Sunday Funnies-Horoscopes

My horoscope today, " Leo: Your intent to delight others could result in a whimsical lie or two--or are you calling them "embellishments" now? Anyhow, you get the response you were going for."

Ahem, called on the carpet by my own horoscope. I call it literary license, thank you very much. You might be wondering who writes the Astrological Forecast for the Los Angeles Times? That would be one Ms. or is it Mr. Holiday Mathis? A real gender non-specific name, don't you think? So...well, LA! I guess I could coin the term Metro-Astrologist, since I have a Metro-Country Dermatologist now. Seriously what kind of name is Holiday? Does it inspire me to actually want to follow it? Well maybe, on Sunday's, reading it just before my Sunday blog. It can be the warm-up act. But, you know me, I can't leave well enough alone. I wanted to see a sample of other signs as written by this Holiday Mathis person, just to see if I could just take some from each one, hoping to get a perfect, all-purpose writer's horoscope. Here goes...(note* these actual lines are chosen from all other 11 signs, and rolled into a generic horoscope, for entertainment purposes only.)

"Know your audience. Time-wasting endeavors: measuring the truth in a story. Being stuck is a choice. Relax. Perhaps it's better to keep this under wraps for now. The original plan isn't working. Contribute to the social buzz. The world is filled with dysfunctional learners and undisciplined people. No one is timing you. Your personality is composed of many "characters". Tonight, you're open minded."

Why is it I get this feeling that this whole Astrological column is a blatant attempt to appeal to writers? I mean really.... literally every one of the months offers up, seemingly, advice for writers to live by, not your everyday have to work nine-to-five person.

For instance; if you are a disgruntled postal worker, and you see a line in your horoscope that says, "Those pushy aspects need the right outlet. They ultimately lead you to greatness." YIKES !!! Am I alone here in thinking that's a TAD scary?

Or, suppose you are working in a dry-cleaners and read this: Friends could be less supportive due to their own hang-ups." Oh really?

Or you are a taxi-dancer; "This is no slow dance. By the end of the day , you'll feel like you ran a thousand miles." Give me a paid-break, that's what I really want!.

And of course, if you are a terrorist and read: "You know the secret. Spread the word." Oh yeah!

Well, way too much stuff to get to explore some of the other topics I found today, such as the Mexican Midget Rodeo (not kidding), Cellphone-camera TV Programs (already happening) and.....well, sorry, who knew I was going to have so much stuff to make fun of on Sundays? Now, I'm really happy I don't take it the other six days a week! Enjoy your Sunday!