Karmic Payback

The doorbell rang, startling Mary out of her reverie. With an angry sigh, she dried her hands on the dishtowel and set the plate she had been rinsing in the dishrack.

The doorbell rang again.

"Hold your horses, dammit," Mary shouted as she made her way to the front door and flung it open.

An older man, about sixty, was standing in the doorway smiling and holding a Kirby vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning, ma'am. How are you today?"
"Go away. I'm not buying some stupid vacuum cleaner. Get a fucking life!" She slammed the door in his shocked face.

Muttering, she returned to the kitchen and finished washing the dishes. She glanced at the clock on the microwave and scowled.

"Ten o'clock in the morning and only two hours 'til they get here," she moaned. "I'll never get everything done."

She dragged her old Hoover vacuum from the pantry and plugged it in. She flipped the switch.
Nothing.

"God dammit, now what?" she yelled, kicking the vacuum. "Piece of shit!"

Mary grabbed her purse from the table and her keys from the rack on the wall. "Gotta buy a damn vacuum now. Figures!"

She hopped in her red Ford Escort and drove quickly to Fleet Farm. Drivers honked at her as she pulled carelessly in front of them, but she ignored them. She had things to do, company coming.

At Fleet Farm she quickly picked out the cheapest Hoover, on sale for $89.99 and got into the shortest cashier line. Of course, the old lady in front of her was writing a check.

"Come on you old bag," Mary grumbled under her breath. She paid for the vacuum and hurried back toward her car.

"Would you like to buy some flowers, miss?" An elderly gentleman accosted her in the parking lot. "They're for the American Cancer Society."
"Fuck off, you old fart! I have things to do."

She hopped in her car and raced back to her house. She pulled into her driveway, climbed out of the car, and grabbed the new Hoover from the trunk. As she fumbled with her keys at the door, her neighbor, Eleanor, called out to her.

"Hi, Mary! Do you like my new exercise bike?"
"Sure, Eleanor, it's lovely," sarcasm dripped from Mary's voice. "Maybe you'll finally lose some of that ugly fat."

Mary hurried into the house, ignoring her neighbor's hurt stare. She plugged in the new vacuum and was about to turn it on when the flower box above her kitchen window caught her eye. Her beautiful tulips were all dead. Brown, decayed, as if they had been dead for days. She knew she had just watered them this morning.

"Dammit anyway," she groused. "Now I have to clean up that mess too. Company in less than half an hour and nothing's fucking done!"

She finally got her cleaning done just as the doorbell rang again.

Hurrying to answer it, she glanced her profile in the hallway mirror. She stopped dead, sure she had been seeing things. Turning, she looked into the mirror.

Mary screamed. The doorbell rang again, but she didn't hear it. This morning she had been a slender, beautiful woman. Now, she looked fifty pounds heavier and had wrinkles all over her face. She couldn't let her company see her like this! What had happened?

"Hang on, I'll be right there," she called to the door. She sprinted up the steps to her room, hoping to find something to hide her horrible new look. She found an old dress that had been her mother's years ago. It was loose-fitting and hopefully would hide her new bulges.

She grabbed her foundation and powder and quickly did her face. A little better. Maybe they won't notice.

When she let her brother and his wife in a few minutes later, they looked at her strangely, but didn't say anything. The three sat down to dinner and talked of work and trivialities. During dessert, a delicious pecan pie, her sister-in-law set down her fork.

"Mary, is something wrong? You don't seem to be yourself today. That huge dress, too much makeup...are you alright?"
"I'm fine, Susan. Don't worry. Just a little under the weather."
"Well, sis," Harold got up. "It was good to see you again. We have to get going, plane to catch and all."
"Good to see you, too. I'm glad you finally got rid of that ugly fishing cap you always used to wear," Mary laughed.
Harold frowned. "I love you, sis, but you can be very cruel. Someday, you'll regret your nasty attitude."

Mary let them out, feeling angry and hurt at her brother's words. She wasn't cruel. Just honest. The world could use more honesty these days.

Mary went upstairs to change for bed and was horrified at what she now saw in the mirror. Her hair was falling out in clumps. She had put on at least another fifty pounds and her face looked like she was eighty years old.

She screamed, backing away from the mirror. Horrified, she wasn't looking where she was going. She felt the empty space a second too late. She plummeted backwards down the stairs.

The coroner shook his head sadly. "Such a beautiful woman. What a horrible accident."