Chapter 12 - Young Love is a Bumpy Ride

YOUNG LOVE IS A BUMPY RIDE

         It wasn’t really a good beach day. It was only June, the water was too cold for comfort. On the way home there was something else too cold for comfort as well. Jesse said, “Nyla, at least tell me what I did.”

         “You really don’t know do you?”

         “Would I be asking if I knew?”

         She looked at him, then turned away and said nothing.

         “Is it fair for you to be mad at me and not tell me why?” he reasoned.

         “I’m not mad,” she said.

         “Well then dammit, I hope you never do get mad!"

         “We can’t talk about this in front of Joey.”

         He glanced in the back seat. “Joey’s asleep.”

         Nyla said, “Jesse, you sat and stared at Bonnie!”

         “I did not! Which one was Bonnie?”

         “The one who was with Jack Palmer. The one in the black bathing suit.”

         Jess vehemently hated himself for blushing. “I might have looked at her ~ “

         “Might have looked at her? Any more and you’d have started eating her!”

         Jess tried to think of any defense he could offer that would not make it worse. “I wasn’t aware of looking at her.”

         “Do you think that makes it any better?”

         No, he thought, I didn't think it would. At this point nothing was going to make it any better but the potential for making it worse was right there so he thought he better shut up while he still could.

         “Maybe she’s your type,” said Nyla.

         “I don’t even know her,” he said.

         “If I wore something like that you’d have a fit, but some other guy’s date wears it and you like it.”

         “I don’t ~ I didn’t ~ Nyla would you stop it? I do not remember doing this and if I did or you thought I did, I’m sorry but what can I tell you?”

         “Do you think Bonnie is pretty?” she asked.

         He thought, I can't honestly say no, but I don't dare say yes. So he said, “I don’t imagine she stops any clocks.”

         “And don’t make jokes about it either, because it's not funny.”

         He stopped for the light on route 12. “Nyla, I'm not like that, I didn't do anything intentional and I don't think I did anything wrong.”

         “And you just looked at Bonnie because you’re a guy and can’t help it?”

         “Ny, I can’t admire a girl unless I know her. All right I looked at her, if you say I did. Can I be forgiven for that?”

         She said she guessed he could but she wasn’t ready to, not just yet.

         The light changed and he headed north to Carthage. He really was innocent in all this or at least he thought he was. The girl who had come with Jack was very attractive. He would give it that much. What she was wearing was provocative, and Nyla was right; he would not want her to wear anything like that. He said, "I'm he sorry if I messed up but I still don’t think I did anything that terrible."

         “I just thought you had higher standards than that,” she told him.

         “I thought I did, too,” he said. “Like everything else I do wrong I can only promise to try to work on it. Is that good enough?”

         “No, that’s no good either."

         “Then I give up.” He said no more until they reached the house on Wake Street.

         Nyla gathered up her stuff and got out of the car, before he could get the door open. She said, "I'll talk to you later." She didn’t wait for him to walk her to the door.

         There was definitely not going to be a goodbye kiss this afternoon. Under his breath he said a word he very seldom used any more. Then he looked in the back seat and he saw that Joey was awake and had heard the word.

*****

         Nyla ran into the house, slammed the door and stood looking through the blinds as Jesse drove away.

         Nellie asked, “What was that all about?”

         “Oh, Jess can be ~ “

         “Jess can be what? What can Jess be?”

         “Impossible, I mean it Mom, he’s impossible!”

         “Impossible to what?”

         “Reason with! He really embarrassed me this afternoon and when I tried to tell him he just said he didn’t know he did anything.”

         “He probably didn’t know. What did he do?”

         “We no sooner got to Belmare than we ran into Jack Palmer; well you know the kind of girls he dates. He had a girl with him I never met before. She’s not from Carthage.”

         “Most of the people in the world are not from Carthage, Nyla. So how is Jesse to blame if Jack dates somebody you don’t like?”

         “Jess liked her,” Nyla said.

         “What’s that supposed to mean?”

         “He stared at her!” Nyla said. “He sat and stared at her. Joey was with us, too! I didn’t know Jess was like that.”

         “You didn’t know he was a guy?”

         “I hold him to a higher standard than that.”

         “Oh do you! So I suppose you got mad and ripped him for it.”

         “Well I told him what he did and how I felt about it.”

         “Well that might be all right depending on how you said it.”

         “Are you on his side?”

         Nellie said, “Maybe I am, in this. Sweetheart a man looks; it’s the way they’re made. What did you think was wrong with Jesse?”

         “Daddy wouldn’t ~~ “

         “HAH!” said Nellie. “He might not be that naïve about it, but then he’s not eighteen any more. That’s another thing about Jesse, he wouldn’t know how to be sneaky; what’s in his heart shows on his face. The boy is terminally honest. What’s wrong with that?”

         “I was embarrassed,” Nyla said.

         “Poor baby,” said Nellie. “Get over it!”

         “That’s all you have to say? Get over it?”

         “Jesse is a normal healthy guy and if you are going to have a relationship with him that’s who and what he is. What exactly was he looking at anyway?”

         “Bonnie is ~ well I guess she’s sort of cute if you like the type. She was wearing ~ one of those suits you know, and ~”

         “Jesse liked the type.”

         “If he likes her type, he doesn’t like my type because I am nothing like her,” Nyla told her. “He wants me to be modest and all that; then he turns around and admires another girl who’s wearing something he wouldn’t even let me wear! Not that I would even want to.”

         “Everything you’re saying adds up to one thing, Jesse is normal for his age and his gender. Unless you can deal with that, you can’t very well have him as a boy friend.”

         “You think he wasn’t out of line?”

         “I think you owe him an apology.”

         Nyla went to her room.

*****

         Jess arrived at home. He sent Joey upstairs and told him to get ready for a shower.
         Lillian asked him, “Did you have fun?”

         Jess said, “Nyla thought I had too damn much fun.”
         Oh oh, she thought. She asked,“What’s that all about?”

         “She said I ~~ she said I did something I didn’t know I did and I don’t even think I did it.”

         “Well if that’s the kind of sense you’re going to make about it I don’t think I want to hear this. You had a quarrel?”

“I don’t know if it was a quarrel, I don’t know what the hell it was ~~ ”

         “Did Joey go in the water?”

         “A little, but it was too cold. Nyla watched him so I could get a swim but the water’s still too cold. Joey still needs a shower to get the salt off him.”

         “Well then go wash him up,” she said, “and by the way calm down and watch your language.”

         Jess came downstairs a little later. “Mom, I’m going to see Paul,” he said.

         Good, she thought, if anybody could clear this up for him it would probably be Paul.

         “What about dinner?”

         “I had something to eat at the shore. Save something for me okay?” He kissed her and left.

*****

         Jess caught Paul as he was getting back to the office after supper. He asked for a conference and Paul decided from the look on his face they were due for one.

         “So what did you do this time?”

         “I didn’t do anything, but Nyla thinks I did.”

         “Well then you probably did. What does she think you did?”

         “She thinks I looked at a girl.”

         “And did you?”

         “Maybe,” he said, “but I didn’t mean anything by it! I mean, golly! sure I looked! You would too!”

         “I probably would but I should hope I wouldn’t be as obvious as you. I think I know what she means by you looked. I’ve seen you look!”

         “I thought you’d be on my side.”

         “I am. Believe me, Son, I am. But how can I say this? I might take a good look at something but I don’t sit there and stare at her with my mouth open."

         “So what can I do? I didn’t mean to but I think I hurt her feelings and didn’t behave the way I should. I’m sorry for that and I want to make it right. Do I apologize?”

         “Did you do anything wrong?”

         “I must have,” he said.

         “But you don’t think you did.”

         “I didn’t think so. I guess maybe, I mean I did something that made her uncomfortable and I don’t like that, and I ~~ yes I ought to apologize.”

         “On the right track, but not good enough. This calls for a gift.”

         “I have to give her a gift?”

         “Something pretty nice, something personal that you know she wants.”

“Like what?”

         “I don’t know. Maybe something she admired and wanted but thought it was too expensive ~"

         Jess said,“I know, but it will cost me. There was a figurine she really liked for her collection, but she said it was too expensive. I could get her that.”

         Treacher said, “Sounds like a good idea.”

         “It’s forty dollars.”

         “Well you messed up. It’s going to cost you one way or another. Do you have the money?”

         “Yeah, I have it. I can’t afford this though.”

         “You better afford it!”

         “I still think she over reacted,” said Jess, still determined to defend himself.

         “Well turn it around the other way. How would you react?”

         “That’s different!”

         “Oh, get out of my sight before I hit you!"

         “Well it would be different,” Jess defended.

         “She felt exactly the same as you would feel,” Treacher told him. “You haven’t got the right to do that to her.”

         “But there was no reason for her to feel that way.”

         “No there wasn’t. And maybe when she gets older and wiser it won’t trouble her like that. BBut it isn’t about whether there’s a reason, it’s about how she feels.”

         “She knows I didn’t mean anything by it ~”

         “Didn’t you?”

         “No! I didn’t even know I was doing it.”

         “Do you know now?”

         “Then what am I supposed to do? Tell me what I am supposed to do?”

         “Treat her the way you want to be treated.”

         “I thought I was,” he said.

         “Well now you know you weren’t. You’ve been made aware of something you didn’t know before. Are you going to defend yourself, or are you going to be a lot more careful of how she feels from now on?”

         Jess was silent for a while and then he said, “Can’t she understand that what I did, and I'm not saying I did anything, was ~”

         Treacher asked “Was what? Natural? Sure it was. You couldn’t hardly help it.”

         “Then why is she mad at me for it?”

         “Because she doesn’t understand it. When you looked at that other girl, you were doing the most natural thing in the world ~~ for you. But you’re about as subtle as a freight train. All you can do is keep your mind on what you’re doing and see if that helps.”

         “I don’t think it will."

         “Well anyway, I think she’s probably talked to Nellie about it by now.”

         “Oh good; now they’re both pissed at me!”

         “No I don’t think so. I think maybe Nellie has explained to her about gender differences and why you could look at another girl and not mean anything by it.”

         “Then you think she understands?”

         “No, of course, she doesn’t understand! Someday she will; you’ll both get an older and wiser viewpoint. She might start to accept what she can't change about you. That is if she feels completely secure in how you feel about her and knows she can trust you no matter what.”

         “She knows that.”

         “She’s learning that. She has a lot invested in you, you know. First of all she loves you, which makes her vulnerable. She sees what there is in you to attract other girls.”

         “She’s going away to college in the fall; she’s going to meet other guys.”

         “And you’re okay with that?”

“No, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I trust her and at the same time I don’t own her. I’ve seen guys look at her!"

         “Have you seen her look back?”

         “No.”

         “Okay, I guess you know what you have to do. Nyla knows you love her, the whole town knows that, but she needs to hear it. Do you get it, or am I just making a noise with my mouth?”

         “I get it,” Jess said. “I have to go home and get my money, though.”

         “You buy her this ~~ thingummy she says she wants and she’ll keep it for the rest of your lives! That’ll come to less than a dollar a year, so consider it a bargain.”

         Jess agreed.

         “But before you give it to her, give her time to talk to Nelly and cool off! Never, and I mean make it a rule of your life, never try to talk to an angry woman!”

*****

         The next afternoon carrying a beautifully wrapped gift box Jess presented himself at the house on Wake Street.

         Nelly answered the door. She thought, He’s bringing her a present after the way she acted yesterday? Young love is a bumpy ride.She said “Hi, Jesse. She’s in her room. I’ll call her.”

         Nyla came down the stairs. He didn’t know whether to kiss her or just offer the box and see what happened. He decided to kiss her and that went well.

         He offered his gift and she said, “I don’t deserve a present. I’m sorry for the things I said.”

         This was starting to go a lot better than he had hoped. He wasn’t exactly in the catbird seat yet. He said, “I’m sorry too. I just wanted to give you something. Open it.” He added as a caution, “It’s breakable.”

         She carefully undid the bow. “My figurine!” she exclaimed. “Oh, Jess it’s even more beautiful than I thought! Thank you! She’s beautiful!”

         The figurine was of a young woman with flowers in her hair. Jess said, “She is, isn’t she? She’s the kind of woman, I flatter myself, is my type, like you.”

         He took it out of her hands and set it aside. Taking her in his arms he was aware that the catbird seat is a lot better than the doghouse.