Dearest Daddy

Word Count: 431

Dearest Daddy:

It has been twenty years today since you left us and still, I am plagued with a plethora of emotions that I can barely understand. You said you would wait for me … but I arrived at the hospital too late. I know that when I hit your arm in anger, you were already gone to that place I know nothing about. Did you feel my pain; could you see my tears of anguish? I know you wanted to apologize for what you had done to me … and to this day, I keep that secret safe in my heart. Nothing can change that now, and I clench to the hope that you died regretting your actions.

You left us far too soon, Dad. So many things have been left unsaid. Mike will be forty-seven this year, the same age as you when you died. I cannot imagine living my life without him. Sadder still, your three grandchildren have grown up without you, but perhaps that is just as well. I barely survived the teenage years myself, and I know you would have been disappointed.

I often reflect on my life when you were in it. I know that by today’s standards the authorities would have charged you with child abuse. I remember those long sleepless nights standing in the corner – my punishment for talking in bed with Dale. The worse part was seeing Mom’s face when she found the two of us the next morning, still standing upright, fast asleep. I knew very well the punishment for lying down. I remember the yardstick you used to spank me with and the counting I did each time the thick wood hit against my bare buttocks. I also remember the thirteen stairs I had to climb up and down for over an hour because I had left the light on downstairs. To this day, my legs have never felt that kind of pain. I remember all these things, Dad – and more.

In the midst of all these memories, however, the one thing that stands out so prominently in my mind is that you loved me in the only way you knew how. You taught me how to be tough and smart, and to never let my guard down. Most importantly, you taught me how not to raise my children. All these lessons I view as gifts, even the sad ones, for I learned so much from you.

These scars will never heal, Dad, but I take comfort in knowing that you loved each of us in your own way; and for that, I am forever grateful.

I do miss you.

Your loving and obedient daughter,
Dawn