Pigeon Forge

I needed some medicine
To ease my mind
So I went to the Smokies
Where I could unwind

I just had to get away
From the rat race
Somewhere I could relax
A different place

Well, I was almost there
And I was making good time
I didn't have a care
It was so sublime

Then I came to this town
Called Pigeon Forge
And I just had to frown
At the terrible scourge

It took me three hours
To go just a mile
I smelled exhaust, not flowers
But still tried to smile

There was a stupid car show
Called the hot rod run
But I didn't know
How to "git-er-done"

I stayed on the highway
On which I had ridden
If there was a by way
It seemed to be hidden

I finally got there
I was ten minutes late
But I did not despair
A kind man did wait

For me to check in
Richard was his name
He beckoned me come in
I was tired all the same

So I bitched a little bit
But he took it in stride
And held onto his wit
While I was fuming inside

After a minute or two
Of conversing with him
What else could I do
But stop being grim

I left feeling cheerful
With a new outlook
I was far from tearful
Not much time it took

Once I finally arrived
At my destination
I felt fresh and revived
For my weekend vacation


I wish I could say
That all ended well
But the next few hours
Were kind of like hell

I couldn't get to sleep
As the sun peaked through
The mountains so steep
What was I to do

But get the hell up
And get ready to go
So I poured me a cup
Of some fresh brewed joe

And went to the place
I had agreed upon
They lied to my face
They said I had won

A free weekend stay
In downtown Gatlinburg
But I have to say
It was truly for the birds

It was only supposed
To last ninety minutes
But my plans were transposed
Until I was finished

They wouldn't take no
For an answer, they said
If I didn't sign up
I was out of my head

But I knew not to sign
So quickly, you see
On the dotted line
But I still couldn't leave

Until I had agreed
To at least try it out
I knew I should heed
And there was no doubt

That something was wrong
And that I should get out
But I just went along
As I wanted to shout

"Let me out of here, now!"
I screamed in my mind
Yet I was somehow
Still courteous and kind

Every time I said no
They wanted to argue
I just wanted to go
But didn't know what to do

So I finally said yes
To the smaller plan
I just wanted to go rest
As they shook my hand

So now I know why
People sign confessions
The truth they belie
And there are hard lessons

When they are coerced
To admit to things
And that is the worst
Oh, the trouble it brings

So, I guess I've learned
Nothing's really free
Even wisdom is learned
With humility

So now I'm back home
I've a week to decide
Where I want to roam
When I go for a ride

Or maybe I won't
I'll just cancel it all
And stay close to home
Or the local mall