this whole racist environment of impression as a society and then have the nerve to turn around and say that we cant deal with the hate and animosity when it is spat back at us. I have a hard time dealing with on a personal level because sometimes I feel like I should get an exemption pass because I've spent so much of my life trying to break thru this train of thought. I guess it would be the same thing if a black guy seeked a better status because he didn't live the stereotyped existence of what a racist white would term a nigger's way.

God I hate the sound of that word. I use it to inflect the true force and meaning into my writing it becomes emphasis and is only used by me in very case specific ways. I don't stifle my creative usage and words and wont ever stifle my usage of them to candycoat my meaning buit nevertheless its unsettling. Oh so unsettling. Plus you have to realize that you have to be very careful of what you say in this world because people can only form their judgements by what they hear. They only see what you show. They don't have a key to understanding your intent so when communicating its very important to be sensitive to that.
_______________________________

here is a couple of day to day conversations that have stuck out in my head in the last few months:

         I was talking to this girl that I knew was superficial and very ordinary in that way. She said that she was retouching some photos at her job of the Wu-Tang Clan. She told me that she was removing some of their skin blemishes such as pimples off of them. Then she made a joke, "Maybe I should make their noses smaller."
HaHahaha, very funny. What a racist sounding thing and I wonder if she even knows it.

         I was at this party where all these fancy people was chilling. There was only a few black people at the pary and everyone else was pretty much white except for a few Asians. This one black cat went to the bathroom and skipped a bunch of people who were waiting to go. When he came out everyone jumped on him about skipping. He replied, "There goes that black snake again." How screwed up is this mans mind?

         I was telling this story about this hip hop show in the park that was real peaceful until the end when two rappers basically strongarmed the mike.
The receptionist who I was speaking to and was black said, "Was it black people? You see black people don't know how to act."
I was appalled by her own self hate being exhibited in full view for my benefit.
I said, "No two people didn't know how to act not black people."
She could tell I wasn't vibing on her point.

________________________________________

The white man is basically invisible in the language. When you say the doctor walked in the room most people assume it is a white male. i wonder if when someone says the homeless person if people think they are a black man.
Why is it that authors who are black become black authors while authors who are white are just authors.


I'm going to continue this later on. I have decided to become a more studied poet after attending a slam and am using this essay as the crux of source material for a massive poetry blitz that I will be undertaking. No longer am I content just being a rapper and a writer, now I won't to meld my spoken voice in with these disciplines and show the world my perspective which I feel the new urban poets are missing direly.