when I was 12

When I was 12
utopia was to yell and scream
and never say "I'm sorry"
big people never did

next year it was a new bike
racing to school
and never having to say "please"
big people didn't

14, 15, 16
I sought only musical solitude
to drown out the family battles
to force them to call a truce
so I could cry in peace
big people forgot their pain
with an imperious "thou shalt not"
or insipid "big boys don't"

I did, and still do
know that pain
and accept its tears

as a young man
I sought the success which would bring
unconditional love and admiration
I gave up that quest in middle age

as a young man
I quenched my thirst in the fountain of love
I have never drunk deeply enough
that need is my obsession
reminding me of the innocence
if when I was 12

for when I was 12
dreams were possible still
life had not yet stolen my belief
that miracles were the fruit
of desire and hard work
gently mixed with love
respect
and a peaceful journey
between then
and now




         when I was 12
         8 may 2006
         the Lyons collection