The Replacement Roomie

The Replacement Roomie

For "The Dialogue 500: IT'S BACK, BABY!" , May 16-21 prompt:

You've been thrown into prison and meet your cell-mate for the first time.

Word count: 404

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“That’s my bed.”

“Oh. Sorry. Where’s mine?”

“In that corner.”

“Uh, all I see is a blanket.”

An old, dirty blanket at that. I have nicer dishrags.

“Exactly.”

“I don’t get a bed?”

“What do you think this is, a five-star hotel? Of course you don’t get a bed!”

“But you get a bed.”

It was actually a cot, but anything was better than me sleeping on that hard, cold floor.

“Excuse me?”

“Never mind. So what’s for dinner?”

“Soup.”

Did I hear this guy right?

“That’s it?”

“This isn’t a five-star restaurant, either, buddy. You’ll be lucky if it’s not just liquid.”

“What if you’re still hungry?”

I don't ever recall having less than a five-course meal!

“Tough luck. ‘Please, may I have some more?’ does not work in the slammer. I wouldn’t try it if I were you.”

Hmm...I wonder what that knife is doing under his bed. I didn't think that you could have weapons in jail.

“Hey, what’s this? It looks kind of like a sharp piece of...Ouch!”

“Put it back, you friggin’ moron! Hurry, before someone comes!”

Well, I'd sailed the seven seas before, and this dude had nothing on those tough sailors, if 'friggin' was the best he could do!

“Why? I should turn it in to the guards…maybe it’ll get me out early.”

“I don’t think so, buddy.”

“And how are you going to stop me?”

“Listen, have you ever wondered what happened to my old roomie?”

“Huh?”

“You know, the jailbird that you replaced?”

“Um…no, actually, I haven’t.”

“Do you want to know?”

He was a very convincing actor, if he was trying to scare me...it was definitely working.

“Uh…I’m n-n-not sure. D-d-do I?”

“Well, that depends. Let’s see…do you like Mother Goose tales or stories where people get killed?”

“I-I-I’m d-d-definitely a Mother G-g-goose fan.”

Well, this guy's a real winner...has a sense of humor! And what looks like steel biceps.

“Aw, that’s too bad. Then I guess you won’t be hearing about how my last roomie mysteriously died in his sleep.”

“I’ll p-p-put the knife b-b-back, d-d-don’t worry, sir. No n-n-need for s-s-stories.”

Maybe I should have spent more time at the gym.

“Great. I’m glad we understand each other. Now we can be friends!”

“Uh, I’m not a very friendly person.”

“Well, I guess it’s time for you to learn to be friendly, huh?”

If it keeps me alive until tomorrow morning, yes….